Ruth & Naomi ........

In the Sexual Awareness Month series this year you may have noticed I took a more biblical approach and the Ruth & Naomi story is the latest one I’ll try to tackle. Thanks to the bloggers who joined in the discussion which at times got rather vibrant. There had been some speculation about the closeness of the relationship between the two women suggestion there had some lesbian contact but the evidence of that is simply not there as some more persons where a more liberal reading still hold on to that thinking but it was more about women in their version of a support system given how women were treated. Chapter three of Ruth is where it is in this installment as two widows interact with each other in the patriarchal society in Jewish culture. Human relations and choices made either due to finding themselves in position of power and advantage or disadvantage who often end up in the line of abuse on many levels. Effectively Naomi an elderly widowed mother-in-law who encourages her widowed daughter-in-law to make herself available to a powerful rich man named Boaz to marry her. 

The book of Ruth is a short story recording an incident during the period of the Judges. An Israelite family moved from Judah to the land of Moab during a famine, the husband died, the two sons married foreign women but also die and she (Ruth) accompanied her mother-in-law and adopted Israelite faith as her own. Ruth eventually marry Boaz but not after a series of seductions as instructed or groomed by Naomi and she ended becoming the grandmother of David. The book of Ruth also shows the absorption of foreigners into Israelite culture thus pre-configuring the Christian gospel by which Gentiles are brought into God’s church. Ruth is a Gentile (Moabitess) in the ancestry of Jesus.

Ruth 3 King James Version (KJV)

3 Then Naomi her mother in law said unto her, My daughter, shall I not seek rest for thee, that it may be well with thee?

2 And now is not Boaz of our kindred, with whose maidens thou wast? Behold, he winnoweth barley to night in the threshingfloor.

3 Wash thyself therefore, and anoint thee, and put thy raiment upon thee, and get thee down to the floor: but make not thyself known unto the man, until he shall have done eating and drinking.

4 And it shall be, when he lieth down, that thou shalt mark the place where he shall lie, and thou shalt go in, and uncover his feet, and lay thee down; and he will tell thee what thou shalt do.

5 And she said unto her, All that thou sayest unto me I will do.

6 And she went down unto the floor, and did according to all that her mother in law bade her.

7 And when Boaz had eaten and drunk, and his heart was merry, he went to lie down at the end of the heap of corn: and she came softly, and uncovered his feet, and laid her down.

8 And it came to pass at midnight, that the man was afraid, and turned himself: and, behold, a woman lay at his feet.

9 And he said, Who art thou? And she answered, I am Ruth thine handmaid: spread therefore thy skirt over thine handmaid; for thou art a near kinsman.

10 And he said, Blessed be thou of the Lord, my daughter: for thou hast shewed more kindness in the latter end than at the beginning, inasmuch as thou followedst not young men, whether poor or rich.

11 And now, my daughter, fear not; I will do to thee all that thou requirest: for all the city of my people doth know that thou art a virtuous woman.

12 And now it is true that I am thy near kinsman: howbeit there is a kinsman nearer than I.

13 Tarry this night, and it shall be in the morning, that if he will perform unto thee the part of a kinsman, well; let him do the kinsman's part: but if he will not do the part of a kinsman to thee, then will I do the part of a kinsman to thee, as the Lord liveth: lie down until the morning.

14 And she lay at his feet until the morning: and she rose up before one could know another. And he said, Let it not be known that a woman came into the floor.

15 Also he said, Bring the vail that thou hast upon thee, and hold it. And when she held it, he measured six measures of barley, and laid it on her: and she went into the city.

16 And when she came to her mother in law, she said, Who art thou, my daughter? And she told her all that the man had done to her.

17 And she said, These six measures of barley gave he me; for he said to me, Go not empty unto thy mother in law.

18 Then said she, Sit still, my daughter, until thou know how the matter will fall: for the man will not be in rest, until he have finished the thing this day.

Naomi has been effective being seen as a ‘pimp’ by grooming and encouraging Ruth towards Boaz but bearing in mind that a kind of permitted incest was the order of the day despite the laws that protected strangers and widows but with all that her body was still the route to access. To again access to Boaz did not come as easy as today it came by women availing themselves sexually; sex used as transactionally some have said and although Boaz ended up marrying Ruth the assault in my eyes is an older woman pushing a younger woman on a rich man to secure. Naomi knew how to work the system even though laws then offered some protection to widows and strangers coming from the Sodom & Gomorrah days.

(Un)intended seduction may be the challenge here of the benefactor, the search specific nature of the grooming exercise by Naomi pushing on Ruth using femininity; unlike the Lot story of the ‘rape’ of him by his own daughters for purposes of continuing the bloodline here in this episode is about gaining wealth and security on the pretext of a seductress or in supplication, to bring it forward to today for a moment how many times have we seen mothers or guardians literally pimping out those in their charge to gain or take in income for the household. Ruth may have not even wanted to go to Boaz but in obedience to the older woman (Naomi) she obeyed the instructions, consent is another layer in this while she may have ‘offered’ herself to Boaz to eventually seduce him and the outcome showed no outright abuse.

The continuation of the bloodline so to speak and or to provide the kind of security similar to the Lot and his daughters case comes into play, the oldest male or closest male in the family has the responsibility even in a kind of permitted incest to interact with female, Naomi therefore understood the cultural nuances and encouraged Ruth albeit a foreigner into the culture. Naomi obviously was no fool in as far as the grooming of Ruth was concerned, she was looking out for what was supposedly best for her daughter in law; Ruth had done so much for Naomi prior that Naomi may have felt obligated in a sense and also knowing full well that she would get some spin-offs from the arrangement, Boaz was not the first choice so to speak but Naomi seemed sure that arrangement would have worked; I don’t think she was malicious but to instruct Ruth as to the very actions ought to do when she encouraged her to effectively seduce her; Boaz had already found some favour in Ruth as outlined in Chapter 2 of Ruth. How does someone who does not have access directly to their rights via a decision making process.

The business of survival comes into play and that women effectively had to do what they had to do; bearing in mind that the very translators of the bible wrote the thing from a patriarchal perspective.

The levirate marriage concept comes into play, a practice outlined in Deuteronomy 25 v 5 – 10 if a woman is childless after a previous marriage or with children and the husband dies the brothers of the dead husband is obligated to marry her and carry on the heritage and the children as products if that marriage legitimises the respect in the community.

Deuteronomy 25:5-10 New International Version (NIV)

5 If brothers are living together and one of them dies without a son, his widow must not marry outside the family. Her husband’s brother shall take her and marry her and fulfill the duty of a brother-in-law to her. 

6 The first son she bears shall carry on the name of the dead brother so that his name will not be blotted out from Israel.

7 However, if a man does not want to marry his brother’s wife, she shall go to the elders at the town gate and say, “My husband’s brother refuses to carry on his brother’s name in Israel. He will not fulfill the duty of a brother-in-law to me.” 

8 Then the elders of his town shall summon him and talk to him. If he persists in saying, “I do not want to marry her,” 

9 his brother’s widow shall go up to him in the presence of the elders, take off one of his sandals, spit in his face and say, “This is what is done to the man who will not build up his brother’s family line.” 

10 That man’s line shall be known in Israel as The Family of the Unsandaled.

Boaz in a sense realised he got caught or ‘ketch’ and he tried to worm his way out of it by differing Ruth to the other choice as he was closer in the lineage to the bloodline’ even after Ruth spends the night with Boaz he asks her not to let the other women in the circle know as if to suggest that at risk will be some compromised integrity or ethics, despite the cultural customs called for the powerful man to ensure his heritage. His strategy however was not an aggressive one and he seem to have tried to play it cool even though he knew that there was someone else with a superior claim. While Ruth did not end up in an abusive relationship how many times in contemporary reports we have heard of the pimping aspect of older women sending out their own daughters to bring in the bacon.

The rapid succession of disturbing reports of privileged pastors and church leaders who prey on vulnerable can easily be cited in this story hundreds of years old. The attachment to materialism is a major factor and some feel justified to lay themselves bare to ‘eat-a-food’ and easiest way to get to some wealth; this is not only limited to lower classes but professional persons as well for the most part to keep up appearances, the nice apartment must be maintained, the car must look a certain way or even the tertiary level fees have to be found somewhere, trouble is that sometimes the arrangement gets abusive and the privileged individual turns into a monster thinking he has a right so to do. In what are supposed to be legitimate marriages the power differentials play out, the wife may have married for some sort of security especially if she is expected to be a housewife or a stay at home mother and she must know her place; no talk of a job or continuing education under pain of losing certain benefits or gifts or how she in treated in the marriage, and sex by the way is a given whether or not she is in the mood.

More anon

Peace & tolerance

H

More on power bottoms .......................

In a follow up to a previous post on power bottoms HERE or (Bottoming Doesn’t = Power) Bottom are some more considerations.

1. What is the difference between a bottom and a power bottom, or how is power bottom defined?

In gay sexuality terms, a “bottom” is understood to be the male partner who is on the receptive end of anal intercourse and enjoys being penetrated. A “power bottom” could be defined as a bottom who has a strong enthusiasm and drive for engaging in long sessions of anal penetrative sex, whether as an extended single encounter with no interruption of being “topped”, or having the desire and ability to engage in multiple instances of anal sex over a long period of time within a sexual episode. A man who can accommodate penile thrusting for long periods without stopping and shows exuberance, lack of inhibition, and active participation in the sexual encounter are characterized as “power bottoms.”

We may have an issue outside of the sex of it and related psychologies; as in Afro Caribbean or Afro American culture if one was to unpack some of this. That rigid role play conformity pinned to the power is in the penis thinking can be challenging. Some so called exclusive tops who do not want to ‘bottom’ insist on keeping the sexual department pure with him in charge. He may be intimidated by power bottom who is too assertive sexually or not and he must be submissive on many fronts.

Many tops who have endurance and enjoy long sessions of anal intercourse commonly complain about bottoms who have to terminate penetration because of discomfort, pain, or exhaustion. Conversely, power bottoms can also be discontented with a top who ejaculates too quickly during sex and halts the sexual encounter before he has been thoroughly satisfied.

2. Is it possible for a heterosexual male to be a power bottom or a woman? Is it exclusively a gay man’s thing?

“Power bottom” is simply a label attached to a sexual preference and taste that differentiates specific needs and desires for sex. The terms are primarily used in the gay community to help men distinguish between those partners that would be most compatible for their sexual needs; “top vs. bottom” is typically used as a screening tool to ensure goodness-of-fit with obtaining just the right sexual partner or prospect for a partner for a possible long-term intimate relationship. They can define particular sexual roles if that’s the route that’s chosen in a given sexual situation.

Though not as widely pronounced or publicized, I believe that heterosexuals also can be viewed as “power bottoms.” Sexuality is not cut-and-dry (non-binary).

Many straight men enjoy being penetrated by their girlfriends/wives with dildos and vibrators. While “power bottom” conjures up images of strictly penis-in-anus, the advent of sex toys has added another dimension to the sexual needs of bottoms. The sensation of being “filled”, whether by a penis or some other object, meets a psychological need and fuels the sexual desire for this type of sexual activity. Additionally, in the heterosexual S&M community, the terms “top” and “bottom” are designated to either the man or woman who has the preference to live out these roles in either a sexual arena, or even in their general lifestyle and daily living practices. They espouse issues of power and control as opposed to being linked to any particular gender.

What kind of endowments?
Is bigger better? More simply:
What is a power bottom looking for in a partner?

There are certainly those men out there who classify themselves as “size queens”, preferring male partners with large penises for anal sex. This is not a golden rule, however, to be considered a power bottom. Gay men love penises of all shapes and sizes and despite the stereotypes about “bigger is better”, many men find these phalluses difficult to accommodate and less pleasurable than an average-to-smaller sized member. Others love the feeling of being “filled” and “stuffed” by an over-sized appendage. The preference is as unique and individual as people are. It just depends on the role, if any, that penis size plays as a fetish or fantasy for the specific man.

The type of man sought is also just as varied depending on the individual’s specific erotic blueprint for what he finds attractive and a turn-on. Typically, a long-lasting top who is attentive is favoured. Variables like masculine vs. effeminate, body build, hairy vs. smooth are all unremarkable and specific to each person’s unique idea of what’s “hot.”

4. Do power bottoms ever get to/want to go on top?

Absolutely! A power bottom doesn’t solely have to be on his back to have a good time. In fact, mixing it up with different sexual positions adds more spice and variety to the encounter. While there are certainly those bottoms who enjoy taking a passive role in anal sex, many others are quite aggressive in getting their needs met or creating a sexual scenario that’s enjoyable for both men involved. There can be more of a sense of urgency with the power bottom’s active participation and he can actually take on more of dominant role.

One of the beauties about gay sex is that there are no specific rigid gender or sex roles that have to be played out. This means that there is more versatility with sex play and sexual positions and roles can be mixed and matched depending on the situation, preference, and need. While some power bottoms may predominantly favour being topped on most occasions, this does not preclude them to only being pigeon-holed into that one position and many enjoy the option of being able to switch-hit from time-to-time as a “power top.” Versatility can offer more options for sexual satisfaction and variety.

5. I’ve heard that often more dominant men, in terms of look and personality, like to be power bottoms. Does the power bottom ‘role’ exert more dominance over the top, or do these people enjoy the role reversal?

There is no specific type of man who can be generalized as being a “power bottom.” Men of all personality types and creeds vary in their preference of whether to be a “top” or a “bottom”. Some dominant men do enjoy relinquishing control in the bedroom to tap into a more submissive side than they ordinarily exude in their public life, but this does not necessarily target them as being power bottoms. And as indicated earlier, a power bottom often times does not have to be passive and submissive; they can also be quite a delicious aggressor.

6. Are power bottoms rare? Do they have a “type”–that is, could you recognize one just by looking at them, or is it something you discover when having sex?

While it’s difficult to ascertain the number of power bottoms that exist, it is believed in some circles in the gay community that bottoms tend to outnumber their top counterparts. By scanning the sex personal ads available on the Web, one can frequently see that posts for bottoms seeking tops are in the majority. This is certainly not representative though and there are no statistics that I’m aware of to verify that as being an absolute truth.

And just like it’s impossible to detect who is gay from straight when out-and-about, it’s also impossible to determine who is a top vs. bottom by physical appearance. Effeminate men are often times stereotypically viewed as being bottoms (even in the gay community), but look out when one grabs you, throws you on your back, and gives you the ride of your life. He’ll debunk all those myths!

Much of the negotiating of sexual activity and what will happen is typically communicated before a sexual encounter. There are always those times as well where the sexual preferences and behaviours evolve in-the-moment of a heat of passion and the men follow suit with cues from body language and gestures. In some bar settings and gay community events, some men wear handkerchiefs, leather straps, and other insignia around a specific arm to advertise their specific sexual preference as a way to attract potential sexual partners or to define their identity.

Cheers! Power to the bottoms!

Peace & tolerance

H

also see:

Oh tops & bottoms and rigid role play again

Tops, bottoms, power differentials & restrictions in gay relations

On white men as bottoms in interracial gay porn (strong content)

The THOT of the walk who is oral

Stigmatization of Effeminacy in Gay Jamaican Culture Part II 2012

A Male Whore ........ who defines him & perceptions 2014

Are you a top or a bottom? 2010

Breasts right but down there!

So the business of genitalia confusion if not error during sexual negotiations has come up again. A transgender commercial sex worker found herself in exactly such a position over the Christmas/New Year’s holidays as she plied her trade in New Kingston; more commercial sex workers or persons who rely on it to make some money come out to pound the pavement. She reportedly met a man where they left the hip strip to handle business but the man after fondling her breasts went further, the victim tried the old ‘I am having my menstruation’ excuse to avoid the man going too far physically via fondling but he would have none of it. The man while not assaulting the trans woman did eventually got his hands at her genitalia area only to discover a bulge instead of an expected flat surface. 

Transsexual people experience a gender identity that is inconsistent with, or not culturally associated with, their assigned sex, and desire to permanently transition to the gender with which they identify, usually seeking medical assistance (including hormone replacement therapy and other sex reassignment therapies).

Things got tense as the man reacted violently but thankfully the young tranny (the friendly version of the word) being petite in body was able to elude her raging attacker as she was not wearing her shoes in the form of a six inch pump. She made her way along the eastern section of Grenada Crescent judge a couple hundred yards from the infamous Shoemaker Gully where the homeless transgender/MSM reside. That part of town has always had some issues over time from shots fired at persons to men pretending to be clients but who unleash an attack when they get close in proximity to the intended target(s). How does transgender sex workers navigate this problem if you will?

Using the menstrual cycle excuse is the oldest trick in the book and is a little unethical if you ask me as it is not the truth but then again the client is seeking a fantasy to be fulfilled in the real world so the seller has to try to conform to the needs of the paying customer. Oral sex is usually the way out to avoid too much body contact and fondling, trouble with that based on engaging some persons is that some men are turned on via touching and exploration to strengthen their arousal and such. It was only December 17 this blog observed International Day against Violence towards Sex Workers and it was subjects like this that came up in an online social media group call. The ins and outs of this came out quick loudly.

I am reminded of the murder of transgender vogue queen in the US Amy Mizrahi whose body was found days later under a bed in a motel, as the news spread locally many were disturbed at the murder then in the nineties and the subject came up in terms of safety for street workers. Then the stabbing incident in 2003 of the popular and well liked “Browning” who was killed by a soldier who was a client of hers on the night in question, she too used the menstrual cycle excuse as part of negotiations to guide the client towards oral sex but the attempt failed based on the word allegedly of the perpetrator who was said to be bragging that he killed a ‘battyman’ dressed in women’s clothes. Browning managed to escape from the car and ran and scaled a fence but he pursued her until he got her. Being a soldier with a stronger frame he was able to overpower her and then stabbed her repeatedly and left the body. She was discovered by other walkers and cruisers of the day.

Folding ones penis under between the legs is not necessarily an option that works especially if the genitalia is of a larger size of 8 inches, with walking and so on things can shift and a thong or a similar clothing apparatus may not guarantee a vaginal appearing presentation to supposedly ‘fool’ or trick male clients. “Coming out” as pre-operative transgender is not an option in Jamaica just yet as the level of knowledge is simply not there when compared to our counterparts per say in Cuba. They already have a national program via CENESEX that hosts serials and TV PSAs and so on highlighting transgender issues long before the wave came in the United States and eventually worldwide. They also offer some reassignment surgery services for free essentially for qualified persons but the longstanding problem in that department is the quality of the healing and other post surgery treatments, many prefer Thailand as the place of choice for transitioning.

The US has been reaping some better success since the challenges in the eighties where breast implants would have ruptured from poor silicone gels encasements and leakage into the body causing more disastrous complications, they experts alongside manufacturers of implants have since improved the products from the shape from egg-shape or elliptical to tear drop types that hang better for nipple placement post the surgery. Vaginoplasty has also seen some leaps and bounds with better formed vaginas as it were complete with sensitive areas that act as a clitoris as the tip of the penis is reshaped to attain that. While some local efforts are being done to educate doctors and surgeons one gets the feeling some are not condoning or are receptive to the information. Surgeries locally are not available at this time in as far a vaginoplasty are concerned, breast implants are already here via plastic surgeons but some locals are not too impressed especially the ladies in the dancehall arena who have now taken on enhancement activities to enhance the optics for their careers. 

Many go overseas of pump up via Botox injections and so on. The ugly business of underground pump up actions by some is here with us in ever increasing reports, they do so by using non traditional methods and ingredients such as cooking oil, olive oil, estrogenic laced concoctions, illegally obtained syringes or burrowed/shared ones and so on which can be risky in terms of HIV transmission. Then there is the cross population concerns as gay friends may also be in the presence of some of this at pump parties or so and may also experiment in a desire to conform construct and not feel left out. Then there is the psychology of some of this as I expressed some concern recently to a leading transgender activist that some persons professing transgender may not be so, seeing that it is easier to escape homophobia in a sense by physical appearance adjustments or aesthetic but they may not feel ‘born in the wrong body’ many times after a psychological analysis they are found not to be transgender but gay and effeminate. Besides not everyone’s body can handle hormones either even transgender individuals, that all important pre-surgery physical examinations are so crucial to determine that.

Unless and until the powers that be locally allow more reassignment surgery opportunities for transgender folks who may otherwise cannot afford it fully we may have challenges such as this genitalia mishap, the young transperson has since been on the low hoping she does not come across the man again in case he decides to exact some follow up. Such are the realities of pounding the pavement; a girl has to earn her coins.

Peace & tolerance

H

Concerns Mount As Transsexual Adolescents Push Up Jamaica's HIV Rates ................

As usual the transgender community is still being lumped with MSM either by the response and by populations overall it seems and it makes the previous studies on MSM HIV prevalence rates of 32% in 2007 and others since problematic while it may be higher trans-persons who merge into the MSM community get counted as gay. The article below touches the very conflation and to think the very named agency is partly guilty of not making the stark differences between the groups even as trans voices screamed to them to pay attention.

The Gleaner carried this:

As a HIV-positive transgender youth, 22-year-old *Tory belongs to the at-risk group that is considered to be most in need of intervention if Jamaica has any hope of seeing further reductions in the number of persons living with HIV/AIDS.

According to a study that was released last week by the Jamaica AIDS Support for Life (JASL), transgender persons who are HIV-positive are more likely to experience homelessness, stigma, forced sex and physical violence. Of the 71 transgender participants polled, more than 52 per cent were involved in sex work for accommodation and food, among other things.

"Now we are seeing where they are at increased risk more than gay men, and more than sex workers, of course, and so it's really just about how we are going to ensure that our programmes are attending to the needs of these persons," said executive director of JASL, Kandasi Levermore.

A UNAIDS report ahead of the commemoration of World AIDS Day on December 1 warned that 15-24 years is a dangerous time for women. It noted that an estimated 45 per cent of all new HIV infections globally in 2014 were among members of key populations and their sexual partners, and warned that new HIV infections are continuing to increase among people who inject drugs and men who have sex with men. The report went on to say that HIV was not declining in sex workers and transgender people.

Tory, a male who identifies as a female, has found himself in several of these categories. He became homeless at 16 years old and became a sex worker shortly after to provide for himself. His clients were mostly professional men, and at 18, he decided to go and live with a police officer who he said was a "regular buyer". He said he contracted HIV from the lawman.

"Being 16 and a sex worker, you get more clients because you are young, because you are new, because they like young people because they think you are not very smart. But I was very smart. Why I was homeless is because I was kicked out of high school because of my sexual orientation," he told The Sunday Gleaner.

MISTREATMENT AT CLINIC

He said due to the mistreatment he received at the first clinic he visited after his diagnosis, he did not take any medication for the first year. He, however, went to a different clinic where the attitude of health professionals was better, and he has since seen vast improvement in his health. He said he is now focused on becoming stable because his greatest desire now is to have a child, although he admitted that he had never had sexual intercourse with a woman.

"I am gay because I won't be in a long-term relationship with a woman," said Tory, before explaining that he is open to having sex with a woman for the sake of having a child.

"I want a child with my genes. Adoption is so hard in Jamaica at this point. She can be a lesbian or she can also be positive and virally suppressed, like myself. So there is a lot of hope to get a child if I want a child when I am ready," he said.

According to a report released recently by JASL, which was funded by the Canadian Institute of Health Research, there is very little knowledge about the HIV prevalence among transgender women in Jamaica.

However, the National HIV/STI programme noted that, "In contrast with the estimated HIV prevalence of 0.4 and 0.5 per cent reported in adolescent girls and boys aged 15-19 at the national level through the UNAIDS 2014 estimates, the HIV prevalence among gay and bisexual adolescent boys is estimated to be 14 per cent, while HIV prevalence in transgender adolescents is estimated to be 27 per cent."

Renae*, who came out as a transgender at 21 years old, said he is concerned that HIV is highest among transgender youths, and blamed this on the fact that those who adopt this lifestyle were often stigmatised or forced to engage in transactional sex.

"Being gay is a taboo, but being transgender is a greater taboo, and because of that, you have a lot of parents who actually do put out their children for these type of things, and you are out on the streets, you have no formal education, you have no way to really provide for yourself," he said.

"So you have to come up with means and ways to provide for yourself, and one of those methods is to become prey to sexual predators out there, or to offer yourself up as collateral, and oftentimes it is to persons who maybe know that they have the virus, but they don't care."

Although Renae was born male, he identifies as a female and is now an advocate for those living in the transgender community. He believes that while there have been improvements in access to treatment for those who are HIV-positive, stigma and discrimination are still forcing some to go underground instead of seeking help.

"That's why I work so hard within the health sector to make things better for trans people on a whole," he said.

[* Names changed to protect identity]

ENDS

And the signs continue to show us that the forward thinking in as far as the NGOs are concerned is still lacking and why are more persons being captured way better given the resources?

The more things change the more they stay the same.

Peace & tolerance

H

also see:

Continued oversight or deliberate overlooking of Jamaican SGL Women in HIV Prevention ............ 

Continued Trans erasure/invisibility by Jamaican advocates ......... 2012

Sex-ed does not say have sex — NFPB head

finally some sense to address the fear mongering of comprehensive sex education as published in the Observer

NATIONAL Family Planning Board (NFPB) Executive Director Dr Denise Chevannes-Vogel has said that exposing adolescents to information on sexual reproductive health will not drive them to have sex if they are not already sexually active.

Speaking at an HIV forum at Knutsford Court Hotel in St Andrew on Monday, Dr Chevannes-Vogel came out in full support of Comprehensive Sexuality Education, which has come under recent scrutiny after concerns were raised about the infiltration of the philosophy into the education system.

Dr Chevannes-Vogel called for “frank conversations” which, evidenced by the loud applause, got the nod from the audience.

In May, Education Minister Ruel Reid met with representatives of the Jamaica Coalition for a Healthy Society to hear their concerns and made it clear that the education ministry’s philosophical position is that gender is fixed as male and female.




He said then that a recent review of the approved books used with the Health and Family Life Education curriculum indicate that their contents are in conformity with Jamaica’s philosophical position on sexuality and gender.



However, this is not the first time sex-education material has provoked the ire of the public. Related content had come under scrutiny in 2012 after an uproar about some parts of the Health and Family Life Education curriculum encouraging homosexuality. It was withdrawn and revised to be more sensitive to Jamaica’s traditional beliefs and practices.

Though the forum — which was held under the theme ‘Health for All: Putting Youth and Adolescents at the Heart of the HIV Response’ — sought to raise awareness about adolescent and youth-specific issues in the response to HIV and AIDS, Dr Chevannes-Vogel moved to broaden the theme to put youth at the centre of a comprehensive sexual reproductive health response and sustainable national development.

“When we look at the correlation between good, optimum, sexual reproductive health and sustainable national development, the linkage is clear,” she stated. “And as a matter of fact, that was part of the basis of the integration of HIV and sexual reproductive health; they share common drivers — the gender inequalities, the cultural attitudes, the poverty, the unemployment, gender-based violence, sexual violence, incest.”

The National Family Planning Board is the lead agency for the HIV response after the Government merged some aspects of the National HIV Programme with the family and population planning programmes of the NFPB.

In addition to the common drivers, Dr Chevannes-Vogel pointed out that adolescent pregnancy is very high in Jamaica.

“We have the unenviable reputation of being fourth-ranked in the Caribbean region with an adolescent fertility rate, age-specific fertility rate, of 72 per 1,000 girls age 15-19. This compares to the Caribbean average of 65 and the global average of 49,” Dr Chevannes-Vogel shared, while admitting that the data is a bit outdated but provides an indicative figure.

She insisted that, in terms of sustainable development, Jamaica will not get very far unless there is a “comprehensive approach” looking at sexual and reproductive health, in addition to HIV.

“I think we need to recognise what it (Comprehensive Sexuality Education) is and what it is not. It is not sexualising young people and adolescents,” she insisted.

“What it is, is providing, in an age-appropriate, context-specific way, information that users and adolescents need to protect their sexual reproductive health.

“By telling adolescents and young people the kind of information [they need, it] doesn’t make anyone have sex.

“If they are not already sexually active, giving them the information is not going to drive them into sex,” she stated.

Dr Chevannes-Vogel said irrespective of the name given, whether it is Comprehensive Sexuality Education, Comprehensive Sexual Health Education, or Human Sexuality Education, what happens is having that “frank conversation” to help to empower young people.

She also pointed out that sexual education must be gender-specific and must also take into account how society drives sexual health behaviours for boys and girls.

“For boys, you have to have ‘nuff gyal inna bundle’. You cannot be thought to be gay,” she explained. “For girls, the notion [is] that you need a man to validate who you are; the notion [is] that if you haven’t had a child by the time you are a certain age, you are a mule.

“All of these are the cultural attitudes that we also have to empower our young people against,” she said, while reiterating the NFPB’s support for the ‘Health For All’ initiative.

The Sick Religious Threesome indeed ..........

I am agreement with most of this from Patria in her piece that appeared in the Gleaner

She wrote:

Not just Christianity, but, seemingly, all religions, have taken particular interest in policing what goes on in people's bedrooms. I find it morbidly perverse. In my eyes, it's a pseudo threesome of the people poking and their spiritual leaders.

Why should you care what kind of sex I have and who I have it with? Why aren't you equally as concerned about the other sins in my life?

The Anglican Church has a practice I abhor. If an unwed couple has sex, and the woman gets pregnant - no matter the age of the persons involved, or for how long they have been committed to each other - the 'guilty parties' have to kneel before the congregation and publicly confess their sin of fornication. An open act of expressing contrition and regret about the act that brought their new life into the world.

I saw the confession done once when I was a teenager, and even then I thought it unnecessary. I am a child of unwed parents, and it angered me to think that my church would have wanted my mother to apologise for the way I came into this world.

Eighty per cent of Jamaicans come into this world as a result of fornication, and no amount of public shaming and Bible-beating is going to cause that to change.

I read The Sunday Gleaner's cover story about allegations that unwed mothers employed to Andrews Memorial Hospital were being required to enter the hospital through the back door. The thought of that sickened me, and I immediately likened it to blacks having to ride at the back of the bus. True or not, worse happens. There are many schools in Jamaica today that force unwed teachers to resign. I'm appalled by that and surprised that more administrators aren't taken to court for it.

This country recognises common-law marriage. A woman doesn't need a ring and a man's last name to be considered his wife. And even if she isn't his partner, even if it were one night of the hottest sex ever that resulted in her getting pregnant, who are you to administer punishment to her? That's blatant discrimination (and perhaps a bit of bad mind)!

KEEP UP APPEARANCES

If these institutions were serious about their moral high horses and wanted to truly set examples, unwed fathers-to-be would be dismissed as well. Or is the sacking only because the woman is VISIBLY pregnant, and you want to keep up appearances?

Sin should be sin. There are Ten Commandments in the Bible under which many shelter as their moral compass. Almost half of those commandments surround praising God exclusively. The other five focus on 'red eye', killing, telling lies and honouring your parents and only one around adultery. However, the Church has a seemingly disproportionate obsession with sexual sins.

I'll be overly critical of the Christian faith because this is what I have known all my life, but as I watched the horror that played out in Orlando last weekend, and heard that the killer may have been motivated by gay bigotry, I was reminded that people, in general, are obsessed with other people's sex lives.

For a man or woman to lose their life because of who they choose to sleep with is a downright shame. Especially when the judgment is cast by an unrelated, unaffected third party. How do you kill a man for having sex - and he never had sex with you?

It befuddles me. This preoccupation with who people sleep with is just plain 'faas'. Far more immoral than the sex act is those who feel the need to prescribe and execute judgment.

Stay out of people's bedrooms. As my friend, Kalilah Reynolds, said, "Why should a person's sexuality be more important than their humanity." Every other sin is between you and your God, so why are sins of the flesh between you and everyone else?

- Patria-Kaye Aarons is a television presenter and confectioner. Email feedback to columns@gleanerjm.com and findpatria@yahoo.com, or tweet @findpatria.

On female masturbation as natural

Prepared by Dr Shelly Ann Weeks

Every cell on your body tingles, your heart feels like it's going to burst out of your chest, you struggle to breath and you are shaking.

You start to move your hands faster as you feel the tension build and then - WHOOSH! Fireworks go off as you feel like the only thing keeping you together is your skin. Your pelvis pulsates as you feel the most amazing sensations you have ever experienced. You hear your heartbeat in your ears and your body is in frenzy as you struggle to find consciousness while recovering from your orgasm.

For so many women, the first orgasm is achieved during masturbation, and it makes sense, because who knows more about pleasing a person than that individual herself? As a sex educator, I advocate for people, especially women to masturbate. I stress more on women because there is still a lot of stigma when it comes to female masturbation. Too many women are still feeling ashamed of touching themselves because of the perceived assumptions that are made about women who masturbate.

She is lonely and no one wants her

This assumption is ridiculous because it implies that a woman is only validated by her ability to find a suitable partner.

Furthermore, having a partner doesn't stop her from masturbating. There is no rule that says that the only reason to masturbate is out of necessity because when is lonely and desolate.

She's in a relationship and it's not allowed

If a woman is in a relationship where she is forbidden from masturbating, then that relationship has bigger problems than sex. She is free to pleasure her body however and whenever she chooses with or without a partner.

Her partner is not satisfying her properly

Women who masturbate are more interested in sexual pleasure, and she will also want more frequent sexual encounters. The skills of her partner will not stop her from enjoying her own body.

It's nasty

If a woman is disgusted by the thought of touching her own body, what kind of response does she expect from a partner? Masturbation is not only a function of pleasure, it's also familiarising oneself to the beauty and wonder that is the human body. Having full knowledge of the body, how it works, what areas feel extra wonderful when it's stimulated, are all necessary for the full enjoyment of sexual encounters with a partner.

When we look at male masturbation, it's not hard to convince men to masturbate because it's accepted in society that they need to do it. As a baby, a little boy takes off his diaper and discovers his penis and spends minutes pulling and tugging at it, while his mother squeals with delight and marvels at how cute he is. On the other hand, little girls are reprimanded if she even thinks of taking off any article of clothing. It is clear that our socialisation has affected the way we look at our sexuality, especially masturbation.

It has been a personal quest of mine to get individuals to see the value of having a satisfactory sex life. Masturbation is a great tool to help individuals learn their bodies, and as a result, become more in tune with the pleasure experience for both themselves and their partners. So ladies, it's your body, touch yourself. 

Personally, I never understand people who say they don't masturbate. It's like owning the most amazing car and the only way you get to enjoy it is if you are chauffeur driven. It's your car, jump behind the wheel and take it for a ride! Masturbation is not only natural, it's necessary. So give yourself some well deserved love today. And if you don't feel comfortable touching yourself now, do it until it feels good.

Government Prepares To Tackle Transgender, Other Sexuality Concerns

According to the Gleaner this came forth, sadly talk show hosts such as Joan Williams of POWER 106FM instead of trying to understand the issues sought to confuse the issue locally with that of the bathroom law matter in the United States; she claimed that she will not tolerate a man in women's clothes in a bathroom. Just goes to show the ignorance we have to overcome or deliberate baiting to gain ratings for her show.

Callers tried to also frame the hint shown below that this is pressure from the US to issue gay rights, I am so annoyed at how ignorant we are in an information age, when all one has to do is ask.

But of course Clovis of the Jamaica Observer could not help himself with this toon:

I have stopped applauding announcements these days so Now the article:

The Jamaica Government is preparing itself to adequately address emerging concerns related to gender identification and other issues tied to sexuality.

In fact, legal battles in the United States, where school officials are grappling with confusion and consternation over whether transgender individuals should be allowed to use rest rooms that match their gender identity instead of their birth sex have not missed Olivia 'Babsy' Grange, minister of entertainment, sport, culture, and gender affairs.

"The ministry is aware that there are new issues emerging and we are going to have to address these things," Grange told The Gleaner following the launch of Workers' Week and Labour Day.

"We are going to have to respond when there is a need to respond, and we are going to have to be that voice or that base that will provide an avenue to deal with these matters amicably."

She added: "That is one reason we have actually changed the name of the Bureau of Women's Affairs to the Bureau of Gender Affairs. We know that there are various discussions taking place and we want to be there to address both female and male, particularly our boys. They have been marginalised, especially as it relates to issues regarding their masculinity."

PANEL DISCUSSION

Meanwhile, Minister of Labour and Social Security Shahine Robinson was hesitant to speak on the matter, but acknowledged that specific issues of sexuality are new areas of concern in the workplace.

It is for this reason that the ministry will be hosting a panel discussion under the theme 'Work for Human Development, New Realities of the World of Work in Jamaica' on May 18.

The event is to coincide with the observance of Workers' Week.

"We recognise that Jamaica is no different from the rest of the world because these things are happening here. I don't want to say too much about what will be happening at the forum, but there are some realities we will have to put on the table to see how best we can arrive at amicable solutions," Robinson said.

She continued: "Human trafficking is also something that we plan to address because it is so subtle and you find that people unwittingly get involved. We want to pay more attention and heighten the awareness on these issues."

SHOWING RESPECT

Grange implored Jamaicans to show respect to every individual they encounter, despite that person's beliefs, opinions, and background.

"I think these are all human rights issues and every individual is entitled to the freedom and rights enshrined in the Constitution. They should not be treated any differently, but be able to live normal lives to the extent they are able to conduct themselves within the norms of society," she insisted.

"We will encourage society to respect every individual and each other's privacy and personal use. Respect has to underscore everything we do."

ENDS

I hope this is not one of those tokenistic gestures to avoid scrutiny and diplomatic pressure as a pre-cursor to the referred to referendum on buggery by the administration.

Previous announcements of aspirations that have not materialized:

Government of Jamaica Committed to the Eradication of Gender Based Violence 

Gov't Makes International Commitment To Reduce Violence Against Women, Gays 2015 

Peace & tolerance

H

Orgasms can improve your health ..........

Dr Shelly Ann Weeks share more advice

I know that when we talk about sex, many persons have different opinions about its necessity outside of procreation. The fact is that while the sexual act is necessary to procreate, that's not the only, or dare I say it, the most important function that this activity has. Before I get into the other necessary functions of sex, let me first take a look at the various stages that the body goes through when we have sex.

The sexual response cycle

The sexual cycle starts with excitement or arousal which is when the body starts to prepare for intercourse. During this stage foreplay is essential to get the blood flowing to the various organs and to put the body in the right mood. The excitement phase leads to the plateau phase where the body is aroused and heart and breathing rates are elevated and so is the blood pressure. During this phase the skin is extra sensitive and the erogenous zones (lips, nipples, genitals, neck, etc.) are even more so. It's during the plateau phase that intercourse happens and the genitals are stimulated to create friction that will lead to orgasm. For some persons one orgasm is enough, but some persons are multi-orgasmic and may require further stimulation and orgasms to be satiated.

photo added for effect from the net

I started off talking about orgasms, so let's get back to it. There are many persons who have difficulties achieving orgasm and the reasons are variable. But having an orgasm a day can actually improve your overall health and even your quality of life.

STRESS RELIEF

Orgasms are your body's built stress reliever. When someone orgasms the hormone oxytocin is released from nerve cells in the hypothalamus (a region of the brain) into the bloodstream. This hormone is also known as the 'feel good hormone' and it helps to stimulate feelings of warmth and relaxation.

HAPPIER RELATIONSHIP

More frequent orgasms might make it harder for your partner to cheat. The hormone oxytocin is also known as the 'love hormone' and studies have shown that its frequent release strengthens the bond between a couple and makes them less likely to go outside of the relationship for their sexual pleasure.

BETTER SLEEP

With the fast paced, busy life that most of us lead, sometimes it's hard to settle down and get a good night's rest. Having an orgasm before you go to sleep is a great way to fall asleep and improve the overall quality of your rest.

Pain relief

The magical chemicals (oxytocin, endorphins) released in the brain during orgasms are excellent pain relievers. Women who orgasm during child birth report better management of pain. Even women who orgasm during her menstrual cycle have less discomfort.

BUILDS IMMUNE SYSTEM

Having frequent orgasms will increase the production of 'killer' cells called leukocytes which are essential in helping the body fight off infection.

Orgasms feel really good and they are good for you, so I didn't think I needed to give too many reasons why you should try to have at least one a day. Think of it like taking your vitamins. After all, the benefits speak for themselves. Remember also that even though it's great to share the experience with someone, there is nothing stopping you from enjoying orgasms solo. Have fun and stay sexy.

Send your questions or comments to sexychatwithshelly@gmail.com or Tweet me@drsexyann or Facebook www.facebook.com/allaboutthesexy Website:www.drsexyann.com

Call For Order - Negril Stakeholders Want Commercial Sex Work Regularised

Thought I'd post this Gleaner article on commercial sex work given recent developments in Western Jamaica and a raid previously posted Weekend raid of CSWs in Mobay had homeless LGBT in dragnet. The Sex Worker Association of Jamaica, SWAJ based in western Jamaica as well has expressed some interest in the developments and have said they make respond in time.

I do wish though that the Gleaner and media houses in general desist from using the word 'Prostitution' as it is now being seen as a stigmatizing term as the original headline read.

Elaine Allen-Bradley: We should have a health system in place in Negril where we have all the facilities for locals and tourists alike.

Western Bureau:

While stopping short of calling for the establishment of a red-light district in the resort town, some business stakeholders in Negril, Westmoreland, want to see prostitution decriminalised and regulated in order to create safer conditions for sex workers and their clients.

Participating in a recent Gleaner forum on job creation, investment and growth in Negril, the stakeholders admitted that despite being illegal, male and female prostitution has always been part of the fabric of the town, albeit a big contributor to social disorder.

"Prostitutes and rent-a-dreads are quite numerous here in Negril," said Christine Cohen, owner of the Spa Retreat Boutique Hotel.

"Rent-a-dreads have a big underground business. There are already websites where you can rent a dread. You can already have everything set up before you even hit the airport. Within 60 minutes, your arrangement is made."

It is for that reason why Cohen and other stakeholders, including Lee Issa, the president of the Negril Chamber of Commerce (NCC), believed it would best serve the town by having the industry legalised, so it could be regulated to address safety concerns.

"I think you can have some sort of coexistence, but it would have to be confined, controlled and managed, because we are not going to get rid of it," said Issa, who is chairman of Couples Resorts. "If regularised, it would in some way allow for the girls to be checked health-wise."

However, as things are from a health perspective, Negril is far from ready to offer the type of health care that a regulated sex trade would require.


HEALTH INFRASTRUCTURE

The town's health infrastructure, which is a woefully inadequate health centre, is struggling to address even day-to-day health issues.

According to Elaine Allen-Bradley, a director of the NCC, the health centre is unbecoming of a town that is considered a premier tourist destination.

"If you should go to the health centre, it's a disgrace. We should have a health system in place in Negril where we have all the facilities for locals and tourists alike," she said.

However, while some stakeholders want to see a decriminalised sex industry in Negril, until that becomes a reality, the police will continue to take a zero-tolerance approach to prostitution.

According to Deputy Superintendent Adrian Hamilton, the officer in charge at the Negril Police Station, the police will continue to enforce the law against prostitution, but will partner with the Ministry of Health so that whenever these alleged sex workers are taken into custody, some amount of counselling is provided.

"We recently went to their main area in Negril, their habitat, and we demolished three makeshift structures that were being used as brothels ... . We took some persons into custody," Hamilton said.

okoye.henry@gleanerjm.com 

ENDS

Indeed the rent-a-dread business is real and is not only targeted at females only as there are bisexuals and gay operatives as well in the business who often get very good patronage.

I am in some agreement with the call or concerns expressed and only if there are some forward thinking folks to out in the needed systems and monitoring to make it work.

Peace & tolerance

H

LGBT adolescent & teen suicides a cause for concern

During the brou ha ha involving the new president of the previously constituted Guidance Counsellors Association of Jamaica or now known as JAGCE Jamaica Association of Guidance Counselling in Education it was revealed that a female student from a prominent Kingston all girls school had committed suicide the same week as the controversial statements made by the goodly president came through. Nadine Dixon had revealed that such an incident occurred when she granted an interview to anti gay President Helen Coley Nicholson of Lawyers’ Christian Fellowship fame and tried to reshape her original revelation of counsellors who are not engaging LGBT students. She never however said if it was because of such non engagement specific to that case was the reason as well for the student taking her own life.

also see: 

Ian Boyne: Gay-Friendly Counsellors For Students?

Truth or Not: Guidance counsellors not discriminatory

A reliable source upon seeing my previous post on the subject has revealed that the young lady was being seen by the school’s counsellor but was since referred to another professional eventually which did not seem to resolve the matter. The deceased had expressed her frustration to various outlets but to no avail and now she is dead. Two other matters have since surfaced one involving an adolescent female who has been struggling with family members for the past year or so. A near displacement outcome also sent her into depression for some time but thankfully her summer job affording her some income made possible her payment for private consultations with a psychologist. She had attempted suicide by pill overdose but her cousin who made a surprise visit found the bottles scattered on the ground and ran to her aid eventually taking her to the hospital. She survived.

She was continuously told she needed to change her ways (typical) by her father who was adamant he wanted no lesbian or nasty person (words to such effect) in his family as God burns them out. He also went as far as to threaten withdrawal of any financial support given she is also pursuing tertiary education via a popular university college. She is on her way back to some semblance of normalcy in her life and is being closely monitored and the requisite professional on the case as well. She has also since moved in with the supportive cousin who has played an important role in this case.

Male suicide attempt

A gay male adolescent aged nineteen took things into his own hands earlier this year; he took a social media announcement route prior to taking action via attempted poison and according to him pill overdose as well. Both apparently did not work but days before he had been expressing via a series of status messages of his displeasure with life and just wanting to end it all.

The typical response from friends list is he was talking nonsense and such and some tried to dissuade him from such thoughts or status messages. He has since deleted or at least made his profile inactive and has been assisted by persons who got in touch with two NGOs where the requisite referrals and professional interventions are now active I am reliably informed. Thankfully this one ended on the up and up. Pity the aforementioned young lady did not make it. There are other unconfirmed reports of such attempts successful and unsuccessful.

Gay male teen tried hanging

A fifteen year old male described as a ‘troubled teen’ who has had run-ins with the law and who also is struggling with sexual orientation/identity issues tried to hang himself in June 2015 at a place of safety/rehabilitation centre for boys in south central Jamaica. You will appreciate I cannot go into too much details or name such matters given we are talking about a minor and laws govern such reporting of such matters. The teen however tried to end his life according to my impeccable source by using his sheet on his bed to hang himself but failed in the attempt as the light fixture he tried to tie the end to broke free from the ceiling due to his weight.

Despite his more masculine demeanour which may have deflected some homophobic profiling he has been touted by other boys for being a battyman and a previous incident allegedly at another facility with another boy involved in some sexual activity has not helped any as the issue is spread as a rumour by other boys who were close to matter. Then there are other matters attending with family members who say they simply cannot manage him as his rebellious behaviour is too much for them.

I am concerned as there seems not to be any serious outlet or sustained intervention residing anywhere to address teen and adolescent suicides and attendant issues of identity, self esteem and so on. Despite the high social media visibility in recent years that certainly my generation and previous never had and faces now added to the LGBT struggle with private LGBTians also slowly coming out persons still seem not able to find solace or comfort in the knowledge that as we edge forward to a very slow and painstaking acceptance. Added to the pressures that said social media places on a desire to conform or ideals and goals that are unrealistic young persons find themselves placed in a spin to find themselves. The aspirational themed social media interventions and some workshop activities by some do not seem to be reaching the right people and this is not only a lower socio economic class matter as is the case in the more earthy and often violent homophobia; those efforts seem to be only reaching the already converted or persons lulled in a false sense of security until their own truths catches up with them then disaster.

In a previous post I had highlighted a young lesbian’s attempt to end her life and her subsequent recovery or the road to it; she is now doing very well and has since moved on while ever so slowly mending the family ties that were shattered and led to the attempt in the first place.

Peace & tolerance

H

Touching penises in double penetration does not make one gay ...........

Saw this one recently and had a little laugh but realized how serious it actually is. The concerned man asked if he was gay even after losing his erection turned off by the accidental touching of the other male in the arrangement. I have to disagree with the goodly doctor though in the response where it is stressed that the worried man should not have a foursome again, if his wife is consenting then so be it I imagine; frankly that is his choice in my view but he should get over worrying that because his penis came into contact with the other man while penetrating one woman does not make him gay.

Here is the question and response below:

Q: I am a guy who has had a really unpleasant and shocking experience. So I wonder if you could help me? I am 34, happily married. My wife is lovely and a very sexy woman.

Unfortunately, I let another guy at work persuade me to arrange a foursome, involving our wives and ourselves.

I was very into the idea because his wife is a fantastic-looking woman. She is a little older than my spouse and I, but she is in great shape.

To be honest with you, Doc, I could not wait to get my hands on her. As for my wife, she quite liked my colleague, so she was easily persuaded into it.

We all discussed the details and we agreed that the 'big night' would be at their place one Saturday evening. When we got there, my colleague and his wife were well dressed. She was wearing a sexy red dress with a plunging neckline. My wife looked very good as well.

We had a few drinks and some snacks, which they had prepared, then we got down to business. Everybody took off their clothes, and we danced together and had some more drinks.

I was smooching with my friend's wife he was 'necking' with my wife. Everything seemed to be going well.

The next two hours were a bit of a blur. I know that I penetrated the other woman several times, though I took care not to orgasm. I also remember seeing my colleague having intercourse with my wife for quite a long time.

Around 10 p.m., we all kind of piled into a heap on the bed. I suppose it was like an orgy. There were all kinds of things going on, especially between the two women. I admit I was really turned on.

However, suddenly something dreadful happened. Both my colleague and I were trying to penetrate my wife. By the way, she was totally happy about this. She seemed to like the idea of two men almost 'fighting' for her.

Then to my horror, my genitals accidentally touched the other guy's. I was disgusted by that, so I pulled away. I lost my erection immediately. In fact, I went outside and was sick. The worst thing was that just after all this, I think he orgasmed.

Neither of the women seemed upset by what had happened, but I felt terrible! As soon as possible, I got my wife to put on her clothes and we left.

Since then, I have been feeling very depressed. I have not discussed it with my spouse, but she knows I am unhappy.

Doctor, I would like to ask you three things:

1. Does this most unfortunate contact indicate that my colleague is secretly a homosexual?

2. Or am I perhaps secretly gay?

3. Could I have caught anything from the other guy?

Answer: 

Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear! Several times I have warned about the psychological ill-effects which can result from 'threesomes' and 'foursomes'.

You have become unhappy - possibly even clinically depressed - as a result of the fact that your penis seems to have touched another man's organ during your adulterous frolics.

Incidentally, female readers may be astonished by your distress. But, in fact, quite a lot of men do react negatively to any form of contact with another man's penis. I recently discovered that in the United States, there are a few 'swingers' clubs where they actually arrange counselling for men who have accidentally touched another man's organ.

In fact there is an 'orgy society' in Florida, which warns new members that this sort of contact might occur while two men are trying to have sex with the same woman. Their website says that this is nothing to get distressed about. That is correct.

Now let me try and answer your three questions:

1. I don't think there is the slightest evidence that your colleague is a homosexual. This was obviously an accidental contact. The fact that he may have 'discharged' shortly afterwards means nothing.

2. I do not believe for a moment that you are 'secretly gay'. To put it mildly, your entire story seems to be highly heterosexual.

3. It is unlikely that you have 'caught anything' from this brief contact with the other man's organ.

However, you have had sex with his wife and, if she is a regular 'swinger,' then there has to be a possibility that she might have had germs in her vagina. If in doubt, see a doctor for some tests.

My advice: Talk to your wife about what happened. Stop worrying. If you are still having these 'low' feelings, see a counsellor. And, please, do not do a foursome ever again!

Blakka Ellis: Let's talk about sex and sexuality

"Let's talk sex baby, let's talk about you and me, let's talk about all the good things and the bad things that may be, let's talk about sex..." Who remember those lyrics from the 1991 hit by Salt-N-Pepa?

Well between, you and me, is that kind of meditation I man a pree. Yuh nuh waan pree di meds and reason wid me?

Whether you call it the battle of the sexes, the great gender debate, or plain old 'man an woman business', the discussion around gender, romance, sex and sexuality is always topical, often trending, always relevant and never ending. Yeah man, everybody likes to talk about it, especially those people who are probably not doing it!

So, where, when and how then do you join the conversation? What's your favoured angle of entry? Me, I love to deal with things up front.

And that I'm doing with help of an amazing cast and crew in 'He Said, She said'. The riotous revue opened at Courtleigh Auditorium last Friday, and from the opening song, Too Much Sex, the audience was comically aroused and arrested. 'He Said, She Said' is an adults-only production that enters the sometimes delightful and sometimes disturbing sex/gender dialogue from a place of playful provocation. It's an eclectic collection of skits, songs, poetry and parodies that delve into some popular perceptions, tease out touchy taboos, and confront common contradictions. And di actors dem dweet good - the onstage performances!

From the night club to the bedroom, from the corner shop to the front lawn and from various other intimate and public spaces in between, they stroke some pun, poke some fun and 'tek some bad ting mek laugh'. They expertly engage the exhilarating edge of 'naughty' with entertaining stuff that will make you laugh, think and talk. And, well, if you do anything else, don't attribute that to the show. So wah yuh say, when yuh coming?

rumour

In fact, I'm not really sure, but I think I kinda hear that there is a 'students-only' two-for-one special for tertiary students with ID at the show on Friday. Like ah said, mi nuh sure, but shhhh ... Look here nuh, don't tell dem say mi tell yuh this, but even if it never really go so, if yuh call call the ticket line at 542-4160 and tell dem dat is Blakka spreading the rumour, dem will have to sell yuh di ticket! So come check it out.

Another great thing to check out this week is the annual Kingston Book Festival (KBF) - a full week of events for readers, writers, publishers, distributors, buyers, sellers of all things 'bookish' - whether fiction, non-fiction, poetry or play writing. This year's festival started on Sunday with 'Love Affair with Literature' at UWI. It is continuing with a number of events all over, including visits to school - where students get to talk and interact with writers about what it means to be a writer. I had the pleasure of being part of a KBF 2016 event on Monday, as I joined novelist Melanie Schwapp, poet and entertainment journalist Mel Cooke and writer/publisher Tanya Batson-Savage in a lively chat with some very bright and engaging grade eight students at Dunoon Park Technical High School in Kingston and it was a blast!

There's a fresh and innovative KBF event on today as well, called 'Literary Lunch' put on by Susumba's Book Bag. And tomorrow night is 'Late Night Lit' at Red Bones Blues Cafe in New Kingston. It will feature saucy satire and provocative poetry and prose from Andrew Stone, Carla Moore, Karen Carpenter, Michael Abrahams and Tony 'Paleface' Hendriks. Fun week in city Kingston, eh?