So last night's (May 3rd) discussion at Open Mic Open Soul was one of the best ones yet where we looked at Gay Parenting from a mother's point of view seeing Mothers' Day is approaching Sunday May 8th 2011, the night feared well as persons mostly women as it was intended filed in and were seated, our presenter for the evening was already seated in her mini-van in the beautiful flowered outdoor setting under the cloudy but moonlit night as rain fell some hours before. Her 32 minute PowerPoint supported delivery was simple and not to wordy or over intellectualized as others who have come before who seem to be about impressing the audience more than engaging and stoking discourse. This session of course was also a follow up discussion to a post from my sister blog Gay Jamaica Watch on Gay Parenting (a view from the ground) in 2009 that has been getting some attention recently as International Family Day approaches as well which is slated for May 15th. Another same gender loving women's group is also planning a family day out with activities at a private resort around that same period.
Several interesting pointers were vigorously debated and put forward with regards to having and rearing children via several means:
Surrogacy:
Some of the participants were willing to have a surrogate act as an incubator with one of the partner's eggs used and a sperm donour or close gay/bisexual friend taking on that role. Persons felt though that they needed to have the child conceived naturally and not by a third party, even if their own eggs were removed and implanted in the third party's uterus, they felt it should be natural from start to delivery, the child will be more connected to the mother.
Turkey Baster:
A few persons also preferred this method (device show above) as it would not involve any males directly which was a concern for many ladies as for using the method itself those who wanted no males involved in the insemination process preferred a professional performing it than doing it themselves however.
Live donour:
One couple much to the clear unease of some participants expressed their preferred method of having a male friend literally copulating with the willing partner who will carry the pregnancy to full term and delivery, the man would not necessarily penetrate the would be mother for any protracted period but use outercoursal methods such as masturbation or have another male partner to assist via frottage or intercrural sex (leggings - penis between the crotch for friction leading to ejaculation) femoral/interfemoral sex/intercourse or Irrumatio, also called irrumation.
One other participant said that seeing she was bisexual she had not problem having full on sex with a male partner providing all the needed tests were done such as HIV and sperm count if only just to have the child then proper arrangements would be made following as to his involvement or not with their development and growth.
Existing child/children:
A couple present had a 7 month old baby present all wrapped and cute, this had the ooohhs and aaaahhs flying a they revealed their bouncing toddler to the audience while not prepared to reveal how the child came about they proudly stated they had already given him both their names, they shared their mostly positive experience from the delivery room to anti natal clinic to the other follow up visits that they still are conducting for the child's care. Much to the surprise of many including myself they said the nurses and staff at the Spanish Town hospital where the child was delivered all knew and they in some instances addressed the other partner as the "baby father" whenever she visited despite her very feminine look as she is not butch identified. Two other women substantiated the claim as they also related their own stories describing how they were treated as a couple with very courteous and positive feedback but as was expected there was lesbophobia for one woman who arrived afterwards and stated her ordeal at the Bustamante Children's Hospital during her and her then partner's visits there was open hostility and persons expressing their dislike for same sex parenting. The positive experiences was welcomed news as this shows real progress in some aspects on the ground.
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A female teen the daughter of a lesbian who was also present spoke to the audience of the verbal abuse from other kids who taunted her about her lesbian mother, she is one of five siblings who are all aware of what goes down. She also expressed her love for her mother which brought almost everyone in earshot to tears.
Adoption:
Some participants expressed their willingness to adopt and in fact our presenter shared her personal family set up where she is a bisexual professional and her male counterpart is fully aware of the arrangement, they all reside close to each other and share rearing the four children invloved, two of the children were products of the original marriage while one was the product of the female partner from a previous union. The fourth child was fostered recently with a view to full adoption, the eye opening revelation was shocking to some as the reactions proved as jaws dropped and the questions came flying from persons about the set up and how they all made it work. The photos of the combined family together was real proof that is was a real functional unit right here in Jamaica and was a fitting example to aspire to not to its fullest but at least the comradery.
Persons were urged by the presenter to formalize adoptions to include proper documentation of monies spent, taking the needed steps for naming, declaring and providing adequate support while liaising with the relevant agencies such as the CDA, The Child Development Agency. In formalizing adoptions early it can avoid a possible intervention of a male figure or previously absent father from wanting to regain full custody for example which he has a right to do if the child was not cared for or registered properly, all he would need to prove is paternity, he also can file a suit outside the Family Court in the ordinary RM court for damages and try to show justifiable cause for reclaiming the child, often times this is done out of jealousy or hate sometimes as seeing the child in a same sex relationship doing very well can bring feelings of inadequacy as a man as society stipulates men are household heads and should lead. It was highlighted that children do just as well or even better in same gender loving homes than in heterosexual arrangements as they learn tolerance, distribution of activities, they are less judgemental and tend to be very protective of their gay/bisexuals parents.
Another very good discussion at the Oasis.
Peace and tolerance
H
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