8 things not to say to your partner in a heated argument

WE are often told to count to 10 before we say something when we are angry, as words are powerful and once spoken, cannot be retrieved. But oftentimes, in a fit of temper, we say imprudent things that we wish we could take back. Here are 8 things you should never say in an heated argument with your spouse.

1. "That is why your parents never mind you!" -- This is particularly hurtful and destructive if he/she was neglected by their parents and is something they are still struggling to understand. If your spouse told you things about his/her upbringing in confidence, it will make him/her mistrust you in the future for fear you will use it against them.

2. "Get out of my house!" -- While it may be your house, your partner would have already known this. So to remind them makes you appear petty and unappreciative of them being there. If you say this more than once, then apologise for it or you can be certain that one day you are going to get home and find your partner gone!

3. "Your penis is small" -- Many times this is an issue that couples wonder about without asking, especially if sex is not a subject they are comfortable talking to each other about. So when this is mentioned in the heat an argument, naturally the other person will feel it is something that has been on your mind for the longest while and will pull away from you or feel very uncomfortable during intercourse.

4. "You don't serve any purpose!" -- Men especially love to have their egos stroked. It is therefore very damaging to them to be told that, despite their best efforts, they are of no value to society. This is especially damaging coming from the one person they are truly close to and try so hard to impress.

5. "You have no use in bed!" -- Nothing hurts a man more than to be told he has no use in the bedroom. The situation can be of such that he will go outside the relationship.

6. "You can't even half compare to ... (ex-lover)" -- To be compared to someone else, especially someone who poses a threat to the relationship, can be very damaging to the union. This can cause a build-up of anger and resentment towards the third party, as well as make the partner doubt the relationship has ended like you said.

7. "I knew this was a mistake!" -- This is another of the comments that make persons wonder about your true feeling towards them, and give the impression you really don't want to be with them. As the feeling of insecurity grows, the relationship becomes more and more unstable.

8. "That is why I never loved you!" -- If you had doubts about the way your partner really feels about you, this could be very damaging. No matter what they say thereafter, you will always have doubts.

-- Donna Hussey-Whyte