Now that you have tested positive you will need to find at least three kinds of support:

1) A counsellor with some understanding of gay/bi issues and HIV who can help you with the consequences of this for you and your family. Whether you are out or not, or have a supportive environment or not, will all affect your interaction with HIV, and it is best to be prepared for both practical and emotional issues, and a counsellor can help with these.

2) A really up to date and knowledgeable HIV/AIDS specialist. This is harder to find than one might imagine despite the large organisational structure for HIV/AIDS. Most private doctors, quite frankly, know nothing about it and the ones with most experiences are in public hospitals. But these are not the easiest of places to visit and in any case their focus is, rightly, on mass treatment, and not quite geared towards someone who is middle class and able to bear some of the expenses of the treatment. In other words, the government/NGO system focuses, as it must, on large scale, free treatment and cannot be adjusted that much to each individual patient. But ideally with a disease like HIV, where each person's prognosis can be very different, this individualised treatment is needed and if you are in a position to get it, you must.

3) A physician who will treat your regular illnesses with some knowledge of your HIV status. While the physician should treat your illnesses for what they are, it is possible that it might be best if it is known that HIV is a background factor, so you need a doctor with some knowledge of this. This may not be that critical at the moment, since you are most likely quite healthy now and will be for a while, and this will not be an issue. At some point in time though it might, but hopefully by then you will be better networked with the HIV support scene. Getting in touch with a HIV support group is also a good option to consider at a later point.

OK, but for now, you need to relax. What's happened isn't wonderful, but its not the end of the world. The problem with HIV is that it comes with all the stigma and fear and in your case this will be multiplied by concerns about your family. But you need to remind yourself that:

a) It is just a disease, it is not a moral judgement on you.

b) It is not fiercely contagious. The saving thing about HIV is, in fact, that it is a virus that is quite hard to get. You need direct contact of certain kinds of bodily fluid - blood, semen, pre-cum (it is there in saliva but at such low levels you don't need to get worked up about it). The virus also dies quite fast outside the body. So you are not risking infecting people by just being around them. (I need hardly say that you have to be careful about sexual partners and if you have had unprotected sex with anyone recently then you might need to consider telling those partners).

c) You can have a quite normal lifespan. One way to look at it is that you have acquired a medical condition like diabetes. This can be serious and cause all kinds of complications if it is not treated, but it is quite possible to treat it and build that treatment into your life.

At some point you will probably need to start taking the drugs and yes, in the past the side effects were not great. But newer treatment regimens have reduced this to a large extent and if you find a good specialist you should be able to increase the chance that you will get a fairly problem free treatment regimen.

As to when you will have to start treatment that is harder to say and it is why a specialist is needed. Please don't listen when doctors says, as they often do, that you only need to start starting treatment when your CD4s cells drop below 200. This is the norm set by the government in connection to administration of free medicines, and it is no surprise that they have chosen a level that makes optimum sense for them (in terms of total cost) as well as the patient.

But you don't have to be bound by this and can decide what will be the optimum point for you. The tendency in the West now is to start treatment much earlier - specialists may recommend starting when CD4s fall below 350, or if they show a rapid decline. Please don't believe one myth that floats around which is that after starting treatment you only have that many years to live. Such claims are based on mass studies, with people who often don't have access to healthy food and living conditions, and this should not apply to you. I hope I don't need to say that you need to focus very strongly on maintaining your health in general. (Alternate healing practices like yoga can't cure HIV, but they can help here, in improving your general health and reducing stress).

What you will have to start doing now and this unfortunately does involve real costs, far more than that of the drugs themselves, is to start monitoring yourself more often. This involves going to a good path lab - I think its best to stick to the large national chains like Metropolis if that's there where you are - and doing a HIV package which will show two things: 1) virus levels and 2) CD4 levels (and other white blood cells). These will vary inversely, but its not easy analysing them - virus levels in particular can vary alarmingly without it meaning much. This is where the specialist is vital.

The cost of the testing package is around Rs4500 and this is an expense you HAVE to find money for, at least in this initial phase as your body gets used to the presence of the virus in it. I would suggest you do tests every 2-3 months for the first year and then, as you get a sense of how the virus is settling down in your body you can do them less, but once every six months is a minimum. The cost of these tests is the real financial blow with HIV and while there has been some work being done on bringing them down or providing free tests at government hospitals, this is all still a problem.

All this is a lot for you to process so please take your time to go through them. Please consider seeing a counsellor to help you deal with personal issues, as well as a good doctor. You will be surprised, once these are in places and you are taking good care of your health and being aware of, but not obsessing, about your condition, how routine it can come to seem. Never entirely routine, of course, but manageable and certainly no reason not lead a normal life. 

What about telling others about my status?

The most important point to remember is ... you don't need to tell everyone that you are HIV positive. You need to think about who needs to know and how to tell them. Blurting it out all at once is certainly one way of telling others that you're positive. But healthy disclosure is a process that may require many discussions and contemplations.

Think of disclosing your HIV as the beginning of a new dialogue with the ones you most love and trust. Not only will they learn about you through this process, but you'll learn a lot about yourself as well. The starting point may be saying "I have something to tell you-I have HIV." But chances are that isn't going to be the final word.

Setting the stage for disclosure can make a big difference. Think about where you want to tell someone that you're HIV positive-a place where you feel comfortable and safe. If possible, arrange some place safe for you to go after the initial disclosure, like a friend's house or a support group.

Consider bringing a few pamphlets about HIV or an HIV Infoline card for the person you're telling. Not only might they use these resources later, but having them helps that person know you're not alone, that there's support for you-and for them. Consider bringing someone who already knows you're living with HIV.

Remember that their first reaction is not going to be their last. Like you, those whom you love need time to adjust to this new information. Finally, be brave and proud of the decision you've made!

Telling others you're living with HIV can be scary, painful, and difficult. In the long run, it's usually not as hard as the heavy burden of secrecy. While there's no one best way, there are a few things to think about in advance that might help.

Common reasons why some people choose not to disclose is that others may find it hard to accept your HIV status; some may even discriminate against you because of it. Discrimination within one's family or friends can really hurt. Discrimination at work can hurt, too, but it is also illegal.

The pros may be that sharing your status can feel empowering and can foster a new sense of closeness among friends, family and loved ones. Not hiding your HIV status from doctors or other health care providers can help ensure that you get the most appropriate care, too. Disclosure can also reduce the risk of HIV transmission to others, and it can lead to better, healthier sexual relationships.

Tips for breast cancer prevention

Rosalee M. Brown is a registered dietitian/ nutritionist who operates Integrated Nutrition and Health Services.

We are convinced that genetics play a significant role in breast cancer risk but there is also evidence that risk is impacted by factors such as food and nutrition and physical activity. A report published by the American Institute for Cancer Research and the World Cancer Research Fund on food, nutrition, physical activity and the prevention of cancer provides some recommendations for cancer prevention based on a meta-analysis of existing research.

The recommendations are:

1. Be as lean as possible. Body fat should be maintained at the lower end of body mass index or BMI for age throughout childhood and adolescence and within the normal range after age 21. Weight gain and increase in waist circumference should be avoided in adulthood.

2. Limit consumption of energy-dense foods. Avoid sugary drinks and consume soft drinks sparingly.

3. Eat mostly foods of plant origin. Eat at least five portions/servings (that is, at least 400 g or 14 oz) of a variety of non-starchy vegetables and fruits every day. Eat relatively unprocessed cereals (grains) and/or pulses (legumes) with every meal. Limit refined starchy foods. People who consume starchy roots or tubers as staples should eat enough non-starchy vegetables, fruits, and pulses (legumes).

4. Limit the intake of red meats and avoid processed meats. People who eat red meat should consume less than 500 g 

(18 oz) a week and very little of it, if any, should be processed.

5. Limit alcoholic drinks. If alcoholic drinks are consumed, limit consumption to no more than two drinks a day for men, and one drink a day for women.

6. Limit consumption of salts and avoid mouldy cereals and legumes. Avoid salt-preserved, salted or salty foods and preserve foods without using salt. Limit consumption of processed foods with added salt to help control salt intake to less than 6g (2.4g sodium) a day. Do not eat mouldy cereals (grains) or pulses (legumes).

7. Aim to meet nutritional needs through diet alone. Dietary supplements are not recommended for cancer prevention.

8. Aim to breastfeed infants exclusively up to six months.

9. Be physically active every day. Moderate physical activity, equivalent to brisk walking for at least 30 minutes every day is recommended. As fitness improves, aim for 60 minutes or more of moderate activity, or for 30 minutes or more of vigorous physical activity every day. Limit sedentary habits such as watching television.

News you can use - To whom do I report the police?

John Doe said he was physically abused by a group of policemen after he refused to allow them to search his house without a warrant.
Mr. Doe says he is afraid to report the matter to the police and wants to know if there is any other agency or body to which he could report the incident.

What is the Police Public Complaints Authority?

The authority is an independent, non-police agency of the Ministry of Justice with the power to investigate allegations of misconduct filed by members of the public against members of the Jamaica Constabulary Force and its auxiliaries. Investigations are conducted in an impartial and objective fashion by the authority's investigative staff, which is made up solely of civilian employees.

Who comprises the authority?

The authority consists of three persons appointed by the governor general in his discretion by instrument under the broad seal (one of whom is appointed executive chairman).

What are the legal functions of the authority?

a) To monitor the investigation by the force of any complaint or other matter to which the act applies with a view to ensuring that such investigation is conducted impartially.

b) To supervise the investigation of complaints by the force.

c) To undertake direct investigation of complaints.

d) To evaluate and report to the minister of justice from time to time on the system of handling complaints.


Who may make a complaint?

Complaints may be made by a member of the public, whether or not that person is affected by the subject of the complaint, or by any person on behalf of a member of the public so affected, but with his written consent.

What happens to a complaint after it is filed?

The complaint is assigned to an investigator who will commence investigation immediately. The investigator will gather as much information as possible about the complaint through records of the police department, field visits, interviews of witnesses, police officers and other available sources. The authority will inform you by letter of the status of an ongoing investigation. At the close of the investigation, the case is thoroughly reviewed by the authority.

Where the authority considers that a criminal offence may have been committed, the matter is reported to the director of public prosecutions for her ruling. Otherwise, it is reported to the commissioner of police with the authority's recommendation. The authority notifies the complainant by letter of the action taken.

If your complaint does not fall within the authority's jurisdiction, the authority will forward it to the appropriate agency and will notify you of the referral.

What are the possible actions that the authority may take?

The authority may decide that the complaint is:

Substantiated: The subject officer has committed the alleged act of misconduct.

Unsubstantiated: There was insufficient evidence to substantiate the complaint.

Unfounded: The subject officer did not commit an act of misconduct. The incident did occur, but the officer's actions were lawful.


How long does it take before a complaint is resolved?

The authority strives to resolve all complaints in a timely manner. The exact time depends on the complexity of the investigation and the cooperation of the parties. On average, the investigation of a complaint is completed within three months.

Is there any other way to resolve the complaint?

Where the parties voluntarily agree, a complaint which, if proven, would not attract sanctions may be resolved informally. In this case the assistance of a neutral party assigned by the authority is utilised.

How and where may a complaint be lodged to the authority?

How: In person or by mail.
Where: Ground and first floors
45-47 Barbados Avenue, Kingston 5, Jamaica.
Tel: 968-8875, 968-1932
Fax: 960-4767
Toll free: 1-888-FOR-HELP (367-4357)

Continuing Breast Cancer Month Posts

Frequently Asked Questions from the Jamaica Cancer Society, visit their website for more useful information.

Here you will find some answers to the most often asked questions relating to cancer and cancer treatment. Hopefully you will find an answer to your question below.
If you do not see your question here or on their website(click image), email JCS at: mail@jamaicacancersociety.org and they will post your question and the answer there. Your privacy will be maintained of course.

Q. What Is A Pap Smear ?

A. The Pap smear, or cervical smear, is an early warning test, which shows whether there are any changes in the cervix, which might develop
into cancer (precancerous changes), as well as detecting cancer of the cervix if it is already present.

Q. What Causes Cervical Cancer ?

A. It is now known that the human papilloma virus (HPV) is found in nearly all cases of cervical cancer and is therefore the primary risk factor.
There are over 100 types of HPV, most of which do not cause cancer, however some HPV are high risk and associated with cervical cancer.

Q. What Are The First Signs Of Cervical Cancer ?

A. The first identifiable symptoms are:
Watery or bloody vagina discharge
Post Coital Bleeding (bleeding after intercourse)
Bleeding between periods or after menopause

Causes of the cancer are linked to sexually transmitted viral infection, such as, genital herpes or human papilloma virus (HPV) that often causes genital warts. Women are likely to develop dysplasia or cervical cancer if they:
had sexual intercourse before 18
had multiple sex partners
had several multiple full term pregnancies
had sexually transmitted diseases
smoke
Most cases of cervical cancer are cured or controlled if caught at an early stage. That is why screening is so important. Every woman over 18 years should have an annual Pap smear.

Q. What Is Chemotherapy ?

A. Chemotherapy is the use of drugs to treat cancer. The drugs are often called "anticancer" drugs.

Q. What Chemotherapy Achieves ?

A. Depending on the type of cancer and its stage of development, chemotherapy can be used to:

cure cancer
keep the cancer spreading;
slow the cancer’s growth;
relieve symptoms that may be caused by cancer.
Chemotherapy is a very effective cancer treatment. Even when chemotherapy cannot cure the disease, it can help people live longer and more comfortably.

Q. What Causes Side Effects?

A. Because cancer cells grow and divide rapidly, anticancer drugs are made to kill faster growing cells. But certain normal, healthy cells also multiply quickly, and chemotherapy can affect these cells, too. When it does, side effects may result. The fast-growing, normal cells most likely to be affected are blood cells forming in the bone marrow and cells in the digestive tract, reproductive system, and hair follicles. Anticancer drugs can also damage cells of the heart, kidney, bladder, lungs, and nervous system. The most common side effects of chemotherapy include nausea and vomiting, hair loss, and fatigue.
Most normal cells recover quickly when chemotherapy is over, so most side effects gradually disappear after treatment ends and the healthy cells have a chance to grow normally. The time it takes to get over some side effects and regain energy varies from person to person. How soon you will feel better depends on many factors, including your overall health and the kinds of drugs you have been taking.

While many side effects go away fairly rapidly, certain ones may take months or years to disappear completely. Sometimes, the side effects can last a lifetime, as when chemotherapy causes permanent damage to the heart, lungs, kidneys, or reproductive organs.
It is important to remember that many people have no long-term problems due to chemotherapy. It is also reassuring to know that doctors are making great progress in preventing some of chemotherapy’s more serious side effects.

Disclaimer
(image and parts of the information herein are owned by the JCS and is no way affilliated with GLBTQ Jamaica or my allies)

The Art of Erotic Biting

In modern American culture we are familiar with love bites characterized by the neck hickey, a red, discolored spot or bruise resulting from biting or pinching with the mouth. Among young teens the hickey is almost a rite of passage, a badge of honor symbolizing sexual maturity and success at winning a lover. They become a somewhat subtle way of saying "I got laid last night". Among younger children the hickey is sometimes given without much sexual involvement as something of a love game from their earliest attempts at serious kissing. We have heard of cases of older boys pinching "virginal" girl's necks (creating a false hickey) to embarrass them before their parents and other youth. Of course kids (especially boys) quickly discover they can fabricate their own false hickeys to win admiration or envy of their peers.

Some gay and bisexual men are aroused by slight bites on the buttocks, the crotch area, the spinchter opening of the anus and the balls (slight nibbling)

Erotic biting has long been a part of serious sexuality. The Kama Sutra devotes an entire chapter to it and like other chapters has a complete taxonomy of forms and styles. "Local customs should be consulted" since the practice varied widely. In some cities the practice was offensive (even dangerous) where in other places it was a honor to one's lover and even expected. The women of Koshala for example loved violent biting and "dildos are much employed". The author(s) warned "One should not be led by a state of excitation into performing acts that are considered unfitting". These practices "if lightly performed, arouse desire and provoke sighs". Biting and scratching is observed "in all species" and the main goal is excitation prior to copulation. In some women this can produce a true orgasm.

All parts of the body were considered suitable except the upper lip, tongue, and eyes. The forehead, lower lip, neck, cheeks, chest, breasts, sides, crotch, ear, feet, armpits and genitals were favored. Attention to specific erotic zones in the woman was essential. The writer advises that "kiss marks on the ear, as well as scratch marks on the cheeks are considered ornamental". These ancient lovers of sex also left fingernail marks in conjunction with bites.

The major types of bites are as follows:

Discreet: gentle bite to the lower lip, leaving only short-term redness. Today we might call this a love nip.

Impressed: firm bite to the lower lip or cheeks, leaving lasting redness.

Pointed: a tiny piece of skin is bitten by the teeth and pulled.

Coral Jewel: a spot is squeezed several times between the top teeth and lower lip, leaving a dark rose mark in a jewel shape.

Necklace of Gems: coral jewel (larger) marks left in a line along some part of the body. They were favored along the neck in two lines, down both sides of the torso, or near the sexual organs.

Necklace of Dots: pointed (smaller) marks left in a line or two on the body.

Scattered Cloud: small teeth marks arranged in an irregular pattern (ie. cloud shapes) on the body. Leaving these marks below the breast is mentioned.

Chewing the Wild Boar: Closely spaced bites over a wide area "forming a red center" below the breasts. Due to the swine association this term is best avoided in modern times!

THE FOLLOWING ARE MODERN VARIATIONS NOT FOUND IN THE KAMA SUTRA:

Initialing: bites form the initials of the lover's name. These variations serve as a type of short duration tattoo and denote a type of "ownership" of the lover's body.
Symbology: bites form a symbol of a group, gang, or organization. Shape of a heart is also very common in symbol of general love. We have heard of one fraternity who bit females from a sister sorority with a Greek letter.
Circling: bites form a circle around an object such as the naval, nipple, tattoo, piercing, or male glans. The Necklace styles are generally a line rather than a circle and do not ring a specific landmark on the body.
Vampire: two small bites (perhaps Pointed type) on the neck to resemble the two punctures of vampire fangs. This was a Halloween pastime among a group of swinging friends.
The practices of erotic biting varied in their violence according to the type of lover, their tradition, and personality. In some cases the Indian man would bite the woman with a necklace. He/She would return the favor, giving him a necklace "as if she were in anger" or "like a madwoman". In some cases the hair is grabbed and light bondage is involved. For instance "she bites wherever he had bitten her and rejoices in his efforts to free himself".

Like scratches these bite marks were considered "a souvenir of sexual relations". They were also marks of adultery and might serve as legal evidence. Necklaces were considered proof the woman have consented for an extended period of a time with her lover. Recent, visible bite marks also told others that a man or woman had a current lover and might be unavailable. It was also a sort of advertisement of the lover's erotic skills. If the lover was known others could admire his or her skill in this important erotic artistry or lack thereof. This is why some bites were done on visible places (neck, arms) vs. hidden places (below breasts, pubic area) to be either public or private knowledge. But in our modern beach culture with skimpy outfits few such protections are possible.

H

Tribadism and safer sex

Tribadism (pronounced /ˈtrɪ bæd ɪzm/) or tribbing, also known by the slang term scissoring, is a form of non-penetrative sex in which a woman rubs her vulva against her partner's body for sexual stimulation. This may involve female-to-female genital contact or a female rubbing her vulva against her partner's thigh, arm or stomach; it can also refer to a masturbation technique in which a woman rubs her vulva against an inanimate object such as a bolster, in an effort to achieve orgasm. The term is most often used in the context of lesbian sex, but is not exclusive to lesbians.

History

In the sexuality of the ancient Romans, a tribas was a woman who wanted to be an active partner or "top" in intercourse. The Romans did not classify according to homosexuality and heterosexuality. They instead had words for who was the active partner and who was the "bottom".

Until the 20th century, the term was used to refer to lesbian sexual practices in general. Therefore, lesbians were occasionally called tribades.

This position is not exclusive to humans. Females of the bonobo species, found in the Democratic Republic of the Congo, also engage in female-female genital sex, usually known as GG rubbing (genito-genital).

Safe sex issues
As with any exchange of bodily fluids during sexual activities, tribadism has the potential to transfer sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) if those are present in one or more of the partners. Participants have the option of safe sex practices.

Tribadism in popular culture
The glam pop band Scissor Sisters derived their name from the scissoring position.
Bands named after tribadism include Scissorfight and the lesbian punk band Tribe
Genital-genital tribadism was depicted three times during the "D-Yikes!" episode of the cartoon South Park, referred to in that episode as "scissoring".
Australian band Rocksteady pay homage to tribadism with their song "Scissoring".

SEE: Bonobo Sex and Society
The behavior of a close relative challenges assumptions about male supremacy in human evolution

Remember HIV OK:
It infects CD4 cells and uses them to make new copies of HIV, which go on to infect more cells. The lower a person's CD4 count, the weaker their immune system will be.

Very low risk but NOT No risk
HIV is transmitted when blood, vaginal fluids (including menstrual blood), breast milk or semen from an HIV+ person enters your bloodstream.

It is true that instances of female-to-female HIV transmissions that have been documented are far less than the other modes of transmission mainly unprotected heterosexual and homosexual penetrative sex. The route possibly being sex toys, used vigorously enough to cause exchange of blood-tinged body fluids.

Lesbians are fortunate enough to be in the lowest risk and it’s very rare for women to transmit HIV to each other sexually.

Each woman must assess the risks for herself and decide how she’s going to conduct her sex life. Many of us consider monogamy to offer all the ‘safety’ we need sexually. Although it can’t protect against HIV if someone already carries the virus.

Sexual identity does not necessarily predict behaviour. Just stay aware and enjoy what and who you do!

Safety first
Safer sex for women who have sex with women is a personal choice. If you are concerned you may want to follow the following tips:

Use protection during oral sex. Dental dams, cut up condoms, or cling film can be used to minimise contact with fluids during oral sex

Don’t share sex toys, or if you chose to, make sure you use a new condom every time it enters a new hole!
Cuts on hands create risk during vaginal masturbation/ fisting so you may want to use latex gloves
Rough sex is safe if there is no blood involved
If you are piercing each other then disinfect the needle and body areas

If shaving the vaginal area, do not share razors.
One can cut a FEMIDOM II or a regular condom open to act as a shield between both genitals but the FEMIDOM II is well lubed with water based liquids so it helps to avoid hair cuts and reduces friction, also the FEMIDOM can be used on large sex toys as well if those are introduced in the session.

Frottage (rubbing bodies together) is better and recommended by most experts in HIV as the risks as outlined briefly above can pass HIV and other STIs if the action is rigid and there is contact with blood and other bodily fluids to blood.

Peace & tolerance

H

Understanding Self Acceptance

In order to achieve effective results, through self-counselling, an individual will have to willingly explore a number of essential qualities. These include self-acceptance and the ability to work towards creating positive changes in the behaviour, thoughts and emotions that are considered to be unacceptable.


What is Self-Acceptance?
Being accepted for who you are, regardless of your thoughts, beliefs, feelings, values and behaviour is a liberating experience. It allows us to move through life with less concern about holding ourselves in check.


Acceptance usually comes after other people have taken the time to understand who we are, what we do and how we deal with issues and situations, as well as how we interact with other people. If we feel judgment is being passed on us however, it creates a barrier, which may stop an individual accepting him or herself.


Being able to accept ourselves fully can only happen if we accept that our psyche does not judge us in any way, and that it will therefore help us overcome our issue with acceptance of self.



Non-Acceptance
When we judge others, or ourselves, we are being non-accepting. Our psyche, or inner self however, accepts us without questioning, although we will often attempt to work against it by trying to be someone we are not or by acting in a way that does not feel natural to us. Putting ourselves down, being harshly self- critical or concentrating on our weaknesses are all actions of non-acceptance.



Bridging the Gap
Self-counselling provides an opportunity to explore all the areas of our personality or behaviour that we do not like or accept. Developing our skills and personal awareness of self-acceptance can only be possible if we recognise that changes need to be made, and are prepared to accept this. In order to make the changes we want to we need to bridge the gap between our current actual state of self-acceptance and the ideal.


Although perfect acceptance probably does not exist, we can work towards bridging the gap, between what we have and what we would ideally like to have, by being open to exploring feelings and emotions through self-counselling and personal development and growth.



Working With Your Psyche
By listening to yourself you will be able to identify the parts of you, and your behaviour, that you do not accept. This may include behaviours and reactions that you would like to change, habits that you would like to break and other things or thoughts that you have which are no longer useful to your personal progress and development. Reviewing this list, from time to time, is a useful exercise that will enable you to acknowledge your continued progress.


Understanding how your personal non-acceptance interferes and creates issues in your relationships with others will enable you to pay closer attention to behaviour. By accepting that you will have to make changes you can begin to identify the best solutions for the outcome that you want to achieve. Letting go of the feeling that everyone, and everything, has to be perfect will also help you deal with self-acceptance.

The Counselor's Guide UK

How To Avoid Negative Thinking

Optimism:
by Kali Munro, M.Ed., Psychotherapist, 2001.

"...in spite of everything I still believe that people
are really good at heart."
~ Anne Frank, 1944

Have you ever wondered why some people feel down and defeated when faced with difficult situations, while others feel challenged and hopeful? Or why some people get all worked up and angry over small inconveniences and disagreements, while others respond more positively? These different reactions are due to how people interpret events - whether they view things from an optimistic or a pessimistic viewpoint.

While we can learn from both optimists and pessimists, most of us need help being optimistic. This article explores both ways of thinking, and gives some suggestions on how to become more optimistic.

The defining characteristic of pessimists is that they tend to believe bad events will last a long time, undermine everything that they do, and are their fault. Optimists, confronted with the same situations, believe that defeat is a temporary setback, its causes are confined to that one situation, and it's not their fault. While a pessimist may give up, an optimist will try harder to change the situation.

Pros and Cons To Both Optimism and Pessimism

There are pros and cons to both optimism and pessimism. Extreme optimism can be off-putting and invalidating because it seems phony and can be a denial of reality and pain. Extreme pessimism can be depressing because it seems to only focus on the negative and catastrophizes events. A healthy dose of optimism can be uplifting and hopeful, while a healthy dose of pessimism can be realistic and wise. Achieving a balance of being realistic and hopeful can be a challenge.

Differences Between Optimists and Pessimists

There are many reasons why people become pessimistic, including child trauma, losses, or highly critical parents - yet many optimists have also experienced great hardships and traumas; Anne Frank is a good example.

The difference between optimists and pessimists isn't a difference in life experiences, but rather in how people perceive and respond to adversity. For example, an optimist who is going through a hard time assumes that life will get better, while a pessimist believes life will always be difficult and painful.

These different approaches to life impact on health. People who are optimistic generally have better health, age well, and live more free of many physical problems associated with aging. Fortunately, optimism can be learned.

Ways To Be Optimistic

The first step to optimism is to identify the thoughts and beliefs running through your mind after something unpleasant happens. How did you interpret the event? Write out all of your beliefs and read them over. Then separate your feelings from your beliefs, because you won't be challenging your feelings; what you feel is what you feel.

Next, write down all your feelings about the event and how you responded. Do this for a few unpleasant situations, such as an argument with your partner, a work conflict, and getting a parking ticket. You might begin to see a pattern in how you interpret and react to events, and this will help you to become aware of and to change patterns.

If you do have pessimistic thoughts, it can help just to be aware that you think that way. Next time your thoughts jump to something like "I never get my way," "Nothing ever gets any better," or "People are always mean to me," try to notice that a pessimistic way of thinking is present for you.

The next step is to distract yourself from your pessimistic beliefs or dispute them. Disputing pessimistic beliefs will bring deeper, longer lasting results than distracting will, but distraction can also be effective, and sometimes easier.

Disputing pessimistic beliefs involves replacing them with alternative, kinder, and more realistic explanations. For example, if you have an argument with your partner, you might immediately think: "S/he never understands me! I'm always the one who ends up apologizing. This isn't working out; we should split up." In the heat of an argument, it's hard to think rationally. But if you step back and think about the situation more realistically, you might find that your thoughts become more positive, and you may even be able to work things out faster. For instance, you might tell yourself, "We just had an argument, and while s/he wasn't very understanding, neither was I. S/he's understood me lots of other times, and will probably understand me again once we've both cooled off. We've always been able to work through our problems before. I know we can again."

Maintaining a hopeful, positive, yet real perspective in the face of adversity can be a real challenge - one many are facing right now in the world - but it is essential to living peacefully and happily. Just as it is important to recognize what is unjust and unfair in our lives and the world, it is equally important to see the beauty, love, generosity, and goodness as well. Being gentle and loving with ourselves when we make mistakes, or when bad things happen is key to being hopeful and optimistic. And even if you're not sure it's possible, you can do it!

How to be a Great Lesbian Lover

By Felice Newman, Somantic Coach & Sex Educator

How do you cultivate a quality of touch that makes your partner feel like you're really seeing them? No one wants to be thought of as merely going through the motions. Nor does anyone want to be seen as a "slam-bam-thank-you-ma'am" hit-and-run driver. Whether you are touching your partner with your hands, your mouth, or a sex toy, what are the qualities that will have your partner feel that they have been touched by your spirit as well? The first quality is presence. Presence is the physical embodiment of your you-ness.

It's that quality that lets someone feel your aliveness in a room before they can see or hear you. Your presence can be felt by others as open, curious, listening, playful, sparkling, seductive, outpouring with love, or full-bodied with deep resonances. It can also be felt as laser-like in single-minded focus, scattered, shut down, collapsed, angry, untouchable, defensive or intractable. To some degree, you can shape your presence by your intention. You can pause before a first kiss, touch, or entry: Who do you want to be in this moment? What quality of your you-ness do you want your partner to be met with?

Next is the quality of extension. Extension is sending our presence outward. We are great energy transmitters, continuously beaming our selves into the world. Some of us have a quiet presence that's felt as a gentle stirring in the air. Others of us are said to have a "big" presence that's felt as a great gust of wind enlivening the atmosphere.

Extension is how you transmit your intentions. You can extend your presence so that your partner "feels" your touch powerfully—regardless of how gently you may press, squeeze, caress, or thrust. Imagine your sexual energy as a force moving through you, one you can direct. Imagine your finger or your penis as a hose through which energy flows. Now imagine directing that energy, and specifically, directly the quality of that energy. Do you want to produce a gentle healing presence? Do you want your energy to hit hard? Are you wanting to create new sensations or intensify sensations that are already there? You can extend vigorously without overreaching or overwhelming your partner. 

You can cultivate extension by consciously observing how others respond to your presence.Next comes receptivity. Remember when popular sex guides referred to the "active partner" and the "passive partner"?

That tired notion was laid to rest by the Good Vibrations Guide to Sex more than a dozen years ago. Receptivity is anything but passive. Receptivity is an energetic quality—it isn't necessarily about who's doing what to whom.In fact, you even can be receptive while you are touching your partner. How? Well, you can open to your partner, listening for her responses, which will speak to you through pulsations, changes in temperature, muscular contractions, and release of bodily fluids.In receptivity, you practice being with yourself while being with another, which is the basis of intimacy.

When you are receiving touch, you can meet your partner's presence with your own. Imagine locating your "self" just under your partner's touch, in the soft folds of your labia and clitoris, in the cool expanse of skin on your buttocks. Energetically, you can reach out toward that touch, just as you physically reach out by moving toward the source of pleasure. There is an element of extension in receptivity. You can cultivate receptivity by being open and inviting of the pleasures of the senses.

As appearing on http://lesbiansanddating.blogspot.com/ visit for more interesting Lesbian articles

G.L.A.B.C.O.M now named G.M.A.J (Meeting happenings 02.06.09)

At the bi weekly meeting for Gays Lesbians & bisexuals led by a lesbian Executive member of GLABCOM and members of the previous Steering Committee structure sought to enlist support from the attendees on the new direction of GLABCOM (Gay Lesbian Allsexual and Bisexual Community) to have it become GMAJ - Gay Mens Association of Jamaica.

The concerns raised included the lack of support from the women (lesbians) who do not attend the meetings. regularly.

Other points raised included:

1). The men were too dominating in the meetings hence the reluctance of the women attending

2). Availability of funds for scholarships for interested persons - many were not aware of it

3). The confidentiality issue of the organization, HIV AIDS test results allegedly banded about by community members

4). The need for more training programs for LGBT cohort

5). The lack of proper role models - "Sketel imagery is too rampant in the behaviour of many of the men"

6). The availability of Heavens Nightclub for a night for a fundraising party on behalf of GLAB - Macy (Mgr)

7). Suggestions of a workshop/retreat to deal with self esteem, anger management and other personal issues

8). Skills training for persons who display a propensity for talent - barbering, hairdressing, tailoring etc

Among the guests present were CFLAG personnel from St. Lucia, Grenada & Curacao who briefly described their various jurisdictions' LGBT issues and concerns. They all pointed out however that there are no sustained meetings similar to GLABCOM where issues are fleshed out and they hailed the achievements of JASL/JFLAG in functioning in a hostile environment.

The new organisational structure was proposed by the Executive Director of Jamaica AIDS Support for Life Miss Stacy Ann Jarrett, guest speaker implored that testing and other interventions were necessary for the MSM population, she then instructed the persons in attendance to "run with it" as we are to form our own strategies in reaching the desired targets.

Targets include, High knowledge level of HIV/AIDS issues, sustained social marketing and behaviour change concepts, proper condom usage, adherence to anti retroviral regime for HIVers, easier access to medications and Counseling and testing.

As usual the unease of some of the attendants was visible as persons kept entering and exiting the room.

Let's see what this new dispensation will bring to the fore but I am concerned however that the focus originally of GLABCOM has been missed, HIV intervention in the MSM population was the primary reason for its formation as it was a creature of Targeted Inteventions of Jamaica AIDS Support for Life. JFLAG was formed out of GLABCOM to address the Advocacy, Social Support, Legal Reform, Referrals and Crisis Intervention needs of the community that JASL couldn't and wasn't funded and equipped so to do.

Is it therefore that GLABCOM/GMAJ is struggling in the void of inactivity to find a place or foothold in between HIV/AIDS intervention and Self Efficacious/Advocacy strategies in engaging the vulnerable groups?.

As a former Steering Committee member I am just baffled at what is happening, the loss of many of the younger newly joined members of the cmt for no apparent reasons and now a change of focus without any proper lead time into sorting out what are the objectives of each organization serving the same marginalised groups, i.e. Jamaica AIDS Support for Life (GLABCOM. GMAJ), Jamaica Forum for Lesbians Allsexuals and Gays (including Women for Women). I think a serious education drive to include committee and general MSM persons is required to put things in perspective.

The Women for Women Chairperson who also happens to be the Co-Chair for JFLAG spoke in her capacity as Chair for WFW justified the reasons for the separation of the groups (men and women in GLABCOM) she explained that the women have their own set of issues to handle so both groups would have to in a structured way handle their own affairs before a meeting of the minds.

One of JFLAG's founders and JASL stalwart who was present reiterated that line and went on to say that most gay men are too busy waiting for a female type lead to be their role model, men needed to take the initiative and be bold with our own development despite how we present ourselves to the world (effeminate)
He also reminded us that GLABCOM meetings are not meant to be toyed with.

The WFW Chair continued to outline their intended representation at the World Gay Games in 2010.

End

Mr. H

How to be a Great Lesbian Lover

By Felice Newman, Romantic Coach & Sex Educator

How do you cultivate a quality of touch that makes your partner feel like you're really seeing them? No one wants to be thought of as merely going through the motions. Nor does anyone want to be seen as a "slam-bam-thank-you-ma'am" hit-and-run driver. Whether you are touching your partner with your hands, your mouth, or a sex toy, what are the qualities that will have your partner feel that they have been touched by your spirit as well?The first quality is presence. Presence is the physical embodiment of your you-ness.

It's that quality that lets someone feel your aliveness in a room before they can see or hear you. Your presence can be felt by others as open, curious, listening, playful, sparkling, seductive, outpouring with love, or full-bodied with deep resonances. It can also be felt as laser-like in single-minded focus, scattered, shut down, collapsed, angry, untouchable, defensive or intractable. To some degree, you can shape your presence by your intention. You can pause before a first kiss, touch, or entry: Who do you want to be in this moment? What quality of your you-ness do you want your partner to be met with?

Next is the quality of extension. Extension is sending our presence outward. We are great energy transmitters, continuously beaming our selves into the world. Some of us have a quiet presence that's felt as a gentle stirring in the air. Others of us are said to have a "big" presence that's felt as a great gust of wind enlivening the atmosphere.Extension is how you transmit your intentions. You can extend your presence so that your partner "feels" your touch powerfully—regardless of how gently you may press, squeeze, caress, or thrust. Imagine your sexual energy as a force moving through you, one you can direct. Imagine your finger or your penis as a hose through which energy flows. Now imagine directing that energy, and specifically, directly the quality of that energy. Do you want to produce a gentle healing presence? Do you want your energy to hit hard? Are you wanting to create new sensations or intensify sensations that are already there? You can extend vigorously without overreaching or overwhelming your partner. You can cultivate extension by consciously observing how others respond to your presence.

Next comes receptivity. Remember when popular sex guides referred to the "active partner" and the "passive partner"?
That tired notion was laid to rest by the Good Vibrations Guide to Sex more than a dozen years ago. Receptivity is anything but passive. Receptivity is an energetic quality—it isn't necessarily about who's doing what to whom.In fact, you even can be receptive while you are touching your partner. How? Well, you can open to your partner, listening for her responses, which will speak to you through pulsations, changes in temperature, muscular contractions, and release of bodily fluids.In receptivity, you practice being with yourself while being with another, which is the basis of intimacy.

When you are receiving touch, you can meet your partner's presence with your own. Imagine locating your "self" just under your partner's touch, in the soft folds of your labia and clitoris, in the cool expanse of skin on your buttocks. Energetically, you can reach out toward that touch, just as you physically reach out by moving toward the source of pleasure. There is an element of extension in receptivity. You can cultivate receptivity by being open and inviting of the pleasures of the senses.

As appearing on http://lesbiansanddating.blogspot.com/ visit for more interesting Lesbian articles

What to do if you are attacked

First, be calm: Do not panic; it may be very difficult to maintain composure if attacked but this is important.

Try to reason with the attacker: Establish communication with the person. This takes a lot of courage. However, a conversation may change the intention of an attacker.

Do not try anything foolish: If you know outmanoeuvring the attacker is impossible, do not try it.

Do not appear to be afraid: Look the attacker in the eye and demonstrate that you are not fearful. This may have a psychological effect on the individual.

Emergency numbers
The police 119
Kingfish 811
Crime Stop 311

Remember Folks To Be Vigilant

Hi Folks a word from us to you:

Visit the newspaper sites or purchase the paper(s)

Read the Letter to the Editor

Write your own Letters to the Editor

Respond Appropriately to the Author(s) where neccessary and respectfully

Keep the dialogue going

Call the talk shows

SPEAK UP!!!

http://www.jamaica-gleaner.com/
http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/
http://www.sunheraldja.com/frontpage/
http://www.nationwidenewsnetwork.com/ (double click the radio dial icon to lauch)
http://www.go-jamaica.com/power/ Power 106FM
http://www.newstalk.com.jm/

Possible Loss of Civil Liberties......

Are you prepared to lose aspects of our civil liberties in the name of solving the horrible crime problem we are having now? with the raging debate of how to solve the high level of murders, almost everyday, is it sad.

For us as gay people I just have a fear that police excesses will increase once again if proper reporting and monitoring procedures aren't put in place and as for us as gay people with us under the microscope these days I fear we may come under open homophobia from them.

With all improvements we have seen and yes there have been some improvements in police, public relations, especially the LGBT community I fear we may just regress to the "old days" of excesses towards us.

For example police entering private property where a party is held in the name of a search without a warrant and heckling and jeering.

Think on these things friends.............what do you think

by Howie

JFLAG Page - Know Your Rights

The first defense against persecution from the police or any individual is to know exactly what your rights are and what rights the police do and don't have. We have tried to outline below some of the laws as they relate to homosexuality. If you know your rights, you can better defend yourself if you are subjected to abuse or discrimination of any kind.

What Jamaican Law says about Homosexuality:
Contrary to popular belief, it is not actually illegal to be homosexual in Jamaica. Being a homosexual does not contravene any of the existing laws; however, the law makes certain 'homosexual acts' illegal, and these laws are used to persecute gay men. They state that "acts of gross indecency" and buggery [anal sex] are illegal. Although buggery refers to anal sex between a man and another man, a woman or an animal, in practice the law is predominately enforced against two men. Lesbians are also discriminated against in the wider society, however no laws target lesbians or lesbian conduct.

Offences Against the Person Act
This act prohibits "acts of gross indecency" between men, in public or in private. (This is a very general term which can be interpreted to mean any kind of physical intimacy)
Article 76 (Unnatural Crime)"Whosoever shall be convicted of the abominable crime of buggery [anal intercourse] committed either with mankind or with any animal, shall be liable to be imprisoned and kept to hard labour for a term not exceeding ten years."

Article 77 (Attempt)"Whosoever shall attempt to commit the said abominable crime, or shall be guilty of any assault with intent to commit the same, or of any indecent assault upon any male person, shall be guilty of a misdemeanour, and being convicted thereof shall be liable to be imprisoned for a term not exceeding seven years, with or without hard labour."

Article 78 (Proof of Carnal Knowledge)"Whenever upon the trial of any offence punishable under this Act, it may be necessary to prove carnal knowledge, it shall not be necessary to prove the actual emission of seed in order to constitute a carnal knowledge, but the carnal knowledge shall be deemed complete upon proof of penetration only."

Article 79 (Outrages on Decency)"Any male person who, in public or private, commits, or is a party to the commission of, or procures or attempts to procure the commission by any male person of, any act of gross indecency with another male person, shall be guilty of a misdemeanor, and being convicted thereof shall be liable at the discretion of the court to be imprisoned for a term not exceeding 2 years, with or without hard labour."

YOUR Rights, Duties and Responsibilities as a Jamaican Citizen:

As a Jamaican citizen you also have, through the Constitution, the right:

To have your privacy respected within your home and family.

As a citizen, you have a DUTY to assist the police in the apprehension of an accused or wanted person.
If through your own actions, conduct or behaviour, you do not show RESPECT for other citizens, the security forces and the laws governing the country - whether within or outside your community - some of these rights may be taken away from you, by law. This means that you may be liable to prosecution and conviction leading to imprisonment or you may be sued.

POLICE Rights, Duties and Responsibilities:In pursuing their duties as members of the Jamaica Constabulary Force, police officers have the right:
To search the body of any person if they have reason to believe that an illegally-held item, relating to your search, is being concealed;

To search premises, once they have a search warrant, duly signed by the appropriate authority*;
To remove property which justifies their search, as evidence.

If through their actions, conduct and behaviour they do not show RESPECT for citizens, or they abuse those citizens' rights or property, they can be removed from their professional responsibilities, by law. They may also be liable to prosecution and conviction leading to imprisonment or they may be sued.
*(Judge or Justice of the Peace. In the case of dangerous drugs, Sergeant of Police or higher officer.)

If you want to know what protections are available under the national constitution for you as a citizen of Jamaica, and what JFLAG is doing to have those protections widened to include protection from discrimination on the grounds of sexual orientation, see our Parliamentary Submission.

The United Nations Universal Declaration of Human Rights is also available online at: http://www.unhchr.ch/udhr/index.htm