Remembering Mickey J

Remembering Mr. Michael Johnson, ally, friend, defender of anyone who was downtrodden, disciplinarian, adept management skills and a beautiful same gender loving human being.

He is best remembered for his pioneering work with Jamaica AIDS Support for Life in the Targeted Interventions Programs that linked MSMs and Commercial Sex Workers for access to ARV treatment and care and the Jamaica male netball team which included men from all walks of life and orientation believe it or not straight men too. He advocated tolerance. He was integral in seeing the team's development and managed the affairs with a firm but fair hand.

Many of the successes the team gained overseas are credited to him and others. He was a staunch defender of rights and fairness as outlined in a testimonial report some years ago where a group of msms were harassed by police officers where he was asked to intervene.

Excerpt:"...........The lead member of the group then called Jamaica AIDS Support collect and contacted the then Director of Targeted Interventions, Mr. Michael Johnson. Mr. Johnson came to the scene. One policeman looked at him and announced "a di battyman leader dat." Mr. Johnson asked the policemen what was the situation because he had gotten a call to say that the police were harassing the group. One of the officers said he was not to use the word "harass" because they were only doing their job. Mr. Johnson again asked what was happening. The policeman then said he recognised Mr. Johnson from his other job at a bank. Mr. Johnson confirmed that he did work at a bank.

The policeman then began referring to Mr. Johnson as "sir," and offered to take him aside and explain what was happening. He told Mr. Johnson the group was "loitering" and pointed to one particularly effeminate member and said that what he thought that member was doing he thought the whole group was doing and that he cannot support "man with man because God never mek man with man." He said the only reason he was not arresting the group was because they knew Mr. Johnson. 


The policeman told Mr. Johnson that what Mr. Johnson needed to do was to talk to the group about being gay, and the fact that being gay is wrong and against the law, and that the next time they were not going to give them a break. Their last comment was to point to the effeminate group member they had singled out and say that they had marked him as the ringleader and a marker of homosexual activities and so anyone he was with they would know was a homosexual and so liable for arrest........" continue here

Upon returning from a successful netball tournament trip from one of the Caribbean islands he took ill with a mysterious virus and later succumbed to his unease in 2001. It was a shocker to the community as a wonderful leader was suddenly snatched from us. His work with the special Targeted Interventions project of JASL was also exemplary, he was a no nonsense man and everyone knew you had to be on your Ps and Qs when he was in office and you visited the space. He insisted on correct behaviour but was attentive to his clients and the general public who also access services at the organization.

MJ sadly missed but left an indelible mark on our GLBT landscape.


Peace and tolerance.

H

LGBTQ History Month - Health Interventions, GLABCOM

GLABCOM - Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual Community was an informal forumatic arm of Jamaica AIDS Support for Life's Targeted Interventions Department, the only private organization of it's kind that interfaces directly the MSM community directly with programs and activities specifically targeted for HIV/AIDS reduction and safer sex from 1991 before other national interventions were added via the Ministry of Health and the new structures under the Global Fund's guidelines that require various stake holders in an active structure.

The GLABCOM project was started to act as a bridge between the groups and the organization through its Steering Committee to tap into the pulse on the ground of the concerns of the groups involved. It was out of that as well that the Jamaica Forum for Lesbians Allsexuals and Gays, JFLAG, came forth to handle the advocacy issues that were becoming overbearing chief among them homophobic attacks and homelessness.

Many MSMs in particular choose not to access the public health facilities due to fear of stigmatization and homophobia so the GLABCOM outreach helped greatly in this regard.

It sought to also assist with social intervention activities with the support groups primarily MSMs, Bisexuals and Lesbians.

Mostly MSMs however attended the bi-weekly meetings and peer educator groups and the breakdown of communication between the lesbian and gay groups was said to be the cause of the activities being scrapped in 2009, see full post on the reasons that ended the run and the replacement Gay Mens Association of Jamaica (GMAJ)

GLABCOM officially ended June 2, 2009.

Many had come to know the meetings across the various locations island wide and would attend if not to learn from the seminars and exchanges or to just meet others to socialise.

The behaviour of some of our members too was cause for concern as safe spaces are hard to come by so persons were encouraged to protect the space by displaying proper conduct.

Many persons benefited through the support services and counseling afforded to members who attended meetings or the planned clinic days to see the General Practitioner who would come in.

Please support any of the organizations that help to provide these services to our marginalised groups here in Jamaica.


UPDATE September 29/09/11
It has since been revamped to a skeletal structure and does not operate the general meetings that occurred in the Kingston chapter of the parent organization Jamaica AIDS Support for Life on Tuesdays as long ago. Sadly as recent events which include the civil disobedience by several homeless MSMs who once enjoyed a harmonious relations with both JFLAG and JASL has brought to bear the NGOs have become very insular and seem to have forgotten their mandate or the reasons why they were formed and are there so to serve. Their motto Love, Action and Support seems to have turned to we are here and you better obey us instead.


Sad to say, their website is currently down as at the preparation and updating of this post but we have a long way to go in repairing the broken bridges and returning to that place where we were several years ago.

Peace and tolerance.

H

Homophobic Yet Homosocial (Repost)

Originally published in the Star 26.11.08 by Playwright and actor Paul
"Blakka" Ellis, this a popular piece so I decided to repost it and is worth re-reading, it's one of those instances where someone takes a good look at ourselves without prejudice just straight facts and reasoning.

Some Jamaican brethren love to run off mouth about how dem love woman and brag 'bout dem nuh pet man. Yes, big man, start counting the number of activities that you participate in, exclusively with other 'man friends'. Calculate the amount of time you spend with members of your own sex.

Now, compare that with your quality engagement and time spent with the opposite sex. I'll bet all the money I lost in Cash Plus that when the situations are objectively compared, many men will find that they spend more time and energy dedicated to activities with other men than with women. Isn't that funny? But, as I'm never tired of saying, we are a case study in contradiction. Is true, man! Many Jamaican men seem to be violently homophobic, yet passionately 'homosocial' at the same time. Check it, dem burn fire on men who sleep with men but di only company dat dem keep is men.


Some roughneck, macho men seem totally happy to spend 20 hours of one day socialising with a bag a man and then share the remaining four hours with a woman. And, those four hours are likely to involve maybe 15 minutes of talk, 45 minutes of sex and three hours of sleep. In fact, one man made it clear to me that, as far as he's concerned, the main thing to do with the opposite sex was sex.


Strip poker

When asked if he talks or plays with his lady, he said he hardly talks, he mainly sends text messages. Quoting an old joke, he said the only game he plays with his girlfriend is strip poker, with the aim being for her to strip and for him to 'poke her'. He went on to seriously assert that men, who spend a lot of time with women, are sissies. What do you think?

I think it's kind of sad. Plenty men just don't treat social, emotional or intellectual engagement with women as a central part of their life. It's like they marginalise their dealings with women to the extent that any relationship with a woman that doesn't involve sex, gets minimal time, limited space and zero value. And, the women, with whom we share conjugal relations, sometimes only get personal attention when it's time for them to ease our sexual tension.


Potential conquest

You know, there are men, who have no genuine women friends? You realise that there are men out there, who can only see women as objects of potential conquest? And, some of those same men love and idolise other men, who they describe as their 'God, dads and general'!

Some men work all day with men, spend evening chilling and talking with other men, then spend the weekend playing with men again. They eat and drink with men, 'par and link' with men, then smoke and joke with men again. That's how I see it yah and I don't care who vex. Some men do every single thing with other men - except sex - and the one deggeh-deggeh thing dem do with women is sex.

But, guess what happen in the process? We miss out on opportunities to learn, grow and build mutual respect with our sisters. Look nuh, I love sex, I adore women and I value the many things I can share with them. Yeah, man, that's one of the reasons why I'm a big fan of co-education. If it does nothing else, mixed-sex schooling helps boys to learn, from early, that there are many fulfilling experiences to share with girls, including, but not limited to sex!

box-mi-back@hotmail.com

"You're Not My Son Anymore" a short story by Geoffrey Philp

I found this very poignant piece written on a blog written by a Blogger: BlogJamaica, it describes rejection of a young man by his father and by extension his family because he is gay. The piece is posted here with permission from the host. Please visit this blog for more stimulating readings. It reads:

taken from the book: Who's Your Daddy?: And Other Stories

Pausing by the hospital door, I took a deep breath. The last time I’d seen my dad, Harold Sr., I was lying on my back looking up at his fists and twisted face. "You think you can fight me? You think you are a real man? You'll never be a real man. You and your battyman friends!" I pushed the stethoscope deep into the side pocket of my jacket so that I wouldn't be confused with the other doctors who worked at the hospital. Gently opening the door, I braced myself for a sight that I'd seen so many times at the hospice where I’d worked, yet to which I’d never grown accustomed. "Who's that?" "It's me, Dad."

"What are you doing here? Didn't I tell you I never wanted to see you again?" It was as bad as I’d imagined. AIDS had ravaged my father’s body. A stroke had paralyzed his left side and he was now almost blind. "I wanted to see you, Dad." "You mean to see what's left of me? Look and leave. I've spent your inheritance. You’re not even in my will." Dad tried to pull the sheet over his chest, but he couldn't. The tell-tale signs of Kaposi's sarcoma covered his body. "I don't need your money, Dad." "Then, what are you doing here? I told you before. No son of mine is a battyman!” "I don't want to fight anymore.I've come to make peace." "Peace? What peace? Go and look for that somewhere else. You forgot about the last time? My God, if I could get up out this bed, I'd knock you down again."

He tried to raise his tired arm over his head, but failed. I swallowed hard and slumped into the visitor's chair. A web of IV drips surrounded his bed. "Dad, it doesn't have to be this way." "What way do you want it? Or is that how your confused battyman friends--the ones who spread their disease to real men like me--used to ask you?" I bit my lip.
I wanted to say, "Dad, my friends didn't give you this disease. If you'd just worn a condom when you were having sex with your girlfriend, you wouldn't be dying now. If you'd worn a condom, my mother--the only person who kept you alive by giving you your meds regularly--wouldn't have died three months ago after you infected her.” But I didn't. Instead, I gazed at the beam of light that lanced across the headboard and gilded the charts that declared his death sentence. “Bugger!” He kept on cursing and I listened and waited until his tirade ended.

A nurse poked her head through the door. I told her that everything was all right. From the look on my face, she knew I could be trusted with his care. She left without a word. Dad was so exhausted from his rants, he collapsed into a deep slumber. Rising from my chair, I brushed the wisps of hair over his head, so that if anyone saw him, he would still resemble Harry Lewiston, Sr. And not what he had become--a scarecrow in defeat. I pushed the chair close to the bed and walked toward the door. Although I had said as much as I could, I still felt as if I had left a shadow in the room.

And, somehow, as I closed the door, I couldn't shake the feeling that the next time I’d see my father, I’d be closing the lid of his casket.

"Keep it to yuself mentality" on homosexuality

The notion that gay people in Jamaica should keep their homosexuality, tendencies and or urges to themselves is a strong one, hence the no PDA - public display of affection unwritten rule for expression and aesthetic presentations and behaviour.

Reggae singer Queen Ifrica(photo) popular yet subtle anti gay song "Keep it to yuself" echoes that message oh so loudly in which it says:

"Yu feel like a bad man (Keep it to yu self)Doan bring it to Jamaican (Keep it to yu self)We nuh want dat a jamrock (Keep it to yu self)Wi can't tek no more slackness (hear dis) .....

Yu can change di laws of manBut yu can't change di laws of god

So if dem nocking a big glass dem glad

Wan wi fi change a must mad dem mad

Somebody tell mi what is happening

A don't want no fish inna mi Ital dish

To see mi son become a father

Mi greatest wishDi situation kinda very ticklish

But everybody fed up from parish to parish(Yes) and to whom it may concern

A nuh dat deh way wi want di table fi turn

As a citizen wi got a lot of concern

Di truth is a nuh dat. Wi want wi chrilden dem, fi learn


Chorus


Verse 2:

Yu fi multiply an replenish di Earth

An dats why di woman labor inna child birth

Mi nuh want si mi brother Dress up inna no skirt

An mi sister nuh fi mek lift up her skirt

As a nation nuh matter what wi put god first

If yu pass eighteen issa blessing not a curse

Lighting an thunder Bown fi mek di cloud burse

A just di water from

Di Sugar Cane can quench nany thirst(Yes) and to whome it may concern

A nuh dat deh way wi want di table fi turn

As a citizen wi got a lot of concern

Di truth is a nuh dat. Wi want wi chrilden dem, fi learn"

Clearly the song outlines that heterosexism is to replenish the earth's population which enhances a popular sentiment expressed by the christian community and others, a challenge to the cross dressing of males is also evident. The "Fish" in the verse is a subtle term used here to refer to gay men who are mostly effeminate.

This call for repression of one's expression as a human being I feel is one of our main problems in how we interact with each other as gays and lesbians. The question of the "downlow" comes into play here then it's no wonder why so many persons choose this path than to confront and accept themselves for who they are instead of living a lie as I see it.

The other problems of situational homosexuality and behavioural bisexuality further compound the issues in our highly sexualized society with HIV/AIDS and the bridging populations.

Repression of self can lead to falsehoods and a shaky sense of security and self esteem issues I feel (I am not a psychiatrist or psychologist). Are therefore to just glibly hide ourselves forever?

Look out for Part 2

H

Jamaicans For Justice berates Justice Minister over crime forum remark

A slight diversion of sorts but rights in other spheres also affect us, with the remark made by the gentleman to the effect that rights may have to be suspended the JFJ responds .......

HUMAN rights group Jamaicans For Justice (JFJ) has berated National Security Minister Dwight Nelson over a statement he made at a crime forum in Westmoreland last week, that rights, at times, have to be restricted in order "to bring back order and discipline".


National Security Minister Dwight Nelson.
In a statement yesterday, the human rights watchdog described Nelson's remark as "hasty and irresponsible" and one that could be seen as an endorsement of police abuse.

"His utterances amount to state-sanctioned infringements of the constitutional rights of citizens. Breaches of human rights in a society plagued by such abuses are not the answer to our crime rate, it may in fact be contributing to it," the JFJ said.

Jamaica has been crippled by a spiralling crime rate which has seen murders averaging 1,200 annually. The police report that there are 200 deadly gangs running amok in the country.

Between January 1 and July 31 this year, Jamaica has recorded 908 murders while robberies, break-ins, larceny, rape and carnal abuse have all increased steadily.

Police have fatally shot 157 persons between January 1 and August 31 this year.

The out-of-control crime rate has been causing headaches for Nelson, who has been trying to devise new methods to rein in the crime monster.

Since being appointed security minister in April this year, Nelson has been keeping a series of crime fora across the island.

Successive security ministers have offered a plethora of crime-fighting strategies, but according to JFJ convenor, Carolyn Gomes, none of them have managed to curb criminal activities or prevent police abuse.

"What have we got for this trade-off in the last 40 years? A rise in the murder rate, a decreased clear-up rate, a rising rate of police killings, an increase in the inefficiency of the court system which has trampled on peoples' rights. That argument has no currency in 21st century Jamaica!" Gomes said.

Instead of restricting human rights, the JFJ said the security ministry, could, among other measures, enhance the police capabilities to fight crime; improve the ballistic, forensic and pathological capabilities to operate effectively; enhance the capabilities of the criminal justice system to deal with matters expeditiously and justly; and heighten social intervention in economically depressed communities.

October is LGBT History Month .... links to some local facts and people

Well it's LGBT or GLBT History month depending on how interchangeable you are or tolerant eh? I have been putting together a list of Jamaican historical facts I could find around in my archives and from other reputable sources.

Most of the posts however on local history appear here while on my other blog Gay Jamaica Watch includes other information so far in our young active gay community.

To visit the direct posts on the subject click the LGBT logo on top of the page or follow the links on this post.

Feel free to contribute any news or bits of information you know of or were involved in, I feel we must begin to retrace our steps and remember the stalwarts who stood in stead before us in the fight for basic rights, decency and recognition.

Enjoy the posts and look out for new ones coming and feedback please.

CLICK HERE from GLBTQ Jamaica or HERE from Gay Jamaica Watch's blog

Peace and tolerance

H

Xtra.com Interviews Beenieman

Famed dancehall star Beenieman who also has murder music songs in his repertoire was in Canada recently for an awards event for Mary J. Blige, the exact name is OneXOne’s Charity gala at Kool Haus on Sep 12, 2009. The interviewer Kyle Mooney writes of his exchange with the artist on the red carpet.

He asked him about the gay issues in Jamaica but his answers to me seem "soft" seeing that he is in another territory where rights are balanced and vigilance is much more pronounced than here in Jamaica.

The interviewer nervously began the exchange I guess fearing a rebuff on the 'gay issue' but soon settled as he answered the questions.

“The problem is all that homophobic stuff was like 15 years ago,” he begins. “People grow up. You grow up in Jamaica, you know Mamma and Poppa, Grandma and Grandpa. Your brother has his girlfriend, your sister has her boyfriend and that’s what you know. Everything else is new to you.”

“One time I never knew what gay was,” he says. “I used to think that ‘gay’ meant ‘happy’. Until you come to America and Canada and see a man with a man, you don’t realize that affection is there.”

It’s a solid excuse for ignorance I guess, but it does little to explain the ferocious hatred that bleeds from tracks like Han Up Deh in which he calls for lesbians to be hanged: “Hang chi chi gal wid a long piece a rope.” Then there’s “Mi Nah Wallah” in which he expresses a desire to slice open the throats of gay men.

Why be so violently opposed to something you know so little about? “Just like all Jamaican artists DJ about violence, that is what we see every day,” he says. “What you learn is what you see.”

Read the entire article here please on Xtra named Bumping into Beenie Man
IN PERSON / Xtra chats with famed dancehall musician

What unu think?

H

Elephant Man warned about homophobic Lyrics in upcoming Canadian Concert

Saira Peesker, cp24.com
The promoter of an upcoming Toronto concert featuring controversial dancehall artist Elephant Man has asked the singer to refrain from using homophobic lyrics at the event.


Eric Morgan, owner of Action Promotions, says he asked the Jamaican superstar -- and the other performers booked for the Oct. 10 concert -- to replace any offensive lyrics in their songs.


“I told them, 'Certain kinds of language, just leave it from the show,’” he told CP24.com on Monday. “I told them, ‘Look, this is a concert, all kinds of people are going to be there.’”


Morgan hopes his move will be enough to appease those who disapprove of Elephant Man, whose real name is O’Neal Bryan. The popular musician has recorded several songs that call for violence against homosexuals, both male and female.


In 2001’s “Log On,” the singer describes squashing homosexuals like cockroaches and using homemade flame-throwers to attack them.


In the blatantly-titled “We Nuh Like Gay,” released in 1999, he describes taking gay people by surprise and shooting them in the head.


Morgan’s request to keep such lyrics out of the show has also been formalized in the promoter’s contract with event venue Downsview Park, which is run by a crown corporation.


The document states the event “should not promote the hatred and derision of any group…. Any action which could incite violence is prohibited… Any action on Downsview Park grounds should be consistent with the dignity and respect of all persons.”


When contacted, park vice-president Bob Singleton said it was the first he had heard of the controversy surrounding the singer, and that he had not yet seen the show’s final lineup.


“No one had called us to complain,” he told CP24.com, adding “We wouldn’t like to discriminate whether it’s policy or not. We like to say we’re a park for all people.”


During a second call with CP24.com, Singleton appeared content with Morgan’s assertion that homophobic lyrics would not be part of the event.


Caribana concert uproar


When Elephant Man was listed on a flyer for a Caribana-affiliated event in August, members of the public bombarded Circa Nightclub with phone calls demanding he be dropped from the show.


Circa quickly announced he had been removed from the lineup, while his management -- and Morgan -- claim he was never booked to play at the event in the first place.


Queer advocacy groups have made various attempts over the years to have Elephant Man barred from the country on the grounds of hate speech. But Matt Mills, editorial director of gay scene magazine Fab, says censorship isn’t the answer.


“As gays and lesbians, freedom of expression is really important,” he told CP24.com on Tuesday.


“For us to call on government for a ban of anybody who’s making homophobic statements is problematic… It’s important that everyone knows that homophobia exists and suppressing it completely doesn’t help.”


He urged the city’s queer community and its supporters to be vocal with their opinions and to make their voices heard with their dollars.


“Gay and lesbian people ought to know that this act is on tour and coming to town. They ought to kick up a stink and be enraged.”


Morgan still expects a big crowd and rates Elephant Man as one of the most popular artists in Jamaica.


He says the dancehall performer is one of many who are learning to tone down their lyrics when playing abroad – but says their music is not considered controversial in their home country.


“All their songs now, they (are inoffensive enough to be played) on the radio,” said Morgan. “But if you are checking out 95 per cent of the artists, they still do it in Jamaica.”


Champions in Action will be held at Downsview Park on Oct. 10.

Buju Banton's Detroit dates cancelled, replaced by Photography exhibit of GLTBQ Jamaicans

A Buju Banton show which was booked way in August of this year and was slated to happen this Wednesday September 30 was cancelled as the owner of the venue known as Majestic theatre was pressured by metro Detroit lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) organizations to abort the gigs.

Buju was slated to perform in the Ann Arbor Bay area but came under intense pressure due to the Boom Bye Bye song controversy.

To help defray the Majestic's costs, local activists The Triangle Foundation and others plan to stage a Wednesday benefit concert at the adjacent Magic Stick. Tickets are $10 for the 8 p.m. show, which will feature local LGBT performers as they say the owner has suported the community over the years so they wanted a positve outcome out of the cancellation. Majestic's director Dave Zainea said the venue stands to lose about $10,000 for canceling its Banton contract.

Zainea, a self-described progressive who has worked with the LGBT community, said he was unaware of the controversy when he booked the show in August."We certainly don't endorse his lyrics or advocate violence," he said.

Also said to happen as a replacement is the first limited showing of a photo project called Photography for Understanding which I helped to organise here in Jamaica in May of this year where Photographer Miss Blakely Slater captured images as seen above and below of REAL GLBTQ Jamaicans in poses with a message of their choosing to reflect how they felt. Please visit the site for more by following the links or clicking the photo above.

Original Post on the Project click here

sample photos from the US.

Project Mission/goals:
Photography for Understanding is a project which uses documentation, creativity and power of photography to highlight issues – in the United States and around the world -- which demand attention and action.

Photography for Understanding → The Jamaica Project.
The current Photography for Understanding Project is the Jamaica Project. It focuses on the issue of violence against the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexuals and Transgendered population in Jamaica. The project seeks to raise funds as well for GLBTQ Jamaicans and JFLAG.

50% of the profit from this project will be donated back to Jamaica. The rest will go back into the Photography for Understanding to fund additional projects. Only boycott Jamaican products/people/services/music that specifically are hate orientated.

Howie

How to be a Great Lesbian Lover

By Felice Newman, Somantic Coach & Sex Educator

How do you cultivate a quality of touch that makes your partner feel like you're really seeing them? No one wants to be thought of as merely going through the motions. Nor does anyone want to be seen as a "slam-bam-thank-you-ma'am" hit-and-run driver. Whether you are touching your partner with your hands, your mouth, or a sex toy, what are the qualities that will have your partner feel that they have been touched by your spirit as well? The first quality is presence. Presence is the physical embodiment of your you-ness.

It's that quality that lets someone feel your aliveness in a room before they can see or hear you. Your presence can be felt by others as open, curious, listening, playful, sparkling, seductive, outpouring with love, or full-bodied with deep resonances. It can also be felt as laser-like in single-minded focus, scattered, shut down, collapsed, angry, untouchable, defensive or intractable. To some degree, you can shape your presence by your intention. You can pause before a first kiss, touch, or entry: Who do you want to be in this moment? What quality of your you-ness do you want your partner to be met with?

Next is the quality of extension. Extension is sending our presence outward. We are great energy transmitters, continuously beaming our selves into the world. Some of us have a quiet presence that's felt as a gentle stirring in the air. Others of us are said to have a "big" presence that's felt as a great gust of wind enlivening the atmosphere.

Extension is how you transmit your intentions. You can extend your presence so that your partner "feels" your touch powerfully—regardless of how gently you may press, squeeze, caress, or thrust. Imagine your sexual energy as a force moving through you, one you can direct. Imagine your finger or your penis as a hose through which energy flows. Now imagine directing that energy, and specifically, directly the quality of that energy. Do you want to produce a gentle healing presence? Do you want your energy to hit hard? Are you wanting to create new sensations or intensify sensations that are already there? You can extend vigorously without overreaching or overwhelming your partner. 

You can cultivate extension by consciously observing how others respond to your presence.Next comes receptivity. Remember when popular sex guides referred to the "active partner" and the "passive partner"?

That tired notion was laid to rest by the Good Vibrations Guide to Sex more than a dozen years ago. Receptivity is anything but passive. Receptivity is an energetic quality—it isn't necessarily about who's doing what to whom.In fact, you even can be receptive while you are touching your partner. How? Well, you can open to your partner, listening for her responses, which will speak to you through pulsations, changes in temperature, muscular contractions, and release of bodily fluids.In receptivity, you practice being with yourself while being with another, which is the basis of intimacy.

When you are receiving touch, you can meet your partner's presence with your own. Imagine locating your "self" just under your partner's touch, in the soft folds of your labia and clitoris, in the cool expanse of skin on your buttocks. Energetically, you can reach out toward that touch, just as you physically reach out by moving toward the source of pleasure. There is an element of extension in receptivity. You can cultivate receptivity by being open and inviting of the pleasures of the senses.

As appearing on http://lesbiansanddating.blogspot.com/ visit for more interesting Lesbian articles

7 Reasons Why You Might Lie to Your Partner (REPOST)

By Richard Nicastro, psychologist and relationship coach

Most people lie to their partners or spouses at least occasionally. Since lying (especially when it becomes habitual) can have such a detrimental impact on your relationship, it's important to understand the reasons why you might lie and how to overcome the need to lie.

7 reasons why lying can creep into your relationship:

1). Self-esteem lies.

Some people lie to bolster feelings of self-importance. In this case you might lie to your partner about your achievements and accomplishments. Your goal is to look good in the eyes of your partner (and others). At its extreme, deep-seated feelings of inadequacy can lead you to become a chronic liar.

2).Avoidance lies.

The motivation for this type of lie is to avoid your partner's reaction-- such as disappointment or anger. You may feel that it's easier to lie rather than experience/endure your partner's emotional reaction. You may be someone who has considerable difficulty tolerating any perceived negative reaction. At its worst, your deceit is self-serving and hides relationship-damaging behaviors (e.g., an affair).

3).Self-denial lies.

People lie to themselves all the time. It's a form of denial--refusing to accept a reality that is too painful. All you have to do is watch American Idol to realize that this kind of self-deception is alive and well. People with absolutely no vocal ability refuse to accept the judges' critical (and often harsh) feedback. Instead, they proclaim that they are excellent singers and will someday be wildly famous. Self-denial lies stand in the way of the openness needed for intimacy to grow in your relationship.

4).Hide-and-Seek lies.

The impetus here is to hide parts of yourself from the world. Painful life experiences have caused you to feel unworthy of love to such a degree that you feel it is necessary to lie about yourself or your experiences. When you feel exposed, feelings of shame overcome you and act as a powerful motivator to hide from others (including your partner).

5).Saving-Face lies.

While closely related to avoidance lies, saving-face lies are created to help you cover up your original lie. When it starts to become apparent to your spouse or partner that you've lied, you concoct a web of more lies to avoid the embarrassment and repercussions of having lied in the first place. This is one reason lies can quickly multiply.

6).The Compassionate lie.

Sometimes the motivation to lie is altruistic--you don't want your partner to get hurt. In this instance, you're not protecting your partner from something that you've done that might be hurtful to him/her. Rather, you're trying to shield your partner from something you discovered (e.g., you overheard a neighbor say he doesn't like your wife) or an opinion that you believe would be upsetting (your wife asks if you like her new haircut and despite her uncanny resemblance to one of the Three Stooges, you respond with a definitive, "I love it!").

7).The Spiteful lie.

In this case lies are used as weapons to hurt someone. Schoolchildren often do this, fabricating rumors that are designed to put down others. In social settings such as school this is sometimes done to ostracize someone from a peer group while solidifying the liar's position in the group.

When this occurs in a marriage or relationship, it's usually when anger is at an all-time high or the relationship is being dissolved. It's less common for this type of lie to occur while the couple is committed to a future together, although some couples do report "fighting dirty" and saying hurtful, untrue things while they argue.

If you've lied to your partner recently, feel the urge to lie, or if lying has been a problem for you in general, begin to question your motivation for spinning these tales. Check your reasons with the list above to gain further clarity. It's obviously best that your relationship be built on a foundation of honesty.

Honesty is the backbone of trust--once trust is compromised, your relationship can begin to spiral out of control. But the reality is that many partners do end up lying to one another, and while your motivation to lie might be benign, lies seem to have a viral-like capacity to spread. Have you ever noticed that once you've gotten away with a lie or two, it seems to get easier to lie in the future?

Be aware of that fact and of the reasons you may lie, and you take the first important steps toward a healthier, more honest relationship.

also my fellow sister's blog on relationships:

Lesbian Dating & Relationship Blog

Peace and tolerance

H

A religious perspective on the Caster Semenya issue

Interesting analogies to the Semenya saga as appearing in today's Gleaner, read and tell me what you think, lgbtevent@gmail.com

Caster Semenya: Why, God, why?
Sean Major-Campbell

The reality of God's child, Caster Semenya, presents us with many questions. Why should God allow an unpopular, uncommon human being to be born in a world that discriminates against those who are 'different'?

It seems so unfair. It may even seem unjust. Oppressive even! Why, God?

Why, when she will be condemned, scorned, even despised by some of the most religious followers of God?

Peta-Ann Baker was excellent in her piece 'What if Semenya were Jamaican?' (The Sunday Gleaner, September 6). This should be required reading or required hearing for all who would seek to understand more about the subject of human sexuality.

Since she is a celebrity, God's Semenya brings into focus the issue of being 'sexually different'. In Semenya's experience, the state of being a synchronous hermaphrodite (presence of both male and female gonads) is not even the case. In the absence of a gender-specific identity, could Semenya be ever described as heterosexual or homosexual? What implications might all this have for our transgendered sisters and brothers?

divine leaning

There is one school of thought which interprets the Yahwist creation account as a divine leaning towards creating a hermaphrodite. It is not being suggested here that that was God's intention. Just noting that the androgynous - the human - Adam was simply created. Later, God seems to have decided to include another sex in the person of Eve.

Then there is the whole matter of Jesus' affirmation of eunuchs. Who were eunuchs in the ancient world? This should make interesting exploration. Jesus, in Matthew 19:11-12, gives a word which is not often recalled in our cultural context.

When his disciples suggest that it may be better not to marry (in light of the discourse on divorce), Jesus responds by acknowledging three groups of persons. He, however, prefaces his thesis by acknowledging that "Not everyone can accept this word ..."

The three groups of persons are:

Eunuchs by birth

Eunuchs made by people (castrated)

Eunuchs by choice (renouncing marriage)

Imagine Jesus saying this to a group of Jamaican macho men! From the perspective of psychological biblical criticism, it is understandable why we would have a preference for quoting, "Therefore shall a man leave his father and mother ...." But how often do we hear reference to Matthew 19:11-12?

Maybe this topical issue is a reminder of how God is not gender specific in terms of divine identity. Our response to God's Semenya may determine whether we lock ourselves into gender stereotypical dogma.

The gendering of God has for centuries assured negative patriarchal values, condemned women to being the lesser or weaker sex, and ensured the preservation of various unethical constructs.

God's Semenya reminds us that life is not always about black or white, right or wrong, high or low! The answers to life's questions are just not always as simple as pulling a Bible verse. Reality is not polarised for ease of comprehension.

Does it offend to hear that God is not gendered? Why would God need sexuality? Yes, it is true that pagan gods were male, female, or both, since this affirmed their reproductive 'capacity'.

The Omnipresent, Omniscient, Omnipotent, Ultimate does not need the limitation of gender identity. This is only required where continuation of the species depend on sexual activity.

Should there be a debate?

Is Semenya a human being? Should there be a debate with regard to Semenya's entitlement to human rights consideration? What if 'other Semenyas' wanted to be married to each other? What if Semenya was your child?

How do Christians - those with all the answers - respond to these questions? Is this an unfortunate situation? If 'yes', is God unfair? If 'no', would you marry someone like God's Semenya?

It is my hope that we will find compassion for Semenya. Let us use this reality to move beyond dinner table and bar counter jokes, to a more reasoned dialogue with ourselves. Let us engage that strange and often challenging place between faith and other life experiences.

Fr Sean Major-Campbell is former rector of the Anglican Church in the Cayman Islands. The views expressed do not necessarily represent those of the Diocese of Jamaica and the Cayman Islands. He may be contacted at seanmajorcampbell@yahoo.com

Comment: On Buju, Beenieman and SMM Campaigns

An anonymous reader left a new comment on the post "Buju Banton & Beenieman show in Miami faces opposition (see below for original post), thanks very much for the information. H

"During at least some of his concerts, Buju Banton is said to make homophobic comments throughout his performance http://www.stabroeknews.com/2009/letters/09/24/inconsistent-decisions-in-the-case-of-mavado/

You can hear Buju say "There is no end to the war between me and faggots" on this YouTube video http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=46PASiOjdP4 "BUJU BANTON FIRE BURN BATTY."

Buju Banton makes no apologies for his calls for the deaths of LGBT people http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JZ8Z0biU_Zw "Elephant Man Buju Banton Shabba Ranks boom bye bye"

In his songs and comments Buju Banton says "gays must die." He sometimes justifies this using references to religion and the Bible, as Steven L. Anderson of the Faithful Word Baptist Church in Tempe, Arizona does on YouTube. (Anderson also wants President Obama dead and you can see that also on YouTube).

What Buju Banton is calling for is a bloodbath against lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people. In his home country of Jamaica, things are very, very difficult for LGBT people and there is much violence http://www.pinknews.co.uk/2009/09/15/comment-consuls-death-thrusts-jamaican-homophobia-into-the-spotlight/

Beenie Man, is also scheduled to perform at Reggae Bash 2009. Beenie Man calls for lesbians to be hanged to death in his song "Han Up Deh." In the song "Damn," Beenie Man dreams of a Jamaica where all gays are executed.

Like Buju Banton, Beenie Man signed the Reggae Compassionate Act and then denied it. Copies of their signed RCA forms are on the internet for all to see http://www.petertatchell.net/popmusic/popmusicindex.htm

It is appropriate for lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people to protest this concert, where several performers have called openly and publicly for the deaths of all LGBT people. But shouldn't anyone who supports the most basic human rights for all be out protesting this concert? Shouldn't they be calling the sponsors and expressing their outrage? "