Bisexual Invisibility: Impacts & Recommendations

So from my last post involving bisexuality invisibility some new developments have occurred in the negative as persons identified as gay throwing all kinds of comments regarding bisexuals as being confused to one suggesting bisexuals need not ask for rights as that is a gay thing. I am distraught in a sense as one wonders now how to address this dissent and disrespect for our bisexual colleagues given that there is B in the conveniently used LGBTQ call letters and it means something and not just a space take in the arrangement.

A Note on Language

The term bisexual is imperfect at best. It implies a duality of genders that many people feel erases transgender and gender-variant people. For others, it connotes a requirement of an exact balance between someone’s attractions for women and men, or attractions only to women and men who identify with the genders they were assigned at birth. While pansexual and omnisexual are finding more acceptance, some people feel the terms reinforce a stereotype of promiscuity. More recently, fluid has appeared as a way to describe those attracted to more than one gender, but it is not yet widely used or understood. There are also people who chafe at any label at all.

More broadly, queer is attractive as an umbrella term for non-heterosexuals, but many people still hear it as a pejorative, while others use it as a way to avoid naming or acknowledging those outside monosexual identities. Some who would otherwise self-identify as queer―to indicate their solidarity with the broader community―instead choose to call themselves bisexual specifically to avoid such erasure, even when they are uneasy with the term’s implications around gender.

The good news is that more and more people are comfortable navigating the complexities of human sexuality and gender as they are actually lived. The bad news is that the English language has not yet caught up in expressing that complexity. At this time, there is no clear “best practice” for terminology that fully honors gender diversity while not reinscribing invisibility for nonmonosexuals.

At this moment in the movement for full equality and dignity for people of all sexual orientations and gender identities, bisexual is the term that is most widely understood as describing those whose attractions fall outside an either/or paradigm. It is also (along with MSMW and WSMW) the term most often used in research.

As people become increasingly fluent in the dynamics of gender and sexuality, the language will evolve as well. For now, and with full awareness of its limitations, bisexual is the word used in this report.

Bisexual Invisibility

Bisexuality is the capacity for emotional, romantic, and/or physical attraction to more than one sex or gender. A bisexual orientation speaks to the potential for, but not requirement of, involvement with more than one sex/gender.

Bisexuals experience high rates of being ignored, discriminated against, demonized, or rendered invisible by both the heterosexual world and the lesbian and gay communities. Often, the entire sexual orientation is branded as invalid, immoral, or irrelevant.

Despite years of activism and the largest population within the LGBT community, the needs of bisexuals still go unaddressed and their very existence is still called into question. This erasure has serious consequences on bisexuals’ health, economic well-being, and funding for bi organizations and programs.

As the authors of one study put it, “Bi-invisibility refers to a lack of acknowledgment and ignoring of the clear evidence that bisexuals exist.”

An Invisible Majority

According to several studies, self-identified bisexuals make up the largest single population within the LGBT community in the United States. In each study, more women identified as bisexual than lesbian, and fewer men identified as bisexual than gay.

An Invisible Majority

According to several studies, self-identified bisexuals make up the largest single population within the LGBT community in the United States. In each study, more women identified as bisexual than lesbian, and fewer men identified as bisexual than gay.

In 2010, a study published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine6, based on a nationally representative probability sample of women and men in the U.S., found that among adults (5,042 respondents), 3.1% self-identified as bisexual, compared to 2.5% as gay/lesbian.

An “Eclipsed and Conflated” Identity

Despite the overwhelming data that bisexuals exist, other people’s assumptions often render bisexuals invisible. Two women holding hands are read as “lesbian,” two men as “gay,” and a man and a woman as “straight.” In reality, any of these people might be bi―perhaps all of them.

The majority of research lumps data on bisexuals under “gay” or “lesbian,” which makes it difficult to draw any conclusions about bisexuals and skews the data about lesbians and gay men. “Thus any particular needs of bisexuals are eclipsed and conflated. Only a handful of studies separate out bisexuals and/or report on their bisexual-specific findings. Fewer compare bisexuals to people who are not bisexual.”

Not Just a Phase

While bisexuality has often been considered merely a “phase” en route to a stable gay or lesbian orientation, it is also a stable sexual orientation in itself. A longitudinal study of sexual minority women (lesbian, bisexual, or unlabeled) found that over 10 years, “more women adopted bisexual/unlabeled identities than relinquished them.” Of those who began the study identifying as bisexual, 92% identified as bisexual or unlabeled 10 years later, and 61% those who began as unlabeled identified as bisexual or unlabeled 10 years later. While no similar long-term study has been done with bisexual men, at least one study suggests that bisexuality can be a stable sexual orientation for men as well.

“The only thing I would change about my sexuality is how others treat me for it.”

My coming out as bi has been both extremely satisfying and saddening. I came out as gay in high school when I was 16. While I thought occasionally about women, I largely discounted these feelings as random daydreams. I had heard that bisexuality was a farce so many times from gay friends, that people who were bisexual were just afraid to come all the way out of the closet, that I never thought of coming out as bisexual when I was younger. I was attracted to men, I didn’t have any shame about this, and I wanted to be recognized.

Despite San Francisco’s reputation as a gay mecca, it is where I first came to recognize my opposite-sex attractions. Being single at college parties, I often found myself in situations where women were hitting on me. I was interested but at the same time befuddled. The idea that my same-sex attractions represented an inflexible and absolute sexuality had become entrenched in my thinking, and I wasn’t prepared to question this. Despite this lack of mental readiness, my desire and curiosity were far greater, and I eventually began sleeping with women. I kept my opposite-sex attractions subordinated, leaving them out of discussions with friends back home and rationalizing them away as mistakes to myself.

After roughly a year, stories began to trickle back to friends and family. As questions and underhanded comments started coming in, I found myself constantly being put on trial. Why was I doing this? Was I closeting myself? Why wasn’t I being “normal,” gay how I should be? In the process of trying to answer these questions for myself and others, I realized how long I had been cheating myself and sublimating my desires to others’ ideas about sexuality.

I came out as bi when I was 19 and have remained so since. Rather than quieting the doubts of others, animosity only intensified. Aggressive queries about when I was going to focus on guys full-time again became a standard part of trips home. On top of this, I noticed a change in how sexual partners treated me. Women I was with, no longer with the safety of presuming me straight, would question my real orientation and complain that my sexuality made them anxious that I would one day vanish into a relationship with a man. Men I was with wouldn’t acknowledge my sexuality, referring to me as gay despite my protest. I found myself in relationships waiting for accusations and dismissive comments, ready from the start to move along to someone new. I am happy with my sexuality, and very grateful that I was finally able to fully realize my desires. The only thing I would change about my sexuality is how others treat me for it. Finding my sexuality has been wonderful. I only wish I didn’t have to sacrifice feeling safe, feeling part of a community, and feeling like I have anyone to confide in but myself.

– Jack M., 21, male

An Invisible Place in History

Bisexuals find themselves erased in history. Many famous people―such as Marlene Dietrich, June Jordan, Freddie Mercury, Eleanor Roosevelt, and Walt Whitman―have been labeled as lesbian or gay for their same-sex relationships, yet their long-term relationships with different-sex partners are ignored or their importance minimized. This disrespects the truth of their lives for the sake of a binary conception of sexual orientation. It also makes it more difficult for bisexuals just coming out to find role models.

This historical erasure also extends to activists. Rather than acknowledging the decades of hard work bisexuals have done in the LGBT movement, many gays and lesbians have accused bisexuals of trying to “ride their coattails.” In fact, bisexuals have often been leaders in the movement. In just one example, it was a bisexual woman, Brenda Howard, who organized the one-month anniversary rally in honor of the Stonewall uprising (which in turn was led by transsexuals and drag queens). Then a year later, she organized a march and celebration that turned into New York’s annual pride parade and inspired countless other pride celebrations around the world. Yet it wasn’t that long ago that bisexuals and transgender people had to fight for inclusion in the name of San Francisco Pride, one of the last major U.S. cities to do so.

Bisexual Exclusion

Often, the word “bisexual” shows up in an organization’s name or mission statement, but the group doesn’t offer programming that addresses the specific needs of bisexuals (see the chapter on organizations and programs serving bisexuals). Even when an organization is inclusive, the press and public officials often fall back on the “safety” of saying just “gay and lesbian.” There is even a growing trend of talking about the “gay, lesbian, and transgender” community or “lesbian, gay, and transgender” movement. But words matter. Invisibility matters. Bisexuals find themselves excluded in other ways as well. Many personal ads have specified “no bis” in their criteria.

Bisexual and Transgender Allies in Invisibility

“From the earliest years of the bi community, significant numbers of [transgender people] have always been involved in it. The bi community served as a kind of refuge for people who felt excluded from the established lesbian and gay communities.”

— Kevin Lano (Alexander, J. & Yescavage, K. (2003). Bisexuality and transgenderism: InterSEXions of the others. Journal of Bisexuality, 3(3/4). p. 8, as quoted in Miller et al. (2007).

That quote reflects the actual similarities to our Jamaican scenario as well as several bisexuals remain quiet on their opposite sex attraction in fear of a backlash or avoiding confrontation with sometimes paranoid reactions when such disclosures are made.

Other Forms of Biphobia

Bisexual invisibility is one of many manifestations of biphobia. Others include:

 Assuming that everyone you meet is either heterosexual or homosexual.

 Supporting and understanding a bisexual identity for young people because you identified “that way” before you came to your “real” lesbian/gay/heterosexual identity.

 Automatically assuming romantic couplings of two women are lesbian, or two men are gay,or a man and a woman are heterosexual.

 Expecting a bisexual to identify as gay or lesbian when coupled with the “same” sex/gender.

 Expecting a bisexual to identify as heterosexual when coupled with the “opposite”sex/gender.

 Believing that bisexual men spread HIV/AIDS to heterosexuals.

 Believing that bisexual women spread HIV/AIDS to lesbians.

 Thinking bisexual people haven’t made up their minds.

 Refusing to accept someone’s self-identification as bisexual if the person hasn’t had sex with both men and women.

 Expecting bisexual people to get services, information, and education from heterosexual service agencies for their “heterosexual side” and then go to gay and/or lesbian service agencies for their “homosexual side.”

 Feeling bisexuals just want to have their cake and eat it too.

 Assuming a bisexual person would want to fulfill your sexual fantasies or curiosities.

 Thinking bisexuals only have committed relationships with “opposite” sex/gender partners.

 Being gay or lesbian and asking your bisexual friends about their lovers or whom they are dating only when that person is the “same” sex/gender.

 Assuming that bisexuals, if given the choice, would prefer to be in an “opposite” gender/sex coupling to reap the social benefits of a so-called “heterosexual” pairing.

 Assuming bisexuals would be willing to “pass” as anything other than bisexual.

 Believing bisexuals are confused about their sexuality.

 Feeling that you can’t trust a bisexual because they aren’t really gay or lesbian, or aren’t really heterosexual.

 Refusing to use the word bisexual in the media when reporting on people attracted to more than one gender, instead substituting made-up terms such as “gay-ish.”

 Using the terms “phase” or “stage” or “confused” or “fence-sitter” or “bisexual” or“AC/DC” or “switch-hitter” as slurs or in an accusatory way. Switch hitter locally has a connotation in lower classes of some acceptance especially if the named persons are gender conforming to onlookers.

 Assuming bisexuals are incapable of monogamy.

 Feeling that bisexual people are too outspoken and pushy about their visibility and rights.

 Looking at a bisexual person and automatically thinking of her/his sexuality rather than seeing her/him as a whole, complete person.

 Not confronting a biphobic remark or joke for fear of being identified as bisexual.

 Assuming bisexual means “available.”

 Thinking that bisexual people will have their rights when lesbian and gay people win theirs.

 Expecting bisexual activists and organizers to minimize bisexual issues (such as HIV/AIDS, violence, basic civil rights, military service, same-sex marriage, child custody, adoption, etc.) and to prioritize the visibility of so-called “lesbian and/or gay” issues.

 Avoiding mentioning to friends that you are involved with a bisexual or working with a bisexual group because you are afraid they will think you are a bisexual.

As an example of the extent and depth of biphobia, a study published in the Journal of Sex Research reported that heterosexuals rate bisexuals as a group less favorably than any of a number of groups (including Catholics, lesbians, people with AIDS, and people who are pro-life), except for the category of people who inject illegal drugs.

Bisexual Health Issues within HIV and STI Prevention

There are health issues that are specific and generalizeable to bisexuals as a group and health issues that are specific and generalizeable to people who have partners of more than one gender as a group. This literature review shines a spotlight on specific challenges related to HIV and STI prevention among bisexuals, WSMW, and MSMW.

Unfortunately, existing research on this topic is scarce. Much of it lumps bisexuals into either “lesbian” or “gay male” categories, making it difficult to draw any conclusions about bisexual health.

Data on bisexual women’s sexual health is less prevalent than men’s, particularly data on WSMW.

Additionally, not all researchers take into consideration whether their study participants identify as bisexual, MSMW, WSMW, or something else.

It is important to recognize that many, if not most, bisexual people do not come out to their health care providers or to researchers due to judgments that silence, stereotypes that shame, and assumptions that erase bisexual identity. When a woman is partnered and says she is using birth control, there may be an automatic assumption that she is monogamous and heterosexual. A man in a same-sex relationship is assumed to be gay and therefore not in need of information about sex with women. When a man says he is married or partnered, there are often no subsequent questions asked about other sexual partners. Health care providers need to become aware of how to serve this often-overlooked community and its unique concerns, looking at a patient’s sexual behavior rather than simply a patient’s sexual identity.

Some have simply chosen to be invisible in one stigmatized category by wearing the mark of another.

Some Recommendations

One of the challenges―and frustrations―for bisexuals and their allies is that so much invisibility persists despite decades of educational efforts. One long-time activist described it as “sweeping sand.” While many people and organizations have certainly become more welcoming and inclusive of bisexuals over the years, others remain inconsistent, oblivious, or occasionally hostile. The question becomes how to create institutional changes that remain even if a bi-supportive leader, staff person, or volunteer moves on.

 Educate the public, advocates and elected officials about inclusive language (for example, “anti-LGBT bias” rather than “homophobia”) and ensure its use whenever possible and accurate. Review the STI brochures offered in Public Health and, if needed, encourage them to adopt models created (one that addresses those who identify as bisexual and one for those who don’t).

 Work with the Public Health systems to ensure that data collection addresses the experiences of bisexuals accurately and consistently.

 Share this blog post and similar ones on what bi-specific programming they have, if any; whether their programs that say they serve bisexuals are welcoming in practice; and how the content of their programming changes to address the needs of bisexuals.

 Include specific, separate information on bisexuality in diversity trainings.

 Ensure that bisexuals are included among the speakers when there are panels, forums, and other official discussions affecting the LGBT community.

Many assumptions lie at the core of bisexual invisibility: assumptions about a person’s sexual orientation based on her/his partner’s gender; about bisexuals people’s reliability, honesty, or commitment to the LGBT movement; about bisexuals’ health concerns and needs; and about the world as an “either/or” place rather than one of infinite variety. Any long-term solutions must dispel these assumptions to make room for those whose lives exist beyond binaries.

Think on these things friends.

Aspects of this blog post garnered from:

Peace and tolerance

H

new news:

Yoko: John Lennon suppressed his bisexual side

Breast Cancer Month: Lesbians and Breast Cancer

October is Breast Cancer awareness month and since some researchers and health care professionals believe that lesbians may be at greater risk for breast cancer then heterosexual women, I thought it would be appropriate to get some facts out to the lesbian community.

First of all, let me start by saying that just because your a lesbian does not mean that you are automatically at a higher risk for breast cancer.

However, having one or more of the risk factors below might put you in that category. A lesbian without the risk factors is at no greater risk than a heterosexual woman for breast cancer.

Breast Cancer Risk Factors include:

Family History
Women whose mothers, grandmothers or sisters have had breast cancer are two to three times more likely to develop breast cancer. However, greater numbers of women with breast cancer have no family history of the disease.

First childbirth
The risks are higher among women who have never had (and breastfed) a baby or whose first childbirth occurred after the age of thirty.
The risk is reduced by as much as 50 percent for women who have had one child in countries such as the US.

Menstrual history
Early first period (before age 11) and late menopause (after age 52) both increase risk.
DietHigh-fat, low-fiber diet increases the risk of Breast Cancer. The risk also increases with women who are overweight.

Age
Risk increases with age. This disease is rare in women under the age of thirty. Women over fifty make up a larger number of breast cancer cases.

Alcohol
Women who consume two to five alcoholic drinks a day have a higher risk of breast cancer than do non-drinkers. (Research has not shown that lesbians drink more than the general population, however, they do have a greater history of problems with alcohol.)

Smoking
Research has shown that women who smoke have a 30% higher risk of developing breast cancer compared with women who have never smoked. Research has also shown that 25% of lesbians said they were smokers compared to 19% of heterosexual women in a 2007 Harris Interactive survey.

Genetic Alterations
Specific alterations in certain genes, such as those in the breast cancer genes (BRCA1 or BRCA2), make women more susceptible to breast cancer.

Hormone Replacement Therapy
Recent evidence suggests that menopausal women who have long-term exposure (greater than 10 years) to hormone replacement therapy (HRT) may have a slightly increased risk of breast cancer.

Socio-economic Factors
In the United States, white women from upper-socioeconomic classes living in urban areas are more at risk for breast cancer than other women, for reasons researchers do not yet understand.

Environmental Factors
Research has not yet proven whether there are breast cancer risk risks involved in a number of environmental exposures, including radiation, UV rays in sunlight, artificial sweeteners, pesticides and electromagnetic fields that surround electronic devices like microwave ovens and cell phones.

Health Care
Another issue that lead researchers to believe that Lesbians are at a higher risk is due to the fact that lesbians are less likely to seek routine health care because of the discomfort of coming out to their health care providers and less access to health insurance. With fewer doctor visits, lesbian are less likely to have mammograms and professional breast exams. Studies also show that lesbian women are less likely to perform breast self-exam regularly. For these reasons, lesbians women may be less likely to have cancers detected at earlier, more treatable, stages.

Click here for related posts: 

LEADING VOICE ON CANCER IN THE SAME GENDER LOVING COMMUNITY PASSES

BREAST CANCER MONTH: A JAMAICAN LESBIAN’S SURVIVAL STORY …………….

BREAST CANCER, CANCER AND BLACK WOMEN 2009

CONTINUING BREAST CANCER MONTH POSTS

OCTOBER IS BREAST CANCER MONTH – MALE BREAST CANCER 2009

Jamaica Cancer Society Page

How to reduce your risk for breast cancer:

http://www.breastcancer.org./

Peace & tolerance

H

Case update: Chopping incident, relocation, truth telling & unneeded attention

from: Woman assumed to be a lesbian chopped viciously allegedly by neighbour  2015

Once I find out that a case has too many clouds surrounding it and it cannot be substantiated based on the original report then my support will vanish, as simple as that, we must be as truthful as possible as reports be they in mainstream media or alternate ones it does have an impact on the hearts and minds we want to change or evolve on LGBTQ life.

When I and many others read the article in the Jamaica Observer complete with photos of a young lady earlier this year we were left almost siding with her and concluding that the matter was a horrible lesbophobic one. Upon reflection and perusing the story several times over it was clear something was off. Some were up in arms about the matter suggesting she did not deserve the attack by another tenant which also included myself hence my posting of the story in full on the incident at the apartment complex in Kingston one the Boulevard to be precise. The moral of the story is just to speak the truth from the beginning, if persons expect support and assistance it cannot be on the grounds of embellished stories, all out lies and irresponsible behaviour, then one claims victim-hood afterwards.

Chopping her may have gone to the extreme and I am in no way condoning her attackers or giving justification to the violence despite the cloudy nature surrounding the victim but one must be careful sometimes not to attract unneeded heat.

The LGBT community/advocacy collectively is already bedevilled by accusations of lies by antigay voices and homophobes and a poor but all important credibility factor in crisis communication from public advocacy and such twists and turns do not help any, we MUST be truthful to all concerned including the alleged report made to a NGO as well. Do not for one minute believe that a story in a newspaper and other platforms help to paint a greater picture of the struggle and hence affecting the very tolerance and rights we demand. Credibility in the all important crisis communication component of public advocacy is still seriously damaged and need all the help it can get.

However new information has come forth that seems to put the case in a whole new light and the subsequent removal of the ‘victim’ and her partner on Friday July 3rd who she is also accused of physically abusing as evidenced in loud arguments and multiple visits by other parties and police from other precincts. The court case seems to have fizzled as persons who once supported her have simply pulled back, the accused woman (an introverted person) has since kept the cameras in the all access points on the passageways and had threatened to sue the ‘victim’ for all kinds of things. The victim has been also accused of being a known troublemaker when it comes to rent payment and poor social skills from other apartment complexes she once resided. She has been named a troublemaker prior to this matter.

With that track record I am not surprised as previous occurrences with other persons in a similar vein with cloudy track records and tainted socialization histories have only sought to cause challenges for themselves and others. The very police officers who turned up in the initial chopping furore were not from Half Way Tree’s precinct as is relevant but instead were from Portmore’s 100 man station who turned up for a favour requested by the victim as one of the female cops owed the young lady some $40,000, so in lieu of payment they would adjudicate the matter but since that the cops have neatly removed themselves from the issue after seeing her behaviour and learning of her history and perceived sexual orientation.

The victim now removed from the complex is also accused of removing without clearing her rent obligations owing for some several months but other residents were said to have literally rejoiced as she left claiming the place will be quiet again. Sad that some of us sometimes attract unneeded heat to ourselves and then when we get into the heat itself we try to play the victim card. Several other run-ins and ghastly unmentionables have been leveled at the now relocated victim as well which are hard to substantiate but it does not auger well for her case as I hinted to above persons who were on her side and who also reside on the complex have since changed their minds in the negative. The smoke surrounding this matter has made her case untenable in my eyes and she will definitely not get my support in as far as her twisting of her story.

While it is understood navigating life in Jamaica is not easy as LGBTQ persons it was a bit strange at first when I saw the initial story in the Observer of all places as same gender loving women never normally are so abused outside of corrective rape but not as choppings of attacks but I guess one should have taken the accusation with a grain of salt.

Each case must be taken on its own merit and proper investigations as best as possible done to establish truth telling and hence strengthening the cause and correctness. It was only late last year a group of MSM sharing another apartment in Kingston also had to relocate most quickly as loud behaviour, multiple visitors and poor social skills lead to a clash with irate neighbours who complained their residency was obstructed by their actions. We must understand that persons are not obligated to “accept us” and because one resides in a middle class neighbourhood it is assumed persons will do so mimicking an American middle class construct.

Again the moral of the story is sifting for truth and lies, if we want tolerance we must also live and let live, respect goes where it comes from, do not do things to further sully the look and feel of the struggle overall.

A word to the wise is sufficient.

Peace and tolerance

H

suggested additional reading:

GAY & BISEXUAL INTIMATE PARTNER VIOLENCE, HOMOPHOBIC INCIDENTS & CRISIS COMMUNICATION 2014 from sister archive blog on Wordpress.

Lesbian profiled & pepper sprayed by cops

A huge thank you firstly to Aphrodite’s P.R.I.D.E Jamaica, APJ for granting permission on this one and for the documentation as well.

As we continue to track, document and share where possible or permitted to do so homo(lesbo)phobic and indeed trans, Biphobic & gender non conforming incidents another one involving the police abuse has come forth; let alone those that do not make it to either LGBT crisis interventions outfits, the police complaints arms or even LGBT networks as some persons absorb their extra-ordinary events and try to move on their own. The latest incident involves the practice as espoused by dancehall acts such as Beenieman of the “Manroyal” or masculine acting or looking female profiling of the victim. Other posts with the ‘Manroyal’ stigmatization: HERE:

Woman Labelled “Man Royal” Forced to Relocate from a St Catherine Community

3 LGBT Forced Evictions in Clarendon a Cause for Concern

Lesbian construction worker profiled told not to return to worksite

Concerns about labels & abuse towards same gender loving women 2011

The Butch Dynamic/mystique becoming a problem? 2011

Lesbians Rushed ……….. Left with a warning 2009

The present case:

On July 27 2015 a young lady who was making her way to her home in West Kingston around 11:35am in the morning, upon approaching an intersection nearing a food shop in the Regent Street area she came into view of a police detachment who as it turned out were in the outskirts of another matter as a crime scene cordoned off with yellow tape. The police at that location though visible their numbers were not so clear as they were some distance away. According to the victim’s report of the incident and corroboration from other persons. The primary motives identified here is that the woman’s aesthetic features and how she presents in terms of dress coupled with the abusive nature in police culture in that part of town and their residents and on the backdrop of the ongoing commission of inquiry and the negative labeling of West Kingston overall as a nest for criminals and their supporters, there is some licence that cops tend to have to abuse citizens.

The woman came into engagement with the cops who demanded she not take the route she was about to take to get home which was far closer and less inconveniencing for her; the cops offered no assistance or accompaniment to pass or circumvent the cordoned area; yet the rude cops with one hiding his identifying vest number which is required by law to be visible at all times when on duty or engaging the public insisted she take the long nonsensical route just to get home. The young lady in her report said in part “Mi neva have no hat down inna mi face or anything like dat. And him seh ‘yuh gwaan like yuh a man… soh mi agoh handle yuh like a man’…” (I never had my hat down in my face or anything like that and he said you are acting like a man so we are going to handle you as a man) for all intents and purposes reinforces the aforementioned abusive cops or squaddy culture towards persons from that side of our geography and hence justification for same abuse often left unattended, under or not reported or unsolved.

She alighted from a taxi at the time to make her way into her avenue when she was beckoned by the two cops, she ignored the call at first as she thought it was not directed at her and other persons were also in the space; she continued “. I stopped and looked while answering ‘mi nuh inna yuh way, it nuh mek nuh sense.’ (noticing something had happed on the other road) he then quickly said that I should walk around on Spanish town road, I then said it makes no sense because it’s just right up the road I live that’s where I live why should I walk around and am not even walking through then scene a mean mi did( 20)feet away from dem on a different road .

Then he swiftly ran towards me and grabbed me by the pants and pulled me over to where the crime scene was a then started harassing and then while he was pepper spraying me me said ‘yuh gwaan like yuh a man so mi ago deal wid yuh like yuh a’ man’. He pepper sprayed me 3 times before letting me go. I stood there trying to get badge numbers but I was only able to get the number for one of them (093), as the other person was hiding his. While I was standing there he said ‘why yuh a’ look pon i?!’ (Why are you looking at me?) and mi seh a yuh numba mi want. One of the two was telling me to calm down and if I don’ calm down him agoh lock mi up. So mi turn to him an’ seh ‘lock mi up fi wah? Mi nuh do nutten’ (Lock me up for what, I have not done anything) he had a book in front of him an’ him tell mi fi sign it but I did not sign it, mi jus’ walk off.”

She left the scene: “I stopped at a small shop and was sitting down and telling them what had happened and dem tell mi fi go up and wash off. A little bit later mi go home and tell my mom. An’ when mi tell har she ask mi why it happened and I explained her him tell mi seh fi walk all di way round on Spanish Town road and mi tell him no, it don’ mek no sense because a jus’ right up di road mi live. So mi nah put myself inna nuh danger.” In other words she explained to her mother after stopping at a corner shop and she washed off the contents of the pepper spray; she told her mother that she was being forced to walk the very log route to get home and because she resisted verbally while none violently as she did not want to put her life in danger, she was pepper sprayed.

A police report had not been made at the time of the preparation of this blog entry as she has declared intent to do so. Also a special thanks to the lesbian for allowing usage of the material with a view to highlighting the corresponding issues same gender loving women face as us as gay, bisexual and ever increasing transgender directed atrocities by both agents of the state and publics.

Injury /remedy taken status:

Burning of the eyes and skin,

Temporary blurred vision and some respiratory discomfort evidence which was relieved at the time of washing her face and hands.

Thankfully this one did not go any further than this and she has since settled is moving on though cautious of cops in and around her community.

Peace and tolerance

H

Coming Out: Living Openly with Your Terms .......

COMING OUT: LIVING OPENLY ON YOUR TERMS & BEING OPEN WITH YOURSELF…..

So it's coming out day is October 11th today worldwide and October 12th in the United Kingdom. Previous posts may appear below this one or click the 'Coming out' tab immediately below and scroll downwards, newer posts including his one appears first.

Also see October – LGBT History, Breast Cancer Month & Coming Out Day (Oct 11th) on Gay Jamaica Watch

Also see Making a Coming Out Plan

Coming Out Telling Family Members
Living Openly on Your Terms

As you continue to live openly, here are some other points to consider:

■ It’s important to remember that the journey from “Coming Out” to “Living Openly” is ongoing, and unfolds at your own pace.

■ Living openly is something that becomes easier with time, it will often take a little energy when you tell someone new even after you’ve been open for years — but it gets exponentially easier with time.

■ Living openly as a gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender or straight-supportive person can help to make it easier for young GLBT people who will follow this generation.

■ Living openly can be a passive expression of who you are — such as not hiding a rainbow or equality sticker or a loved one’s photograph — or it can be a deliberate process involving a planned conversation or the decision to always be ready to affirm your sexual orientation or gender identity should a situation arise.

■ Living openly doesn’t mean that the sole, or even primary, aspect of your identity is being GLBT. It means making this part of your life a natural piece of you — just like your age, height, hair color or personality.

■ Living openly lets other people know, especially those who are judgmental or biased, that their attitudes are theirs alone.

■ On a daily basis, you will face decisions about where, when and how to come out — or where, when and why not to. Always remember, this is your journey. You get to decide how to take it.

***

when Diana King came out in 2012 HERE

also
Being Open With Yourself

From birth, most of us are raised to think of ourselves as fitting into a certain mold. Our culture and our families teach us that we are “supposed” to be attracted to people of the opposite sex, and that boys and girls are supposed to look, act and feel certain ways. Few of us were told we might fall in love with someone of the same sex, or that we might have a gender identity that differs from the body into which we were born. That’s why so many of us are scared, worried or confused when facing these truths.

Opening up to the possibility that you may be gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender or even just questioning means opening up to the idea that you’re on a path that’s your own. It’s also why coming out and living ever more openly is a profoundly liberating experience.

In the end, and at the beginning, the first person you have to be open with is yourself.

Throughout the coming out process, it’s normal to feel:

■ Scared

■ Confused

■ Vulnerable

■ Empowered

■ Exhilarated

■ Relieved

■ Proud

■ Uncertain

■ Brave

■ Affirmed

Peace & tolerance

H

Thoughts on coming out transgender to family

As coming out day is observed today in the US October 11th but we catch a cold here when they sneeze lol here are some suggestions for coming out specifically for transgender issues, these are NOT hard and fast rules but just some tips, the FINAL decision is left up to the individual.

also see: Coming Out or Outed 2012

Before you come out:I think it’s important to start with thinking about the purpose of your communication, and that is just to come out to them, to come out of hiding and let them know who you are and what you’ve been struggling with. I’m making the assumption that you also wish to remain as close as possible to your family, and be accepted and hopefully supported by them in the future.

There’s also the question of if you should come out at all. If you are dependent on your parents/family (under 18, or if they are paying for college, etc…) then you need to think of the very real possibility of their cutting you out or off. The last thing you want to be is a homeless transgender youth. If this is the case, then it may be wiser to spend some time finding and getting support before proceeding.

If you decide that the time is right and it’s safe to come out to them then…

The Vehicle:

My experience has been with Transgender clients, that a letter works best. The letter has several advantages over face to face communications.

You get to take your time and think about what to say and word it perfectly.

You can have a friend, therapist or supportive person read it over first and give you feedback.

You can’t be interrupted.

The recipient can go back and read it again and take their time with it.

Why a letter and not an email? Well, it’s more personal, email can be a little cold.

What to say:

I’m of the school of thought that you should just say it in your own words as clearly and plainly as possible. I think it can be good to also include the following:

Reassurance that you love them and want to remain connected and hope that they will be supportive.

Reassurance that this is not their “fault”.

A little bit about your struggle with gender over the years, your experience, coping, isolation, etc… (be specific! It will help them empathize with you)

A few recommendations of books, articles or support groups in their area and I recommend to ask them specifically not to respond right away, but to take some time (a week) before they respond. Let them sit with it. This will weed out any immediate bad response and let them cool down.

Just as you would tailor a cover letter for a job you may need to tailor your coming out letter for different family members. Your parents are two (or maybe more than two) separate people, invite them to respond individually.

What not to say:

No need to talk about specific long term plans/timetables or surgeries in your coming-out letter. Remember, the purpose of the letter is to let your family know that you are transgender. Period. Future plans are better left for future communications. Why? Because just digesting the fact that one has a trans son/daughter/brother/sister is enough to begin with.Remember, you’ve had a lot of time to think about this and are ready to move ahead. They are just learning of this for the first time and need to absorb it. I think its ok to gently allude to the fact that changes might be coming in the future, but I wouldn’t go father than that in your first communication on this topic.

There is no need to go into the etiology of transsexualism here. There are too many conflicting theories biological and otherwise, and even if you knew the origin of your being transgender, it wouldn’t change it.

Afterwards:

If you get a positive response that’s great! Otherwise stay calm, even if you get a negative first response. Give them time.

Don’t be reactive to a negative response. Be the adult (or if you don’t feel it, just pretend). Remember the long term goal is to have them be connected to you and supportive. Keep the long term goal in mind in all your communications with them.

It does happen sometimes that parents have a very negative response and even reject you outright. This can be very hurtful and disappointing. When this happens, again, don’t be reactive no matter how you feel. Keep the long term goal in mind. It’s easy to “write them off”, but ultimately unsatisfying if you want to have your family.

A few things to do with a negative reaction:
Communicate that you are open and ready to talk when they are,

Be empathic with their difficulty in accepting/understanding/assimilating this information. Understand that they need time and may have a religious/cultural basis of understanding that can’t be overcome quickly.

Express your wish and hope that it will change over time.

Ask what you can do to help them accept this?

Other Approaches:

You know your family best, so keep that in mind when crafting your coming out communication.

Here are some other perspectives on how to come out to your family:
coming out, hormone, surgery, and other letters

http://www.videojug.com/interview/how-to-come-out-to-your-family-and-friends-as-transgender video ‘How To Come Out To Your Family And Friends As Transgender’

http://www.hrc.org/issues/3455.htm

Article ‘Coming Out to Family as Transgender’ from The Human Rights Campaign

http://www.tsroadmap.com/family/index.html

Transsexual Road Map – Family issues

How To Come Out To Your Family And Friends As Transgender

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