Gay Parenting (a view on the ground) Functional Bisexuality, family units & the discourse

So last night's (May 3rd) discussion at Open Mic Open Soul was one of the best ones yet where we looked at Gay Parenting from a mother's point of view seeing Mothers' Day is approaching Sunday May 8th 2011, the night feared well as persons mostly women as it was intended filed in and were seated, our presenter for the evening was already seated in her mini-van in the beautiful flowered outdoor setting under the cloudy but moonlit night as rain fell some hours before. Her 32 minute PowerPoint supported delivery was simple and not to wordy or over intellectualized as others who have come before who seem to be about impressing the audience more than engaging and stoking discourse. This session of course was also a follow up discussion to a post from my sister blog Gay Jamaica Watch on Gay Parenting (a view from the ground) in 2009 that has been getting some attention recently as International Family Day approaches as well which is slated for May 15th. Another same gender loving women's group is also planning a family day out with activities at a private resort around that same period.

Several interesting pointers were vigorously debated and put forward with regards to having and rearing children via several means:

Surrogacy:

Some of the participants were willing to have a surrogate act as an incubator with one of the partner's eggs used and a sperm donour or close gay/bisexual friend taking on that role. Persons felt though that they needed to have the child conceived naturally and not by a third party, even if their own eggs were removed and implanted in the third party's uterus, they felt it should be natural from start to delivery, the child will be more connected to the mother.

Turkey Baster:

A few persons also preferred this method (device show above) as it would not involve any males directly which was a concern for many ladies as for using the method itself those who wanted no males involved in the insemination process preferred a professional performing it than doing it themselves however.

Live donour:

One couple much to the clear unease of some participants expressed their preferred method of having a male friend literally copulating with the willing partner who will carry the pregnancy to full term and delivery, the man would not necessarily penetrate the would be mother for any protracted period but use outercoursal methods such as masturbation or have another male partner to assist via frottage or intercrural sex (leggings - penis between the crotch for friction leading to ejaculation) femoral/interfemoral sex/intercourse or Irrumatio, also called irrumation.

One other participant said that seeing she was bisexual she had not problem having full on sex with a male partner providing all the needed tests were done such as HIV and sperm count if only just to have the child then proper arrangements would be made following as to his involvement or not with their development and growth.

Existing child/children:

A couple present had a 7 month old baby present all wrapped and cute, this had the ooohhs and aaaahhs flying a they revealed their bouncing toddler to the audience while not prepared to reveal how the child came about they proudly stated they had already given him both their names, they shared their mostly positive experience from the delivery room to anti natal clinic to the other follow up visits that they still are conducting for the child's care. Much to the surprise of many including myself they said the nurses and staff at the Spanish Town hospital where the child was delivered all knew and they in some instances addressed the other partner as the "baby father" whenever she visited despite her very feminine look as she is not butch identified. Two other women substantiated the claim as they also related their own stories describing how they were treated as a couple with very courteous and positive feedback but as was expected there was lesbophobia for one woman who arrived afterwards and stated her ordeal at the Bustamante Children's Hospital during her and her then partner's visits there was open hostility and persons expressing their dislike for same sex parenting. The positive experiences was welcomed news as this shows real progress in some aspects on the ground.

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A female teen the daughter of a lesbian who was also present spoke to the audience of the verbal abuse from other kids who taunted her about her lesbian mother, she is one of five siblings who are all aware of what goes down. She also expressed her love for her mother which brought almost everyone in earshot to tears.

Adoption:

Some participants expressed their willingness to adopt and in fact our presenter shared her personal family set up where she is a bisexual professional and her male counterpart is fully aware of the arrangement, they all reside close to each other and share rearing the four children invloved, two of the children were products of the original marriage while one was the product of the female partner from a previous union. The fourth child was fostered recently with a view to full adoption, the eye opening revelation was shocking to some as the reactions proved as jaws dropped and the questions came flying from persons about the set up and how they all made it work. The photos of the combined family together was real proof that is was a real functional unit right here in Jamaica and was a fitting example to aspire to not to its fullest but at least the comradery.

Persons were urged by the presenter to formalize adoptions to include proper documentation of monies spent, taking the needed steps for naming, declaring and providing adequate support while liaising with the relevant agencies such as the CDA, The Child Development Agency. In formalizing adoptions early it can avoid a possible intervention of a male figure or previously absent father from wanting to regain full custody for example which he has a right to do if the child was not cared for or registered properly, all he would need to prove is paternity, he also can file a suit outside the Family Court in the ordinary RM court for damages and try to show justifiable cause for reclaiming the child, often times this is done out of jealousy or hate sometimes as seeing the child in a same sex relationship doing very well can bring feelings of inadequacy as a man as society stipulates men are household heads and should lead. It was highlighted that children do just as well or even better in same gender loving homes than in heterosexual arrangements as they learn tolerance, distribution of activities, they are less judgemental and tend to be very protective of their gay/bisexuals parents.

Another very good discussion at the Oasis.

Peace and tolerance

H

In The Life Series: Coalition & Allies (anti gay conservatives & Ugandan links)

The In The Life series has a very interesting topic this month so I decided to drop it here first before placing it on its usual platform. The Ugandan links are explored towards the whole anti homosexual movement and the so described export of hate from American conservative groups.

Coalitions and Allies
May 2011 (00:27:46)

IN THE LIFE exposes ties between an elite organization of American conservatives and a proposed anti-homosexuality bill in Uganda that would impose the death penalty on serial offenders of homosexual acts. Then, Rachel Maddow discusses her friend, an ally to the LGBT community, Rev. Dr. Welton Gaddy

Exporting Hate (00:19:47)

A look back at our exposé of homophobic evangelicals in the U.S. who support anti-gay rhetoric and violence in Uganda. After its initial airing, David Kato, known as the "father of Uganda's gay rights movement," was beaten to death in his home. In this update, we celebrate Kato's life and work, and feature the stories of gay Ugandans risking their lives to speak out against persecution.


"They are using Africa for their own political gain. It's about time the government of Uganda asked these religious groups: Are you here to preach love or to preach hate?" - Frank Mugisha, Sexual Minorities Uganda

A Call for Inclusion (00:04:57)

Rachel Maddow discusses the work of progressive faith leader Rev. Dr. Welton Gaddy, whose inclusive theology stresses the importance of the separation between religious institutions and the State.


"Religion and the State must be separate both for the health of the government and for the health of religion." - Rachel Maddow, The Rachel Maddow Show

also see:





Transgender discrimination study
Injustice at Every Turn


Every day, transgender and gender non-conforming people are marginalized because of their gender identity and expression. In The Life Media features the personal stories of Ja'briel and Michelle, two trans women whose experiences highlight the findings of the first comprehensive transgender discrimination study completed by the National Center for Transgender Equality and the National Gay & Lesbian Task Force


This study brings to light what is both patently obvious and far too often dismissed from the human rights agenda. Transgender and gender non-conforming people face injustice at every turn: in childhood homes, in school systems that promise to shelter and educate, in harsh and exclusionary workplaces, at the grocery store, the hotel front desk, in doctors' offices and emergency rooms, before judges and at the hands of landlords, police officers, health care workers and other service providers.

"Cures that Kill" - a regional IDAHO petition campaign against Reparative Therapies

A pan-American campaign against "reparative" therapies

In May 17th 1990, the World Health Organization (WHO) wrote homosexuality out of its International Diseases and Other Health Problems Statistics Manual” (DSM). For this reason, this date was chosen to celebrate the International Day Against Homophobia and Transphobia (IDAHO). Although transgenderism still figures in the DSM, medical consensus in many countries affirm that treatment must be available for Trans people to have their bodies adjusted to their gender perception. In line with these orientations, the WHO and the international human rights system oppose all kinds of treatment that aim at “curing” homosexuality.Despite this, all over the world and in various social and cultural contexts all over Latin America and the Caribbean, cases are reported each year of people who are locked up in so called “psychiatric wards” endorsed and/or managed by certain religious institutions or even public ones, in order to be “cured”. Same-sex attraction or gender variance are considered by these institutions and those who endorse them as a “diversion of personality” that may be “corrected” through pardon and religious beliefs, accompanied with punishment, anguish and physical and psychological torture.

Unable to "cure" their desire, LGBT people in many cases develop feelings of guilt and low self-esteem and self-destructive behaviors. They may even attempt to commit suicide, a phenomenon that is growing particularly among youth and adolescents. Furthermore, such misguided and misleading initiatives, usually based on religious premises, encourage and foster verbal and physical abuse, and even the killing of persons because of their sexual orientation or gender identity. All these are preventable deaths, to which the State must pay attention and take preventive measures.

Homosexuality and transsexualism are naturally occurring expressions of human diversity and are protected by the principles of liberty, equality and human dignity enshrined in the Universal Declaration of Human Rights and other international instruments. Still, besides being systematically spread in religious spaces, intolerant fundamentalist discourses are increasingly spilling over into spaces where the principle of secularism should prevail, such as the legislative, executive and judicial sectors, thus influencing the decisions that should be informed by wide scientific consensus and treaties and agreements signed by the States at the international, national and local levels, rather than by the sacred books of any religion, no matter how mainstream they may be.

Those who support the campaign "CURES THAT KILL" oppose the so called “therapies” which aim to “repair,” or “correct,” or “cure” homosexuality and transgenderism. We recognize the positive existence of religious voices in favor of acceptance and respect for all forms of life and unite our voices in a call to religious leaders to be consistent with the principles and rights regarding life, equality, dignity and diversity, and to refrain from promoting lesbophobia, homophobia and transphobia.

We DEMAND that governments in Latin American and Caribbean countries adhere to the principle of secularism and take concrete measures to combat “reparative” practices targeting homosexuality and transgenderism, including the disruption of any public funding to institutions or individuals that have not clearly distanced themselves from such practices.

We DEMAND that the national or local public health systems exclude all practitioners who practice or promote “reparative” approaches.

We URGE private donors to make the explicit opposition to “reparative” therapy a criterion for approval of grants.

We REQUEST that the religious authorities strongly condemn the use of discourses that suggest and / or promote “reparative” processes, and instead promote acceptance of sexual and gender diversity as natural, normal, and health variables of human nature.

SIGN THE PETITION HERE