All Woman Writer
JUST the mere thought of her significant other being with someone else may send a woman over the edge. Sadly though, nowadays it's a truth universally acknowledged that for some men, cheating and relationships go hand in hand, leaving many women on the brink of getting mad over love. But while many women head for breakdown when cheating becomes a feature of their relationships, others take control and will readily accept a third party into their love lives, providing that they get to choose the girl.Meet Jovia Davis, who admits that she's "just keeping it real", by introducing her best friend to her relationship
"My best friend and I vowed that if our spouses became [bored] we would invite a third party into the bedroom," Davis said.
"Do I have a low self-esteem? Hell no! I am just keeping it real. He will cheat anyway because that's how humans are, therefore I am willing to get that girl for him."
Her justification? "If my boyfriend should cheat on me he cannot use the excuse of 'eating fish everyday', because I gave him another option. I am accustomed to seeing relationships fail as a result of unsatisfied sexual needs, so what better person to spice up my life than my BFF?"
Sex therapist Dr Sidney McGill doesn't think low self-esteem is the reason why a woman would choose 'the other woman'.
"It may be a situation where both partners feel bored in a relationship and see the need for thrill and variety," McGill said. "The female has a close friend so she invites her for a little bedroom excitement."
MCGILL... feelings of jealousy and betrayal may come into play
The doctor said while a man's fantasy may be fulfilled -- as a lot of men have dreams about having threesomes -- inviting a third party into the bedroom could make a relationship more complicated if there is no trust.
"Feelings of jealousy and betrayal may come into play as she sees her partner getting intimate with someone else and if the third person involved is a friend and not a stranger, the friendship could be effectively ruined," Dr McGill said.
"There is a high possibility that a [woman like that] has a very high self-esteem and is pretty confident about her body," Dr Carpenter said. "She's confident enough to trust that her partner and her will maintain a healthy relationship after such act. It may just be a case of where she and her spouse decides to experiment or she just wants to satisfy her man's curiosity of being with two women simultaneously as that is the sexual fantasy of most men."
McGill, on the other hand, warns that if the couple doesn't enter such an arrangement with trust and understanding, "Sex may no longer be a emotional but a physical experience and that should not be".
"Although I try to look the other way, there are disadvantages staring me in the face," Davis admitted. "One is that he hardly ever wants just me anymore -- my friend has to be present or participating. If she is not available in the flesh he wants her to listen via the telephone to us. Of course I raise the issue, but he blows me off claiming that it's just for fun and excitement and I should enjoy our special moments together. I am now wondering if I should give him other options like changing our third partner. I really wonder what his reaction would be if I should invite in another man into our bedroom fun," she laughed.
The men say...
What do men think of such an arrangement? Is it the ultimate fantasy, and would he respect you after? Here's how a few men answered that question:
Rowe Henry, 37:
I would respect her more. I love my woman dearly but she has friends that I would want to get with. I wouldn't want a relationship and I am man enough not to creep with her but it's every man's fantasy to have a threesome so if my lady suggested another female for us to do it with she would be the boss. I do hope she is reading my comment now and will act accordingly.
Dane Grant, 26:
Of course I would respect my woman if she invites a girl into our bedroom. As a matter of fact, I would love her more if she invited more than one of her female friends. I would be overjoyed!
Raphael Ewin, 20:
I would respect my girl even more. I would feel that I am deeply appreciated by her if she should go all the way to invite another girl into our bed to spice up our lives. After all sharing is caring, don't?
Perk Watkins:
I would respect my girl as it's most men's -- including myself -- fantasy. It's not as simple and good as it sounds though, as feelings may get hurt along the way. Jealousy may also spring into action. Remember, there is no loving like new loving.
"Feelings of jealousy and betrayal may come into play as she sees her partner getting intimate with someone else and if the third person involved is a friend and not a stranger, the friendship could be effectively ruined," Dr McGill said.
But Davis said her decision was also partly selfish, as she wants to experiment too.
"I often return the favour in her bedroom but my boyfriend is the jealous and selfish type so he is unaware of my doings," she said. "We have been together since I was a teenager so I can practically close my eyes and tell what his next move will be beneath the sheets. I have to admit that there are times when I get bored and my body is desirous of a change so that's where my BFF comes in."
CARPENTER... there is a high possibility that a [woman like that] has a very high self-esteem and is pretty confident about her body
"I often return the favour in her bedroom but my boyfriend is the jealous and selfish type so he is unaware of my doings," she said. "We have been together since I was a teenager so I can practically close my eyes and tell what his next move will be beneath the sheets. I have to admit that there are times when I get bored and my body is desirous of a change so that's where my BFF comes in."
CARPENTER... there is a high possibility that a [woman like that] has a very high self-esteem and is pretty confident about her body
Clinical sexologist Dr Karen Carpenter lists as a type of confidence, that trait that allows women like Davis to be cool with introducing, without guilt, another woman into their bedrooms.
"There is a high possibility that a [woman like that] has a very high self-esteem and is pretty confident about her body," Dr Carpenter said. "She's confident enough to trust that her partner and her will maintain a healthy relationship after such act. It may just be a case of where she and her spouse decides to experiment or she just wants to satisfy her man's curiosity of being with two women simultaneously as that is the sexual fantasy of most men."
McGill, on the other hand, warns that if the couple doesn't enter such an arrangement with trust and understanding, "Sex may no longer be a emotional but a physical experience and that should not be".
"Although I try to look the other way, there are disadvantages staring me in the face," Davis admitted. "One is that he hardly ever wants just me anymore -- my friend has to be present or participating. If she is not available in the flesh he wants her to listen via the telephone to us. Of course I raise the issue, but he blows me off claiming that it's just for fun and excitement and I should enjoy our special moments together. I am now wondering if I should give him other options like changing our third partner. I really wonder what his reaction would be if I should invite in another man into our bedroom fun," she laughed.
The men say...
What do men think of such an arrangement? Is it the ultimate fantasy, and would he respect you after? Here's how a few men answered that question:
Rowe Henry, 37:
I would respect her more. I love my woman dearly but she has friends that I would want to get with. I wouldn't want a relationship and I am man enough not to creep with her but it's every man's fantasy to have a threesome so if my lady suggested another female for us to do it with she would be the boss. I do hope she is reading my comment now and will act accordingly.
Dane Grant, 26:
Of course I would respect my woman if she invites a girl into our bedroom. As a matter of fact, I would love her more if she invited more than one of her female friends. I would be overjoyed!
Raphael Ewin, 20:
I would respect my girl even more. I would feel that I am deeply appreciated by her if she should go all the way to invite another girl into our bed to spice up our lives. After all sharing is caring, don't?
Perk Watkins:
I would respect my girl as it's most men's -- including myself -- fantasy. It's not as simple and good as it sounds though, as feelings may get hurt along the way. Jealousy may also spring into action. Remember, there is no loving like new loving.
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