The latest entry in the Star News Tell Me Pastor series looks at a bizarre case of a young lady (the letter writer) who found out her male hubby was a switch hitter in a sense and wanted more than just a passing fancy with both sexes while including here in the mix.
Couple Swinging is also a feature here and there have been talk of it becoming more pronounced here in Jamaica but usually with ground rules of the extent of sexual contact and certainly not with the crossing of the sexes in as far as the accounts of the oral histories told to me.
First please see the letter from the tabloid:
Dear Pastor,
First of all let me tell you what a great job you are doing. Please keep up the good work. I do not know what to do. I am a 25-year-old. I left high school with honours and went to a local university. But despite pressure from my father to do medicine, I chose to study finance. I think I live an ok lifestyle here in Kingston.
The problem is, I have had a boyfriend for the past five years. He is a really nice guy. He parties a lot and attends all the major parties in Kingston and Negril. Recently, he went to a well-known club in Kingston and met some 'new friends', both males and females. They live in Kingston as well.
They invited him to a private party not far from where I live. I decided not to be "nuff" and allowed him to go alone. A few days after, he started asking me to have these new friends (three girls and two guys) to join us in bed during sex. I allowed it once for the 'fun of it'. During that one instance, he forced me into having sex with the girls that came. While these girls were pleasuring me, I noticed one of the males passionately caressing his body and the other performing oral sex on him. I was too drunk during the session to intervene, so I let it pass.
I made mention of it to him recently and he got upset. He said that if I ever mention it to anyone else, he would kill my sister and me. He is one of those 'garrison yutes' and he said if anyone found out, he would have to leave his area as well as Jamaica.
I do not know what to do. My sister is a counsellor and she is the only one who knows about the incident. He keeps telling me he wants us to do it again, this time with only the guys. I have no choice but to believe that he is now gay. I cannot leave him, as I am afraid of what he will do to me, as he has showed me his gun before as a threat. I need help.
M.
Pastor's response
Dear M.,
I suggest that you leave this man forthwith. And you need not be scared about his threats. You have been fortunate to have a good education, but you have associated yourself with a man who has no class. He is not a good man. A good man will not force his woman (and my emphasis is on force) to have sex with his friends, both males and females. You made a big mistake in agreeing to participate in such sex party. These people used liquor to break down your inhibition so that they could have had their way with you. You should not do so again regardless what your so-called boyfriend says. And you should report him to the police without fear.
You claim that he has a gun and that he is a 'ghetto yute'. There are many 'ghetto yutes' who repudiate any form of homosexual practice, and that is why he does not want people in his area to know what he has become. Be strong. Don't allow this man to intimidate you. Don't give him the impression that you are afraid of him.
Pastor
ENDS
Clearly the hint to the man being a ghetto yute touches on down low thug culture that is fast becoming public knowledge but with a disdain added to it. The dangers as well of this kind of swapping and or swinging under the influence of alcohol is indeed dangerous that I will agree with and will impair ones judgement but the controversial issue of trust in relationships be they mixed or heterosexual is an underlying factor as well. Most persons would rather be told of their partner's choice than to find out later through some indiscretion or accident. If the letter writer never volunteered she may not have known so the knowledge may not be so much of a curse for her as she can take the needed precautions including condom use if she agreed to continue meeting his requests or demands as they become more as instructions under duress, they she may not be able to negotiate condom use.
I am not sure about the reporting of the police section as suggested to the letter writer as thug type same gender sex engagers do not like their issues exposed in any way shape or form and are ruthless in going to great lengths to keep them so secret.
Certainly the gay community has expressed deep mistrust when it comes to bisexuals as they are deemed incapable of being faithful to a single partner by virtue of their wide tastes in both genders.
Coincidental that her sister however happens to be a counselor but still this letters reaches Pastor Dumas and is published, group sex is not uncommon across Jamaica in regards to the second wish with the other parties being all male by the her male switch hitter but the matter of consent here is crucial. The first instance according to the letter writer was done at her own recognizance but certainly she should have expected the request would have come again after noticing the intimacy between himself and the other male. The red flag should have been raised from there. Why didn't she object from the get go?
Why stay with him then? is it the usually dependency issue that many women face as these men support them financially so they remain to continue gaining benefits?
also see: Lady Switch Hitters & the Boyfriends who complain … for an opposite take on switch hitting.
Walk good
Peace & tolerance
H
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