Here is the newest letter which we may see a string of them coming now with all the LGBT issues around plus they come seasonally. He tries to be neutral at first in his answer to a bisexual female who according to the letter says she wants to come out. It's rare we see bisexual typed letters in this column as they are usually gay or lesbian tinged with strong admonishments coming from Pastor Dumas who is also a Psychologist. His hint at possible paedophilia towards the letter writer is clear as day suggesting that she must avoid her lover's daughter, it is sad that even a psychologist should sink so low in his pronouncements when he ought to know better or to suggest that she should not force her lifestyle on the teen as if she intended to is also disingenuous, the teen's mother in my estimation would have to handle that part, that would have been a more appropriate response in my view.
Here is the letter and Pastor's response:
I want to come out of the closet
Dear Pastor,
Congratulations on your good work. I am having a lot of issues. I don't really know where to start. I feel like I am going crazy. I am a 28-year-old female. I have migrated to the United Kingdom and I have been living here for 10 years now.
When I was in Jamaica, I used to live a bi-sexual lifestyle from the age of 16. After migrating to the UK, I tried my best not to live that way after convincing myself and struggled with my sexuality. I started dating only men, and tried to convince myself that it is wrong to be with a female. Moreover, I felt that if my family were to find out about me dating women, they would disown me.
After years of dating only men, I realised that it is not what I wanted. I was never happy and I felt trapped. For the past four years, I have been dating only females and I must say that I am very happy. I have been dating a lovely girl whom I love and adore very much for almost two years now. I came out to my mother who is living here, who to my surprise, said she knew a long time ago but she was waiting for me to tell her when I was comfortable.
My mother is my rock and she is very supportive in whatever I do, but my dad, who is still living in Jamaica, is still in the dark and is very ignorant to a lesbian or gay lifestyle. I am so scared to come out to him because he once said that if any of his children is gay, they can't call him dad. I really love my father and I wish he could understand that I tried not to live this life, but I don't feel happy with a man, and I feel like I was tortured when I was dating guys.
my world fell apart
My girlfriend has a daughter whom she visited last November. She is 15 and she didn't take it well. She has been acting up lately. Recently, I went by and she went out and didn't come home. She went by her boyfriend and my girlfriend's world fell apart. My stepdaughter is saying it is because of the situation between me and her mother, and she is finding it hard to cope. I, personally, think she is using it as an excuse as she has a very big family that would welcome her anytime, but she chooses to go by this guy's house.
Pastor, I love my girlfriend and I don't want to come between her and her daughter. We have come to a solution that I won't go by her house, but this won't solve the problem as we are planning a future together. I sacrificed a lot for this relationship. I was with another girl before who was living abroad and I ended that relationship for this one. I didn't regret it because I found out later that she was cheating on me.
Pastor, I also want a child with my girlfriend and she agreed to have one after she finishes her studies. I feel like in my relationship that I am the one who is always sacrificing everything. I know she loves me a lot, but sometimes I just feel drained and confused. I feel I am going mad. In my job, there is a lot of racism. It seems that in all aspect of my life something is wrong.
My mother, whom I adore, has been struggling with her immigration paperwork for the past 11 years. She is a very good person and she works very hard, yet people who don't work and scrounge off the government get their papers easily.
How do you think I should approach my dad? What should I do with my girlfriend and my step-daughter's situation? I can't concentrate. I feel like I am living a lie, even at my job. No one knows about my sexuality. I want to come out, because I am happy and I accept who I am, but I am scared of criticism and disapproval.
Please give me your advice. Keep up the good work.
C.T., London, U.K.
Pastor answers:
Dear C.T.,
It is well known that I do not sanction homosexuality. However, I do not condemn those who have chosen such a lifestyle. You claim that you have tried to date men, but you have not been happy with them. But when you started dating women, you became happy.
Something seems to be wrong, because you continue to say in your letter that, "It seems that in all aspects of my life something is wrong". I can tell you that you will never have peace in your heart and life until you have experienced a spiritual transformation in your life that would cause you to abandon your present lifestyle.
You are afraid to tell your father that you are a lesbian. Why not ask your mother to tell him? You want to make it known that you are a lesbian, so you should not be fearful of telling your dad. And, concerning the attitude of your lover's daughter towards you, please understand that this girl should not be forced to accept the type of life that her mother and yourself are living. So please do not try to bring any pressure on her.
Pastor
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