Replace bisexual with Bi+ to ‘include’ people who aren’t sexually attracted to men and women

The debate of sorts on effectively ditching Bi from the LGBT call letters to Bi+ or so on is on in earnest and now has reached the UK.

LGBT students have voted to replace the word bisexual with ‘Bi+’ and redefined bisexuality to be inclusive of people who aren’t sexually attracted to both men and women.

The news comes from the National Union of Students’ LGBT Conference, which took place earlier this month.

The conference passed a motion to rename its Bi caucus and Bi students’ rep and rewrite all documentation about bisexual people to instead refer to ‘Bi+’.

The motion explains that “if a person experiences any form of attraction to more than one gender identity, they fall under the Bi+ umbrella”.

Controversially, the new definition of ‘Bi+’ includes people who are not sexually attracted to both men and women – for instance, people who are attracted to women as well as non-binary people.

It specifies: “If a person experiences any form of attraction to more than one gender identity, they fall under the Bi+ umbrella.

“A person does not have to experience all forms of attraction (sexual Romantic, sensual, aesthetic or platonic) towards multiple gender identities to still fall under the Bi+ umbrella.”

On its Twitter account, the NUS LGBT+ Campaign – which doesn’t seem in a hurry to rename itself the NUS LGB+T+ campaign – confirmed: “Motion 406: Bye Bi, Welcome Bi+ has passed.”

As Heat Street notes, students at the LGBT conference also tabled a motion to rename the black students’ caucus to the QTIPOC caucus, because “the current definition of Black [is not] inclusive”. The new acronym apparently stands for “Queer Trans Intersex People of Colour”.

Students claimed that “the use of the term ‘black’ as an umbrella can present itself as a barrier and a silencing mechanism, to the voices of ethnically black individuals within the student movement.”

The motion was “sent to Black caucus following a procedural motion”, but the national students’ body has already started using the new acronym.

Elsewhere, students accepted a motion to ban the word ‘Poly’ as an abbreviation for Polyamory, because it apparently “erases the identities and struggles of Polynesians”. Students will use ‘Ply’ instead.

Changes are a coming folks so we better get ready for identities as we know it. The upcoming Bisexual US conference I am sure will also be looking at this more inclusion matter as some activists and allies are tired of just being relegated to being just allies and want more visibility. 

The bisexual umbrella may have to be changed I guess, let us see.

Peace & tolerance

H

When your bisexual partner (monogamously) strays ..........

Jason & Senzo characters in the South African Generations series

Jayson Malinga in Generations, has revealed he was initially nervous about playing a homosexual in the most watched drama series on South African TV.

An interesting discussion has been happening loosely on social media on the ongoing South African series Generations which has a pleasant gay couple as characters, stopping short of kissing on screen the plot line carries rather well. Baby steps I imagine. Effeminacy is nowhere in the series though as obtain in other TV shows that tend to stereotype gay couples as men wanting to be women or use effeminacy to legitimize the homosexual element of the character. Taking into account Television Jamaica, TVJ barring of let’s say the gay plot line in the US series Empire that’s a start but I cannot see why the station bars content so as to not offend anyone when persons can switch to other options but the backwardness continues I imagine. If they were so touchy with the so called gay ad/PSA court case after they rejected the submission for a certain activist and the nonsense they tried to use as justification for the non-acceptance then it is no wonder it continues despite so much movement elsewhere in terms of homo-normative relational themed content.

The supposed un-gaying of Senzo has not gone down well with some online viewers who follow that version as it is ahead than where we are in the series on local TV. Other viewers were saying they were bored with the gay couple not being more intimate in scenes or even a light kiss.

Facebook campaign some time ago claiming viewers are to stop watching if Jayson & Senso kiss.

In the Generations series aired on Sundays in a three hour marathon the characters are lovers and live in the same house as one of the men alongside his powerful father who has accepted them and a sister and such but another young lady who works for the sister’s struggling magazine got herself in some trouble after a sex tape of her in a compromising position with a married man, the fight between the young lady and the wife of the man was captured by smartphone and shared to the highest bidder in the tabloid arena it went viral. The wife of the man has been shopping around the actual sex tape on DVD and one of the gay lovers (the stray) became a unwitting participant after his father-in-law was also approached to buy the DVD of which he was pondering the decision. The ‘stray’ has become emotionally embroiled with the sex tape subject and it is as if he cannot help himself.

The matter of the assault court case due to the fight is in court which further pulls the stray into the life of the implicated woman on tape, he seems so sorry for her despite her refusal and her putting on a brave face, then the sister of his boyfriend is also aware of not only the sex tape on DVD or the shenanigans to have it sold but also the growing affections of the stray or her brother in law. This leads us to the issue of developing feelings for the opposite sex in as far as bisexuals are concerned, this is of course taking into account one’s subscriptions to monogamy to a partner. Polygamous relations have been mooted by other sub groups under the bisexual umbrella but we’ll stick to one partner for now. Bisexuals already have a bad rap even from within the LGT populations as being too greedy or wanting their cake and eating it too. Then there is the business of feelings that get emotionally attached and a romantic element comes into play as well, one wonders if in the Generations plotline will turn on a temporary infatuation for another who happens to be of the opposite sex.

Some commentators on the issue of straying or cheating by a same sex partner have said they would have avoided a bisexual to begin with as they somehow think there is just no guarantee for a steady union or trust. A passing skirt or pants could distract that partner as they are sexually attracted to both some feel as it is just too easy to supposedly cheat, but what if the partner really loves the main same sex partner but is just flirting with the other to the point of a one night stand? Biphobia or bi-rejection still abounds it seems and may be the cause of ignorance in terms of explaining the orientation and more persons who identify as such or pansexual tell their stories, bi erasure comes to mind as well but the awareness is slow as other issues take centre stage.

I have seen stories and discussion boards for bisexuals where persons enter into open relationships or polyandrous unions where an opposite sex partner is brought into the mix for lovemaking purposes only and not deep intimacy. The Muslim faith does allow for Polygamy/Polygyny where a man can have more than one wife as he sees fit and a few outlets of gay Muslims do support multiple partnering relationships of a mixed gender nature. Some bisexuals seem able to separate their true love interests from other physically attractive driven urges and desires, one’s body can respond to stimuli visually and otherwise but no emotional attachments; a good psychologist could probably assist in this realm of the matter.

Then there is the business of Monosexual(ity)

Monosexuality

Monosexuality is romantic or sexual attraction to members of one sex or gender only. A monosexual person may identify as heterosexual or homosexual.In discussions of sexual orientation, the term is chiefly used in contrast to bisexuality, pansexuality, and various other gender-inclusive or gender-neutral identities. It is sometimes considered derogatory or offensive by the people to whom it is applied, particularly gay men and lesbians.

The Kinsey Reports found that, in experiences leading to orgasm, 63% of men and 87% of women could be described as "exclusively homosexual" or "exclusively heterosexual", and thus monosexual in the US.

Alternative definition

The term monosexuality has also been used in contrast to polyamory (which is commonly confused with polysexuality), which is used to refer to people who desire or fantasize about sexual relations with more than one partner. Under this definition, a monosexual person desires sexual relations with only one partner and (like polyamorous people) may be homosexual, bisexual, or heterosexual.
Mek we talk nuh

Peace & tolerance

H

No gays allowed at freaky party with one sided bi-erasue by The National Family Planning Board (NFPB)

Micheal Brown, the promoter of a 'freaky sex party' which recently came under scrutiny by sexual health and religious authorities, has come out in defence of the event.

Brown said it is safe and has strict rules which all participants abide by. Among the most pertinent rules, he said is that no gay men are allowed.

Last Friday, THE STAR published a story in which Leo O'Reggio, the communications officer at The National Family Planning Board (NFPB), warned persons against attending the risque event slated to occur at a popular hotel in St Andrew next month because of the various health implications it could cause, and the possibility of being subjected to sexual abuse, sounds a bit sensational to me.

But the NFPB, in a statement yesterday, said it neither condones nor condemns the sexual decisions of mature consenting adults.

"We encourage all sexually active persons to protect themselves at all times as they practice responsible sexual decision making," the NFPB said.

Meanwhile, Brown has said there are 10 strict rules in place to prevent any such occurrences, and one of them is refusing to allow homosexual men into the venue.

"We have all kinds of patrons that attend the party. We don't discriminate. One thing, we have a big number one rule, no gay men are allowed, because it is a straight party," Brown said. 

So the NFPB is ignorant to bisexual men who may want to patronise the event not for men but for women, another classic case of bi-omission o bi-invisibility here it seems and the narrow-mindedness of some in HIV prevention and family planning yet still. Bisexual erasure or bisexual invisibility is the tendency to ignore, remove, falsify, or reexplain evidence of bisexuality in history, academia, news media and other primary sources. In its most extreme form, bisexual erasure can include denying that bisexuality exists.

"You can never know who is who, but if you see a little man coming into the event wah look like a sissy, a flash off him hand, we nah let him inna we party."

On the other hand, lesbians are welcome, the promoter said. "You know how we Jamaicans are. We don't really put any emphasis on a person that is a bi-female or a lesbian, but gay men, we don't put that into our thing," he said. The idiot should have said anal sex will not be allowed so as to avoid any legal or backlash from others in attendance, that I could have understood but the foolishness continues by some.

Brown said that over the several years that the party has been in existence, there has never been a mishap because of the strict rules and security measures taken. He said no underage individual is allowed to enter the venue. He also said no one is allowed to touch anyone without consent. He said that everyone who engages in sexual activities must wear condoms, and no phones or recording devised are allowed in the event.

Masks are also provided at the gate.

According to Brown, these rules are enforced by several bouncers who work inside the party and police officers who secure the venue.

The promoter of the event dubbed, 'Jamaica's biggest, hottest freaky party', said he was appalled that the NFPB would speak against the party, as the board has offered its services at the event for the past fours stagings by setting up a booth at the event to educate patrons and issue condoms.

Brown said that the board offers free human immunodeficiency virus (HIV) and syphilis testing to all patrons prior to the event.

O'Reggio yesterday admitted that the NFPB's HIV outreach unit targets certain high-risk events and locations such as go-go clubs and 'Back Road' to educate at-risk people, so the board might have had representatives at the freaky party, but he is not aware of it.

Here we have another example of how national bodies need to get with it, while they wok with LGBTQ groups and such there is a serious need for enlightenment here it seems.

Peace & tolerance

H

also see:
'Girl-on-girl dancing out of hand' .......... what!

Bisexuality Day is September 23 ...................

Celebrate Bisexuality Day is observed on September 23 maybe 24th as it falls on a Sunday by members of the bisexual community and their supporters originally in the United States but has been extended worldwide.

This day is a call for bisexual, pansexual, friends and supporters to recognize and celebrate bisexuality, bisexual history, bisexual community and culture, and the bi/pansexual people in their lives.

First observed in 1999, Celebrate Bisexuality Day is the brainchild of three United Statesbisexual rights activists: Wendy Curry of Maine, Michael Page of Florida, and Gigi Raven Wilburof Texas.

Wilbur said,


“Ever since the Stonewall rebellion, the gay and lesbian community has grown in strength and visibility. The bisexual community also has grown in strength but in many ways we are still invisible. I too have been conditioned by society to automatically label a couple walking hand in hand as either straight or gay, depending upon the perceived gender of each person.”

This celebration of bisexuality in particular, as opposed to general LGBT events, was conceived as a response to the prejudice and marginalization of the bisexual persons by some in both thestraight and greater LGBT communities.

In its first year, an observance was held during the International Lesbian and Gay Association, which occurred during the week of the 23rd. While at first it only took hold in areas with an extremely strong bisexual presence, it is now celebrated worldwide.

It features event such as discussions, dinner parties and dances in Toronto and a large masquerade ball in Queensland, Australia. At Texas A&M University, the week featured discussion panels and question-and-answer sessions. Princeton University celebrates this day each year by throwing a party at its LGBT Center.

It has also been celebrated in Germany, Japan, New Zealand, Sweden and the United Kingdom.


Unfortunately in Jamaica either our advocates haven't matured to the recognition of bisexuals as a part of our struggle or we can't be bothered as "batty business" and the associated dramas are more important when some of the very issues of homophobia as we call it are not really so but bi-phobia if one were to closely examine the details at times.

JFLAG, Jamaica Forum for Lesbians Allsexuals and Gays has "Allsexuals" included in their acronym I suppose to cover all other orientations and variants outside of the original LGBT population (excluding those associated with disorders) but I never heard of any direct meetings, interventions or strategies to engage this section of the population or any inclusion in the umpteen public statements or press releases.

Bi-phobia or bi-erasure by default?

I would hate to think that our advocacy representatives are themselves guilty of bi-phobia in the form of bisexual erasure (the tendency to ignore, omit, remove, falsify, or reexplain evidence of bisexuality in history, advocacy, academia, the news media, and other primary sources.)

In its most extreme form, bisexual erasure can include denying that bisexuality exists. Inclusiveness is the name of the game now if we are to get anywhere but with the elitist position taken by the group one wonders when will we begin to move on anything? with recent ugly events further darkening our LGBT history that of aloofness towards the homeless msm population more and more persons in and outside the LGBT community are asking what are the reasons for these organizations.

It is refreshing to see other individual voices saying their piece and going out on their own, I would love to see an all out Jamaican bisexual website or at the very least a couple of blogs related to bisexual issues exclusively. There has been some discourse regarding bisexuality but the backlash from the MSM and SGL female communities suggests we have a far way to go towards inclusiveness and tolerance, ways that are to be facilitated by a JFLAG or similar groups.

Let us hope in the near future something can be done about that either by them despite the insulation or some other group, organization or individuals. Here is an ironical take on the issue from a UK perspective, the images included here were burrowed from this clip.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t-4w6NqfLAc

my audio commentary on the issue from a year ago:

 Bi-phobia by default from supposed LGBT advocate structures? 

Also see:

Biphobia in the L & G communities maybe higher than thought 2011

Peace and tolerance

H

The ‘B’ in LGBTQ stills means something

The old issue of invisibility of bisexuality in the struggle if not the discourse surrounding sexuality, rights and orientation continues, this blog may be a little guilty of it for this year at least as so many other issues have come up but several tags and posts have been made prior. The matter of bisexuals seen as confused is also very much alive despite the feeling is coming from younger LGBTians and also despite the availability of more information on social media persons still believe that people need to choose between or be either gay, heterosexual or transgender for that matter but not bisexual or have no room for such expressions with pansexuality (that most do not seem to know the difference from bisexuality) seen as an extreme.

The ball started a rolling from a workshop on sexuality in June where bisexuality was raised among other things, the conversation continued on social media and subsequently I was alerted to the furore of sorts as to what to make of bisexuals especially given that one male member of the cohort openly expressed his bisexuality and was wondering about a female partner he was thinking of a prolonged relationship given she wants a child and is also aware of his orientation none the less. It is almost annually I find myself doing these kinds of posts as the mindset change I expected seems not forthcoming. What is even more egregious is that the vitriol towards bisexuals comes from more females than males, a surprising feature to me seeing we expect women to be more sensitive to emotions and so on.

Sentiments to the effect that bisexuals want to hide their homosexual desires or experiment with homosexual sex is wrong or that they want to have their cake and eat it too which suggests sexual greed keep coming up in the sub text of it all. One woman who can be described as a lesbian said she does not want any bisexual as a partner as how could she trust them as she was not sure when they would “switch” meaning she could be dropped and a man become her replacement. Other insecurity driven sentiments also came through on the now deleted thread by the administrator of the Facebook group involved. Things got so heated that terse words and indeed curse words were exchanged. Bisexuality is still able to somehow emote such phobic or opposing responses from within the LGBT populations. Some questioned how bisexuals can settle going from the one partner at a time concept as opposed to polyandrous or polyandry relationships. Despite some interventions in terms of posts and related articles posted in the group in question some persons were just not receptive, I guess we are experiencing the misunderstanding of orientation as binary in a sense as mentioned before.

What is to be made of asexuality and given the rise in the discussion as linked to the matters of intersex and the Olympics, transgenderism where it is believed some gays are getting caught up in the novelty element of same and the aforementioned pansexuality. The sudden explosion of transgender visibility and the notion of sex reassignment as it were some young persons are misaligning orientation with aesthetics, feminization (forced or unforced) and drag culture and wanting to align with trans when in fact they are not in the final analysis. The same workshop where this bisexuality issue stemmed from also seemed to have elucidated this mix up with transgender as well. Transgender in the eyes of some is a safer haven in their eyes to avoid homophobia with the punctuated violence and seek or get comfort in that world which can lead to other challenges especially in the homeless department.

Just to reiterate it, bisexuals are not confused nor are they greedy and do not want to be seen as such and some persons are sexually attracted to both sexes, maybe one moreso than the other and that there is an abundance of information out there we must not see the kinds responses to such persons. We need to simply inform ourselves on such matters and really get a grasp of what LGBTQ actually means; and that they are not just simply cute call letters for use to identify with. Real inclusiveness if not tolerance is needed, if we are to really get some respect on all levels then said tolerance must be already demonstrably clear in our own backyards to include embracing inter/intra community differences.

Peace & tolerance

H

8 Commandments for dating BTQIA+ peson

more so suggestions than commandments but I like!

1. Remember that your partner doesn’t represent the whole of their community.

Often when allies come into discussions about their partner’s sexuality/gender, they use their partner as the sole example and source for various topics and issues. While this is okay because personal experience does have a lot of influence, it can be detrimental to the others in the community. If your partner defines their label with a personal definition, that in no way means the community as a whole defines the same label that way. Approaching various issues this way can be harmful to some important discussions.

For example, your partner may be okay with you using certain language (slurs, phobic and abrasive remarks, etc.) but the rest of the community won’t always be comfortable with that. As a partner of a BTQIA+ individual, understand that you still need to listen to other members of their communities on how to approach topics, issues, and language use.

2. Ask questions, but do your own research, too.

When you have questions about the LGBTQIA+ community, it’s okay to ask your partner. Then can often tailor answers in a way that will make it easier for you to understand. But realize that your partner may not always have the energy to answer these questions or address certain issues. This is when it becomes your job to research independently. Not only will this bring you one step closer to being able to more effectively communicate with your partner, but it will show your partner that you have a willingness to learn more about them.

3. Correct and educate your friends and family members.

This step is one of the hardest, especially in families that are not exceptionally friendly to LGBTQIA+ individuals. It may result in a few uncomfortable conversations, and you could lose some friends, but it’ll be worth it for you and your relationship. Whenever a friend or family member makes an ignorant/prejudiced statement, or uses a slur, or uses the incorrect pronouns (only correct this with your partner’s permission), simply correct them. Your family and friends may not mean ill by it, they may just not understand what they are saying, so take the opportunity to educate them on why what they’ve said is wrong.

This also applies to any friends and family that are LGTBQ+ themselves. A surprising amount of prejudice towards BTQIA+ identities come from within the community. Just because your aunt is a lesbian, doesn’t mean she should be excluded from being called and corrected on her biphobic remarks. You may feel awkward and fearful about correcting family and friends, but keep in mind how awkward and fearful your partner might feel around them because of the ignorant/prejudiced things they say.

4. Go to Pride events with them if they ask you to, but respect them if they would rather go alone.

Many of the BTQIA+ community will date people who are considered allies (straight, cisgender people). If you are considered an ally, you need to understand that pride events could prove to be stressful for your partner. It’s often hard for BTQIA+ people to find acceptance at pride events when bringing their ally partner, and because of that, they may choose not to bring you — which is a sad reality many of us are still fighting today.

Another reason your BTQIA+ partner may opt out of bringing you to pride is the idea of having a safe space for them to validate themselves, experience their community, or simply have fun with those that share their experiences. Some may feel more comfortable doing this without their ally-partner coming along with them. You may feel excluded, but respect that pride holds a lot of meanings and a lot of special places in the hearts of LGBTQIA+ people. If your partner wants to experience it alone, or with their fellow LGBTQIA+ support groups, try to accept that this isn’t a dig at you or your relationship. It can be an attempt to hold on to their BTQIA+ identity, to laugh and love with their fellow LGBTQIA+ community, or, unfortunately, an attempt to “prove” that just because they’re dating an ally/cisgender and heterosexual person they still belong in the community.

If your partner DOES make it clear that they want you to go to Pride/Pride events with them do your part and look into the history of pride. Keep the focus of the event on them. Show them how supportive you are of their identity, and how much you value their identity.

5. Show them support and solidarity, even if they aren’t out.

Your partner may only be out to you, and that’s okay. You need to do what you can to show them that you stand with them, no matter what. If they decide to come out to more people and expand their support system, help them troubleshoot various methods of coming out. If they are out to other people, continue to stand by them and support their pride in who they are. Use their pronouns, listen to their complaints and frustrations, help them combat dysphoria/dyspmorphia, and take part in online discourse when you can — without over-stepping the voices of those within the community.

Keep in mind that some issues may cause extreme stress (shootings targeting LGBTQIA+ people, laws that take away rights from the community, etc) and your partner will need extra support and nurture to get them through. A good rule of thumb; support your partner like you would support any partner, in everything they do.

6. Learn the specific problems of their community.

This is a big one. Every different part of the LGBTQIA+ community has smaller sections: lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer/questioning, intersex, asexual and many more. All of these sections have their own issues that they must face every day. Many sections have overlapping issues but still require a different approach.

Here are some well-known issues:

Lesbian and Homosexual individuals experience homophobia and lesbophobia.

Bisexual/Biromantic individuals experience homophobia AND biphobia/erasure.

Transgender individuals experience transphobia.

Questioning individuals experience invalidation from outside and within the community.

Asexual individuals experience erasure and acephobia.

Pansexual individuals experience homophobia, erasure, panphobia, and can experience a lot of biphobia as well.

Note: There are many, MANY identities that experience erasure, phobia, and invalidation. Take time to find out exactly what your partner deals with.

These issues can overlap, creating unique situations for each individual:

A transgender lesbian will experience homophobia, transphobia, and sexism.

A bisexual, fem presenting, nonbinary will experience nonbinary erasure, biphobia, homophobia, and sexism.

Queer People of Color will experience racism as well as any phobias/sexism surrounding their sexual orientation and gender.

And there are even more combinations than that, all resulting in unique crossroads that can promote diverse dialogues, but also create mentally and physically unsafe environments for the individual in question. The more you learn about what your partner and other BTQIA+ people go through, the more you’ll be ready to correct your friends and family and help them understand as well.

7. Promote and take part in open dialogue.

In a BTQIA+ relationship, dialogue is especially important. Open dialogues are particularly essential when dating people with fluctuating sex drives, mental illnesses/traumatic disorders, fluctuating genders, asexuals, or agender individuals. This dialogue will help you understand your BTQIA+ partner’s boundaries, pronouns, symptoms/“triggers”, and allow your partner to communicate with you during any identity changes/moments of self-doubt.

While it may take two, you can help build the trust your partner will have to have in you and begin nurturing the perfect environment for your partner to start opening up. Once you and your partner achieve this, in any way, navigating the relationship will become much easier. Let your partner know that they have the ability to communicate with you on topics like sexual intimacy, mental health, and a continued exploration of their sexual and gender identity. It all may be confusing at first, but if you have a solid grasp of Commandment 2 then your knowledge will grow alongside your partner’s. It will also make self-exploration for your partner easier and your relationship will be less stressful.

8. Understand that they may still be finding themselves, and that’s okay.

Don’t look at this as a verification of the stereotype that all BTQIA+ people are confused. It’s normal for everyone to go through periods of self-discovery throughout their lives. For some people, that might mean a change of opinion on politics, social issues, and lifestyle choices. For LGTBQIA+ individuals self-discovery includes an exploration of identity. If your partner uses certain labels when you are first dating them, and begins to question those labels during your relationship, jump back to Commandment 5 because they’ll need all the support and solidarity you can give. If you have open dialogue, your partner should feel comfortable expressing their exploration with you.

Do your best to show them that you are with them during all of their exploration. You can do this by learning more about the identities they are exploring, and by voicing all concerns and hesitations you might have. It’s better to do this when they first come up, rather than waiting until the last minute and dropping a surprise on them later in the relationship. We know that our explorations may cause stress on our relationships, and we need to know that you will be there for us throughout this. If you can’t be there for your partner, or don’t agree with the direction they are going in, make it clear. Don’t hold anything over their heads, and understand that changes to their identities might lead to changes in your partnership

Fibroids can affect your sex life too

May 15 to 21, 2016, is dubbed National Fibroids Awareness Week, and it's quite fitting because it seems that every woman is affected by these non-cancerous growths on or in the muscle walls of the uterus. The statistics are depressing because some 80 per cent of women in Jamaica are affected in some way by uterine fibroids. 

I have experienced them both directly, with my own diagnosis, as well as through the ordeal that my older sister faced as she underwent two surgeries to remove fibroids. With all the information and treatment options available, many women still don't know that they have these growths in their womb. Some of us just credit the increase in our waistline to getting fat.

There are some women who have small fibroids that don't really present any symptoms. However, the larger fibroids can really wreak havoc on the reproductive system and present very inconvenient and painful symptoms. One of the symptoms of fibroids that I don't think is highlighted enough is its effects on a woman's sex life.

Painful intercourse - Depending on the size and location of the fibroids, sexual intercourse can be very painful for her. Some women complain about feeling a stabbing pain in their lower abdomen during sex. This can be a symptom of uterine fibroids.

Longer periods - With fibroids, bleeding is extended and periods last longer than usual. This definitely affects the desire for sex as well as the ability to engage in sexual activity. I have met women who say they have had month-long periods.

Heavy periods - In addition to hindering the possibility of sex itself, heavy bleeding can cause anaemia. Heavy bleeding also restricts a woman's ability to move around and go about her daily activities without having to worry about messing up her clothes.

Low self-esteem - With all the discomfort she is experiencing, her clothes feel different on her body, and overall, she's not feeling her best.

Bloating and other discomforts - The infamous PMS is real, and with uterine fibroids, it seems to magnify all the symptoms. So a woman is feeling bloated, irritable, and she is dealing with menstrual cramps as well. Any woman who has ever experienced PMS knows that it is not easy to get through a busy day much less get in the mood for sex.

Uterine incontinence - Feeling the need to urinate often can get in the way and make sex unappealing.

It is very important at this point for me to indicate that these are not just symptoms that affect women. Their partners are also affected, and it is vital that these partners participate with unconditional support. Men, especially, should learn more about how they can help to support their partners who suffer from this condition. 

It still surprises me that women same gender loving or bisexual men are uncomfortable handling feminine products or even talking with their women about their symptoms and overall issues. Even during intercourse, men need to pay attention to their response and don't just focus on 'stabbing di meat'.

Like it or not, uterine fibroids are a reality for some women and we must find out as much as we can to treat the condition.

National Fibroids Awareness Week ends on Saturday with a symposium at the Jamaica College Auditorium, and there will be a presentation about the journey of Dr Shelly Ann Weeks with the condition. 

I hope to see you there

Peace & tolerance

H

There goes 'Tell me pastor' again pushing reparative suggestions to a bisexual woman

There goes Pastor Aaron Dumas again pushing a reparative therapy line despite the practice is not recommended to be used by psychologists but he still persist in recommending same. His column in the Star had a recent letter (seems to well edited) of a woman complaining of struggling with her sexuality. 

Interestingly the title is 'I want to change my bisexual lifestyle' but lifestyle and orientation for all intents and purposes are two different things; it has bee shown to be dangerous to suppress one's feelings as it may have disastrous consequences for those who do.

Here is the letter and response:

Dear Pastor,

I am 21 years old and I am having a serious problem. It seems as if a battle is going on inside me between my good conscience and my bad conscience.

At times I wonder if I will go insane. I am a strong believer, in God and I want to serve and live for Him, but there are certain things in my life that are causing me concern. I met a man online two years ago.

This man is good to me, but there are certain things that I do that he likes and if I stop doing them, I fear I will lose him. He likes the fact that I'm bisexual. He buys me sex toys and I make videos and take certain pictures for him.

He says he wants to spend the rest of his life with me and he also wants to have a child with me. I told him about my decision to no longer have sex with him out of wedlock and he agreed with my decision, but his tone of voice says otherwise. This man is a good father to his son and mine - both are honour role students. He is also a believer in God, but he does not read the Bible or pray as much as I do. He says he supports my decision, yet he does not try to help me stay true to it. I told him about it and we talk about it, yet the next day, we are back to the same thing.

Pastor, I need your help because something inside me is telling me to live my life, while something else is telling me that I am here for a purpose and not just to live. I know that if I stop what I am doing, it will be the right thing.

But I am afraid that these thoughts will drive me crazy. Pastor, I need your advice. The things I get involved in sexually make me weak when I'm trying to be strong, and my boyfriend does not try to help me stay strong. He still asks for what I can give him and there is no one around me to help me on my path. I am on my own.

D.W.

Answer:

Dear D.W.,

If you are serious about bringing a change into your life, you need to seek help from the minister of the church I am assuming that you are attending. If you do not attend church, I suggest that you need to start doing so and make an appointment to see the minister or pastor, who would become your spiritual adviser, so to speak. You need help - spiritual help. You cannot fight this battle alone. And I say battle because it is, that is why you have great turmoil within and you speak of the turmoil as your conscience. You admitted that you are bisexual, but you have not mentioned the other persons in your life with whom you are actively having sex. Although you are having sex with them, you consider this man who has promised to marry you to be your main sexual partner. You want to stop having sex with him because you want to get married, so I suppose that that desire of not having sex outside of wedlock would also go for everybody. This man is also agreeing with you, but his action shows that he is not serious. He is not willing to stay away from you and to stop having sex with you.


PROMISES

He gets tremendous kicks out of the things you do. I am sure that you have heard that promises are a comfort to a fool. When he is around you and he wants to have sexual thrills, he can get it from you anytime - and you are too weak to resist him. That is what he is accustomed to, that is what holds both of you together and nothing else. I wish you could see the tremendous danger in making sexual videos and taking pictures of yourself and others and giving them to this man. You are making a big mistake. Have you considered what impact that would have on your son and your relatives if this man were to release such videos and photographs to the public? Oh my! What would happen if this man were to place some of these things on social media?

I am not condemning you at all. I know you are young and sometimes young people don't think of the negative impact things like these can have on their lives.

However, you are crying out for help. I know some folks would not like what I am about to say, but I will say it nevertheless. I believe that you are a good girl in your own right. You need some guidance, spiritual guidance. You are crying out for help. You have come to realise that having fun, the way you are going about it, is not satisfying. Therefore, I ask you to pray about your situation, go to church, drop all these girlfriends and boyfriends that you have. Tell the man that you consider your main beau to come to church with you, but if he doesn't want to do so, go nevertheless. Talk to the pastor or his wife and ask them for help. They will do their best to help you. You did not mention with whom you are living and whether you are working, or if this man is taking care of you. I wish you had divulged that. I hope you are employed. You have my prayers and if I can be of further help to you, please contact me again.

Pastor

ENDS

The American Psychiatric Association “opposes any psychiatric treatment such as reparative or conversion therapy which is based upon the assumption that homosexuality per se is a mental disorder or based upon the a prior assumption that a patient should change his/her sexual homosexual orientation.” The DSM is also quite clear on the matter.

A word to the wise is sufficient.

Peace & tolerance

H

Touching penises in double penetration does not make one gay ...........

Saw this one recently and had a little laugh but realized how serious it actually is. The concerned man asked if he was gay even after losing his erection turned off by the accidental touching of the other male in the arrangement. I have to disagree with the goodly doctor though in the response where it is stressed that the worried man should not have a foursome again, if his wife is consenting then so be it I imagine; frankly that is his choice in my view but he should get over worrying that because his penis came into contact with the other man while penetrating one woman does not make him gay.

Here is the question and response below:

Q: I am a guy who has had a really unpleasant and shocking experience. So I wonder if you could help me? I am 34, happily married. My wife is lovely and a very sexy woman.

Unfortunately, I let another guy at work persuade me to arrange a foursome, involving our wives and ourselves.

I was very into the idea because his wife is a fantastic-looking woman. She is a little older than my spouse and I, but she is in great shape.

To be honest with you, Doc, I could not wait to get my hands on her. As for my wife, she quite liked my colleague, so she was easily persuaded into it.

We all discussed the details and we agreed that the 'big night' would be at their place one Saturday evening. When we got there, my colleague and his wife were well dressed. She was wearing a sexy red dress with a plunging neckline. My wife looked very good as well.

We had a few drinks and some snacks, which they had prepared, then we got down to business. Everybody took off their clothes, and we danced together and had some more drinks.

I was smooching with my friend's wife he was 'necking' with my wife. Everything seemed to be going well.

The next two hours were a bit of a blur. I know that I penetrated the other woman several times, though I took care not to orgasm. I also remember seeing my colleague having intercourse with my wife for quite a long time.

Around 10 p.m., we all kind of piled into a heap on the bed. I suppose it was like an orgy. There were all kinds of things going on, especially between the two women. I admit I was really turned on.

However, suddenly something dreadful happened. Both my colleague and I were trying to penetrate my wife. By the way, she was totally happy about this. She seemed to like the idea of two men almost 'fighting' for her.

Then to my horror, my genitals accidentally touched the other guy's. I was disgusted by that, so I pulled away. I lost my erection immediately. In fact, I went outside and was sick. The worst thing was that just after all this, I think he orgasmed.

Neither of the women seemed upset by what had happened, but I felt terrible! As soon as possible, I got my wife to put on her clothes and we left.

Since then, I have been feeling very depressed. I have not discussed it with my spouse, but she knows I am unhappy.

Doctor, I would like to ask you three things:

1. Does this most unfortunate contact indicate that my colleague is secretly a homosexual?

2. Or am I perhaps secretly gay?

3. Could I have caught anything from the other guy?

Answer: 

Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear! Several times I have warned about the psychological ill-effects which can result from 'threesomes' and 'foursomes'.

You have become unhappy - possibly even clinically depressed - as a result of the fact that your penis seems to have touched another man's organ during your adulterous frolics.

Incidentally, female readers may be astonished by your distress. But, in fact, quite a lot of men do react negatively to any form of contact with another man's penis. I recently discovered that in the United States, there are a few 'swingers' clubs where they actually arrange counselling for men who have accidentally touched another man's organ.

In fact there is an 'orgy society' in Florida, which warns new members that this sort of contact might occur while two men are trying to have sex with the same woman. Their website says that this is nothing to get distressed about. That is correct.

Now let me try and answer your three questions:

1. I don't think there is the slightest evidence that your colleague is a homosexual. This was obviously an accidental contact. The fact that he may have 'discharged' shortly afterwards means nothing.

2. I do not believe for a moment that you are 'secretly gay'. To put it mildly, your entire story seems to be highly heterosexual.

3. It is unlikely that you have 'caught anything' from this brief contact with the other man's organ.

However, you have had sex with his wife and, if she is a regular 'swinger,' then there has to be a possibility that she might have had germs in her vagina. If in doubt, see a doctor for some tests.

My advice: Talk to your wife about what happened. Stop worrying. If you are still having these 'low' feelings, see a counsellor. And, please, do not do a foursome ever again!

Jamaican Bisexual man wins right to stay in the UK after protracted deportation battle

So finally Orashia is now able to remain in the UK amidst the high publicity his case had received and the fear of his return to Jamaica may have put him at way higher risk than normal given the sensitivities involved.

Vienna Browne with her son Orashia Edwards, pictured centre, his sister Ashema Edwards, far right, and her wife Issy Mangham-Edwards

Orashia Edwards, 33, has spent three and a half years battling attempts to deport him to Jamaica – where he says he would face discrimination because of his sexuality.
Mr Edwards, who has been detained a number of times, initially had his pleas for asylum on the grounds of sexuality rejected – after authorities claimed was heterosexual and had just been “experimenting” with men.

The UK government pushed ahead with plans to deport Mr Edwards, even though homosexuality is illegal in Jamaica, and LGBT people face the risk of vigilante violence.
But this week he finally won the right to remain in the country, after a string of victories.

He said in a statement: ” I want to thank everyone who has supported my campaign over the years, none of this would have been possible.

“I’m finally allowed to work so have applied for my National Insurance number and can go get a job and open my own bank account. Things are really looking up for me, I’m buzzing.”


Despite the victory, a number of other LGBT people are still battling deportation to countries where they face jail, violence or even death.

So many Jamaicans have had to leave our shores especially in 2014/5 as a sharp rise in incidents has forced persons to leave and also for economic reasons as well.

The Defend Orashia Facebook page has been positive on the issue and thanked supporters for their interest.

family and friends outside courtroom in 2015

I am pleased this one ended well and he can now move on with his life and also the great support from his family especially his mother who spoke publicly before.

Peace & tolerance

H