Facebook algorithm to treat with Suicides & Cries for Help .............

This is good news on the suicide prevention front and indeed there may be just a dent in attempts made public or when they can be so identified via status messages and so on.

Building a Safer Community With New Suicide Prevention Tools

By Vanessa Callison-Burch, Product Manager, Jennifer Guadagno, Researcher, and Antigone Davis, Head of Global Safety

There is one death by suicide in the world every 40 seconds, and suicide is the second leading cause of death for 15-29 year olds. Experts say that one of the best ways to prevent suicide is for those in distress to hear from people who care about them.

Facebook is in a unique position — through friendships on the site — to help connect a person in distress with people who can support them. It’s part of our ongoing effort to help build a safe community on and off Facebook.

Today we’re updating the tools and resources we offer to people who may be thinking of suicide, as well as the support we offer to their concerned friends and family members:

Integrated suicide prevention tools to help people in real time on Facebook Live

Live chat support from crisis support organizations through Messenger

Streamlined reporting for suicide, assisted by artificial intelligence

Already on Facebook if someone posts something that makes you concerned about their well-being, you can reach out to them directly or report the post to us. We have teams working around the world, 24/7, who review reports that come in and prioritize the most serious reports like suicide. We provide people who have expressed suicidal thoughts with a number of support options. For example, we prompt people to reach out to a friend and even offer pre-populated text to make it easier for people to start a conversation. We also suggest contacting a help line and offer other tips and resources for people to help themselves in that moment.

Suicide prevention tools have been available on Facebook for more than 10 years and were developed in collaboration with mental health organizations such as Save.org, National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, Forefront and Crisis Text Line, and with input from people who have personal experience thinking about or attempting suicide. In 2016 we expanded the availability of the latest tools globally — with the help of over 70 partners around the world — and improved how they work based on new technology and feedback from the community.

Supporting Someone on Facebook Live
Our suicide prevention tools for Facebook posts will now be integrated into Facebook Live. People watching a live video have the option to reach out to the person directly and to report the video to us. We will also provide resources to the person reporting the live video to assist them in helping their friend.

The person sharing a live video will see a set of resources on their screen. They can choose to reach out to a friend, contact a help line or see tips. If you or someone you know is in crisis, it is important to call local emergency services right away. You can also visit our Help Center for information about how to support yourself or a friend.

Empowering Crisis Support Partners

Partners are key to our work in suicide prevention and mental health support.
We recently added the ability for people to connect with our crisis support partners over Messenger. Now people will see the option to message with someone in real time directly from the organization’s Page or through our suicide prevention tools.

Participating organizations include Crisis Text Line, the National Eating Disorder Association and the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline.

This test will expand over the next several months, ensuring the organizations can support any new volume of communication. Zendesk donated some of the company’s back end tools to make this integration possible.
Today, we are also launching a video campaign with partner organizations across the globe to raise awareness about ways to help a friend in need.

Making Reporting Easier

We work to address posts expressing thoughts of suicide as quickly and accurately as possible.
Based on feedback from experts, we are testing a streamlined reporting process using pattern recognition in posts previously reported for suicide. This artificial intelligence approach will make the option to report a post about “suicide or self injury” more prominent for potentially concerning posts like these.

We’re also testing pattern recognition to identify posts as very likely to include thoughts of suicide. Our Community Operations team will review these posts and, if appropriate, provide resources to the person who posted the content, even if someone on Facebook has not reported it yet.
We are starting this limited test in the US and will continue working closely with suicide prevention experts to understand other ways we can use technology to help provide support.

Suicide prevention is one way we’re working to build a safer community on Facebook. With the help of our partners and people’s friends and family members on Facebook, we’re hopeful we can support more people over time.

Suicide Prevention Day 2016 .......

September 10 is observed as International Suicide Prevention Day and in Jamaica suicides have been on the rise the figures trend shows. Last year the records by Choose Life, a suicide prevention and interventions outfit show 59 cases and so far we are at 51; 4 of those cases outside of Choose Life monitoring are LGBT matters and all are females. Two other cases are being looked at as more investigations continue. The highest year on record of suicides in Jamaica overall is in 2008 where there were 80 cases and from GLBTQ Jamaica records three confirmed cases were a part of that with another two failed attempts involving pharmaceuticals and slashing or cutting.

80% of persons who are successful at suicide attempts have tried the same before says the experts, some other signs include persons when questioned have a definitive plan which seems to go against what is considered normal, a change in regular daily or life patterns, persons who say ‘goodbye’ with no serious plan in mind when pressed to present same or cannot tell where they are going, withdrawal from friends and families, giving away of things or personal effects that they treasure with no clear justifiable reasons, hygiene changes or deterioration or a can’t be bothered attitude, that may be out of sorts with the usual life pattern. The urging is listening with your ears, eyes and hearts.

The conversation however on suicide though overall is helpful tends to drift into reparative therapy in as far as sexual orientation related stressors are concerned, many of the groups and individuals involved are subscribers to an evangelical mantra and who push a redemptive Christian perspective in addressing the issues. While faith is important the moment the person is seen as LGBT then comes the prescriptive view of changing or adjusting one’s sexuality or old terms such as ‘sexual preference’ still being used by the parties involved.

This year's theme:

Connect

Fostering connections with those who have lost a loved one to suicide or have been suicidal themselves is crucial to furthering suicide prevention efforts. Although every individual suicide is different, there are some common lessons to be learned. Those who have been on the brink of suicide themselves can help us understand the complex interplay of events and circumstances that led them to that point, and what saved them or helped them to choose a more life-affirming course of action. Those who have lost someone to suicide, or supported someone who was suicidal, can provide insights into how they moved forwards on their journey. The sheer numbers of people who have been affected by suicide would make this a formidable network.

Of course, these connections should be two-way. There will often be times when those who have been bereaved by suicide, and those who might be feeling suicidal themselves, need support. Keeping an eye out for them and checking that they are okay could make all the difference. Social connectedness reduces the risk of suicide, so being there for someone who has become disconnected can be a life-saving act. Connecting them with formal and informal supports may also help to prevent suicide. Individuals, organisations and communities all have a responsibility here.

World Suicide Prevention Day 2016 Infographic

Communicate

Open communication is vital if we are to combat suicide. In many communities, suicide is shrouded in silence or spoken of only in hushed tones. We need to discuss suicide as we would any other public health issue if we are to dispel myths about it and reduce the stigma surrounding it. This is not to say that we shouldn’t exercise necessary caution; we don’t want to normalise suicide either. Careful, considered messages about suicide and its prevention are warranted, as is an awareness of how different groups of individuals may receive and interpret this information.

Equipping people to communicate effectively with those who might be vulnerable to suicide is an important part of any suicide prevention strategy. Broaching the subject of suicide is difficult, and these sorts of conversations are often avoided. There are some simple tips that can help, however. Most of these relate to showing compassion and empathy, and listening in a non-judgemental way. People who have come through an episode of extreme suicidal thinking often say that sensitively-managed conversations with others helped them on their course to recovery.

The media also have an important role to play in suicide prevention. Some types of reporting on suicide (e.g., prominent and/or explicit stories) have been shown to be associated with 'spikes' in suicide rates, but others (e.g., those that describe mastery of suicidal crises) have been shown to have a protective effect. Media recommendations have been developed by the International Association for Suicide Prevention and the World Health Organization to assist journalists in getting stories right. Please see: goo.gl/4qVhUp

Care

All the connecting and communicating in the world will have no effect without the final ingredient – care. We need to make sure that policy-makers and planners care enough about suicide prevention to make it a priority, and to fund it at a level that is commensurate with its significance as a public health problem.

We need to make sure that clinicians and other service providers care enough about it to make suicide prevention their core business. And we need to make sure that communities care enough about it to be able to identify and support those who may be at heightened risk.

Most of all, we need to ensure that we are caring ourselves. We need to look out for others who may be struggling, and let them tell their story in their own way and at their own pace. Those who have been affected by suicide have much to teach us in this regard.

Connect, communicate and care on World Suicide Prevention Day

On September 10th, join with others around the world who are working towards the common goal of preventing suicide. Check in on someone you may be concerned about, and start a caring conversation with them, asking them how they’re going. Investigate ways of connecting with others who are trying to prevent suicide in your community, your country, or internationally. Show your support by taking part in the International Association for Suicide Prevention's Cycle Around the Globe.

The first World Suicide Prevention Day was held in 2003 and was an initiative of the International Association for Suicide Prevention and the World Health Organization (WHO). Since then, World Suicide Prevention Day has taken place on 10th September each year.

other signs:

Talking about suicide 

Any talk about suicide, dying, or self-harm, such as "I wish I hadn't been born," "If I see you again..." and "I'd be better off dead."

Seeking out lethal means 

Seeking access to guns, pills, knives, or other objects that could be used in a suicide attempt.

Preoccupation with death 

Unusual focus on death, dying, or violence. Writing poems or stories about death.

No hope for the future 

Feelings of helplessness, hopelessness, and being trapped ("There's no way out"). Belief that things will never get better or change.

Self-loathing, self-hatred 

Feelings of worthlessness, guilt, shame, and self-hatred. Feeling like a burden ("Everyone would be better off without me").

Getting affairs in order 

Making out a will. Giving away prized possessions. Making arrangements for family members.

Saying goodbye 

Unusual or unexpected visits or calls to family and friends. Saying goodbye to people as if they won't be seen again.

Withdrawing from others 

Withdrawing from friends and family. Increasing social isolation. Desire to be left alone.

Peace & tolerance

H

3 LGBT Suicides (2 attempts) in 6 months .......... concerns

DJ Footie in good times

So as news spreads of the surprise suicide of DJ Footie on June 11 a female DJ who specialized in soca dancehall style mostly many are now wondering what is going on out there as news of a brother(not LGBT) named Delus of a popular DJ Konshens and how he has ended his life has triggered a national discussion as the shock is palpable. He reportedly conducted his successful attempt with a gun and the event was supposedly caught on camera as he filmed his last moments; the reason unconfirmed by the police is he got bad news of a herpes diagnosis and decided he could not go on as family life issues and such was too much for him, based on another video he made describing same. I also imagine the pressure and expectations of dancehall in terms of multiple partnering ties in with misogynistic themes and bravado sealed off with badmanism. Maybe he could not go on but only days before he made another clip on Fathers’ day thanking his fans for their support and birthday wishes then days later the end.

As a DJ myself for over 20 years I am not aware of us really choosing suicide as an option when trouble hits, again it depends on each ones constitution but one would use the very music on the ones and twos to sedate ourselves in case of challenges, it is long known that music is therapeutic but maybe Footie did not see it so. I am really sorry to hear of this one. For this one to come in the middle of Pride month internationally is even more egregious as this is a time for more positive imaging and LGBTQ discourse; rainbow flag controversy aside.

DJ Footie’s case the reports are that she essentially had no signs of challenges and so it is a major shock to persons which is usually the case in previous successful attempts. The loss of one of my long time allies as hinted to in a previous post he just ended it all even after posting his usual articles on Facebook only to be floored by the news on his profile. The two other reported attempts in separate matters both occurred in January and February respectively. The former tried some sort of poison or pills and was only discovered by a visiting friend who spontaneously stopped by her house. She had been stressed with some family challenges and expenses she was saddled with before but all seemed well until the discovery of the attempted ending of her life.

The March matter was a cutting or slicing attempt as the male attempter hoped to slowly bleed to death and was also discovered by a friend after several phone calls, social media linking and no apparent response. He has since been referred to a community influential and a psychologist for proper interventions. We have also been speaking occasionally on the phone where at opportunities encourage him to keep up with her appointments and so on. I am disturbed by the issues and the fear or reluctance of persons to reach out though; I am not a psychologist and may never understand the complexities fully but it is a bit disconcerting that persons are on Facebook, Instagram and so on and continue to present a bettered or false representations of themselves even as they struggle and despite increasing pages offering avenues of escape if you will or counselling. I have expressed this challenge of falsified or alter ego online personas versus self imposed pressure to keep up appearances before which I think are part and parcel to some of this. The incessant need to get likes and some recognition given (narcisstic mirroring) how rejected psychologically some feel so I guess the urge to use social media and so on for alternatives is somewhat understandable.

Another concern is the false sense of security that seems to be push by JFLAG and others as they seem more interested in image rightsizing than the actual realities, it is understandable to have a positive side but we must also GET REAL, coupled with the strange continued reports of social media fallouts due to sometimes new users both in age and commencement are having teething problems using Apps and adding public pages while not scuttling friends’ lists while mixing family members some of whom end up monitoring activities; to include the look of folks, their gender and even how many males or females dependent on the profile’s owner likes ones pages or posts. There are hardly good sustained any avenues for coming out by one’s recognisance and while social media platforms offer instant communication and a not so perfect avenue for being out many persons especially older ones are running into some challenges as they adjust to using new technologies and engaging other persons. While JFLAG operatives and such can afford to be out and it seems to push others to want to do the same others do not have that luxury and may also feel inferior or left out which possibly can. They all have visas and can depart in a moment’s notice whilst the ordinary ‘likkle sport’ is not so blessed, a point repeatedly made sometimes by some.

Ostensibly it would be difficult to convince persons to come forward with challenges and although we have had help lines established nationally but which need far more awareness support persons choose what in their minds the easier way out. Some of the same outlets though seem not equipped to handle LGBT matters which may further complicate the recovery process and some outlets are run by faith based organizations or churches. We just never know the pain persons are enduring. One former participant of the Aphrodite’s PRIDE Jamaica’s Enterprise Training said something profound yesterday, she said words to the effect that persons who are struggling need to reach out and do not put on a show as if everything is OK when they are not. I have been trying in a small way to encourage persons to actually be themselves via their social profiles but I know that is going to be difficult to sustain such a suggestion given how the world works today.

According to Chooselife the figures for suicide are not so hot as in 2014 59 persons were successful, 2015 some 51 persons did so and to date 32 have been successful for varying reasons including revenge, hurt, family issues and so on.

What is also interesting with these cases is that the individuals were from relatively stable homes or lifestyles, they seem on the face of it not to be struggling with finances or existence save and except for the latter case where she had some alleged financial issues but all in all they were not poor or displaced or homeless for that matter. These ties in with my concerns as to presenting or living a double life when the painful truths are hidden only to be a farce, in fear of being seen as less than what was and is presented. One hardly hears of suicide attempts in the lower socio economic circles in quite a while and the age cohort of suicides just by a cursory review without the benefit of strong statistics seem to be between the early twenties to early forties. Older folks tend not to consider suicide as an option although my aforementioned ally Mark who ended his life in NY was in his mid fifties.

My last direct contact with someone who was considering suicide was in late 2014 and which lasted just over a year with intermittent talk therapy or versions of it but he was referred to a professional who aided greatly. What also concerns me as well is that successful suicides made public and given the feeling of no attention then seeing the news getting so much of it can be a catalyst for contemplators to make such attempts as the experts tell us. For every successful suicide made known the contemplator wishes or wants to also achieve the same results and may work actively normally quietly towards ending their own life. Even how I prepared this post I had to choose my words carefully as I was advised some years ago during suicide prevention day observance as sensational appearing coverage can be a catalyst for such contemplation as they may feel attention is finally paid to them after the relief is attained in their eyes.

I hope you my readers if you know of any such persons contemplating such a final course to reach out to some outfit or requisite expert and informally some talk and words of encouragement can help; that is of course if outwards signs of trouble are there as in many cases no evidence is shown of signs of trouble.

Peace & tolerance

H

LGBT adolescent & teen suicides a cause for concern

During the brou ha ha involving the new president of the previously constituted Guidance Counsellors Association of Jamaica or now known as JAGCE Jamaica Association of Guidance Counselling in Education it was revealed that a female student from a prominent Kingston all girls school had committed suicide the same week as the controversial statements made by the goodly president came through. Nadine Dixon had revealed that such an incident occurred when she granted an interview to anti gay President Helen Coley Nicholson of Lawyers’ Christian Fellowship fame and tried to reshape her original revelation of counsellors who are not engaging LGBT students. She never however said if it was because of such non engagement specific to that case was the reason as well for the student taking her own life.

also see: 

Ian Boyne: Gay-Friendly Counsellors For Students?

Truth or Not: Guidance counsellors not discriminatory

A reliable source upon seeing my previous post on the subject has revealed that the young lady was being seen by the school’s counsellor but was since referred to another professional eventually which did not seem to resolve the matter. The deceased had expressed her frustration to various outlets but to no avail and now she is dead. Two other matters have since surfaced one involving an adolescent female who has been struggling with family members for the past year or so. A near displacement outcome also sent her into depression for some time but thankfully her summer job affording her some income made possible her payment for private consultations with a psychologist. She had attempted suicide by pill overdose but her cousin who made a surprise visit found the bottles scattered on the ground and ran to her aid eventually taking her to the hospital. She survived.

She was continuously told she needed to change her ways (typical) by her father who was adamant he wanted no lesbian or nasty person (words to such effect) in his family as God burns them out. He also went as far as to threaten withdrawal of any financial support given she is also pursuing tertiary education via a popular university college. She is on her way back to some semblance of normalcy in her life and is being closely monitored and the requisite professional on the case as well. She has also since moved in with the supportive cousin who has played an important role in this case.

Male suicide attempt

A gay male adolescent aged nineteen took things into his own hands earlier this year; he took a social media announcement route prior to taking action via attempted poison and according to him pill overdose as well. Both apparently did not work but days before he had been expressing via a series of status messages of his displeasure with life and just wanting to end it all.

The typical response from friends list is he was talking nonsense and such and some tried to dissuade him from such thoughts or status messages. He has since deleted or at least made his profile inactive and has been assisted by persons who got in touch with two NGOs where the requisite referrals and professional interventions are now active I am reliably informed. Thankfully this one ended on the up and up. Pity the aforementioned young lady did not make it. There are other unconfirmed reports of such attempts successful and unsuccessful.

Gay male teen tried hanging

A fifteen year old male described as a ‘troubled teen’ who has had run-ins with the law and who also is struggling with sexual orientation/identity issues tried to hang himself in June 2015 at a place of safety/rehabilitation centre for boys in south central Jamaica. You will appreciate I cannot go into too much details or name such matters given we are talking about a minor and laws govern such reporting of such matters. The teen however tried to end his life according to my impeccable source by using his sheet on his bed to hang himself but failed in the attempt as the light fixture he tried to tie the end to broke free from the ceiling due to his weight.

Despite his more masculine demeanour which may have deflected some homophobic profiling he has been touted by other boys for being a battyman and a previous incident allegedly at another facility with another boy involved in some sexual activity has not helped any as the issue is spread as a rumour by other boys who were close to matter. Then there are other matters attending with family members who say they simply cannot manage him as his rebellious behaviour is too much for them.

I am concerned as there seems not to be any serious outlet or sustained intervention residing anywhere to address teen and adolescent suicides and attendant issues of identity, self esteem and so on. Despite the high social media visibility in recent years that certainly my generation and previous never had and faces now added to the LGBT struggle with private LGBTians also slowly coming out persons still seem not able to find solace or comfort in the knowledge that as we edge forward to a very slow and painstaking acceptance. Added to the pressures that said social media places on a desire to conform or ideals and goals that are unrealistic young persons find themselves placed in a spin to find themselves. The aspirational themed social media interventions and some workshop activities by some do not seem to be reaching the right people and this is not only a lower socio economic class matter as is the case in the more earthy and often violent homophobia; those efforts seem to be only reaching the already converted or persons lulled in a false sense of security until their own truths catches up with them then disaster.

In a previous post I had highlighted a young lesbian’s attempt to end her life and her subsequent recovery or the road to it; she is now doing very well and has since moved on while ever so slowly mending the family ties that were shattered and led to the attempt in the first place.

Peace & tolerance

H

Suicide Prevention, Concerns & the loss of a friend

Suicide Prevention Day passed earlier this month September 10 to be precise and the theme observed this year was Light a candle near a window at 8 PM to show your support
for suicide prevention to remember a lost loved one and for the survivors of suicide.

On my sister blog Gay Jamaica Watch upon my blogging break end I posted my return entry with some bad news of the loss of one of my original followers from the days of the JFLAG blog and Sunshine Cathedral blog as well, Mark Holford took his own life and surprisingly as no signs of trouble were seen as is usually the case as friends and colleagues mull over recent contact for any details they may have missed as to the signs. Other cases have since emerged with another two successful attempts within the same month of Mark’s departure. He had been a major supporter of mine from the NING page days as well through to the name and focus change of both blogs mentioned above to become this blog and Gay Jamaica Watch and the subsequent Wordpress branch and my X-rated Battymantings blog as well. He was often a strong commenter and contributor to my Facebook groups and pages and his presence will be missed greatly. He was also a donor behind the scenes in crisis intervention matters where he could and aided in providing financial help in shelter assistance for displaced persons when I used to house persons in my spare bedroom more often than nowadays, grocery stipends and health services costs.

Some six reports in all have been brought to my attention this year alone and with depression figures high in Jamaica overall according to a recent report there are some concerns. Relationship challenges, family rejections, forced evictions and such specific to LGBT people are key factors leading to all kinds of ways out; a recent report of cutting (hand slicing with a knife or sharp instrument) with prolonged hemorrhaging leading to unconsciousness and possible death have been attempted by a lesbian in February where she was found by visiting friends who also were shocked at the find as no signs existed prior.

There are some signs however that one can look for as suggested by the website for suicide prevention:

Understanding and preventing suicide

The World Health Organization estimates that approximately 1 million people die each year from suicide. What drives so many individuals to take their own lives? To those not in the grips of suicidal depression and despair, it's difficult to understand what drives so many individuals to take their own lives. But a suicidal person is in so much pain that he or she can see no other option.

Suicide is a desperate attempt to escape suffering that has become unbearable. Blinded by feelings of self-loathing, hopelessness, and isolation, a suicidal person can't see any way of finding relief except through death. But despite their desire for the pain to stop, most suicidal people are deeply conflicted about ending their own lives. They wish there was an alternative to committing suicide, but they just can't see one.

Common misconceptions about suicide

FALSE: People who talk about suicide won't really do it.
Almost everyone who commits or attempts suicide has given some clue or warning. Do not ignore suicide threats. Statements like "you'll be sorry when I'm dead," "I can't see any way out," — no matter how casually or jokingly said may indicate serious suicidal feelings.

FALSE: Anyone who tries to kill him/herself must be crazy.
Most suicidal people are not psychotic or insane. They must be upset, grief-stricken, depressed or despairing, but extreme distress and emotional pain are not necessarily signs of mental illness.

FALSE: If a person is determined to kill him/herself, nothing is going to stop them.
Even the most severely depressed person has mixed feelings about death, wavering until the very last moment between wanting to live and wanting to die. Most suicidal people do not want death; they want the pain to stop. The impulse to end it all, however overpowering, does not last forever.

FALSE: People who commit suicide are people who were unwilling to seek help.
Studies of suicide victims have shown that more than half had sought medical help in the six months prior to their deaths.

FALSE: Talking about suicide may give someone the idea.
You don't give a suicidal person morbid ideas by talking about suicide. The opposite is true—bringing up the subject of suicide and discussing it openly is one of the most helpful things you can do.

Source: SAVE – Suicide Awareness Voices of Education
Warning signs of suicide

Most suicidal individuals give warning signs or signals of their intentions. The best way to prevent suicide is to recognize these warning signs and know how to respond if you spot them. If you believe that a friend or family member is suicidal, you can play a role in suicide prevention by pointing out the alternatives, showing that you care, and getting a doctor or psychologist involved.

Major warning signs for suicide include talking about killing or harming oneself, talking or writing a lot about death or dying, and seeking out things that could be used in a suicide attempt, such as weapons and drugs. These signals are even more dangerous if the person has a mood disorder such as depression or bipolar disorder, suffers from alcohol dependence, has previously attempted suicide, or has a family history of suicide.

Take any suicidal talk or behavior seriously. It's not just a warning sign that the person is thinking about suicide—it's a cry for help.

A more subtle but equally dangerous warning sign of suicide is hopelessness. Studies have found that hopelessness is a strong predictor of suicide. People who feel hopeless may talk about "unbearable" feelings, predict a bleak future, and state that they have nothing to look forward to.

Other warning signs that point to a suicidal mind frame include dramatic mood swings or sudden personality changes, such as going from outgoing to withdrawn or well-behaved to rebellious. A suicidal person may also lose interest in day-to-day activities, neglect his or her appearance, and show big changes in eating or sleeping habits.
Suicide Warning Signs

Talking about suicide

Any talk about suicide, dying, or self-harm, such as "I wish I hadn't been born," "If I see you again..." and "I'd be better off dead."

Seeking out lethal means

Seeking access to guns, pills, knives, or other objects that could be used in a suicide attempt.

Preoccupation with death

Unusual focus on death, dying, or violence. Writing poems or stories about death.

No hope for the future

Feelings of helplessness, hopelessness, and being trapped ("There's no way out"). Belief that things will never get better or change.

Self-loathing, self-hatred

Feelings of worthlessness, guilt, shame, and self-hatred. Feeling like a burden ("Everyone would be better off without me").

Getting affairs in order

Making out a will. Giving away prized possessions. Making arrangements for family members.

Saying goodbye

Unusual or unexpected visits or calls to family and friends. Saying goodbye to people as if they won't be seen again.

Withdrawing from others

Withdrawing from friends and family. Increasing social isolation. Desire to be left alone.

Self-destructive behavior

Increased alcohol or drug use, reckless driving, unsafe sex. Taking unnecessary risks as if they have a "death wish."

Sudden sense of calm

A sudden sense of calm and happiness after being extremely depressed can mean that the person has made a decision to commit suicide.

A mother’s hateful letter, a lesbian’s suicide attempt

A twenty three year old Jamaican lesbian residing in New York is still recovering in a medical facility in the United States following an attempted suicide at the end of February 2013 after a series of hateful written correspondences over a four year period after she left Jamaica to take up studies between the aggrieved lesbian and her mother. The letters according to a well respected source close to the matter who asked that I share this and who was willing to have certain aspects of the ordeal known were quite fine during the first few exchanges but as time progressed the young woman who had been contemplating coming out way before her departure from Jamaica was worried about the reaction from her mother and other sister at that time. She has been having some difficulty swallowing and so her time in the hospital has been extended as news spread of this case many including myself are still in shock after learning of this as she is personally known to me.

Born and raised as a church going sibling she did all the expected activities that well behaved and obedient child should do but felt something apparently gnawing at her inner core, the source continued. It was not until in her teens that she soon realised that her same sex attractions grew far stronger than she could ever imagine and even went as far as praying to seek remedy and a healing cure for this scourge as it were. I can remember my own attempt literally hours on my knees in my bedroom praying to God to be rid of this desire for men and my feeling of shame and guilt as well. I went as far as subscribing to the early ex gay notions of homosexuality being caused by an absentee father (even physically present in the home) and so it was also with this young lady, she at one point bought into the idea in her search for reasons that it was because she did not have a strong father figure hence her desire for women.

Finally the struggle was too much to bear and as most do come to the realization that this is me and I cannot change who I am. Her mother’s hounding of why she did not have a boyfriend soon cropped up and the other predictable condemnations including the use of passages to instruct her that it was her job to reproduce or to procreate (excluding the lesbian knowledge bit) her mother even went as far as to suggest pastoral intervention to supposedly preselect a man for her in the church as she was to remain in the church as her mother’s insistence even in adult life. It was a relationship however with a female music teacher that became rather close in her nineteenth year that caught the attention of some who in term somehow got word to her mother where the descent began. While she resided with her she eventually moved out to attend a tertiary institution and soon found herself receiving late night phone calls with an angry mother on the line demanding to know if she was a lesbian and the whole nine yards. Time passed and the relationship between the mother and the young woman grew tense but they kept contact non the less though becoming more infrequent.

Her departure to the states was eminent and her mother made it known that she knew she was about to go overseas and live her so called “dirty” life which was where the source claimed the real hurt began. Instead of encouraging her daughter to be successful a mother decides to instil shame and hurt on a daughter who was carving out her life and career goals. The letter exchanges commenced along with emails and phone calls and without fail the young lady would be reminded of the Sodom and Gomorrah story, the abominations and so on.

Reparative therapy at one point was also hinted to and that was where the estrangement and withdrawal begin with the young woman who felt she could no longer carry this burden of trying to please her mother. The damning written piece however came in Christmas of 2011 where her mother in a lengthy hand written piece which suggested motive and time to gather her thoughts on what she wanted to express made it clear that she did not support her lesbian lifestyle and that God was going to punish her and other damaging condemnations. Judging by the outcome here the road to the young lady’s decision to end her own life had been paved but what came through also from the source is that she hardly sought any assistance on the face of it from anyone, not even her close circle of friends who are reeling from the shock of the news that she would take such a route of finality. Her return letter just before the suicide attempt was typed, printed and mailed to her mother a copy of which was seen by the source who paraphrased that the young woman said she was hurt by her mother’s shaming words and she wanted nothing more to do with her as she was only her mother by blood, nothing more.

She attempted to use a leather belt she had in her closet tied to a ceiling fan and a chair as support for deliberately kicking the chair from under her however the attempt failed as she had a visitor some ten minutes after the fact who entered her flat and made the shocking discovery and called for help to take her down where she was rushed to the hospital. Her mother upon hearing the news sounded a bit indifferent according to my source but has been keeping in touch non the less. Question is how many other LGBT people, Jamaican and otherwise who are going through this kind of rejection and have gone as far as self mutilation or suicide as a solution? To think also presently we have no serious permanent systems in place of psycho social interventions within the advocacy structures to address the specific LGBT rejection fallout similar to this case. It in November 2012 that a case was brought to my attention of an attempted wrist slitting by a young man who had reported became fed up with his own issues as well.

With signs of trouble hard to detect the experts however tell us that we can still see them if we pay very close attention to ones behaviour but who has time to be scrutinizing every move another makes? Ironically the son of American self help guru Rick Warren the man who influenced the world with his book and speeches took his own life earlier this year Matthew Warren ended his life by the gun yet Mr Warren Sr. did not see it coming. Words do can hurt as this case points to especially when it comes from relative as a mother who we seek validation in who we are even as adults. I am wondering if her mother is now considering more improper words by now condemning her that she committed another sin especially one that is deemed unpardonable in scripture. Samson’s suicide as it were where he destroyed the temple is not a sin in my eyes that’s a more a case of martyrdom or a form of heroism to me, after all he was protecting his nation on the face of it. Also in a mental sense or diminished responsibility ones state can also be a determinant factor one cannot be held responsible for an act such as that given the state they may have been at the time of the attempt. The other family members seem not to have factored post the attempt, at no point was her sister mentioned in any detail which suggest there could be possible estrangement between them as well. The woman’s father had passed away some years ago.

Hope is what is needed overall as I asked it is just worrisome as to how many others out there are suffering in silence and that is preventable or at least some intervention be brought to the fore. We have had no serious forumatic activity in this regard to help community members get over this hurdle, the expectations that many of us had of a matured LGBT positive social activities and interventions after some thirty plus years in total of agitation we would have seen systems put in place to respond to immediate service needs for cases such as this. No suicidal hotline for things like this locally either which makes me ask where does one go for answers and help?

Fingers crossed, prayers going up and high hopes abound and we hope she pulls through and reach some resolve, reconciliation and reunification with her mother on this matter, I hope her mother evolves at least on her thinking towards rejection of homosexuality and realises her words have power. Thanks to her friend who shared aspects of this story and hence the approved post you now see. There are so many stories out there to tell by so many of us to bring some reality to bear.

Hope remains while company is true.

Peace and tolerance

H

World Suicide Prevention Day ...... some thoughts

See discussion HERE from TVJ but the entity named is a faith based one and may not offer LGBT specific interventions to deal with the attendant issues however some salient points were brought out, in a subsequent radio interview with the gentleman above he said Choose Life International had a mix of psycho-social, spiritual and other support mechanisms to handle cases that he says almost come in on a daily basis. Men seem to be more inclined to commit suicide and employ more drastic measures in ending their lives as females being the social creatures they are tend to seek some sort of closure before actually planning their exit.

The LGBT community just going from memory as there are no formal statistics available on the suicide rates specific to us locally has had its share of persons resorting to ending their own lives, cases or persons who I knew seem to have hinted to or successfully ended their lives because of some of the following reasons:

1) rejection from family members and feeling as outcasts

2) very little social support from friends

3) lack of social services towards the LGBT community in developing social intelligence so persons can gage challenges early and seek help

4) lack of proper pyscho social support to address depression, stress especially those persons who are victims of homophobia, lesbophobia and homo negative trauma

5) the poor skills of some faith based persons and entities in engaging suspected suicidal tendencies 

6) feeling dirty and filthy after a corrective rape or sexual abuse episode as experienced by same gender loving females

7) the taking for granted hints to suicidal tendencies expressed to friends as they are sometimes dismissed as a joke then comes the bad news after the fact

8) feelings of being a burden to friends and family post a homophobic episode while recovering in the company of others

Loss of my friend surprisingly:

Some years ago I lost a good friend to suicide that left sections of the community asking how come or why? he locked himself in his Mercedes and attached a hose from the exhaust pipe to the interior of the car overnight as he was found by the household help in the morning. Robert Cork was an ally for me in my early years of advocacy and we worked closely at the time in some programs with an array of NGOs. There were no visible signs to us or at best to me at the time that he was undergoing some trying issues in his life when one judges he was socially upward with all the materialistic trappings, his businesses seems to have been going on fairly well yet he took such a final decision. This was a man who would counsel other persons in their own personal challenges so it was really a surprise as the news spread then. Many were angry including myself and we asked why didn't he say something maybe we could have helped but it was not to be. I won't share the subsequent reasons that were revealed but it shows the challenges that sometimes it is hard to tell or predict when this may strike from someone close to us

more reading here:

Suicide rate by age, sex and population, 2002-2006

Source: Statistics Department of the Jamaica Constabulary Force. M: Male; F: Female.

Another case I can recall:

A same gender loving female with bipolar disorder locally was the victim of a brutal series of abuses and gang rape in her community some 5 years ago, the men upon suspecting she was a lesbian decided to enact the corrective rape formulae to enact their brand of justice, after seeking help and relocating from her depressed area where she originally hailed recovery was painful and her thoughts of suicide was repeatedly expressed were dismissed as just jokes or expressions of basic frustrations, it was not until she decided to overdose on pills even while having drugs for her bipolar issue and seeking counseling (outside of the LGBT circles) she has since recovered thankfully and is now abroad as he asylum case came through.

As indicated in my introduction the real stats in the LGBT community are hard to come by but we may need to begin to keep a track of this problem though not a major issue at this time.

Hints to suicide

It is a well-known fact that as a person begins to climb from depression the possibility of a suicide attempt increases. There are two thoughts as to why this happens. The first is that when a person makes up their mind to take their own life, they become more at peace with the situation. They feel more in control and thus the depression begins to lighten. The second idea is that as lethargy lifts, a person finds the energy to carry out suicidal plans made while incapacitated. Regardless of the reason, however, this is a very critical time.

Behavioral Indicators
Acquiring a Weapon
Hoarding Medication
Putting Affairs in Order
Making or Changing a Will
Increased Interest in Suicide
Giving Away Personal Belongings
Mending Grievances
Checking on Insurance Policy
Withdrawing from People

Verbal Indicators
Straightforward Comments:
"I wish I were dead"
"I wish I had the nerve to kill myself."
"I wish I could die in my sleep."
"If it weren't for my kids, my husband ... I would commit suicide."

Hints:
"I hate life."
"Why do I bother?"
"I can't take it anymore."
"Nothing matters anymore."

Note that these signs are not proof positive that someone is considering suicide. Any number of these signs may be evident, but the person has given little or no thought to taking their own life. The reverse is also true. A person may give no warning of an impending suicide attempt. So how do you know for sure? Ask. Yes, ask! Be open to discussing this difficult subject with your loved one. It could save a life.

References

Citrome, L. & Goldberg, J.F. "Bipolar disorder is a potentially fatal disease." Postgraduate Medicine, 117(February 2005): 9-11.

Peace and tolerance

H

Rejected Lesbian Lover Jumps From roof .............

According to the Jamaica Star News

Two St James women, an 18-year-old and her grandmother, both ended up spending time in hospital earlier this week after the teen jumped from the roof of a house after her girlfriend ended their relationship.

Residents of Paradise in Nor-wood, Montego Bay, St James, told THE WEEKEND STAR that on Monday about midday, the teenager and her 20-odd-year-old lover who were sharing a home for over a year got into an altercation.

It is said that the lover expressed a desire to end the love affair. Her desire is said to have been more than just word of mouth as she is said to have packed some clothes and left the house.

The heartbroken teenager is then said to have gone on to the roof of the house and jumped off, crashing to the ground. She was rushed to hospital and according to the residents her legs were broken in the fall.

After hearing that she was injured, the grandmother of the teenager is reported to have turned up at hospital where she heard persons saying that her granddaughter was a lesbian.

The 60-odd-year-old woman is said to have fallen to the ground. She reportedly hit her head and ended up in the hospital.

"Di grandmother nuh live a Norwood still eno, but everybody know seh di two girl dem a lesbian. Dem nuh hide it and dem even live together so mi cyaa see how di granny shock til' she all drop down," Timmy, a resident said.

Residents and police personnel from the Montego Bay CIB say that the incident has since become a hot topic in the community. "A formal report was not made but we have heard of the incident. A lot of people are talking about it," an officer at the Montego Bay CIB said when contacted.

Efforts to confirm the teen's injuries were unsuccessful up to press time last night as hospital personnel said that information regarding patients could not be divulged over the telephone.

ENDS

Pity we do not have any serious interventions at this time apart from referalls that often do not help enough or go far enough to deal with same sex relationship issues or conflict resolution that spill into the public domain. Rejections does not seem to be taken likely in our community due to the limited socialization leading to long term unions I surmise as living openly is already hard to navigate in our homophobic and growing lesbophobic society.

Young same gender lovers also need to have some guidance as to how to navigate and face certain realities especially in in the ending of a relationship or at best trial separation as an option as well. We all at some point want a life partner especially here so as to find solace from the problems of not being out and proud so some persons based on my observation find redress in a sense in a union and sexual contact. What tends to happen however also is a heteronormative construct being applied to how gay persons live out their relationships, so there is a dominant partner, gender roles mimicked in the union and a fatalistic approach when an abrupt end occurs or one partner is found to be cheating with the corresponding rage acted out in public as we have also seen in previous cases and tabloid entries such as this one:

Butch finds herself in some trouble for "non disclosure"

Much more work is needed to help persons involved gay romantic relationships. 

Peace and tolerance

H