When your bisexual partner (monogamously) strays ..........

Jason & Senzo characters in the South African Generations series

Jayson Malinga in Generations, has revealed he was initially nervous about playing a homosexual in the most watched drama series on South African TV.

An interesting discussion has been happening loosely on social media on the ongoing South African series Generations which has a pleasant gay couple as characters, stopping short of kissing on screen the plot line carries rather well. Baby steps I imagine. Effeminacy is nowhere in the series though as obtain in other TV shows that tend to stereotype gay couples as men wanting to be women or use effeminacy to legitimize the homosexual element of the character. Taking into account Television Jamaica, TVJ barring of let’s say the gay plot line in the US series Empire that’s a start but I cannot see why the station bars content so as to not offend anyone when persons can switch to other options but the backwardness continues I imagine. If they were so touchy with the so called gay ad/PSA court case after they rejected the submission for a certain activist and the nonsense they tried to use as justification for the non-acceptance then it is no wonder it continues despite so much movement elsewhere in terms of homo-normative relational themed content.

The supposed un-gaying of Senzo has not gone down well with some online viewers who follow that version as it is ahead than where we are in the series on local TV. Other viewers were saying they were bored with the gay couple not being more intimate in scenes or even a light kiss.

Facebook campaign some time ago claiming viewers are to stop watching if Jayson & Senso kiss.

In the Generations series aired on Sundays in a three hour marathon the characters are lovers and live in the same house as one of the men alongside his powerful father who has accepted them and a sister and such but another young lady who works for the sister’s struggling magazine got herself in some trouble after a sex tape of her in a compromising position with a married man, the fight between the young lady and the wife of the man was captured by smartphone and shared to the highest bidder in the tabloid arena it went viral. The wife of the man has been shopping around the actual sex tape on DVD and one of the gay lovers (the stray) became a unwitting participant after his father-in-law was also approached to buy the DVD of which he was pondering the decision. The ‘stray’ has become emotionally embroiled with the sex tape subject and it is as if he cannot help himself.

The matter of the assault court case due to the fight is in court which further pulls the stray into the life of the implicated woman on tape, he seems so sorry for her despite her refusal and her putting on a brave face, then the sister of his boyfriend is also aware of not only the sex tape on DVD or the shenanigans to have it sold but also the growing affections of the stray or her brother in law. This leads us to the issue of developing feelings for the opposite sex in as far as bisexuals are concerned, this is of course taking into account one’s subscriptions to monogamy to a partner. Polygamous relations have been mooted by other sub groups under the bisexual umbrella but we’ll stick to one partner for now. Bisexuals already have a bad rap even from within the LGT populations as being too greedy or wanting their cake and eating it too. Then there is the business of feelings that get emotionally attached and a romantic element comes into play as well, one wonders if in the Generations plotline will turn on a temporary infatuation for another who happens to be of the opposite sex.

Some commentators on the issue of straying or cheating by a same sex partner have said they would have avoided a bisexual to begin with as they somehow think there is just no guarantee for a steady union or trust. A passing skirt or pants could distract that partner as they are sexually attracted to both some feel as it is just too easy to supposedly cheat, but what if the partner really loves the main same sex partner but is just flirting with the other to the point of a one night stand? Biphobia or bi-rejection still abounds it seems and may be the cause of ignorance in terms of explaining the orientation and more persons who identify as such or pansexual tell their stories, bi erasure comes to mind as well but the awareness is slow as other issues take centre stage.

I have seen stories and discussion boards for bisexuals where persons enter into open relationships or polyandrous unions where an opposite sex partner is brought into the mix for lovemaking purposes only and not deep intimacy. The Muslim faith does allow for Polygamy/Polygyny where a man can have more than one wife as he sees fit and a few outlets of gay Muslims do support multiple partnering relationships of a mixed gender nature. Some bisexuals seem able to separate their true love interests from other physically attractive driven urges and desires, one’s body can respond to stimuli visually and otherwise but no emotional attachments; a good psychologist could probably assist in this realm of the matter.

Then there is the business of Monosexual(ity)

Monosexuality

Monosexuality is romantic or sexual attraction to members of one sex or gender only. A monosexual person may identify as heterosexual or homosexual.In discussions of sexual orientation, the term is chiefly used in contrast to bisexuality, pansexuality, and various other gender-inclusive or gender-neutral identities. It is sometimes considered derogatory or offensive by the people to whom it is applied, particularly gay men and lesbians.

The Kinsey Reports found that, in experiences leading to orgasm, 63% of men and 87% of women could be described as "exclusively homosexual" or "exclusively heterosexual", and thus monosexual in the US.

Alternative definition

The term monosexuality has also been used in contrast to polyamory (which is commonly confused with polysexuality), which is used to refer to people who desire or fantasize about sexual relations with more than one partner. Under this definition, a monosexual person desires sexual relations with only one partner and (like polyamorous people) may be homosexual, bisexual, or heterosexual.
Mek we talk nuh

Peace & tolerance

H

The ‘B’ in LGBTQ stills means something

The old issue of invisibility of bisexuality in the struggle if not the discourse surrounding sexuality, rights and orientation continues, this blog may be a little guilty of it for this year at least as so many other issues have come up but several tags and posts have been made prior. The matter of bisexuals seen as confused is also very much alive despite the feeling is coming from younger LGBTians and also despite the availability of more information on social media persons still believe that people need to choose between or be either gay, heterosexual or transgender for that matter but not bisexual or have no room for such expressions with pansexuality (that most do not seem to know the difference from bisexuality) seen as an extreme.

The ball started a rolling from a workshop on sexuality in June where bisexuality was raised among other things, the conversation continued on social media and subsequently I was alerted to the furore of sorts as to what to make of bisexuals especially given that one male member of the cohort openly expressed his bisexuality and was wondering about a female partner he was thinking of a prolonged relationship given she wants a child and is also aware of his orientation none the less. It is almost annually I find myself doing these kinds of posts as the mindset change I expected seems not forthcoming. What is even more egregious is that the vitriol towards bisexuals comes from more females than males, a surprising feature to me seeing we expect women to be more sensitive to emotions and so on.

Sentiments to the effect that bisexuals want to hide their homosexual desires or experiment with homosexual sex is wrong or that they want to have their cake and eat it too which suggests sexual greed keep coming up in the sub text of it all. One woman who can be described as a lesbian said she does not want any bisexual as a partner as how could she trust them as she was not sure when they would “switch” meaning she could be dropped and a man become her replacement. Other insecurity driven sentiments also came through on the now deleted thread by the administrator of the Facebook group involved. Things got so heated that terse words and indeed curse words were exchanged. Bisexuality is still able to somehow emote such phobic or opposing responses from within the LGBT populations. Some questioned how bisexuals can settle going from the one partner at a time concept as opposed to polyandrous or polyandry relationships. Despite some interventions in terms of posts and related articles posted in the group in question some persons were just not receptive, I guess we are experiencing the misunderstanding of orientation as binary in a sense as mentioned before.

What is to be made of asexuality and given the rise in the discussion as linked to the matters of intersex and the Olympics, transgenderism where it is believed some gays are getting caught up in the novelty element of same and the aforementioned pansexuality. The sudden explosion of transgender visibility and the notion of sex reassignment as it were some young persons are misaligning orientation with aesthetics, feminization (forced or unforced) and drag culture and wanting to align with trans when in fact they are not in the final analysis. The same workshop where this bisexuality issue stemmed from also seemed to have elucidated this mix up with transgender as well. Transgender in the eyes of some is a safer haven in their eyes to avoid homophobia with the punctuated violence and seek or get comfort in that world which can lead to other challenges especially in the homeless department.

Just to reiterate it, bisexuals are not confused nor are they greedy and do not want to be seen as such and some persons are sexually attracted to both sexes, maybe one moreso than the other and that there is an abundance of information out there we must not see the kinds responses to such persons. We need to simply inform ourselves on such matters and really get a grasp of what LGBTQ actually means; and that they are not just simply cute call letters for use to identify with. Real inclusiveness if not tolerance is needed, if we are to really get some respect on all levels then said tolerance must be already demonstrably clear in our own backyards to include embracing inter/intra community differences.

Peace & tolerance

H

Bisexual Invisibility: Impacts & Recommendations

So from my last post involving bisexuality invisibility some new developments have occurred in the negative as persons identified as gay throwing all kinds of comments regarding bisexuals as being confused to one suggesting bisexuals need not ask for rights as that is a gay thing. I am distraught in a sense as one wonders now how to address this dissent and disrespect for our bisexual colleagues given that there is B in the conveniently used LGBTQ call letters and it means something and not just a space take in the arrangement.

A Note on Language

The term bisexual is imperfect at best. It implies a duality of genders that many people feel erases transgender and gender-variant people. For others, it connotes a requirement of an exact balance between someone’s attractions for women and men, or attractions only to women and men who identify with the genders they were assigned at birth. While pansexual and omnisexual are finding more acceptance, some people feel the terms reinforce a stereotype of promiscuity. More recently, fluid has appeared as a way to describe those attracted to more than one gender, but it is not yet widely used or understood. There are also people who chafe at any label at all.

More broadly, queer is attractive as an umbrella term for non-heterosexuals, but many people still hear it as a pejorative, while others use it as a way to avoid naming or acknowledging those outside monosexual identities. Some who would otherwise self-identify as queer―to indicate their solidarity with the broader community―instead choose to call themselves bisexual specifically to avoid such erasure, even when they are uneasy with the term’s implications around gender.

The good news is that more and more people are comfortable navigating the complexities of human sexuality and gender as they are actually lived. The bad news is that the English language has not yet caught up in expressing that complexity. At this time, there is no clear “best practice” for terminology that fully honors gender diversity while not reinscribing invisibility for nonmonosexuals.

At this moment in the movement for full equality and dignity for people of all sexual orientations and gender identities, bisexual is the term that is most widely understood as describing those whose attractions fall outside an either/or paradigm. It is also (along with MSMW and WSMW) the term most often used in research.

As people become increasingly fluent in the dynamics of gender and sexuality, the language will evolve as well. For now, and with full awareness of its limitations, bisexual is the word used in this report.

Bisexual Invisibility

Bisexuality is the capacity for emotional, romantic, and/or physical attraction to more than one sex or gender. A bisexual orientation speaks to the potential for, but not requirement of, involvement with more than one sex/gender.

Bisexuals experience high rates of being ignored, discriminated against, demonized, or rendered invisible by both the heterosexual world and the lesbian and gay communities. Often, the entire sexual orientation is branded as invalid, immoral, or irrelevant.

Despite years of activism and the largest population within the LGBT community, the needs of bisexuals still go unaddressed and their very existence is still called into question. This erasure has serious consequences on bisexuals’ health, economic well-being, and funding for bi organizations and programs.

As the authors of one study put it, “Bi-invisibility refers to a lack of acknowledgment and ignoring of the clear evidence that bisexuals exist.”

An Invisible Majority

According to several studies, self-identified bisexuals make up the largest single population within the LGBT community in the United States. In each study, more women identified as bisexual than lesbian, and fewer men identified as bisexual than gay.

An Invisible Majority

According to several studies, self-identified bisexuals make up the largest single population within the LGBT community in the United States. In each study, more women identified as bisexual than lesbian, and fewer men identified as bisexual than gay.

In 2010, a study published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine6, based on a nationally representative probability sample of women and men in the U.S., found that among adults (5,042 respondents), 3.1% self-identified as bisexual, compared to 2.5% as gay/lesbian.

An “Eclipsed and Conflated” Identity

Despite the overwhelming data that bisexuals exist, other people’s assumptions often render bisexuals invisible. Two women holding hands are read as “lesbian,” two men as “gay,” and a man and a woman as “straight.” In reality, any of these people might be bi―perhaps all of them.

The majority of research lumps data on bisexuals under “gay” or “lesbian,” which makes it difficult to draw any conclusions about bisexuals and skews the data about lesbians and gay men. “Thus any particular needs of bisexuals are eclipsed and conflated. Only a handful of studies separate out bisexuals and/or report on their bisexual-specific findings. Fewer compare bisexuals to people who are not bisexual.”

Not Just a Phase

While bisexuality has often been considered merely a “phase” en route to a stable gay or lesbian orientation, it is also a stable sexual orientation in itself. A longitudinal study of sexual minority women (lesbian, bisexual, or unlabeled) found that over 10 years, “more women adopted bisexual/unlabeled identities than relinquished them.” Of those who began the study identifying as bisexual, 92% identified as bisexual or unlabeled 10 years later, and 61% those who began as unlabeled identified as bisexual or unlabeled 10 years later. While no similar long-term study has been done with bisexual men, at least one study suggests that bisexuality can be a stable sexual orientation for men as well.

“The only thing I would change about my sexuality is how others treat me for it.”

My coming out as bi has been both extremely satisfying and saddening. I came out as gay in high school when I was 16. While I thought occasionally about women, I largely discounted these feelings as random daydreams. I had heard that bisexuality was a farce so many times from gay friends, that people who were bisexual were just afraid to come all the way out of the closet, that I never thought of coming out as bisexual when I was younger. I was attracted to men, I didn’t have any shame about this, and I wanted to be recognized.

Despite San Francisco’s reputation as a gay mecca, it is where I first came to recognize my opposite-sex attractions. Being single at college parties, I often found myself in situations where women were hitting on me. I was interested but at the same time befuddled. The idea that my same-sex attractions represented an inflexible and absolute sexuality had become entrenched in my thinking, and I wasn’t prepared to question this. Despite this lack of mental readiness, my desire and curiosity were far greater, and I eventually began sleeping with women. I kept my opposite-sex attractions subordinated, leaving them out of discussions with friends back home and rationalizing them away as mistakes to myself.

After roughly a year, stories began to trickle back to friends and family. As questions and underhanded comments started coming in, I found myself constantly being put on trial. Why was I doing this? Was I closeting myself? Why wasn’t I being “normal,” gay how I should be? In the process of trying to answer these questions for myself and others, I realized how long I had been cheating myself and sublimating my desires to others’ ideas about sexuality.

I came out as bi when I was 19 and have remained so since. Rather than quieting the doubts of others, animosity only intensified. Aggressive queries about when I was going to focus on guys full-time again became a standard part of trips home. On top of this, I noticed a change in how sexual partners treated me. Women I was with, no longer with the safety of presuming me straight, would question my real orientation and complain that my sexuality made them anxious that I would one day vanish into a relationship with a man. Men I was with wouldn’t acknowledge my sexuality, referring to me as gay despite my protest. I found myself in relationships waiting for accusations and dismissive comments, ready from the start to move along to someone new. I am happy with my sexuality, and very grateful that I was finally able to fully realize my desires. The only thing I would change about my sexuality is how others treat me for it. Finding my sexuality has been wonderful. I only wish I didn’t have to sacrifice feeling safe, feeling part of a community, and feeling like I have anyone to confide in but myself.

– Jack M., 21, male

An Invisible Place in History

Bisexuals find themselves erased in history. Many famous people―such as Marlene Dietrich, June Jordan, Freddie Mercury, Eleanor Roosevelt, and Walt Whitman―have been labeled as lesbian or gay for their same-sex relationships, yet their long-term relationships with different-sex partners are ignored or their importance minimized. This disrespects the truth of their lives for the sake of a binary conception of sexual orientation. It also makes it more difficult for bisexuals just coming out to find role models.

This historical erasure also extends to activists. Rather than acknowledging the decades of hard work bisexuals have done in the LGBT movement, many gays and lesbians have accused bisexuals of trying to “ride their coattails.” In fact, bisexuals have often been leaders in the movement. In just one example, it was a bisexual woman, Brenda Howard, who organized the one-month anniversary rally in honor of the Stonewall uprising (which in turn was led by transsexuals and drag queens). Then a year later, she organized a march and celebration that turned into New York’s annual pride parade and inspired countless other pride celebrations around the world. Yet it wasn’t that long ago that bisexuals and transgender people had to fight for inclusion in the name of San Francisco Pride, one of the last major U.S. cities to do so.

Bisexual Exclusion

Often, the word “bisexual” shows up in an organization’s name or mission statement, but the group doesn’t offer programming that addresses the specific needs of bisexuals (see the chapter on organizations and programs serving bisexuals). Even when an organization is inclusive, the press and public officials often fall back on the “safety” of saying just “gay and lesbian.” There is even a growing trend of talking about the “gay, lesbian, and transgender” community or “lesbian, gay, and transgender” movement. But words matter. Invisibility matters. Bisexuals find themselves excluded in other ways as well. Many personal ads have specified “no bis” in their criteria.

Bisexual and Transgender Allies in Invisibility

“From the earliest years of the bi community, significant numbers of [transgender people] have always been involved in it. The bi community served as a kind of refuge for people who felt excluded from the established lesbian and gay communities.”

— Kevin Lano (Alexander, J. & Yescavage, K. (2003). Bisexuality and transgenderism: InterSEXions of the others. Journal of Bisexuality, 3(3/4). p. 8, as quoted in Miller et al. (2007).

That quote reflects the actual similarities to our Jamaican scenario as well as several bisexuals remain quiet on their opposite sex attraction in fear of a backlash or avoiding confrontation with sometimes paranoid reactions when such disclosures are made.

Other Forms of Biphobia

Bisexual invisibility is one of many manifestations of biphobia. Others include:

 Assuming that everyone you meet is either heterosexual or homosexual.

 Supporting and understanding a bisexual identity for young people because you identified “that way” before you came to your “real” lesbian/gay/heterosexual identity.

 Automatically assuming romantic couplings of two women are lesbian, or two men are gay,or a man and a woman are heterosexual.

 Expecting a bisexual to identify as gay or lesbian when coupled with the “same” sex/gender.

 Expecting a bisexual to identify as heterosexual when coupled with the “opposite”sex/gender.

 Believing that bisexual men spread HIV/AIDS to heterosexuals.

 Believing that bisexual women spread HIV/AIDS to lesbians.

 Thinking bisexual people haven’t made up their minds.

 Refusing to accept someone’s self-identification as bisexual if the person hasn’t had sex with both men and women.

 Expecting bisexual people to get services, information, and education from heterosexual service agencies for their “heterosexual side” and then go to gay and/or lesbian service agencies for their “homosexual side.”

 Feeling bisexuals just want to have their cake and eat it too.

 Assuming a bisexual person would want to fulfill your sexual fantasies or curiosities.

 Thinking bisexuals only have committed relationships with “opposite” sex/gender partners.

 Being gay or lesbian and asking your bisexual friends about their lovers or whom they are dating only when that person is the “same” sex/gender.

 Assuming that bisexuals, if given the choice, would prefer to be in an “opposite” gender/sex coupling to reap the social benefits of a so-called “heterosexual” pairing.

 Assuming bisexuals would be willing to “pass” as anything other than bisexual.

 Believing bisexuals are confused about their sexuality.

 Feeling that you can’t trust a bisexual because they aren’t really gay or lesbian, or aren’t really heterosexual.

 Refusing to use the word bisexual in the media when reporting on people attracted to more than one gender, instead substituting made-up terms such as “gay-ish.”

 Using the terms “phase” or “stage” or “confused” or “fence-sitter” or “bisexual” or“AC/DC” or “switch-hitter” as slurs or in an accusatory way. Switch hitter locally has a connotation in lower classes of some acceptance especially if the named persons are gender conforming to onlookers.

 Assuming bisexuals are incapable of monogamy.

 Feeling that bisexual people are too outspoken and pushy about their visibility and rights.

 Looking at a bisexual person and automatically thinking of her/his sexuality rather than seeing her/him as a whole, complete person.

 Not confronting a biphobic remark or joke for fear of being identified as bisexual.

 Assuming bisexual means “available.”

 Thinking that bisexual people will have their rights when lesbian and gay people win theirs.

 Expecting bisexual activists and organizers to minimize bisexual issues (such as HIV/AIDS, violence, basic civil rights, military service, same-sex marriage, child custody, adoption, etc.) and to prioritize the visibility of so-called “lesbian and/or gay” issues.

 Avoiding mentioning to friends that you are involved with a bisexual or working with a bisexual group because you are afraid they will think you are a bisexual.

As an example of the extent and depth of biphobia, a study published in the Journal of Sex Research reported that heterosexuals rate bisexuals as a group less favorably than any of a number of groups (including Catholics, lesbians, people with AIDS, and people who are pro-life), except for the category of people who inject illegal drugs.

Bisexual Health Issues within HIV and STI Prevention

There are health issues that are specific and generalizeable to bisexuals as a group and health issues that are specific and generalizeable to people who have partners of more than one gender as a group. This literature review shines a spotlight on specific challenges related to HIV and STI prevention among bisexuals, WSMW, and MSMW.

Unfortunately, existing research on this topic is scarce. Much of it lumps bisexuals into either “lesbian” or “gay male” categories, making it difficult to draw any conclusions about bisexual health.

Data on bisexual women’s sexual health is less prevalent than men’s, particularly data on WSMW.

Additionally, not all researchers take into consideration whether their study participants identify as bisexual, MSMW, WSMW, or something else.

It is important to recognize that many, if not most, bisexual people do not come out to their health care providers or to researchers due to judgments that silence, stereotypes that shame, and assumptions that erase bisexual identity. When a woman is partnered and says she is using birth control, there may be an automatic assumption that she is monogamous and heterosexual. A man in a same-sex relationship is assumed to be gay and therefore not in need of information about sex with women. When a man says he is married or partnered, there are often no subsequent questions asked about other sexual partners. Health care providers need to become aware of how to serve this often-overlooked community and its unique concerns, looking at a patient’s sexual behavior rather than simply a patient’s sexual identity.

Some have simply chosen to be invisible in one stigmatized category by wearing the mark of another.

Some Recommendations

One of the challenges―and frustrations―for bisexuals and their allies is that so much invisibility persists despite decades of educational efforts. One long-time activist described it as “sweeping sand.” While many people and organizations have certainly become more welcoming and inclusive of bisexuals over the years, others remain inconsistent, oblivious, or occasionally hostile. The question becomes how to create institutional changes that remain even if a bi-supportive leader, staff person, or volunteer moves on.

 Educate the public, advocates and elected officials about inclusive language (for example, “anti-LGBT bias” rather than “homophobia”) and ensure its use whenever possible and accurate. Review the STI brochures offered in Public Health and, if needed, encourage them to adopt models created (one that addresses those who identify as bisexual and one for those who don’t).

 Work with the Public Health systems to ensure that data collection addresses the experiences of bisexuals accurately and consistently.

 Share this blog post and similar ones on what bi-specific programming they have, if any; whether their programs that say they serve bisexuals are welcoming in practice; and how the content of their programming changes to address the needs of bisexuals.

 Include specific, separate information on bisexuality in diversity trainings.

 Ensure that bisexuals are included among the speakers when there are panels, forums, and other official discussions affecting the LGBT community.

Many assumptions lie at the core of bisexual invisibility: assumptions about a person’s sexual orientation based on her/his partner’s gender; about bisexuals people’s reliability, honesty, or commitment to the LGBT movement; about bisexuals’ health concerns and needs; and about the world as an “either/or” place rather than one of infinite variety. Any long-term solutions must dispel these assumptions to make room for those whose lives exist beyond binaries.

Think on these things friends.

Aspects of this blog post garnered from:

Peace and tolerance

H

new news:

Yoko: John Lennon suppressed his bisexual side

Sexuality - What is yours?

Yea this blog has touched this before but with new readers some subjects are worth revisiting. Sometimes a good reminder does not hurt as well to center us on basic matters.

For most people, when it comes to sexuality, there are two options: gay or straight. As a matter of fact, for some, the only sexuality that matters is heterosexuality (straight), and everything else is deviating from what is right and natural.

While this seems to be the opinion of many persons, the fact is sexuality, like most human behaviour, is not so simple. As varied as other aspects of humanity are - race, height, weight, beliefs - so is sexuality.

Take a look at the Kinsey Scale, for example. Developed by Alfred Kinsey - sexologist and founder of the Kinsey Institute - this homosexual to heterosexual rating scale was designed in 1948 to represent a study done by Kinsey and his associates to demonstrate that people do not fit neatly into sexual categories.

Kinsey writes in Sexual Behaviour in Human Male, "Males do not represent two discrete populations, heterosexual and homosexual. The world is not to be divided into sheep and goats. The living world is a continuum in each and every one of its aspects."

In Sexual Behaviour in Human Female he wrote: "It is a characteristic of the human mind that tries to dichotomise in its classification of phenomena. Sexual behaviour is either normal or abnormal, socially acceptable or unacceptable, heterosexual or homosexual; and many persons do not want to believe that there are gradations in these matters from one to the other extreme."

So let us examine the spectrum:

Asexual - This is someone who has no sexual desire or interest. Being asexual is different from having a low libido or being celibate. It's an absence of a sexual orientation. Some asexuals still engage in sexual relationships despite their lack of desire because they want to be parents, and it makes it easier for them to fit into society. An example of an asexual character is Sheldon Cooper from television show The Big Bang Theory.

Homosexual - This person has a sexual desire and interest with someone of the same gender. Female homosexuals are called lesbians, and they are generally more accepted in society than male homosexuals. In the past, homosexuality was considered a mental defect; however, it is now more accepted as a form of sexual orientation. Many countries have laws prohibiting homosexuality, and others have been changing those laws, even allowing gay marriage.

Bisexual - This person is sexually attracted to both males and females. They can enjoy sexual contact with both genders; however, most of them choose one to commit to. Sometimes, bisexuals end up in long-term heterosexual relationships and, therefore, they are assumed to be heterosexual.

Heterosexual -This is the most accepted form of sexuality and is considered the 'natural' human relationship, since reproduction requires a male and a female. Most religions state that heterosexuality is the only way, as far as 'god' is concerned. Heterosexuals have no desire or sexual interest in persons of the same gender at all.

Pansexual - Also called omnisexual. a person who is pansexual does not determine their sexual desire or interest based on gender. They are interested in the individual first, so their attraction is not influenced at all by vagina or penis. Pansexuals refer to themselves as being 'gender blind', stating that gender is irrelevant when determining whether they will be sexually attracted to others.

unclear sexuality

It is clear that sexuality is not as clear-cut as we may want it to be, and human beings are still figuring out their individual paths. However you identify sexually, be true to who you are first. I know that society is very clear about what is acceptable, but the beautiful thing is all that is changing. It is more important to be honest about who you are than pretend to be something you are not in order to fit in.

Sexuality is a part of who we are, and it can really improve our quality of life if we know how to tap into the optimum benefit of being completely sexually satisfied. It is a fact that persons who are sexually satisfied are healthier and happier than those who are not. Have fun and stay sexy!

also see:

Dr Shelly Ann Weeks on Gender Identity & Sexual Orientation

Send your questions or comments to sexychatwithshelly@gmail.com or Tweet me @drsexylive or Facebook www.facebook.com/allaboutthesexy

Difference Between Bi-sexual and Pan sexual

There is some overlap when defining bisexual and pansexual orientation; however, there are important differences between the two identities.

Bisexual people are attracted sexually and romantically to both males and females, and are capable of engaging in sensual relationships with either sex. Despite being able to form meaningful, lasting relationships with both sexes, bisexual individuals may, to a small or large degree, have a preference for one sex over the other.

Similarly, pansexual people may be sexually attracted to individuals who identify as male or female; however, they may also be attracted to those who identify as intersex, third-gender, androgynous, transsexual, or the many other sexual and gender identities. The latter distinction is what draws the line between pansexuality and bisexuality.

People who self-identify as pansexual do so with purpose, to express that they are able to be attracted to various gender and sexual identities, whether they fall within the gender binary or not. Recognition of the existence of different genders and sexualities is a major aspect of pansexual identity. Pansexual people are bisexual, in-fact; however, bisexuality does not place the same emphasis on sexual and gender identity awareness, but more simply indicates attraction to the two (generally accepted) biological sexes.

The differences between the two sexual identities are undermined by the fact that some people who consider themselves pansexual identify themselves as bisexual out of convenience, as it’s a more widely known sexual identity. In addition, some people who consider themselves bisexual may be open to dating someone who falls outside the gender binary.

Self-perception, rather than objective sexuality, determines which sexual identity an individual chooses to embrace. Simply being attracted to both biological sexes does not mean one considers oneself bisexual. In fact, many people at one time or another will have some romantic or sexual experience or feelings toward each sex, though, most would not embrace the bisexual label. 

Similarly, being attracted to people who embrace varied identities does not mean that individual will identify as pansexual. There are few organizations which are geared solely for those who identify as pansexual, and many bisexual organizations include alternative identities such as: pansexual, omnisexual, multisexual, and other non-monosexualities, so representation and visibility likely also play a part in how people choose to self-identify.

There is some controversy over the two labels, as some in the bisexual community feel as though the pansexual label is a form of bisexual erasure and that the bisexual identity is already inclusive of those who have an attraction to those who fall anywhere along the gender continuum and outside of it. There is a feeling that pansexual people are simply avoiding the bisexual label due to the stigmas associated with it (that bisexual people are simply greedy and promiscuous, and spread disease among both the heterosexual and homosexual communities). Conversely, many in the pansexual community feel as though these beliefs are forms of prejudice and pansexual erasure.

Not only those who identify as biologically male or female identify as bisexual, the gender identities of people who use and feel comfortable with this label vary. 

The pansexual label; however, is more accommodating for those, regardless of their own gender identity, who sometimes do not fit neatly into the male or female genders, for example, when people who are engaged in a homosexual or heterosexual relationship and their partner transitions from male-to-female or female-to-male. 

Although, some choose to take on change their sexual identity according to the gender to which their partner has transitioned, an increasing number have chosen to self-label as pansexual, queer, or one of the other non-monosexual identities. The pansexual identity is much more accommodating to the coupling of individuals who embrace various sexual and gender identities.

Many people strongly identify as either bisexual or pansexual, and never use the labels interchangeably. Each community is represented by its own flag, set of colors, and general ideologies. The bisexual pride flag is striped with the colors royal blue, magenta, and lavender, representing same gender attraction, opposite gender attraction, and attraction to both genders, respectively. The pan-sexual flag is striped with the rose, blue, and gold, representing the female gender, male gender, and third-gender, respectively. 

The third-gender includes those who are intersex, genderqueer, transsexual, androgynous, and other who identify as being both genders. Each flag is representative of the overarching ideologies underlying the bisexual and pansexual identities, with bisexuality indicating the capacity to be sexually attracted to and engage romantic relationships with both sexes/genders, and pansexuality indicating the ability to have romantic attractions and relationships with people of various genders and sexualities.
Bisexual is being sexually attracted to both genders, male and female, while pansexual is being capable of having romantic feelings and attraction to males, females, and third gendered individuals.

Bisexual identity more so establishes attraction to both genders, whereas pansexual identity more so recognizes the existence of other genders (third genders) and the capacity to be sexually attracted to individuals identifying as these various genders.

The bisexual and pansexual communities have their own flags, colors, and ideologies.

Pansexual identity is more accommodating for individuals who engage in relationships with people of varying genders and sexualities.

Peace and tolerance

H

'BISEXUAL CLAIM NOT TRUE' - J'cans bash recent survey report

UPDATE 6:49pm UNAIDS Caribbean has debunked the original story go HERE for more but still read on below as the discussion has already commenced so might as well we continue to raise the issue(s)

Well I sort of expected this biphobic reaction laced with anti-gay insinuations in a sense as it seems to be founded on a fear of persons being perceived to being on the downlow so as to avoid being outed as gay. There maybe some truth to that though as the gay for pay phenomenon is real, these days one only has to listen and hear the one liners in the latest dancehall songs hinting to supposed downlow men forcing or using wealth and materialism to "change" other men to commit same sex acts. I wondered aloud in a Facebook group if the study took into account behavioural bisexuality as well, which I doubt as bisexuality on a whole is not given the attention it deserves in general LGBT discourse or rights agitation and as for social interventions and recognition to double gender loving persons we know all too well the agencies here pay scant regard to that except for the occasional time as this or when bloggers mark the respective calender events.

One also has to take a look at how even the gay community views bisexuals or for all intents and purposes pansexual people who see no gay or bisexual label entrapping them. 

also see: 
Bisexual and pansexual identities often look the same

Lady Switch Hitters & the Boyfriends who complain ...

The Biphobia in the community (Gay, Lesbian) maybe higher than thought

Anyone remembers this cartoon when the Vybz first made the trek to the slammer?

also see: Kartel on lockdown and that suggestive cartoon .....

Hence when issues/discussions like these come forth there is silence as all things gay and beautiful pervade the great and small all things wise and wonderful buggery repeal superceeds them all. This shows once again a clear lack of interest in general LGBT issues and not just the "G" in the struggle for recognition and rights. Bi-erasure and subsequent biphobia by default, a complaint raised by some community members for several years, where is the leadership?

see this older entry: “LGBT” advocates – nonengagement of bisexual issues = Biophobia by default

The Star News carried the following today in a follow up to the precursor to the Caribbean online study whose results are expected to be out by September of this year according to a recent communication with an officer close to the group responsible for its execution.

PAULA GORDON, Staff Reporter

Several Jamaicans are questioning the credibility of a recent study that claims that one in every four Caribbean men is a bisexual.

The online study conducted by the Caribbean Men's Internet Survey (CARIMIS) has become the hot topic on the lips of many persons since yesterday and has sparked some level of controversy.

About 2,560 men are said to have participated throughout 33 territories. This would possibly mean that the survey included men from Jamaica as well.

questioned credibility

Though the findings are preliminary, it was revealed that 15 per cent of those surveyed said they had sex with men but gave no labels, such as homosexual or bisexual to their acts.

Subsequent to the news being broken about the study, our news team sought to get some comments from several Jamaicans.

A number of the persons interviewed questioned its credibility and the sampling methods used.

Kirk Thomas, a bank employee, told THE STAR, "I don't believe in that survey because it doesn't identify the territories examined, ... one in every four ... my crew consist of 13 and mi sure I am not bisexual and none of my friends are so I can't agree with that survey."

Andrew Henry, a taxi man, expressed, "I know about myself, I don't think it is right. I think they did that survey down in the Lesser Antilles."

Interestingly, the gripping results have also resulted in numerous comments being left on Facebook.

Several males blasted the group that carried out the study on the social networking site.

One male wrote, "Lol ... these statistics are so dumb, would love to know how they came up with this ... The truth is we don't know squat, could be even more or less or not at all ... Personally I don't even accept it one out of four ... Come on."

Another wrote, "Not Jamaica ... Don't mix we up ... ."

On the other hand, several women proved to be more receptive to the findings.

One woman said, "Is true! Unno man is in denial"

In the meantime, THE STAR understands that the project, which was launched in November last year, was funded by the UNAIDS, the joint United Nations Programme on HIV/AIDS.

It is expected that the results will be handed over to regional governments in short order.

article ends

Given the homo-negative and sometimes caustic environment here in Jamaica it only stands to reason why same gender loving men overall tend to be closeted in a sense and take on heterosexual partners even have offspring so as to take the social pressure of their backs, the proverbial why don't you have a child yet or girlfriend taunts from parents or sibblings. Is it time we begin to have a serious national discussion on coming out and remaining out and also here on the rock instead of having to run or seek asylum elsewhere? be you of whatever sexual orientation, it is time we start living our truths?

Bigger issues here are on the horizon to me than just a survey on how many bisexuals that there are.

All of a sudden the Star News "Tell Me Pastor" has a letter from a man claiming his female partner is a deceptive bisexual, how convenient, see more here: Deceptive bisexual one wonders is these letters are real sometimes.

Peace and tolerance

H

Bisexual and pansexual identities often look the same

Bi Radical

Bisexual and pansexual identities often look the same:

• Both bisexual and pansexual people might feel desire towards any amount of genders. People who feel desire towards people of more than one, more than two, many, multiple or all genders can identify as bisexual or as pansexual (or really anything else): The word people use to name their sexual identity does not predict or convey the number of genders they might desire.
• Both bisexual and pansexual people might be cisgender, transgender* or genderqueer*: Whether people identify as bi or pan does not predict or convey their gender identity.

• Both bisexual and pansexual people can support transgender* and genderqueer* liberation/rights: Whether people identify as bi or pan does not predict or convey their levels of such support or their levels of transphobia/cissexism.
• Both bisexual and pansexual people can support bisexual* liberation/rights: Whether people identify as bi or pan does not predict or convey their levels of such support or their levels of biphobia (and yes, people who identify as bi can be biphobic, too).

Bisexual identity and pansexual identity are not the same:

• Bisexuality comes from a type of political thought based on sexual identity, pansexuality comes from a type of political thought based on gender identity: Talk to a bi person about bisexuality, they’ll often talk about sexuality and desire, and focus on biphobia; talk to a pan person about pansexuality, they’ll often talk about transgender and genderqueer identities, and focus on transphobia.
• The definition of pansexuality is often dependent on the definition of bisexuality (and, dare I say, the rejection thereof): If bisexuality is defined as desire towards people of more than one gender, pansexuality can be defined as desire towards people of more than two genders; if bisexuality is defined as desire towards people of many genders, pansexuality can be defined as desire towards people of all genders; if bisexuality is defined as desire towards people of genders similar + different than our own, pansexuality can be defined as desire regardless of gender. But: both bisexuality and pansexuality can - and have - been defined as any of these things.

And herein lies the problem: many pansexuals feel the need to define bisexuality as attraction to no more than two genders (a definition which most outspoken bisexuals here on tumblr vehemently dispute) in order to constitute the difference as related to desire rather than as related to politics. This is where all the erasure and biphobia comes into play and where it gets fucked up, violent, silencing and oppressive.

Another problem here is that this kind of dependency on meaning and comparison erases pansexuality as an identity in its own right. I’d like to believe that pansexuality can stand quite well on its own [excuse my ableist language, I couldn’t find an alternative phrase] without being dependent on bisexuality like that.

My advice to everyone on this issue is to stop this focus on the desire-related differences between bisexuality and pansexuality: none can be defined in any way that can be agreed by everyone. Concurrently, I would also advise people to stop defining other people’s identities for them: they can do it perfectly well themselves. Since the pansexual side of the debate is usually the one doing these things, I urge pansexual people to consider the power relations here (obviously working against bisexuals), to take responsibility for themselves on the personal level, and to call each other out and encourage accountability on the community level.

To the bisexual side I would say… try not to assume that all pansexuals are necessarily biphobic or against us. Memes such as “police all the bisexuals” (accompanied with a pansexual flag) convey a lot of justified pain and anger, but they’re still in bad taste as they assume exactly that. Yes, many of them are, and yes we have grown used to expecting a lot of bullshit coming from that direction… but then again, many are not, and we might find even more allies within them yet.

Really, my dream in that regard is to have an awesome shiny bi/pan movement to make an awesome shiny bi/pan revolution with.

Solidarity for all.

Pan-sexual refers to the potential for sexual attractions towards people of all gender identities and and biological sexes.Some self-identified pansexuals refer to themselves as gender blind—that gender and sex are insignificant or irrelevant in determining whether they will be sexually attracted to others. The Oxford dictionary writes that pansexuality “encompasses all kinds of sexuality; not limited or inhibited in sexual choice with regards to gender or activity. Pansexuality can also mean the attraction to a person’s personality, rather than their physical appearance or gender.

People of pan sexuality are people attracted to people without considering their gender. The word pansexual comes from the Greek word ‘pan-’, meaning “all”. Pansexual people are part of the LGBT community.

Pansexuality is different from Bisexuality. Bisexual people are attracted to both men and women, but pansexual people are attracted to any people. This includes people who are neither male nor female. Pansexuality is the opposite to asexuality as pansexuality means a person may be sexually attracted to anyone, but asexuality means a person is sexually attracted to no one.

The term pansexual can take on a variety of different meanings depending on which social group the term is being used in, but it is generally defined as someone who is attracted to other people regardless of their gender or sexual orientation. The word pansexual is used as an inclusive term as opposed to bisexual, as bisexuality only refers to people liking both men and women, and does not including a wider variety of gender neutral or gender fluid terminology.

Pansexual can also refer to an organization, event or group. In this situation, the pansexual is defined as meaning open or welcome to all genders and not referencing one’s sexual orientation or gender.

Occasionally, pansexuality is defined as a person who displays their sexuality in many different ways, or as someone who is open to a variety of sexual activities, although both of these definitions have become rare.Pansexuality is an attraction on a more spiritual level, one might say, and focuses on who the target of affection is, rather than“what,” as do other sexualities.

The Butch Dynamic/mystique becoming a problem?

A Butch is a lesbian that appears to be more masculine—in their clothing, their attitude, hairstyle, etc. Sometimes fits the stereotype that people may have about lesbians—that they all like to work on cars, wear short hair, and act in a stereotypically masculine manner.

A Stonebutch or “Butch Plus”.
Some stonebutches are almost aggressively masculine, and may fall just short of being transgender. Other stonebutches may prefer to pass as men, or live as men, but still be considered a butch stonebutches do not permit themselves to be touched intimately. They instead derive pleasure from making love to their partners, who often identify as stone femmes. Some butches may also choose to use male first names and pronouns, because while they do not identify as men, neither do they consider themselves women. Yet often they still identify very strongly with the lesbian community.

In recent months we have been watching a steady stream of discussions, opinions and complains locally from varying quarters in the lesbian and bisexual women communities chief among them are the increased reports of abuse verbally, stigmatization, profiling and otherwise towards women who present aesthetically as masculine which all of a sudden has become a problem for some men in Jamaica. Same sex attracted women never had so many problems navigating sexuality in this complex society now there are issues of clothing stores refusing to sell a woman a pair of male jeans within the last week this kind of open discrimination was unheard of before. Is this a result of the moves towards full metrosexualism in Jamaican men? when a popular dancehall DJ can openly defend skin bleaching and full body tattooing which was once relagated to gays in years gone by the change is rather rapid and dramatic, the same DJ as in Vybz Kartel commented at a recent lecture on the University of the West Indies campus what was taboo will soon become widely accepted. One wonders if he contemplated that homosexuality will be in that mix?

One butch sister complained that at a central location in Kingston recently she was verbally abused by men as she beckoned to another female she was waiting for to go about their private business. Another woman was harassed by a taxi driver in the same area as he drove his car almost in her path. In previous posts here we examined the fact that most women who were butch identified were sometimes considered "one of the boys" given our homosocial trends Jamaican men get together and the butch sisters never really experienced major lesbophobic problems as late as 2008 until we started to see the increase in cases of corrective rape, beatings and forced evictions to include both femme and butch sisters as victims in a bid by their attackers to straighten them out. Historically from I can recall I have always seen butch identified women even at my primary school there was one who was the physical education teacher and coach and she had cordial relations with the male students and other male members of staff as far as we could see. There was a popular female police officer who was assigned to the bike teams and when she rode around it was fascinating to most onlookers to see her strut her stuff with broad shoulders and a husky voice with her gun embedded on her holster. 

It may look attractive to some men for the sake of having a "buddy" of sorts but then there is the ever constant reminder that it's a female by either the aesthetic or physical features that are feminine including cleavage which cannot be hidden for some. What triggered this post also was my witnessing a butch taxi driver recently who plies a route in Kingston and how she seemed quite comfortable with the boys chatting and idling on the terminus dodging between cars calling for passengers while she had a stick of marijuana rolled and stuck behind her ear, it was clear that some onlookers by the nearby taxi stand were obviously captivated watching this woman being one of the boys but there were no open lesbophbic remarks. When examples of some of the opposing gender norms appear in public most persons are indeed fascinated until some fool takes it to another level.

Inter-community issues

The concept of butch and femme identities have long been hotly debated within the lesbian community, yet even achieving a consensus as to exactly what the terms "butch" and "femme" mean can be extraordinarily difficult. In recent years, these words have come to describe a wide spectrum of individuals and their relationships. It is easiest, then, to begin with an examination of butch-femme culture and meaning from a historical perspective.
Butch and femme emerged in the early twentieth century as a set of sexual and emotional identities among lesbians. To give a general but oversimplified idea of what butch-femme entails, one might say that butches exhibit traditionally "masculine" traits while femmes embody "feminine" ones. Although oral histories have demonstrated that butch-femme couples were seen in America as far back as the turn of the twentieth century and also in Jamaica to a certain extent it is the late nineties to present working-class and bar culture that most clearly illustrate the archetypal butch-femme dynamic.

Then there are the issues of some butches get strong criticisms of being to "manly man" or "man royal" many soft femmes (pardon the labels) and more mixed soft thugs remark that if they wanted a man they would have gone to find one and are not looking for a replacement, so one could conclude that even if a same sex attracted woman wants another female as her romantic interest with her butch mystique and all she must not seek to replace that attraction or distort it with being to masculine in dress and attitude. Some butches respond by saying that's who they are take it or leave it and why not if one is seeking a dominant partner. Question is, is the national obsession with masculinity, associated societal beliefs and rules that govern them are some how rubbing off on the lesbian sisters who identify as butch or stud? The stigmas that affects butch identified sisters seem to be coming to a head with the walls closing in. As more butch identified women are becoming targets for violence one response is self defense classes offered by a new lesbian owned entity Couture Elements for a relatively small fee concerns have been raised especially during International Women's Day activities.

Butch-Femme net http://butch-femme.net/Butch/BF/ says:
“To the mainstream dyke world, Butches are often seen as "men" or as selling out to the enemy. Butch energy is often read as male energy because it is closer to what we consider male energy than it is what we consider female energy. We are sometimes seen as oppressors of Femmes who they see as "tools of the heterosexual patriarchy" because they are feminine and often don all the feminine accouterments such as makeup, long fingernails, and high heels.”
The butch-femme dynamic is well known among lesbians. The most well known combination is a butch with a femme, although it’s not impossible for a butch to be with another butch, or a femme to be with another femme.

According to GLBTQ social sciences encyclopedia, In recent years, "pansexual" and "polysexual" have joined "bisexual" as terms that indicate women's attractions to more than one gender. Another indication of that fluidity is the fact that one cannot always tell simply by looking whether a lesbian identifies as butch or femme. Butches are not necessarily tops; femmes are not necessarily bottoms; and butches and femmes are no longer expected to date only each other.

Trends that are to be watched.

Peace and tolerance.

H