How to Break Up Gracefully (Lesbian Point of View)

By Denise Mann of WebMD
(Click Post Title for direct link)
courtesy of lesbian dating's blog

There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but some are better than others. Learn the dos and don'ts of ending a romantic relationship.It's not you, it's me…or is it?Just about all of us have heard—or even said—this line as a way of ending a romantic relationship. The problem is that it often leaves the dumpee thinking the exact opposite.But is there really a way to make a clean and honest break? Is it ever okay to lie when ending a romantic relationship? Can you IM her that it's over, or do you have to do it in person? Is it really possible to be friends with your ex after a breakup?

WebMD went to the experts to get the best breakup advice ever. Read this before you even think of uttering another clichéd breakup line or texting the bad news to your soon-to-be ex.All Relationships Are Not Created Equal"The nature of how to handle a breakup has to do with how you experience a relationship," says New York City-based psychoanalyst and psychotherapist Janice Lieberman, PhD, who specializes in relationship issues.For starters, she says, not every relationship deserves a dramatic breakup. There are no hard and fast rules about what constitutes a relationship. "There are people who think they have a relationship with two dates and people who don't think they are in a relationship after 20 dates," she says. "If you have gone on one or two or three dates, not calling is breaking up, but after some kind of romantic and sexual encounters, it is a courtesy to call,"

Lieberman tells WebMD.
"Sometimes it's easier not to call, and there are people who will just run away."The explosion of Internet dating has also muddied the waters in terms of when an actual breakup is necessary, she says."People have Internet relations for a long time and then elevate to phone calls. Sometimes it takes a long time for a face-to-face encounter. This can be problematic because people get very involved with each other, and then when they finally meet, there are so many other cues that indicate they're not suited for one another," she says.The warning signs that a breakup is imminent have also changed thanks to Internet dating, Lieberman says."People will go out with someone they met on Jdate.com or Match.com, and then you can see if they are surfing the Net and looking for someone else," she says.

This is far less subtle than, say, acting cold on a date or not calling when you said you would.Don't Break Up Over E-mailThe tabloids widely reported that pop star Britney Spears broke up with her now-ex-husband Kevin Federline via a text message. But text messages, e-mails or other high-tech message delivery systems are not the best medium for ending a romantic relationship.Social networking sites, including MySpace and Facebook, allow users to post comments on one another's pages, but they should never be used to end a romantic relationship. Nor should websites like Breakup Butler, which delivers several types of prerecorded breakup messages ranging from let-them-down-easy to downright mean."If it's a casual encounter, a text message is okay. But to my mind, it's better to call and speak or go out to dinner," Lieberman says."The news of a breakup should never be broken over text or e-mail," says Alison Arnold, PhD, a therapist in Phoenix who is also known as "Doc Ali," the life coach on the VH1 series Scott Baio Is 45…and Single. "Texting a breakup is the coward's way out," she says.Stick to the Relationship Facts"Face-to-face or phone contact is a must," Arnold says. "It's important to give the person with whom you are ending the relationship the chance to ask questions and feel the sentiment underneath the words."Be as direct and honest as you can, she advises. "Don't engage in tit-for-tat arguments. Stick to the facts: 'It's not working, it's no one's fault, we need to make a change.'"Can You Be Friends with Your Ex?Whether two people can remain friends after a breakup depends on the two people and their feelings about the end of the relationship."If someone is very much in love—and [then] broken up with—and forever trying to get back with that person, then having a platonic relationship does not work," Lieberman says. "If you are still in love with the person and want them back, the best thing to do is go cold turkey."While many a jilted lover claims to seek closure by going back just one more time after a breakup, such closure is a "fantasy or a hope,"

Lieberman says."If in your heart of hearts you really want to get back together, the best thing to do if the other person is not into it is to get out of it," she says.Arnold agrees. "Do take at least eight weeks with no contact. No phone. No 'let's get together for coffee.' No nothing," she says. "You need time to detox and get in touch with yourself again."Talking every day as "friends" is also a no-no. "That just keeps the wounds and hope open and working," Arnold says. "Don't keep calling to 'check in,' hear how his or her day was or if the dog ate his dinner. Cut the cord in all ways."Another no-no? Breakup sex, she says.Prescription for Healing After the Relationship Ends"Do learn from each relationship," Arnold says. "Write down five things you appreciated about this relationship that you would like to have in the next one and five things you would not like to create next time."Instead of stalking your ex or making up excuses to call or see him or her, "keep yourself busy with new activities, old friends and healthy distractions," Arnold says."Don't get right into a new relationship, she advises. "Don't medicate your sadness with a new person. It isn't fair to either of you."

Case Update - The August 10th Clarendon Firebombing Incident

See the original posts here: Photos from August 10th Firebombing in Clarendon.

The hospitalized victim has been released after spending 21 days at the facility, we must say a special thanks to our good friend G, he knows himself and others who intervened in this matter, financially and the giving of their time and risking life and limb to clear the home after the incident of the damaged furniture, regular hospital visits with food, juices and clothing and emotional support.

The hospital staff is to be thanked as well for being tolerant of the situation even though they were all well aware of what had happened, according to reports from our friend G, they were cooperative in accommodating visits even outside visiting hours and verbally expressing their displeasure at what had happened.

The police officers who took the men from the scene to the hospital also are to be acknowledged as well, the state in this case was not culpable.

If it were like that all the time!!!!.....wow

The burns are slowly healing as he has been advised to follow a strict diet and follow up treatment and maybe a light surgical procedure of skin grafting for his arm which is taking some time to heal. Albeit he is in good spirits. His friend has also moved on though very quiet on the matter but we assume it's his way of dealing with it.

We are making arrangements as soon as is possible for some counseling sessions for the two if they are willing and available.

Thanks to you our readers for your support and encouragement in their time of trouble, we are appreciative.

Any new developments you will be notified.

Peace & tolerance

H

Can a women's ability to orgasm be related to the way she walks?

Click post title above for a direct link to the story
courtesy of http://lesbiansanddating.blogspot.com/


A new study found that trained sexologists could infer a woman's history of vaginal orgasm by observing the way she walks. The study is published in the September 2008 issue of The Journal of Sexual Medicine, the official journal of the International Society for Sexual Medicine and the International Society for the Study of Women's Sexual Health.Led by Stuart Brody of the University of the West of Scotland in collaboration with colleagues in Belgium, the study involved 16 female Belgian university students. Subjects completed a questionnaire on their sexual behavior and were then videotaped from a distance while walking in a public place.

The videotapes were rated by two professors of sexology and two research assistants trained in the functional-sexological approach to sexology, who were not aware of the women's orgasmic history.The results showed that the appropriately trained sexologists were able to correctly infer vaginal orgasm through watching the way the women walked over 80 percent of the time. Further analysis revealed that the sum of stride length and vertebral rotation was greater for the vaginally orgasmic women. "This could reflect the free, unblocked energetic flow from the legs through the pelvis to the spine," the authors note.There are several plausible explanations for the results shown by this study.

One possibility is that a woman's anatomical features may predispose her to greater or lesser tendency to experience vaginal orgasm. According to Brody, "Blocked pelvic muscles, which might be associated with psychosexual impairments, could both impair vaginal orgasmic response and gait." In addition, vaginally orgasmic women may feel more confident about their sexuality, which might be reflected in their gait. "Such confidence might also be related to the relationship(s) that a woman has had, given the finding that specifically penile-vaginal orgasm is associated with indices of better relationship quality," the authors state. Research has linked vaginal orgasm to better mental health.

The study provides some support for assumptions of a link between muscle blocks and sexual function, according to the authors. They conclude that it may lend credibility to the idea of incorporating training in movement, breathing and muscle patterns into the treatment of sexual dysfunction."Women with orgasmic dysfunction should be treated in a multi-disciplinary manner" says Irwin Goldstein, Editor-in-Chief of The Journal of Sexual Medicine."Although small, this study highlights the potential for multiple therapies such as expressive arts therapy incorporating movement and physical therapy focusing on the pelvic floor."
Source: Wiley-Blackwell

USAID puts $100 million toward AIDS gel research

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - The U.S. Agency for International Development has offered $100 million to the Eastern Virginia Medical School to work on a gel that might protect men and women from the AIDS virus, the school said on Monday.
The money, $20 million a year for five years, will be used to help pay for trials of several so-called microbicides -- gels or creams that could be applied vaginally or rectally to protect people from infection.
While several experimental microbicides have failed, the team at Eastern Virginia Medical School's CONRAD program is working on two using HIV drugs: Gilead Sciences Inc's tenofovir and an experimental drug called UC781.
An estimated 33 million people have HIV, mostly in Africa. More than 60 percent of Africans with HIV are women who were infected by their husbands or other male sexual partners.
Most of the 2 million people who get HIV every year globally are women. Condoms prevent infection but many men refuse to use them. Experts say women, and some men, need a private way to protect themselves.
The award means USAID has given the program $160 million so far to develop a microbicide.
The CONRAD program, formerly known as Contraceptive Research and Development, was set up in 1986 by federal agencies to develop inexpensive products to prevent sexually transmitted diseases.
A USAID spokeswoman said the agency gets about $40 million a year from Congress for microbicide development and funds many programs, including the Population Council, the International Partnership for Microbicides and others.

“I am ashamed of homophobia in the Church” – Archbishop Tutu

Archbishop Desmond Tutu has spoken out against the Anglican church for allowing its “obsession” with homosexuality to come before dealing with world poverty.
Archbishop Tutu was in London to address a conference organised by the Christian charity Tearfund.

“God is weeping to see such a focus on sexuality and the Church is quite rightly seen by many as irrelevant on the issue of poverty,” said Archbishop Tutu. “It may be good to accept that we agree to differ on the gay issue.”
Archbishop Tutu told the conference that the Anglican Church was ideally placed to tackle poverty because of its presence at the heart of communities in the UK and overseas.
However, he said he sometimes felt ashamed of his fellow Anglicans as they focussed obsessively on trying to resolve their disagreement about homosexuality, while 30,000 people died each day because of poverty.

“We really will not be able to win wars against so-called terror as long as there are conditions that make people desperate, and poverty, disease and ignorance are amongst the chief culprits,” he said.
Archbishop Tutu also accused some of his fellow Anglicans of going against the teaching of Jesus in their treatment of homosexual people by “persecuting the already persecuted”.

visit: http://www.lesbilicious.co.uk/ Largest Lesbian Magazine online for more stories

Also of interest How to: respond to anti-gay Christians
More Tutu News.....click here

Scientists Spot New Twist in HIV Infection

The virus that causes AIDS infects one form of immune T-cell by rearranging its inner skeleton,allowing it access to the cell, scientists have discovered.
The finding helps explain how HIV maintains pockets of dormant virus in these so-called “resting” T-cells, even when the virus is under attack by antiretroviral drugs. It also points to potential new targets for drug development, experts say.

“Whenever you identify a necessary step — a step which is absolutely required for infection of naive T-cells — of course then you have a new focus point, one that you can examine to see if there are options for new therapies. Certainly with HIV treatment, we need that,” said study co-author Jon Marsh, a researcher in the Laboratory of Cellular and Molecular Regulation at the U.S. National Institute of Mental Health.
Viruses are such primitive life forms that they must gain access toother organisms' genetic material, located deep in the nucleus of the cell, before they can replicate. Scientists have long known that HIV latches onto certain receptors on the surface of its main target — the immune system's T-cells — to gain entry into the cell.

Early in the disease process, HIV typically attacks “activated”T-cells — so named because they are already primed against a particularpathogen. But so-called “naive” T-cells also move throughout the blood stream. These cells are often resting — they haven't yet been activated to fight a particular threat.
When HIV seeks entry to the activated T-cell, it does so by latching on to a surface receptor called CCR5. But in more than 50 percent of patients, the virus begins to attack resting T-cells, too, via a receptor called CXCR4.
“We know that HIV prefers to infect activated T-cells — it's more difficult for HIV to infect resting T-cells,” noted Rowena Johnston, vice president of research at the Foundation for AIDS Research (amfAR) in NewYork City. “So, the question for me and a lot of people has been: Whydoes the virus do it? What possible advantage could there be?”

In their new research, Marsh and study co-author Yuntao Wu, of George Mason University, believe they may have answered that question. They published the findings in the Sept. 5 issue of Cell.
According to the researchers, HIV binds with the CXCR4 receptor on resting T-cells, and that activates a protein called cofilin. Cofilin effectively rearranges the tiny filaments that make up the T-cells protective inner skeleton. One this is done, HIV is able to sneak past this barrier and into the cell's nucleus.
“So now HIV has a means of making these normally [highly] resistant cells susceptible to infection,” Marsh said.
For HIV, there's a decided plus to entering resting versus activatedT-cells, because resting cells provide a much safer hiding place, Johnstonnoted. “If it can get into the resting T-cell, it can just sit in that-cell forever,” she explained. “This induces latent infection.”

HIV is known to hide out in a number of cell types in the body, making a cure for AIDS elusive. “But if we are aiming to cure infection, we need to understand all of the ways in which latent infection can be established,” Johnston said.
HIV's entry into resting T-cells also marks more advanced disease, the experts said. “The emergence of CXCR4 [type virus] usually is late in the disease, and it's usually associated with a relatively severe decline in CD4 T-cells. So, it's not a good sign,” Marsh said.
Will this discovery inevitably lead to new, effective AIDS drugs? That remains uncertain, Marsh said.

“The thing about a virus is that it exploits normal processes ina cell,” he explained. “So, the clinical aspect always has to look for ways in which you can disturb only the virological component, or most of the virological component, and not hinder those things that are most absolute and necessary for life.”
Johnston agreed it may be years, if ever, before this discovery leads to effective therapies. Right now, she said, “this is very much in the arena of just understanding how HIV does what it does.”

More information: Find out more on the fight against HIV/AIDS at amfAR.

New group to pressure US government on gay rights worldwide

By Tony Grew

An openly gay former US Ambassador is to work as an adviser to a new coalition of gay and straight human rights groups.
The Council for Global Equality wants the American government to defend the rights of lesbian, gay, bisexual and trans people across the world.
"The Project demands that those who represent our country - in Congress, in the White House, in US embassies and in US corporations around the world - use the diplomatic, political and economic leverage available to them to oppose human rights abuses that are regularly directed against individuals because of their sexual orientation, gender identity or gender expression," the group states on its website.

Ambassador Michael E Guest retired from government service last December after more than 26 years as a form of protest against regulations that he considered as unfair to same-sex partners.
The 51-year-old, who is openly gay, served as US Ambassador to Romania when President Bush took office.
He will work as a paid consultant to the group, which will hold its first meeting in Washington DC on September 23rd.
Mr Guest was the first out gay person to be confirmed by the Senate to an ambassadorial post.
In May the British government adopted an official programme to support the human rights of gay, lesbian, bisexual and trans people in other countries.
The Foreign and Commonwealth Office issued an 'LGBT Toolkit' to its 261 embassies, high commissions and other diplomatic posts.
"The FCO fully supports equality in the enjoyment of human rights and the inadmissibility of discrimination on grounds of sexual orientation," the document states.
"This provides the focus of FCO work on this issue."
The kit contains information on the official British policy on gay rights and instructions in how to "provide added value to equality and non-discrimination work."
"Governments have an obligation to promote equality in the enjoyment of human rights, as well as not to discriminate in their application.
"Frequently there is discrimination in the enjoyment of key rights, even in countries where the criminal laws are neutral.
"Tackling this would require the building up of local coalitions of non-state actors to elaborate action plans for each country, as well as working locally with like-minded states.
"This would not just apply to issues like the state of the criminal law, but also to freedom of association and assembly, freedom of expression and privacy."
The 'toolkit' covers a wide range of issues, from decriminalisation, sexual health, reproductive rights and health education to bilateral work with other countries.
The UK and France both support the universal decriminalisation of homosexuality.
France, as President of the EU, has said it will present a declaration on the matter to the UN Security Council in December.

Oscar 2008 Party Report

Oscar 2008 Party Statuesque

Themed from the North American Oscar awards, the party of the year that almost never happened after being postponed last week due to the passage of Tropical storm Ivan's destruction of the road network, the organizers were hell bent on seeing it through and so it happened last night

Due to the no photo policy of the venue we couldn't capture the delightful dresses, wigs, ambiance and jewelry but we were able to get the pics, by phone, of some of the statuesque presented during the morning's proceedings, yes I said morning, the party commenced at 10pm as usual but I guess everyone wanted to make an entrance and so they did at minutes to 2am cars started to trickle in and we present were beginning to wonder what was up as most who exited their vehicles weren't "dressed" for an awards show. However by minutes to 3am the transformation begun, first an original Vera Wang gold dress that got every one's attention and by showtime, 4:38am it was apparent that a showdown of who would be the best dressed male and female was on in earnest.

The awards continued and the following categories were announced and presented after a dress parade of the nominees.

• Best Dressed Female




• Best Dressed Male




• Hype DJ of the Year




• Most Consistent Party Patron




• Best Fluffy Diva




• Best Couple




• Most Improved Diva




• Pop Dung Diva (lol a huge joke for patrons, the winner was not present)




• Lifetime Award - which Diva Nastasia Waugh walked away with
  

All in all it was a splendid surprise with glam, couture and street converging in one place and mingling to every one's enjoyment.
Thumbs up to the organizers and we hope next year would be even better.

Party Patron
Howie