Reparative therapy suggestions yet again by 'Tell Me Pastor'

Yet again our goodly friend Pastor/Psychologist Aaron Dumas continues to flout the guidance of the Diagnostic Statistical Manual DSM on reparative therapy and on suggesting same to persons who supposedly make homosexual desires known to psychologists. One could conclude he is going against his own profession's guidelines.

Here is another letter to the Pastor, see what you make of it after a woman claimed she is struggling with lesbian desires for another.

Dear Pastor,

I have been fighting with the church and my feelings and it has been going on for a while now.

I am the daughter of a pastor and I have dated a number of guys in the past, but I have fallen in love with a young lady.

All my life I have seen couples being happy and so in love, and I have been searching for that kind of love in my previous relationships, but always ended up feeling empty inside, until this girl came along.

This love happened in the span of less than two days and it has caused me to wonder if this is really love, obsession or infatuation.

She and I have been praying fervently about the situation, but each day we grow to love each other more and more. It has gotten to a stage where she has given up a promising future with an affluent man and is being rejected by her family and friends because of me.

We have been planning our lives and futures together. However, we are very concerned about our Christian lives, and indeed, our afterlives.


DEPRESSING

The situation is quite stressful and depressing, as we are confused as to why God would allow us to have such strong feelings for each other if it is such an abomination unto Him.

Why is it that we can get no concrete answer to our prayers? We really need an answer from you, Pastor.

A.R.

The pastor's response:

Dear A.R.,

Are you blaming God for allowing you and your friend to be doing something which the Bible describes as unnatural?

Before you started to pray and became intimate with this young woman, you were aware that the Bible condemns all form of homosexuality, whether it is between two men or two women.

I know that whenever I quote the Bible in dealing with a matter such as yours, some people curse me and accuse me of condemning gays.

I am not condemning you, but I have to tell you that I cannot encourage you to do what you have written to me about.

Therefore, I must remind you that God is not pleased with such a conduct.

20 For since the creation of the world God's invisible qualities - his eternal power and divine nature - have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that people are without excuse. 21 For although they knew God, they neither glorified him as God nor gave thanks to him, but their thinking became futile and their foolish hearts were darkened. 22 Although they claimed to be wise, they became fools 23 and exchanged the glory of the immortal God for images made to look like a mortal human being and birds and animals and reptiles.

24 Therefore, God gave them over in the sinful desires of their hearts to sexual impurity for the degrading of their bodies with one another. 25 They exchanged the truth about God for a lie, and worshipped and served created things rather than the Creator - who is forever praised. Amen.

26 Because of this, God gave them over to shameful lusts. Even their women exchanged natural sexual relations for unnatural ones. 27 In the same way the men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust for one another. Men committed shameful acts with other men, and received in themselves the due penalty for their error." (Romans 1:20-32 NIV)

DELIVERANCE

I want to assure you that nothing is impossible with God and I believe that if you were to cry out to God and ask others to help you pray, God can deliver you. You were not born gay, you loved men, but they have hurt you. Yes, my exhortation to you may sound stupid to some, but I believe in a powerful God. Nothing is impossible with him. If you lay your life on the altar and turn away from your girlfriend, you will be delivered.

You say that you and your girlfriend are praying about the situation in which both of you are involved. Continue to pray, but separate yourself from her.

You may consider making an appointment to see a Christian family counsellor or psychologist who would help you to deal with your depression. I am sure that what you are suffering is a result of the relationship that you are having with this young woman. God knows what you are going through, but remember you cannot do whatever you please and expect God to bless you.

Pastor

ENDS

Yes we believe in God but what if the same God made us as is?

Peace & tolerance

H

Objectives of Parents Month indeed with LGBTQI children invisibility ..........

November is Parents Month, which has been observed annually since 2000. As per usual the omission of LGBT families and or children was evident yet again this year. In addition, the Ministry of Education, in 1991, designated March 10-15 as Parents' Week, using the theme: You can make a difference to your child's education.

An series of extended radio discussions by mostly the parent teachers associations, religious leaders and others only sought to reinforce the exclusion in their ideas of a perfect world, namely Reverend Clinton Chisholm and others; they want to supposedly 'purify' the stream as is in their eyes LGBTQI children are an anathema. 

The objectives of Parents Month for this year include:

To celebrate and recognize the achievements of our parents and guardians

To create opportunities for parents to further develop their parenting skills

Support the strengthening of the home-school relationship

To encourage our men to be more involved in the role of parenting

To remind our youth that parenting is a serious responsibility that should be undertaken only by prepared and mature adults

To encourage parents to join the PTA so that they too can have a voice in the transformation of the education system and the running of schools

To develop an awareness in parents that they are their child's first teacher so they should be good examples and mentors to ALL children

To encourage communities and ALL adults to protect our children, support parents in their role and be partners in the raising of children

To promote family life and health education in schools, as preparation of tomorrow's parents begins with the education of children

Create networks among parents for their own support and that of their children and the schools the children

Inform parents of the material and human resources that are available to help them to become effective parents

Nowhere in the mix is anything was any reference to LGBTQI kids save and except for the reparative therapy ambit. Children can be broken as it were once they display any non conforming behaviour and then we expect unity!

Buoyed by the Trump win some of these religious fanatics are more emboldened to support anti LGBT sentiments while ignoring the open misogyny by the said presumptive President then they also ignore the disgraceful nude parading of his THIRD wife; they claim God is using Trump to change the status quo and gay marriage in the USA will be defeated despite a Supreme Court judgement.

The general tenets of the objectives are noble but we are now in a different day and age and they MUST be way more inclusive than before.

Think on these things

Peace & tolerance

H

Transgender in Jamaica radio show highlight

Last evening on the progressive radio station Nationwide News Network, NNN Co-founder and friend of mine from Aphrodite’s P.R.I.D.E Jamaica, APJ appeared on the Love & Sex weekly show hosted by Dr Karen Carpenter. Satiba her pseudonym has made radio appearances before with the same host who is a board certified Clinical Sexologist and operates the possibly only professional clinic for assessment for transgender persons alongside other issues such as intersex matters, sexuality concerns and as far as erectile dysfunction.

The discussion overall was edifying and bearing by the quality of the calls in the call back section and the questions asked, some change in thinking seems eminent, given the resistance by way homophobia and the confusion if not conflation between gender identity and sexual orientation issues. The other guest on the show seems to display that quite nicely as the individual was not sure if they were transgender or not as while presenting as female they declared that they were not considering surgery to remove his penis or any re-assignment surgery as such. The longstanding issue of gay, bisexuals or gender neutral persons who present as androgynous also seem to label themselves as transgender without accessing or confirming same with a requisite professional. Some concern had been raised elsewhere but not on the show as I expected, on the lumping of other identities and sexual orientation as a way of reprieve from homophobia; as the heightened visibility given social media and such makes it seem attractive to some who self diagnose as transgender.

While the term transgender was explained by Dr Carpenter as an umbrella term to include persons who do elective surgery for cosmetic reasons without having any issues with gender identity, such as transsexuals for example or persons in the sex trade/porn industry (the old 80s she-male phenomenon in the US) some more emphasis should have been placed on addressing the conflation with homosexuality versus gender matters and advising persons what the differences are. Some effort was made at the near end of the two hour show to look at the difference in fairness to the guests and host but it was a little too late for me although the tail end of a radio show tends to be remembered by listeners than the beginning unless some memorable occurrence was in play at the top.

I was also expecting some emphasis on the re-assignment surgery bit as people need to understand that such procedures when it comes to genitalia cannot be simply reversed and one cannot ‘switch’ from one gender to another; the younger guest on the show seems to believe the aforementioned as they espoused they were interested in a butt lift, breast implants and other enhancements, all this while keeping a penis although they identify as a woman. Transgenderism is more about the mind of the individual and not necessarily the anatomical considerations as not all persons who feel they are ‘born in the wrong body’ can even qualify for re-assignment surgery.

The pre-surgery assessment that is usually conducted prior to ascertain the fitness and hormonal levels for so identified persons can also reveal much as to the continuation to full transition or not. There are persons identify as transgender but who cannot go all the way to surgery as their biology would not accommodate the full hormonal treatment/interventions, seeing that said treatment courses are for a lifetime so as not to reverse to the assigned gender and physiology of the party involved.

The mentioned assessment for children who display opposite gender traits by a requisite professional was commendable as Satiba drew on her own experience as she never had the family support in her transitioning journey. As highlighted on this blog and on sister blogs on Wordpress organizations such as JFLAG and others did not take these issues seriously in the early days although the coined term “Allsexual” appeared in their name. Satiba like so many others had to effectively fend for themselves; she sought out information on her own and after moving from doctor to doctor finally found one who was aware of the matters arising. Dr Carpenter mentioned the clinic at the University of the West Indies and asked interested persons to go via the Love & Sex Facebook page and on Twitter. I was expecting however some clarification on the gender non conforming behaviour in children and that that in and of itself is not a marker for someone to be deemed transgender.

Some 1500 persons are believed to be transgender living in Jamaica according to Satiba who referenced a research project that was conducted some years ago and documentary evidence supports. Overall it was a good show but given previous opportunities like this that still are too rare far more was delved into in a shorter air time and given this was a two hour show more should have come forth in my view. I hope Dr Carpenter will do a follow up sometime in the future. Thankfully the calls were civilised this time around as evidenced before terms such as ‘mad’ have been used by some to insult and belittle transgender folks who go public.

Finally the use of certain terms while commendable for those already in the know versus opening the knowledge base of those we want to win simply flew over the heads of the latter; terms such as transvestite, gender neutral (which was explained when a male caller asked for an explanation) and others were barely glossed at, I guess due to the myriad of advertisements and breaks that came during the two hour show (advertisers like the show I imagine) but the breaks sort of broken the flow of the discourse with recaps to (re)connect the audience. Maybe the structure of the show when discussing LGBT issues needs to be rehashed or tighten given the sensitivities involved.

Peace & tolerance

H

Suicide Prevention Day 2016 .......

September 10 is observed as International Suicide Prevention Day and in Jamaica suicides have been on the rise the figures trend shows. Last year the records by Choose Life, a suicide prevention and interventions outfit show 59 cases and so far we are at 51; 4 of those cases outside of Choose Life monitoring are LGBT matters and all are females. Two other cases are being looked at as more investigations continue. The highest year on record of suicides in Jamaica overall is in 2008 where there were 80 cases and from GLBTQ Jamaica records three confirmed cases were a part of that with another two failed attempts involving pharmaceuticals and slashing or cutting.

80% of persons who are successful at suicide attempts have tried the same before says the experts, some other signs include persons when questioned have a definitive plan which seems to go against what is considered normal, a change in regular daily or life patterns, persons who say ‘goodbye’ with no serious plan in mind when pressed to present same or cannot tell where they are going, withdrawal from friends and families, giving away of things or personal effects that they treasure with no clear justifiable reasons, hygiene changes or deterioration or a can’t be bothered attitude, that may be out of sorts with the usual life pattern. The urging is listening with your ears, eyes and hearts.

The conversation however on suicide though overall is helpful tends to drift into reparative therapy in as far as sexual orientation related stressors are concerned, many of the groups and individuals involved are subscribers to an evangelical mantra and who push a redemptive Christian perspective in addressing the issues. While faith is important the moment the person is seen as LGBT then comes the prescriptive view of changing or adjusting one’s sexuality or old terms such as ‘sexual preference’ still being used by the parties involved.

This year's theme:

Connect

Fostering connections with those who have lost a loved one to suicide or have been suicidal themselves is crucial to furthering suicide prevention efforts. Although every individual suicide is different, there are some common lessons to be learned. Those who have been on the brink of suicide themselves can help us understand the complex interplay of events and circumstances that led them to that point, and what saved them or helped them to choose a more life-affirming course of action. Those who have lost someone to suicide, or supported someone who was suicidal, can provide insights into how they moved forwards on their journey. The sheer numbers of people who have been affected by suicide would make this a formidable network.

Of course, these connections should be two-way. There will often be times when those who have been bereaved by suicide, and those who might be feeling suicidal themselves, need support. Keeping an eye out for them and checking that they are okay could make all the difference. Social connectedness reduces the risk of suicide, so being there for someone who has become disconnected can be a life-saving act. Connecting them with formal and informal supports may also help to prevent suicide. Individuals, organisations and communities all have a responsibility here.

World Suicide Prevention Day 2016 Infographic

Communicate

Open communication is vital if we are to combat suicide. In many communities, suicide is shrouded in silence or spoken of only in hushed tones. We need to discuss suicide as we would any other public health issue if we are to dispel myths about it and reduce the stigma surrounding it. This is not to say that we shouldn’t exercise necessary caution; we don’t want to normalise suicide either. Careful, considered messages about suicide and its prevention are warranted, as is an awareness of how different groups of individuals may receive and interpret this information.

Equipping people to communicate effectively with those who might be vulnerable to suicide is an important part of any suicide prevention strategy. Broaching the subject of suicide is difficult, and these sorts of conversations are often avoided. There are some simple tips that can help, however. Most of these relate to showing compassion and empathy, and listening in a non-judgemental way. People who have come through an episode of extreme suicidal thinking often say that sensitively-managed conversations with others helped them on their course to recovery.

The media also have an important role to play in suicide prevention. Some types of reporting on suicide (e.g., prominent and/or explicit stories) have been shown to be associated with 'spikes' in suicide rates, but others (e.g., those that describe mastery of suicidal crises) have been shown to have a protective effect. Media recommendations have been developed by the International Association for Suicide Prevention and the World Health Organization to assist journalists in getting stories right. Please see: goo.gl/4qVhUp

Care

All the connecting and communicating in the world will have no effect without the final ingredient – care. We need to make sure that policy-makers and planners care enough about suicide prevention to make it a priority, and to fund it at a level that is commensurate with its significance as a public health problem.

We need to make sure that clinicians and other service providers care enough about it to make suicide prevention their core business. And we need to make sure that communities care enough about it to be able to identify and support those who may be at heightened risk.

Most of all, we need to ensure that we are caring ourselves. We need to look out for others who may be struggling, and let them tell their story in their own way and at their own pace. Those who have been affected by suicide have much to teach us in this regard.

Connect, communicate and care on World Suicide Prevention Day

On September 10th, join with others around the world who are working towards the common goal of preventing suicide. Check in on someone you may be concerned about, and start a caring conversation with them, asking them how they’re going. Investigate ways of connecting with others who are trying to prevent suicide in your community, your country, or internationally. Show your support by taking part in the International Association for Suicide Prevention's Cycle Around the Globe.

The first World Suicide Prevention Day was held in 2003 and was an initiative of the International Association for Suicide Prevention and the World Health Organization (WHO). Since then, World Suicide Prevention Day has taken place on 10th September each year.

other signs:

Talking about suicide 

Any talk about suicide, dying, or self-harm, such as "I wish I hadn't been born," "If I see you again..." and "I'd be better off dead."

Seeking out lethal means 

Seeking access to guns, pills, knives, or other objects that could be used in a suicide attempt.

Preoccupation with death 

Unusual focus on death, dying, or violence. Writing poems or stories about death.

No hope for the future 

Feelings of helplessness, hopelessness, and being trapped ("There's no way out"). Belief that things will never get better or change.

Self-loathing, self-hatred 

Feelings of worthlessness, guilt, shame, and self-hatred. Feeling like a burden ("Everyone would be better off without me").

Getting affairs in order 

Making out a will. Giving away prized possessions. Making arrangements for family members.

Saying goodbye 

Unusual or unexpected visits or calls to family and friends. Saying goodbye to people as if they won't be seen again.

Withdrawing from others 

Withdrawing from friends and family. Increasing social isolation. Desire to be left alone.

Peace & tolerance

H

WHO set to declassify trans identity as mental disorder…but is it enough?

It has recently been announced that the World Health Organisation is proposing – finally – to remove transgender identity and gender dysphoria from its list of mental health disorders.

The list, known as the ICD-10, describes gender dysphoria as “the urge to belong to the opposite sex that may include surgical procedures to modify the sex organs in order to appear as the opposite sex”.

Calls for the WHO to revisit this have increased in recent years and most recently since new research has confirmed that transgender and non-binary people experience disproportionately high rates of social rejection and are more likely to be victims of violence. One such study, published in the medical periodical The Lancet, argued that “the conceptualisation of transgender identity as a mental disorder has contributed to precarious legal status, human rights violations, and barriers to appropriate health care among transgender people.” The psychiatrists behind the study recommended removing “categories related to transgender identity from the classification of mental disorders, in part based on the idea that these conditions do not satisfy the definitional requirements of mental disorders…[after considering] whether distress and impairment, considered essential characteristics of mental disorders, could be explained by experiences of social rejection and violence rather than being inherent features of transgender identity” they concluded that there was a need to declassify gender dysphoria and transgender identity as mental disorders and to instead seek ways to “increase access to appropriate services and reduce the victimisation of transgender people.”

The human cost of conflating identity with disorder

Professor Geoffrey Reed, the study’s senior author, said: ““The definition of transgender identity as a mental disorder has been misused to justify denial of health care and contributed to the perception that transgender people must be treated by psychiatric specialists, creating barriers to health care services.

“The definition has even been misused by some governments to deny self-determination and decision-making authority to transgender people in matters ranging from changing legal documents to child custody and reproduction.”

Dr Rebeca Robles, the study’s lead investigator, added: “Rates of experiences related to social rejection and violence were extremely high in this study, and the frequency with which this occurred within participants own families is particularly disturbing.”

The WHO is reportedly considering declassification when it next reviews its list of mental and behavioural disorders in two years’ time. Work on this – which will be known as the ICD-11, has taken some time and the list has not been updated since the 1980s. There have so far been no objections from within the WHO to the calls to change the classification of transgender identity. There appears to be recognition that the existing classification reinforces stigma while doing nothing to alleviate the problems of rejection and distress many transgender and non-binary people experience. All this is naturally positive.

“A diagnosis – but not a mental health diagnosis”Does tackling discrimination require a change of language and culture, especially in medical circles?

Perhaps less positive is the suggestion that ICD-11 will declassify transgender identity will as a mental disorder but will list it in a different part of the document, potentially under conditions related to sexual health. New York psychiatrist Dr Jack Drescher, a member of the ICD-11 working group, explains: “So they’ll be diagnoses, but they won’t be mental disorder diagnoses.” Glad that’s been cleared up.

It is proposed that the new ICD-11 will refer to “gender incongruence” as “characterized by a marked and persistent incongruence between an individual´s experienced gender and the assigned sex, which often leads to a desire to ‘transition’, in order to live and be accepted as a person of the experienced gender, through hormonal treatment, surgery or other health care services to make the individual´s body align, as much as desired and to the extent possible, with the experienced gender. The diagnosis cannot be assigned prior the onset of puberty.” So while it’s been declassified as a mental health condition, it is still likely to remain a clinical diagnosis.

While declassification will be welcome, not to mention overdue, it will represent the beginning of a process rather than signify an end in itself. There can be little doubting that being rendered mentally disordered will always be stigmatising and dehumanising; however, it’s not only the ICD-11 categorisations that need to be challenged but also the culture of medicalisation behind it. It’s not enough to declassify the “mental disorder” element in a well-meaning but misguided attempt to strip away stigma that speaks volumes about the way mental health continues to be treated, when the same identity issue is continued to be perceived as something that is in some way “wrong”. We need to move away from the language of “disorder” altogether.

This is vitally important, especially as many transgender and non-binary people receive deficient treatment in the NHS. If we’re serious about tackling discrimination, we need a change of language – and a corresponding change in culture.

Medicalisation – part of the problem?
Are overly medical approaches doing trans people a disservice?

There is also a tendency in our scientific world to over-medicalise everything, and consequently there will be those who feel that transgender people are actually best served through a system that provides them with psychological care and institutional support. One such voice, American psychiatrist Paul McHugh, goes so far as to suggest transgender people’s real difficulty is “underlying psycho-social troubles”, which constitute “a mental disorder that deserves understanding, treatment and prevention”. He is not alone.

These voices may be arguing against a growing consensus, but they underline the reality that the arguments must move away from medical. After all, it wasn’t long ago that homosexual people were seen as being mentally disordered and it wasn’t the intellectual medical arguments that brought about greater social acceptance for our gay and lesbian brothers and sisters. Yes, declassifying transgender people as mentally disordered will, at a stroke, cease to mark them in the way they have for decades. It will also mean governments who have used the WHO’s inadvertent support for their denial of rights and protections to transgender and non-binary people may have to reconsider their actions.

The medical arguments label, analyse, consider data and seek to offer scientific explanations. All that can be helpful. But what they’re less good at is recognising that transgender experiences are incredibly varied, as are the “treatments” transgender people want. They don’t generally treat individuals as individuals, but as some kind of homogenous group with a shared identity. Ultimately, why should it be up to the medical profession to decide who has a valid gender identity and who doesn’t?

And that’s the real issue – who has the right to determine who is and who isn’t a particular gender? Who has the right to deny people the right to identify with any gender or none? While declassifying gender dysphoria as a mental health condition represents a powerful statement and an overdue step forward, the real solution lies in improving social awareness, with education rooted in the experiences of transgender and non-binary people.

Transgender experience
Lesley Stafford: “I had to put my hand up to a ‘mental health disorder’ to be allowed certain treatment, but I was never convinced of the correctness of this.”

Lesley has often been asked when she knew she first felt like a girl, a woman, and she can’t answer the question. She explains: “I have never felt like a girl or a woman; I simply was a girl, and, later, a woman. Nor can I explain how a child, albeit a very bright child, can get their head around the way I was and live comfortably with the dichotomy of being a girl while living as a boy.

“I had problems enough as a child and this wasn’t one of them. My father had a problem with my problem, and he had a drink problem, and the toxic mixture would bubble into regular physical violence, intimidation, and humiliation for me. I was clever too, I knew it, I wasn’t shy about it and that was a problem; I liked “snob music” and that was a problem. I was a problem. I would “end up a bloody pervert, like that one on the telly”, and I have no idea which pervert I was destined to be like. I never worried myself about that. My mother exploited my strange malady in another more sinister and sickening way, and that remains a problem for me.

“For a long time, my biggest issue was that I lived contentedly in a boys’ world while something in my manner seemed “girlish” to my parents, but I WAS a tomboy. I lived my boys’ life fully in character. I climbed trees better than any other child my age; I was up for every mad, crazy adventure going. I hung about the fringes of my older brother’s delinquent gang. I stole. I lied. I cheated. The police dragged me home from time to time, and I was charged with petty offences.

“The discovery that my conduct and my dilemma might be explained by my being a tomboy was a great relief. So I am a girl! That’s great!”

When Lesley first heard this expression, and discovered its meaning, a great weight was lifted from her shoulders. Puberty was hell, but she did all she could to survive, and be a girl in a boys’ life – not a boys’ body, or mans’ body. It annoys her still to hear to hear the phrase “a woman trapped in a man’s body”. She says: “I was a girl, a woman, and my body was my own. Don’t get me wrong; my body was pretty well screwed up, but it was mine, and my body and my psyche lived in joyous confusion together for most of my life. We still do. I don’t have a female body. Nor can I ever have one. My breast and genital surgeries were deeply moving experiences for me, but I don’t have a new body. I have my body, the same body I always had – altered but still me, still a woman, still the same woman I always was. I had to put my hand up to a ‘mental health disorder’ to be allowed certain treatment, but I was never convinced of the correctness of this.”Andrew: “I was concerned that anything I said would be connected to my mental health problem.”

Andrew, who is non-binary, admits they’ve “never felt particularly male…from as young as I can remember I always wanted to do ‘girly’ things and struggled to adapt to societal gender roles. In my teens, things happened to my body physically that don’t really happen to boys. So while I didn’t have a woman’s body I certainly didn’t have a typically male one either. For all the arguments about gender being a psycho-social expression of identity or a social construct, in my case there was an undoubtedly a biological basis.

“The picture was complicated further by my sexual orientation (Andrew is bisexual) and the fact that in the Hebrides during the 1990s there were few opportunities to openly and positively discuss my gender identity. Seeing a doctor about this was difficult to say the least – I was also concerned about anything I said being connected to my mental health problem (Andrew experienced depression at this time). So I hid it, tried to make sense of it alone, sometimes even ashamed of who I was. Later, working in mental health, I became more aware of non-binary and transgender identities but also discovered the stigma behind them…there’s no doubt that revisiting the ICD and reclassifying gender dysphoria can help tackle this. But it isn’t enough by itself.”

The new ICD-11 is expected to change the status of transwomen like Lesley. She says: “I will no longer be seen to suffer from ‘gender dysphoria’ – a very vague mental health condition. It would seem that I have had it exchanged for a ‘condition related to sexual health’ – namely ‘gender incongruence’ . . . Hm! At least I’m not crazy! I still have ‘a condition’ and I am still suitable for treatment.

“When I first engaged in gender politics and activism, I met women like me who hated the term transsexual. It was the use of “sexual” that was a problem. We didn’t have a “sexual problem”; we had a “gender issue” and I remain conflicted about that. Transgender is a dreary term, and I have never liked it. Is it an umbrella term? Am I trangender(ed)? My feeling is that I am transsexual. My body, my own woman’s body, clearly bore the evidence of male sexual characteristics. I lived my life as a man. I have children to whom I am a father. My gender, my certainty that I am a woman, has never changed.

“I emerged from hiding. I nailed my colours to the mast. I am the woman I always was. I have neverchanged gender. My body is my own, it is a woman’s body; it always was.

“When my original GP read a few sections of the letter she had received from Dr David Gerber at theSandyford Clinic in Glasgow, I felt the need to quip – ‘You have a letter that says I’m not mad?’

“Not in this respect.”

source

Pray the Gay Away from Tell Me Pastor yet again, this time to a lesbian or bi woman

Here comes the latest in the long line of Pastor Aaron Dumas' take on homosexuality in his column and blog, although he is a psychologist and also a pastor he simply refuses to stick to the Diagnostic Statistical Manual's DSM guide on such matters. Again I think the latest letter and response were embellished as well.

Here is the letter and his response:

I have been fighting with the church and my feelings and it has been going on for a while now.

I am the daughter of a pastor and I have dated a number of guys in the past, but I have fallen in love with a young lady.

All my life I have seen couples being happy and so in love, and I have been searching for that kind of love in my previous relationships, but always ended up feeling empty inside, until this girl came along.

This love happened in the span of less than two days and it has caused me to wonder if this is really love, obsession or infatuation.

She and I have been praying fervently about the situation, but each day we grow to love each other more and more. It has gotten to a stage where she has given up a promising future with an affluent man and is being rejected by her family and friends because of me.

We have been planning our lives and futures together. However, we are very concerned about our Christian lives, and indeed, our afterlives.


DEPRESSING

The situation is quite stressful and depressing, as we are confused as to why God would allow us to have such strong feelings for each other if it is such an abomination unto Him.

Why is it that we can get no concrete answer to our prayers? We really need an answer from you, Pastor.

A.R.

Pastor's answer:

Dear A.R.,

Are you blaming God for allowing you and your friend to be doing something which the Bible describes as unnatural?

Before you started to pray and became intimate with this young woman, you were aware that the Bible condemns all form of homosexuality, whether it is between two men or two women.

I know that whenever I quote the Bible in dealing with a matter such as yours, some people curse me and accuse me of condemning gays.

I am not condemning you, but I have to tell you that I cannot encourage you to do what you have written to me about.

Therefore, I must remind you that God is not pleased with such a conduct.

20 For since the creation of the world God's invisible qualities - his eternal power and divine nature - have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that people are without excuse. 21 For although they knew God, they neither glorified him as God nor gave thanks to him, but their thinking became futile and their foolish hearts were darkened. 22 Although they claimed to be wise, they became fools 23 and exchanged the glory of the immortal God for images made to look like a mortal human being and birds and animals and reptiles.

24 Therefore, God gave them over in the sinful desires of their hearts to sexual impurity for the degrading of their bodies with one another. 25 They exchanged the truth about God for a lie, and worshipped and served created things rather than the Creator - who is forever praised. Amen.

26 Because of this, God gave them over to shameful lusts. Even their women exchanged natural sexual relations for unnatural ones. 27 In the same way the men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust for one another. Men committed shameful acts with other men, and received in themselves the due penalty for their error." (Romans 1:20-32 NIV)

DELIVERANCE

I want to assure you that nothing is impossible with God and I believe that if you were to cry out to God and ask others to help you pray, God can deliver you. You were not born gay, you loved men, but they have hurt you. Yes, my exhortation to you may sound stupid to some, but I believe in a powerful God. Nothing is impossible with him. If you lay your life on the altar and turn away from your girlfriend, you will be delivered.

You say that you and your girlfriend are praying about the situation in which both of you are involved. Continue to pray, but separate yourself from her.

You may consider making an appointment to see a Christian family counsellor or psychologist who would help you to deal with your depression. I am sure that what you are suffering is a result of the relationship that you are having with this young woman. God knows what you are going through, but remember you cannot do whatever you please and expect God to bless you.

Pastor

ENDS

When oh when is this an going to get the message on his head and also follow the guidelines of the DSM whilst it is so difficult to bring him to account on his pronouncements it seems.

Peace & tolerance

H

also see:

Suspected gay man booted from church ..... another case from GJW

First field trial supports removing transgender diagnosis from mental disorders chapter within WHO classification

New evidence suggests that it would be appropriate to remove the diagnosis of transgender from its current classification as a mental disorder, according to a study conducted in Mexico City. The study is the first field trial to evaluate a proposed change to the place of the diagnosis within the WHO International Classification of Diseases (ICD).

The research, published in The Lancet Psychiatry journal today and led by the National Institute of Psychiatry Ramón de le Fuente Muñiz, involved interviewing 250 transgender people and found that distress and dysfunction were more strongly predicted by experiences of social rejection and violence than by gender incongruence itself. The study is the first of several field trials and is currently being replicated in Brazil, France, India, Lebanon and South Africa.

"Stigma associated with both mental disorder and transgender identity has contributed to the precarious legal status, human rights violations and barriers to appropriate care among transgender people," says senior author Professor Geoffrey Reed, National Autonomous University of Mexico. "The definition of transgender identity as a mental disorder has been misused to justify denial of health care and contributed to the perception that transgender people must be treated by psychiatric specialists, creating barriers to health care services. The definition has even been misused by some governments to deny self-determination and decision-making authority to transgender people in matters ranging from changing legal documents to child custody and reproduction." [1]

"Our findings support the idea that distress and dysfunction may be the result of stigmatization and maltreatment, rather than integral aspects of transgender identity," says lead investigator Dr Rebeca Robles, Mexican National Institute of Psychiatry. "The next step is to confirm this in further studies in different countries, ahead of the approval of the WHO revision to International Classification of Diseases in 2018." [1]

Transgender identity is currently classified as a mental disorder in both of the world's main diagnostic manuals, the WHO's ICD-10 and the American Psychiatric Association's DSM-5. A major component of the definition of mental disorders is that they are associated with distress and impairment in functioning. The classification of transgender identity as a mental disorder is increasingly controversial and a WHO Working Group has recommended that transgender identity should no longer be classified as a mental disorder in ICD-11, but should instead come under a new chapter on conditions related to sexual health.

The study is the first field trial to evaluate the applicability of the proposed re-classification. It was conducted in collaboration with the Condesa Specialized Clinic, the only publicly funded specialized clinic providing transgender health care services in Mexico City. Researchers interviewed 250 transgender people aged 18-65 who were receiving health care services at the Condesa Clinic. Most participants were transgender women, assigned male sex at birth (199 participants, 80%).

Participants reported first becoming aware of their transgender identity during childhood or adolescence (ages 2-17) (table 1). During the study, they completed a detailed interview about their experience of gender incongruence in adolescence (e.g, discomfort with secondary sex characteristics, changes performed to be more similar to the desired gender, and asking to be referred to as the desired gender), and recalled related experiences of psychological distress, functional impairment, social rejection and violence.

Most participants experienced psychological distress related to gender incongruence during their adolescence (208, 83%), with depressive symptoms being the most common. Family, social, or work or academic dysfunction during adolescence related to their gender identity was reported by nearly all participants (226, 90%).

More than three-quarters of participants (191, 76%) reported experiencing social rejection related to gender incongruence, most commonly by family members, followed by schoolmates/co-workers and friends. A majority of participants (157, 63%) had been a victim of violence related to their gender identity (table 3) - in nearly half of these cases, violence was perpetrated by a family member. Psychological and physical violence were the most commonly reported, and some experienced sexual violence.

The researchers then used statistical models to examine whether distress was related to gender incongruence per se or if it was related to experiences of social rejection and violence. They found that none of the gender incongruence variables predicted psychological distress or dysfunction, except in one case where asking to be referred to as the desired gender predicted school/work dysfunction. On the other hand, social rejection and violence were strong predictors of distress and all types of dysfunction (table 4).

Although the study includes a relatively large sample of transgender people, the authors warn of some important limitations. For example, the study was a volunteer sample, so was not representative of the population and participants' experiences were based on their recollection of events, which can be subject to bias. However, the authors note that a similar study would be difficult to conduct prospectively as this would involve children.

"Rates of experiences related to social rejection and violence were extremely high in this study, and the frequency with which this occurred within participants own families is particularly disturbing. Unfortunately, the level of maltreatment experienced in this sample is consistent with other studies from around the world. This study highlights the need for policies and programs to reduce stigmatization and victimization of this population. The removal of transgender diagnoses from the classification of mental disorders can be a useful part of those efforts," says Dr Robles. [1]

Writing in a linked Comment, Dr Griet De Cuypere, University Hospital, Ghent, Belgium and Dr Sam Winter, Curtin University, Perth, WA, Australia, say: "A prominent UN advocate has put it this way: 'Transphobia is a health issue'. This study prompts primary caregivers and psychiatrists to be aware of a 'slope leading from stigma to sickness' for transgender individuals, and to contribute to their mental health by a gender-affirmative approach." They also note that although the study provides evidence to support moving health-related categories related to transgender identity out of the classification of mental disorders in ICD-11, it does not address where in ICD would be the most appropriate place for the diagnosis, which should be a topic for future research.

###

NOTE TO EDITORS:
The study was funded by the National Institute of Psychiatry "Ramón de la Fuente Muñiz", Mexico.
[1] Quote direct from authors and cannot be found in text of Article.

NOTE: THE ABOVE LINKS ARE FOR JOURNALISTS ONLY; IF YOU WISH TO PROVIDE A LINK TO THIS PAPER FOR YOUR READERS, PLEASE USE THE FOLLOWING, WHICH WILL GO LIVE AT THE TIME THE EMBARGO LIFTS: http://www.thelancet.com/journals/lanpsy/article/PIIS2215-0366(16)30165-1/abstract

3 LGBT Suicides (2 attempts) in 6 months .......... concerns

DJ Footie in good times

So as news spreads of the surprise suicide of DJ Footie on June 11 a female DJ who specialized in soca dancehall style mostly many are now wondering what is going on out there as news of a brother(not LGBT) named Delus of a popular DJ Konshens and how he has ended his life has triggered a national discussion as the shock is palpable. He reportedly conducted his successful attempt with a gun and the event was supposedly caught on camera as he filmed his last moments; the reason unconfirmed by the police is he got bad news of a herpes diagnosis and decided he could not go on as family life issues and such was too much for him, based on another video he made describing same. I also imagine the pressure and expectations of dancehall in terms of multiple partnering ties in with misogynistic themes and bravado sealed off with badmanism. Maybe he could not go on but only days before he made another clip on Fathers’ day thanking his fans for their support and birthday wishes then days later the end.

As a DJ myself for over 20 years I am not aware of us really choosing suicide as an option when trouble hits, again it depends on each ones constitution but one would use the very music on the ones and twos to sedate ourselves in case of challenges, it is long known that music is therapeutic but maybe Footie did not see it so. I am really sorry to hear of this one. For this one to come in the middle of Pride month internationally is even more egregious as this is a time for more positive imaging and LGBTQ discourse; rainbow flag controversy aside.

DJ Footie’s case the reports are that she essentially had no signs of challenges and so it is a major shock to persons which is usually the case in previous successful attempts. The loss of one of my long time allies as hinted to in a previous post he just ended it all even after posting his usual articles on Facebook only to be floored by the news on his profile. The two other reported attempts in separate matters both occurred in January and February respectively. The former tried some sort of poison or pills and was only discovered by a visiting friend who spontaneously stopped by her house. She had been stressed with some family challenges and expenses she was saddled with before but all seemed well until the discovery of the attempted ending of her life.

The March matter was a cutting or slicing attempt as the male attempter hoped to slowly bleed to death and was also discovered by a friend after several phone calls, social media linking and no apparent response. He has since been referred to a community influential and a psychologist for proper interventions. We have also been speaking occasionally on the phone where at opportunities encourage him to keep up with her appointments and so on. I am disturbed by the issues and the fear or reluctance of persons to reach out though; I am not a psychologist and may never understand the complexities fully but it is a bit disconcerting that persons are on Facebook, Instagram and so on and continue to present a bettered or false representations of themselves even as they struggle and despite increasing pages offering avenues of escape if you will or counselling. I have expressed this challenge of falsified or alter ego online personas versus self imposed pressure to keep up appearances before which I think are part and parcel to some of this. The incessant need to get likes and some recognition given (narcisstic mirroring) how rejected psychologically some feel so I guess the urge to use social media and so on for alternatives is somewhat understandable.

Another concern is the false sense of security that seems to be push by JFLAG and others as they seem more interested in image rightsizing than the actual realities, it is understandable to have a positive side but we must also GET REAL, coupled with the strange continued reports of social media fallouts due to sometimes new users both in age and commencement are having teething problems using Apps and adding public pages while not scuttling friends’ lists while mixing family members some of whom end up monitoring activities; to include the look of folks, their gender and even how many males or females dependent on the profile’s owner likes ones pages or posts. There are hardly good sustained any avenues for coming out by one’s recognisance and while social media platforms offer instant communication and a not so perfect avenue for being out many persons especially older ones are running into some challenges as they adjust to using new technologies and engaging other persons. While JFLAG operatives and such can afford to be out and it seems to push others to want to do the same others do not have that luxury and may also feel inferior or left out which possibly can. They all have visas and can depart in a moment’s notice whilst the ordinary ‘likkle sport’ is not so blessed, a point repeatedly made sometimes by some.

Ostensibly it would be difficult to convince persons to come forward with challenges and although we have had help lines established nationally but which need far more awareness support persons choose what in their minds the easier way out. Some of the same outlets though seem not equipped to handle LGBT matters which may further complicate the recovery process and some outlets are run by faith based organizations or churches. We just never know the pain persons are enduring. One former participant of the Aphrodite’s PRIDE Jamaica’s Enterprise Training said something profound yesterday, she said words to the effect that persons who are struggling need to reach out and do not put on a show as if everything is OK when they are not. I have been trying in a small way to encourage persons to actually be themselves via their social profiles but I know that is going to be difficult to sustain such a suggestion given how the world works today.

According to Chooselife the figures for suicide are not so hot as in 2014 59 persons were successful, 2015 some 51 persons did so and to date 32 have been successful for varying reasons including revenge, hurt, family issues and so on.

What is also interesting with these cases is that the individuals were from relatively stable homes or lifestyles, they seem on the face of it not to be struggling with finances or existence save and except for the latter case where she had some alleged financial issues but all in all they were not poor or displaced or homeless for that matter. These ties in with my concerns as to presenting or living a double life when the painful truths are hidden only to be a farce, in fear of being seen as less than what was and is presented. One hardly hears of suicide attempts in the lower socio economic circles in quite a while and the age cohort of suicides just by a cursory review without the benefit of strong statistics seem to be between the early twenties to early forties. Older folks tend not to consider suicide as an option although my aforementioned ally Mark who ended his life in NY was in his mid fifties.

My last direct contact with someone who was considering suicide was in late 2014 and which lasted just over a year with intermittent talk therapy or versions of it but he was referred to a professional who aided greatly. What also concerns me as well is that successful suicides made public and given the feeling of no attention then seeing the news getting so much of it can be a catalyst for contemplators to make such attempts as the experts tell us. For every successful suicide made known the contemplator wishes or wants to also achieve the same results and may work actively normally quietly towards ending their own life. Even how I prepared this post I had to choose my words carefully as I was advised some years ago during suicide prevention day observance as sensational appearing coverage can be a catalyst for such contemplation as they may feel attention is finally paid to them after the relief is attained in their eyes.

I hope you my readers if you know of any such persons contemplating such a final course to reach out to some outfit or requisite expert and informally some talk and words of encouragement can help; that is of course if outwards signs of trouble are there as in many cases no evidence is shown of signs of trouble.

Peace & tolerance

H

Schoolgirl booted for taking same sex kiss with another girl, ignorant school officials ......

A ST JAMES schoolgirl who was photographed kissing another female cannot be sanctioned for her actions, the school's principal has said. Apparently it was a joke but also a dare to show she is secure about where she is going, if not experimentation. Teenagers often experiment with same gender sexualised behaviour of some sort and then move on as they age. 

the related photo

A photo has been circulating on social media which shows the girl, in school uniform, lip-locked with another female, who was in casual clothes.

The principal told THE STAR that any student found guilty of bringing the school's image into disrepute could be suspended. He, however, said that the uniformed female in the photograph was no longer a student at the school which he heads. He said the child left the school more than a year ago, but did not state the circumstances of her leaving. So if it is not disciplinary reasons or poor academic performance that caused her expulsion from the school then we can safely say it was because of misplaced homophobia, indeed lesbophobia then.

Meanwhile, the Ministry of Education told The STAR that its policy has always been that "we do not condone or promote sexual activity among adolescents, whether the behaviour is of a homosexual or heterosexual nature". A kiss is seen as 'sexual activity' by the Ministry! this just shows the phobia inside that organization as the experimentation bit in my opening suggests; a kiss does not neccesarily needs to full on sex gay or not. But I am not surprised as the minister himself has expressed said fears of 'grooming' and other such nonsense.

"Through the Health and Family Life Education Curriculum and guidance programmes, abstinence from all forms of sexual activity is emphasized," the ministry said.

The ministry said that adolescents found engaging in sexual activity should be referred to the relevant guidance counsellor for further guidance and counselling and external referral, where necessary. Problem is these sessions have a reparative ambit as opposed to a delay or abstinence thrust as if to 'change' the students from exploring or growing into their sexuality.

"Where these issues are identified in schools, targeted interventions are also implemented to address the issue of the inappropriate sexual behaviour," the ministry said. Just because of a kiss! the most that should have happened here is warning to her not to go so public as there maybe legal implications; as well as abstinence messages and refer her to the relevant outfits for follow up.

Sad another case of a teen's growth impacted by ignorant adults; living in a world they did not make and left taught stigma & discrimination.

When can we move forwards on this issue of sexual orientation?

More anon

Peace & tolerance

H

also see:

Livin' in a world they did not make: A second student rescued from homophobic attack at school

Parents' Month under the theme 'Parents: Today you guide. Tomorrow they lead' .... as for Gay 2010

3 Schoolboys face the court for beating other male student allegedly for calling them "battybois"

Viewers condemn kissing female students ...... yet again

Early initiation, gay sex, comprehensive sexual education and the real world

Girls Now Charged for Having Sex with Minors as Boys, Do Adults Ever Speak to Them?

The Deliberate Misuse of the “Sexual Grooming” Term by Antigay Fanatics 

Teen boy love, getting caught & exploration

Teen forced to change schools following outing incident

Male student accused of spying in boy’s bathroom attacked

Effects of childhood bullying on mental health of adults

Urgent need for sex & sexuality to be discussed nationally

Sex-ed does not say have sex — NFPB head

Education Minister dismisses counsellors LGBT students issue, says it’s a 'minority' matter.

Ronnie Thwaites’ rubbish on flying rainbow flags grooms children into “particular lifestyle”

Orgasms can improve your health ..........

Dr Shelly Ann Weeks share more advice

I know that when we talk about sex, many persons have different opinions about its necessity outside of procreation. The fact is that while the sexual act is necessary to procreate, that's not the only, or dare I say it, the most important function that this activity has. Before I get into the other necessary functions of sex, let me first take a look at the various stages that the body goes through when we have sex.

The sexual response cycle

The sexual cycle starts with excitement or arousal which is when the body starts to prepare for intercourse. During this stage foreplay is essential to get the blood flowing to the various organs and to put the body in the right mood. The excitement phase leads to the plateau phase where the body is aroused and heart and breathing rates are elevated and so is the blood pressure. During this phase the skin is extra sensitive and the erogenous zones (lips, nipples, genitals, neck, etc.) are even more so. It's during the plateau phase that intercourse happens and the genitals are stimulated to create friction that will lead to orgasm. For some persons one orgasm is enough, but some persons are multi-orgasmic and may require further stimulation and orgasms to be satiated.

photo added for effect from the net

I started off talking about orgasms, so let's get back to it. There are many persons who have difficulties achieving orgasm and the reasons are variable. But having an orgasm a day can actually improve your overall health and even your quality of life.

STRESS RELIEF

Orgasms are your body's built stress reliever. When someone orgasms the hormone oxytocin is released from nerve cells in the hypothalamus (a region of the brain) into the bloodstream. This hormone is also known as the 'feel good hormone' and it helps to stimulate feelings of warmth and relaxation.

HAPPIER RELATIONSHIP

More frequent orgasms might make it harder for your partner to cheat. The hormone oxytocin is also known as the 'love hormone' and studies have shown that its frequent release strengthens the bond between a couple and makes them less likely to go outside of the relationship for their sexual pleasure.

BETTER SLEEP

With the fast paced, busy life that most of us lead, sometimes it's hard to settle down and get a good night's rest. Having an orgasm before you go to sleep is a great way to fall asleep and improve the overall quality of your rest.

Pain relief

The magical chemicals (oxytocin, endorphins) released in the brain during orgasms are excellent pain relievers. Women who orgasm during child birth report better management of pain. Even women who orgasm during her menstrual cycle have less discomfort.

BUILDS IMMUNE SYSTEM

Having frequent orgasms will increase the production of 'killer' cells called leukocytes which are essential in helping the body fight off infection.

Orgasms feel really good and they are good for you, so I didn't think I needed to give too many reasons why you should try to have at least one a day. Think of it like taking your vitamins. After all, the benefits speak for themselves. Remember also that even though it's great to share the experience with someone, there is nothing stopping you from enjoying orgasms solo. Have fun and stay sexy.

Send your questions or comments to sexychatwithshelly@gmail.com or Tweet me@drsexyann or Facebook www.facebook.com/allaboutthesexy Website:www.drsexyann.com

Str8 men who watch lesbian porn ..................

The homosexual component of lesbian porn is what it appealing to heterosexual men I feel. While heterosexual men are increasingly accepting of gay people in society, I believe that many men still retain feelings that homosexuality is "wrong" or "taboo." This is not to say that these men are disingenuous when they express their support for gay people/rights. It is simply an acknowledgment that most American men (even young ones) grew up in a society that was intolerant of gay people. That experience has left an imprint on them which they have retained, even though they have overcome that imprint in many of their conscious thoughts and activities.

Lesbian porn provides men with exposure to homosexual activity in a manner that is acceptable to them because they do not feel like they are homosexual for watching it. Many people's sexual fantasies involve activities that are considered taboo by societal standards. In the case of lesbian porn, heterosexual men are able to engage in taboo activity, even though they are not gay.

Here is a question and answer exchange on the issue, I do not agree so much with doc's answer and the answer should have explored a little more the issue of attraction and orientation.

My Husband Went To A Lesbian Show

Question: 

Doc, my husband recently visited Prague in the Czech Republic on business. He came back and told me, with some embarrassment, that he and his colleagues went to a 'lesbian show.'

At first, I was very angry and ready for divorce, because I thought he was going to say that while he was at this theatre, he had sex with one of the women. But to my relief, that was not so.

However, I am still pretty mad at him, because he said that he and his colleagues sat in the front row and eyed all these girls who took off their clothes while dancing on the stage.

What really infuriated me was that, apparently, the main item of the show was a sort of 'lesbian display' between two beautiful women who stood there stark naked and kissed each other - and then did all sorts of rude things to each other's bodies. There was also some oral 'sex kissing'.

He said that all his colleagues got very excited by this. But he claimed to have just 'appreciated the artistic side of it'. I asked him if he was trying to be funny! Then I locked myself in the bedroom for a few hours, and refused to speak to him.

Doc, I would like to ask your advice on this matter. Why do men go and look at naked women performing sexual acts on each other? And why on earth did my husband go along with this? After all, he could have got up and walked out.

Finally, do you think he achieved sexual excitement from such a gross and indecent spectacle?

Answer: 

I am sorry that you got so mad about this. Obviously, you are very upset about the idea of your spouse watching a lesbian show - and (worse still) perhaps getting excited about it!

In recent years, the historic and beautiful city of Prague has become famous for this sort of stage show. Large parties of men (and some women) go to watch.

I have stated in this column before that when you have a group of men who are away from home together, there is a certain 'peer pressure' which makes them feel that they have to join in with what is going on. So it probably would have been difficult for your husband to have walked away from the rest of his group. He was in a foreign city, where he presumably did not speak the language, so it might have been difficult for him to get back to his hotel.

Now you ask me whether he 'achieved sexual excitement' while watching those lesbian frolics. Well, I have to admit that it is quite possible. But my advice to you is not to pursue such questions as to whether he got an erection or not. I think discussing that would only cause trouble.

As you rightly suggest, it is curious that so many men do get excited by the idea of lesbianism between very attractive women. No one has ever come up with a very satisfactory explanation for this phenomenon. At the moment, Google has 600,000 websites which attempt to explain it!

Personally, I cannot provide an answer. But perhaps it may be with the well-known male belief that 'four breasts must be even better than two'.

Anyway, I think we must just accept that your husband and his colleagues went to this silly show together. Nothing will change that, but I hope that he won't do it again, in view of the distress which he knows it has caused you.

But there is one good thing to concentrate on. As far as we know, your husband did not have sex with any of the women afterwards and that, at least, is something to be grateful for.

ENDS

Some quick stereotypes comes to mind for example:

Why do straight men like lesbians as friends?

Some like having women friends who will always be just friends

Some value diversity in their social circle

Why do straight men feel attracted to lesbians?

Straight men are attracted to women

Lesbians are women

Why do straight men specifically chase lesbians?

Some think lesbianism is a phase

Some think they can get any women they want

Some think their infatuation is enough to overcome her disinterest

Some think this is their ticket to a threesome

Keep talking folks.

also see:

Why do some lesbians or bi women like gay male porn?

Peace & tolerance

H

Gay “Cures” Are Harmful And Don’t Work, Says World’s Largest Body Of Psychiatrists

I hope folks such as Pastor Aaron Dumas see this; only days ago I posted my concerns regarding his disregard for the DSM and the suggesting to the public of restorative or reparative therapy in his weekly column; this news now could not have been more timely.

see more on that: 

There goes 'Tell me pastor' again pushing reparative suggestions to a bisexual woman

meanwhile:

The World Psychiatric Association has condemned so-called conversion therapy and called on governments around the world to decriminalise homosexuality.

The largest international organisation for psychiatrists is to publish a statement condemning conversion therapy as unscientific, unethical, ineffective, and harmful, BuzzFeed News can reveal.

In a wide-ranging call to reduce the stigmatisation, discrimination, and resulting worsened mental health of lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender people, the World Psychiatric Association (WPA) will formally announce on Tuesday its opposition to any attempts to turn LGBT people heterosexual – known as “conversion therapy” or “reparative therapy”.

“There is no sound scientific evidence that innate sexual orientation can be changed,” says the WPA’s position statement, which has been supplied to BuzzFeed News.

“Furthermore, so-called treatments of homosexuality can create a setting in which prejudice and discrimination flourish, and they can be potentially harmful. The provision of any intervention purporting to ‘treat’ something that is not a disorder is wholly unethical.”

Although many psychiatric organisations in Western countries, such as the UK and the US, already publicly oppose conversion therapy, the WPA represents over 200,000 psychiatrists in over 118 countries, many of which criminalise homosexuality and, in some cases, condone attempts to “cure” it.

The WPA’s statement, which will likely be seen as controversial by many of its members, says: “A same-sex sexual orientation per se does not imply objective psychological dysfunction or impairment in judgement, stability, or vocational capabilities.” It continues: 

“[The WPA] acknowledges the lack of scientific efficacy of treatments that attempt to change sexual orientation and highlights the harm and adverse effects of such ‘therapies’.”

The WPA also calls on governments around the world to scrap laws against homosexuality:

“WPA supports the need to de-criminalise same-sex sexual orientation and behaviour and transgender gender identity, and to recognise LGBT rights to include human, civil, and political rights.”

But to reduce the suffering and mental ill-health experienced by a disproportionate number of LGBT people, governments and psychiatrists alike need to go much further than decriminalising homosexuality and banishing conversion therapy, the statement says:

“[The WPA also] supports anti-bullying legislation; anti-discrimination student, employment, and housing laws; immigration equality; equal age of consent laws; and hate crime laws providing enhanced criminal penalties for prejudice-motivated violence against LGBT people.”

It also cites research demonstrating that countries that liberalise laws around homosexuality – and provide equal legal treatment – see a resulting improvement in the mental health of their LGBT citizens.

And in a radical move that goes much further than its British or American counterparts, the WPA says psychiatrists have a duty to fight discrimination against LGBT people.

“Psychiatrists have a social responsibility to advocate for a reduction in social inequalities for all individuals, including inequalities related to gender identity and sexual orientation,” it says.

The WPA will publish the statement in full on Tuesday and email it to the heads of all member organisations shortly after.

full Buzzfeed article HERE

UPDATE:

See sister blog Gay Jamaica Watch for the full statement:

WPA Position Statement on Gender Identity and Same-Sex Orientation, Attraction, and Behaviours