Coming Out: Living Openly with Your Terms .......

COMING OUT: LIVING OPENLY ON YOUR TERMS & BEING OPEN WITH YOURSELF…..

So it's coming out day is October 11th today worldwide and October 12th in the United Kingdom. Previous posts may appear below this one or click the 'Coming out' tab immediately below and scroll downwards, newer posts including his one appears first.

Also see October – LGBT History, Breast Cancer Month & Coming Out Day (Oct 11th) on Gay Jamaica Watch

Also see Making a Coming Out Plan

Coming Out Telling Family Members
Living Openly on Your Terms

As you continue to live openly, here are some other points to consider:

■ It’s important to remember that the journey from “Coming Out” to “Living Openly” is ongoing, and unfolds at your own pace.

■ Living openly is something that becomes easier with time, it will often take a little energy when you tell someone new even after you’ve been open for years — but it gets exponentially easier with time.

■ Living openly as a gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender or straight-supportive person can help to make it easier for young GLBT people who will follow this generation.

■ Living openly can be a passive expression of who you are — such as not hiding a rainbow or equality sticker or a loved one’s photograph — or it can be a deliberate process involving a planned conversation or the decision to always be ready to affirm your sexual orientation or gender identity should a situation arise.

■ Living openly doesn’t mean that the sole, or even primary, aspect of your identity is being GLBT. It means making this part of your life a natural piece of you — just like your age, height, hair color or personality.

■ Living openly lets other people know, especially those who are judgmental or biased, that their attitudes are theirs alone.

■ On a daily basis, you will face decisions about where, when and how to come out — or where, when and why not to. Always remember, this is your journey. You get to decide how to take it.

***

when Diana King came out in 2012 HERE

also
Being Open With Yourself

From birth, most of us are raised to think of ourselves as fitting into a certain mold. Our culture and our families teach us that we are “supposed” to be attracted to people of the opposite sex, and that boys and girls are supposed to look, act and feel certain ways. Few of us were told we might fall in love with someone of the same sex, or that we might have a gender identity that differs from the body into which we were born. That’s why so many of us are scared, worried or confused when facing these truths.

Opening up to the possibility that you may be gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender or even just questioning means opening up to the idea that you’re on a path that’s your own. It’s also why coming out and living ever more openly is a profoundly liberating experience.

In the end, and at the beginning, the first person you have to be open with is yourself.

Throughout the coming out process, it’s normal to feel:

■ Scared

■ Confused

■ Vulnerable

■ Empowered

■ Exhilarated

■ Relieved

■ Proud

■ Uncertain

■ Brave

■ Affirmed

Peace & tolerance

H

"Keep it to Yuself mentality" on homosexuality part 3 .... stay in our bedrooms?

In part one we looked at a local female entertainer's take on homosexuality and her position on it via a stigma ladened song she released some time ago.  I also examined the general belief of Jamaicans on the keeping of homosexual tendencies private or to ones self as the only way people will begin to overlook the lifestyle to a certain extent and the music involved.

GO HERE for part 1 see also video on Ernie Smith's interview (MP who lashed out at gays in Parliament recently) where he expressed the same sentiments about gays keeping "filth" to ourselves. MP's Erratic Behaviour in Parliament using or abusing his parliamentary privileges to lambaste even the police. Just other examples of shoving us in the closet forcibly.

Also see popular Jamaican homophobic words and their use

People like Shirley Richards of the Lawyers' Christian Fellowship and others in the anti-gay lobby get easy opportunities in the print media to spew their homophobic rhetoric without fail or question by the respective editors even when it is clear that garbage is written for example see Jamaicans homophobic? That's a lie! letter to the Gleaner she wrote recently. These folks would prefer us disappearing or retreating in our selves and yet they are members of church congregations and christian organisations if they had magic they would make us straight and win in the end.

In part two I continued on the same trajectory while looking at ethical issues from the religious right and now comes part three which is a two subject post. One is a letter that appears in today's Gleaner entitled "Keep it In The Bedroom"  and the second is a talk show clip which hinted to an alleged predatory move by an alleged gay man towards a younger man that upset a friend of the man who expressed his upset of gays trying to change or convert other men towards homosexuality on the face of it. This is not the only letter of this kind from the newspapers wither but first here is the letter:

Keep It In The Bedroom!

THE EDITOR, Sir:

The dark, sordid, murky, foreboding, filthy and demonic world of homosexuality is not a lifestyle to be embraced and celebrated, even though no less a person than the president of the United States has given his approval.

What a person does in his private domain is his private affair and his privacy ought to be respected, but this celebration ought not to be forced upon an unwilling public.

All persons should be loved, but not all lifestyles should be embraced.

I am referring, in particular, to that wedding picture on the front page of your newspaper dated Monday, June 4. We are very upset at the prominence that it was given in your newspaper. We the citizens of Duncans are very angry. We do not support marriage between Eve and Eva, or between Adam and Steve.

It is also to be noted that in The Sunday Gleaner dated June 10, there is also reference to lesbian marriage ('I want to marry my gay partner'). Is this what your newspaper is promoting?
St Paul refers to this lifestyle as one embraced by people of a reprobate mind. Is this a healthy and decent way of living?

Love the homosexual, but NEVER embrace his or her lifestyle.

P. LOGAN

ENDS

My main question is how can you love the person without seeing them for who they really are and allowing free expression? ........ but you must be free to be you! oh really?!!!

See what you make of this readers.

Meanwhile here is the audio from BEST FM100 on Winston Babatunde's show where a caller  mentioned his supposed disgust as outlined above:

Clearly the male caller is frustrated but while I can concur that if one makes an advance or romantic gesture to another and the person does not reciprocates a threat is NOT the way to then enforce your feelings on another, this is precisely what sometimes makes the LGBT struggle problematic overall and inadvertently reinforces homo-negativity leading to homophobia in essence in the responses from the public. But to enforce homo-negative sentiments to castigate the entire LGBT community is also a NO NO in my book, not all same gender loving persons are interested in forced flirting or are in the business of "forcing" ourselves on persons, there maybe more to this than meets the eye or ear in this case.

One question lingers in my mind in this case despite the limited information provided by the caller, did the intended subject of this lust by the man who issued the threat lead the man on to believe there was some interest otherwise?

There are so many other variables at work sometimes with relationships and hookups especially with hyper-masculine types as was hinted to that the threatening caller is. It seems host Babatunde tried to not let the caller to his show jump to inciting violence on the airwaves but I think he was not on point with handling the call and it sounded a bit disjointed on the hosts part, judging by the monitoring as well by the Broadcasting Commission and rightly so.

Have a listen and see what you make of it.

also in today's Star News there is a letter to the Tell Me Pastor column on a similar story as outlined in the audio above, the letter is excerpted below:

Keep your gayness to yourself 

 

Dear Pastor,

I have great concern for what is happening in Jamaica. One of my great concerns is about gays who try to incorporate innocent lives into their group. And when they try to do this, they do it in a subtle manner, so if a person is not sensible enough to recognise or do some homework in order to find out who is who or who they are getting involved with, they are caught in the web.

This is Jamaica and I am a Jamaican and I would prefer if gays keep their gayness to themselves or declare themselves whenever they are seeking friendship from a female. A female like myself who is not aware of who is who because I grew up in a sheltered lifestyle can get caught in these type of scenarios where gays/lesbians try to manoeuvre their way into our lives.

being threatened

I feel overwhelmed right now. It is because of this reason why I am jobless. It is because of this reason why my life is now at stake. I am being threatened. It is because of this reason why I cannot go about my business freely. My past co-workers claim that one of my children's father is gay and they eternally taunted me with this and victimised me. If he is such, I honestly didn't know and I went to him as a woman to a man. I don't believe in same-sex relationships. I honestly don't support this type of lifestyle.

I am impressing upon these gays that it is better if they declare themselves before trying to manoeuvre their way into innocent people's life. For this, I am now paying the penalty just because I didn't know. I am impressing upon young ladies, especially, to be in the know. Whoever wants to live this type of lifestyle can live their lives this way or whoever wants to entertain this type of lifestyle can go ahead, but please remember don't push themselves into innocent people like that. I am so upset and angry right now and it is reflected in my letter.

Anonymous

Pastor's response

Dear ..,

You have said quiet a lot. Evidently you have had personal experiences with gays that have affected you. I do not mean to imply that you have engaged in anything that is immoral or sexual, but whatever has happened, has caused you much pain.

You said your life has been threatened. Remember that all threats should be reported to the police. I wish you well and I hope that the warning that you have given would be taken seriously by young men and women.

Pastor

ENDS

See what you make of it all folks
Peace and tolerance

H

more audio from me:

Closet gays push up HIV

I guess since Diana King's coming out earlier this week (see below) this article seems timely and with the discourse on homosexuality and the family's supposed destruction by the religious right with all the quotations of foreign statistics here we can zoom in locally. We already knew that closetedness causes issues just from overseas studies and previous surveys especially the last before this release in 2007. One wonders how the religious right is going to respond now? maybe they will further cement their belief that buggery should not be decriminalized without properly examining the facts. 

Meanwhile the class issue comes up here, but homelessness was not associated with closetedness as we have seen recently with the overlapping population from the downlow communities who have been outed and found themselves homeless or displaced and clashing with older displaced populations who are more effeminate, I fear the agencies seem behind in the realities out there, consequences of the two murders of the two homeless MSMs in the Trafalgar area is glaring proof unfortunately of the issues coming out of the overlapping populations.

Here is the article though:

New research suggests fear of stigma keeps infected 'down-low' males underground

BY NADINE WILSON

NEW data showing a 32 per cent HIV prevalency rate among men who sleep with men (MSM) in Jamaica have reignited fears that the sexual practices of this largely underground community could erode gains made over the years in curbing the HIV/AIDS epidemic.

According to Jamaica's National HIV Strategic Plan for 2012-2017, there are an estimated 33,000 MSMs in the country, but health officials say interventions targeted at this group have mostly failed because these men fear discrimination if their sexual activities are revealed.

A survey of the MSM community in 2007 showed that as many as 56 per cent had at least one female partner in the course of that year and almost 64 per cent identified themselves as bi-sexual. Only 57 per cent had ever done an HIV test, although almost 30 per cent of them had sex with multiple male partners within the four weeks prior to the survey. Only 67 per cent reported using a condom during their last sexual encounter with their main male partner, while 62 per cent reported doing so with their female partner.

What is particularly worrying to health officials is the fact that the MSM community is, for the most part, a 'bridge' population which is contributing to the increasing rate of HIV seen in women.

AIDS remains a leading cause of death among Jamaicans 15-49 years, with approximately 74 per cent of all AIDS cases in the island being within that age group. There were over 300 reported AIDS deaths in 2010 and as many as 2,100 Jamaicans estimated to become newly infected each year. This, despite the country making significant inroads in reducing the number of cases over the last few years with the introduction of a public access anti-retroviral (ARV) treatment programme in 2004. AIDS cases are highest among men.

Project co-ordinator at the Caribbean Vulnerable Communities Coalition, Ivan Cruickshank told the Jamaica Observer the country is courting disaster.

"When we look at the rates of HIV among the MSM population, if we are not able to reach them effectively with HIV prevention, we really have a serious epidemic on our hands...," he said.

Acting director of the Ministry of Health's National HIV/STI programme, Dr Nicola Skyers, has said that while the ministry has been interfacing with MSMs in the lower socio-economic strata of the society, getting access to MSMs in the middle and upper classes has been extremely difficult.

"We do recognise that ignoring these subsets will cause an explosion within the general population because we know that there is a bridge. Men just don't have sex with men, they have sex with women as well, so we do recognise the risk of ignoring these particular populations," she told the Observer.

Cruickshank explained that MSMs with affluence rarely utilised the public health-care system which would enable policy-makers to fully grasp data on the community. Most, he said, usually seek treatment at private facilities or overseas.

"There is so much to lose that a lot of persons refuse to access health care because some of the questions that might be asked [and] some of the issues that they might need to take to the health care provider are issues that would identify their sexual practices," he said. He also noted that some of these men are also in heterosexual unions and do not want to risk their relationships with their female partners.

One male sex worker who has been offering his services to males since 2005 told the Observer that most of his clients were influential and wealthy men who had wives and children. He admitted that he did not use a condom with these men during his earlier years in the profession, and THATother male sex workers he knows still do not use them.

"When you are with these persons who are of good character in society, you don't perceive a risk because of the position that they are in. Because this person is a manager,or so forth, you don't perceive that they would be running around, and that sort of thing. [Because] they are protective of their families, you are willing to take your chances with that person, versus someone who is not 'up there' (affluent), who, in my head, is of greater risk because they might be sleeping around with any or everybody," he said.

He said some male sex workers "are flamboyant and dress effeminately" and so they sometimes chose not to access public health care because they fear being discriminated against, although their more affluent clients were able to easily access treatment through their private doctors. Most of their clients, he confirmed, are unknown to persons monitoring HIV/AIDS intervention programmes or policy-makers.

According to the National HIV Strategic Plan, the sexual practices of 40 per cent of reported male AIDS cases in Jamaica are classified as 'unknown', "and may reflect under-reporting by MSMs who are unwilling to reveal their sexual practices, as well as incomplete reporting."

This unavailability of data is a significant weakness in the surveillance system.

"The high rates of HIV infection and bisexuality among MSMs are likely to be important factors currently driving the HIV epidemic in Jamaica," the report noted.

The new National HIV Strategic Plan, which succeeds the current plan that ends in 2012, pointed to "an urgent need to identify remedial actions" so as not to jeopordise future funding, especially from global agencies that target at-risk populations.

"Specific approaches will be developed to reach subgroups of MSM: male sex workers, adolescent MSM, PLHIV (persons living with HIV), transgender, and bisexuals in upper social classes, as well as other MSM with money, power and influence who are usually the decision makers in the sexual relationship," the plan noted.

CVM TV's Live @ 7 on the UK AID Withdrawal threat & responses .......

As the debate intensifies on the United Kingdom's Prime Minister David Cameron in a television interview after the commonwealth heads of government conference in Australia expressed concerns that commonwealth countries receiving aid but who are still carrying anti sodomy acts will lose said aid, buggery or sodomy laws which are mistakenly described as anti gay/homosexual laws when buggery is not homosexuality which I think is  clouding the debate and creating more unneeded anger and rage with homophobia. Mr Cameron said that Britain is one of the primary aid givers in the world, "We want to see countries that receive our aid adhering to proper human rights and that includes how people treat gay and lesbian people."

Live at 7 host Elon Parkinson had convener of Families Against State Terrorism (FAST) Yvonne McCalla Sobers and Human Rights Lawyer Lord Anthony Gifford who challenged a similar law in Ireland some twenty years ago. Both have made appearances in the previous outdoor stands in New Kingston earlier this year. 

In her response she reinforced basically what she had said at the press conference at the launch of the challenge to the buggery law at the Inter-American Commission on Human Rights. She contested that the British exported the laws to other states at the time to all of their colonies, she noted that Cuba has no sodomy law. "As I see it I do believe we have enough common sense here to decide for ourselves to examine our situation and to say this needs to go or this needs to stay."
But with host Elon reminding here that the public is incensed by the thought she changed her tone to suggest we may not have the common sense after all. In answering host's Elon Parkinson's question:
"Are we missing something here when David Cameron indicated that look this is not just an issue regarding the removal of the anti gay laws but also a human rights issue under the broad scope of human rights we have known especially first world countries have withheld aid on the basis of human rights violations in several states?


Miss Sobers responded: "Many of us in this country supported the embargo against South Africa for instance so this measure has been taken in the past now the issue is why is it that it needs to worry us that much if the UK decides to withhold its money as it has a right to do for instance Barbados who has produced their way out of whatever economic situation might have come close Barbados has no problem with aid they don't get any UK aid so on the one hand it is possible to be independent on the other hand to get there perhaps as part of our development we need to take an approach that respects the right of all, we don't stop and think how much we loose in the brain drain, persons gay persons who migrate take away their skills take away their assets from this country we may need to just think again. If we think of the harm that is done to persons living here and I'll just speak on the harm done to actually straight persons as well with this kind of law because it skews the way in which a man is perceived."


She continued on the point of the downlow phenomenon, poor condom and sex negotiations with HIV/AIDS infection rates directly affected. There are repercussions in maintaining this law. The buggery law she continued that it fuels health issues and corruption - "One of the pluses for a corrupt police officer is an unenforceable law and this is one." The fear of being charged in connection with this law creates opportunities for payola and corruption, persons who maybe innocent have been accosted." she said Britain has no moral authority to do this action.

Lord Anthony Gifford


Said that the way the UK is going about the issue has rubbed Jamaicans the wrong way, he does not think the threat will be carried through, the real issue of him is a needed debate on love and tolerance in the nation and the explanation of the law, he said the law is inciting hate as its text itself is encouraging homophobia, the words are inflammatory as it describes buggery as an abominable crime yet it does not describe other crimes as such. He also added that it is a fundamental rights issue that suppresses the minority. On the matter of homosexual rights being secondary he responded that we need to get the issues into perspective and we have almost perfected other rights such as freedom of speech, freedom of association that we can teach the world. He repeated his original call that the UK government is going about it the wrong way. He hinted to the reparation commission as a means to repair damage he sees that UK has done by passing old laws such as the sodomy ones where symbolic gestures and financial payouts can be made. He agreed with Elon Parkinson that it maybe a kind of colonial hypocrisy as the former colonial master wants states to remove the laws when they were handed to us.

Meanwhile Justice Minister Delroy Chuck in a separate CVM newscast on the same station some days before said that any such legislative change must be driven by the public interest, “It is a matter that parliament should have the opportunity to debate, looking at the pros and cons just like the capital punishment individual parliamentarians can take a position as to whether or not it should be changed that is it should be repealed or modified as the case maybe,” he continued ” I am not too sure that the homophobia is caused from the laws, these laws have been in existence from time in memorial I think it is fear to say that um Jamaicans do not consider homosexual behaviour to be acceptable the question is whether these views can be changed over a period of time.”

Of interest the opposition People's National Party has been silent are they afraid as the election season approaches to be siding with gays may be political suicide ?

My original response when the story broke on October 10, 2011 on a post on sister blog GLBTQJA Wordpress. My two cents then

But what will that do though in the long run if most states and including Jamaica outside of the region mentioned in the article have a strong beliefs or perception that homosexuality is an import and that actions such as this are forcing the hand of countries with “christian principles” and “high moral values” to capitulate to the powerful gay lobby from first world nations yet The Prime Minister David Cameron is not gay but could be viewed as a puppet in the scheme of this with the pressure coming and positions from the European Union side of things and other bodies such as the United Nations on sexual orientation.

Is forcing countries to comply the way to go?

Or hitting them economically?

I don’t think so, certainly other diplomatic methods can be employed but what about the notion that anti gay forces in the United States are in effect exporting homophobia and funding anti gay and religious fanaticism especially in parts of Africa in recent times. What does Mr. Cameron et al have to say or do about that?, these powerful backers behind such moves are said to be numerous and are some of the biggest companies and individuals allegedly. Will the UK also criticize those backers and demand they stop this kind of clandestine support or be made to stop? Can or will the UK Prime Minister stand up to the police man of the world and call it for what it is? Are we going to solve the issue of tolerance this way folks? I don’t think so, the hitting of the economic prosperity of these non compliant states as it were may only serve to bring more harm to the voices and populations on the ground who are made to pay the price as involuntary martyrs for this kind of pressure.

The particular tranche of aid that maybe affected is a bilateral one known as general support,the aid was vital as it was used to rehabilitation programs for deportees who are helped to rejoin society, training and support. National Security Minister Dwight Nelson said on a radio interview that if aid was cut Jamaica could not afford to run such a program at this time. The comments as usual were anti gay as Elon read a few from the program's Facebook page.

Also see more responses from the aforementioned persons and State Minister Miss Malahoo Forte on sister blog Gay Jamaica Watch Reactions continue to come in on the UK's stance on AID to anti gay laws hosting nations

 Homosexuality is Not Illegal in Jamaica .... Buggery is despite the persons gender 12.11.11 by glbtqja6

Peace and tolerance

H

Insensitive parents & Displaced MSMs part 2

In part 1 way back in 2009 we looked at some cases and reports that came to light then and a flashback story that was disturbing where a father outed his son at a prominent high school only to watch other students beat him mercilessly fortunately he was rescued by some staff members present and a few well thinking students who literally used their bodies to block or absorb some of the blows.

See more Here: Father encourages students to maul 'gay' son at Dunoon Tech

Also Here: Insensitive Parents & Displaced MSMs part 1

In recent weeks a series of complaints and expressions have been forthcoming from mostly early male teens and a couple of same gender loving females as well with one case reaching a drastic point where a nineteen year old woman was forced to leave under the watchful eye of her stepfather, others have not gotten so bad in the ladies department but persons are uncomfortable in their family homes or places of shelter with other siblings. The age old problem of improper monitoring and securing of cellphones, personal computers/laptops and blackberries have also contributed to unwarranted outings and exposures with one male being prayed for in earnest by a weeping mother and the good book thrown at him while she insists his life is all wrong and he must accept God or burn in hell.

Hope remains while company is true and another 20 year old has been fortunate to have a good circle of friends who offered temporary crisis shelter as he makes the transition from a "bitter" set of parents while fortunately landing a job recently, he was outed due to prying eyes on his computer where his brother glanced male images scantily clad and made a report to their mother. He said he has been meeting hell ever since and was glad when he reached out he got the response from "true" friends, a type he said was hard to find in times of trouble. Privacy is a major problem even in the family home and as previous posts have brought to bear it is an issue of protection of ones space and equipment and others around are questioning,

"why don't you have a girlfriend (boyfriend)?" as the case may be

"why are you always on your computer?"

"when you on your phone why are you whispering?"

One other male was unfortunate as he was caught in the act of a version of phone sex which led to a heated argument and hence the rest of the family having him off as the "nasty battyman" or black sheep of the brood. At some point I believe we all have our "outing" moments but for some it comes pretty early and they do not know how to cope in most instances. Another new entity in advocacy is already seeing it's fair share of displacement drama as it is not only lower to middle income homes that have this perennial problem although the outcomes maybe less dire than those of their lower socio economic counterparts, exclusion from a will, trust found or funding for a car or tertiary education maybe removed or given with great hesitation are miles away from an embarrassing community move in full view of onlookers jeering or a full homophobic attack with persons suffering blows.

Some sort of sensitization program must be in the works either through JFLAG albeit their stewardship is under serious criticism or the new entity The Underlined Response which seems more geared towards grassroots work in seriously marginalised populations. Outlining how persons can cope with displacement, networking, psycho social support and other avenues where persons can turn to must be in the back of the community's mind where stuff hits the fan.

So far as hinted above the informal community crisis interventions response works well but I still say we need a fixed residential typed space for temporary sheltering for individuals displaced or made full on homeless with the proper amenities, staff and support systems for rehabilitation and assimilation to general society. There was once a short lived group of Parents for Lesbians Allsexuals and Gays PFLAG Jamaican chapter/version where it has gone we may never know, it was designed to include supportive parents and guardians for LGBT children and adolescents with some outreach to parents who engage in displacing their own children due to Stigma, homophobia, intolerance of suspected orientations and perceived lifestyles, there was also a small mentorship idea that was floated during the former life of the GLABCOM, Gay Lesbian, Bisexual, Community steering committee as forming part of the peer education drive under targeted interventions division of Jamaica AIDS Support for Life, whether such programs still exist they must be a secret.

Talk therapy was also suggested by a Psychologist when the matter of interventions for this group was raised some years ago in the PFLAG/GLABCOM talks specifically on a pro bono basis as recovering displaced persons may not have the financial resources to offset private sessions. These are ideas that can be floated again either in existing structures if they are willing to accommodate them or new entities seeking solutions. Let's continue to watch and thanks to the persons for contributing to this post. through sharing aspects of their stories.

Peace and tolerance

H

Butch finds herself in some trouble for "non disclosure"

pic source

A butch identified woman or at best a presented one who recently attended a mainstream event on the weekend of June 25th in Kingston where she posed as a male with a female patron who she socialized with is now in trouble as it turns out she revealed her true identity several days after via a text message to her date for the night. This practice is becoming widespread even though some entertainment spots especially in Kingston and Montego Bay encourage same gender loving patrons to attend. The issue was confirmed recently by the sister of the woman who was courted at the event. She (courted woman's sister) said in a conversation I had with her recently that she did not have a problem with gay people or homosexuals but when we supposedly lie our way into people's lives without disclosure then

"we muss tek wah we get" (we must take what we get or what comes to us)

A clearly upset sister to the flirtee continued with a questions to the effect that why would someone do such a thing and not tell who you are before hand? This to me seems like anger coming from the mainstream perception that homosexuals are trying to change everybody else into gays as well so an innocent flirt could lead to big trouble if this is not allowed to die down soon or sorted out properly. Reports from the woman (flirtee) sister suggest the butch lesbian who they thought was a man approached her for a dance and spent almost the rest of the life of the event courting her albeit with a deep voice which did not suggest he was in fact a "she"

The flirtee's sister said she did notice that other females would approach or beckon to her upon arriving at the venue or passing by which suggested (s)he was well known and liked but in hindset she commented that men usually have other men or "bredrens" who under normal would also say hello or hail their friend as is customary in our homosocial tendencies in male networking by local standards.

Word has since come that the male relatives in particular of the flirtee have been up in arms since news spread and that a hunt is on for anything that can identify her as it is said "they want to talk to her" I do not like where this is going and my sister butch or stud we need to be cognisant that an innocent flirt to you can and may lead to something else that was not intended, here now we may very well end up with a case of lesbophobia turning ugly to violence which I hope doesn't happen. The flirtee's sister though a little angered by the turn of events since the disclosure and obvious sharing of the information by the flirtee to others was very careful in our conversation to say she was not condemning all of us just those who are not honest and "trick people" she continued "... a nuh everybody like dem tings deh my yute, we noh seh lesbian deh a party and dance but nuh so brave."

The other side of the coin also is did the butch have to disclose? or maybe she figured that doing so based on the flirtee's personality at the time she may not have reacted negatively.

Should she (the butch) have left the issue just as a flirt for one night and not pursue the following days? I say yes but you may have a different take. This is not the first time occasions such as these have occurred but I guess not written on for analysis.

Given Jamaica's sensitive nature with regards to homosexuality should one flirt openly with a possible heterosexual subject in a public space without disclosure?

Is there an ethical dilemma when one flirts openly without proper gender disclosure?

Is one risking ones safety when one chances non disclosure then chooses to disclose afterwards?

Just some questions that come to mind given the recent upward trends in attacks verbal and physical towards same gender loving women, in this instance I think the word "must" is needed as safety is tantamount to all else, we must be careful when taking on these risky behaviuour in public, in private that's another matter, at best subject and flirter can be in control of their actions and manage the situations better. The perception of the flirter being dishonest with ulterior motives as hinted to above coupled with perceived predatory practices of gays may not help the flirter in the long run.

Think before we act please, there is certainly more to come on this subject of disclosure or coming out.

Peace and tolerance

H