Different relationship types of course will have differing ways of sexual expression; take for example more exploitive gay hook-ups that are purely physical (including substitutional sex in prisons or similar institutions or behavioural bisexuality which are for the most part outside of the realm of sexual abuse although aspects of them may be found in individual cases) those hook-ups usually have no emotional connection between the parties so it amounts to animalistic release or pure eroticism where in some instances there is a reward at the end or not as in the case of an outdoor cruiser or just a man looking for a one night stand. Same sex urges are usually felt way before the actual settling into ones comfort zone sexually speaking where practices are perfected based on ones likes or dislikes or situation at the given time; a married man for example who had to marry into a hetero-normative relationship construct to deflect scrutiny from his family or friends or for upward social mobility is not going to necessarily have a full same sexed romantic liaison outside of his marriage as that may cause problems with his straight spouse especially owing to the fact that he will not disclose unless some extra ordinary event that exposes such hidden information which calls into question trust, deception and reasons for the cover up. Persons are surprised at times to find that there are monogamous unions lasting for years in some cases which are stable and fulfilling for the parties involved the converse is true that there are promiscuous homosexuals but that does not exclude that promiscuity is present in heterosexual relations as well or some persons have convenient amnesia when critiquing perceived aspects of homosexual life due to their limited scope.
Sexual orientation is where it all starts usually from as early as aged four or five prior to acting on urges but when one hears some of the garbage coming from uninformed radio talk show hosts who because they have a microphone misuse such privileges and play to the ignorance by reinforcing falsehoods and misnomers. It would have done the hosts last night on that show to also have on the panel a member of the LGBT community to dispel some of the speculation of such oriented persons but nooooooo it is easier to continue to perpetuate the misnomers as it sends radio ratings and listenership up and sadly many in the modern world of information at our fingertips still subscribe to the homo-negative constructs. The fallacy as perpetrated by American groups such as NARTH were used in the radio show which postured that gay persons for example lack a father figure hence their desire to have same sex relations to compensate for that loss or correspondingly that lesbians also lack such father figure so they make up for it by wearing men’s clothes; I cannot believe that in our modern world persons still subscribe to this belief then what would explain the more feminine sisters who are same gender lovers? As if those persons who displays non typical gender expression are abnormal or are out to get everyone else who are supposedly “normal” into some loop.
There are those also who are very circumspect about their sex lives and by extension partners and have deeper non sexual intimate connections with other same gender lovers prior to any full commitment sexually or otherwise yet the veracious sexual appetite is the overarching belief that we are about just by virtue of the fact of being gay. We hear that same belief coming through repeatedly from the anti gay religious right movement when they describe their opposition to the “gay lifestyle” yet they stay clear of using or recognising sexual orientation as their claim is there is no definitive evidence that homosexuality is innate; with side lining sexual orientation they feel justified in applying the homo-paedophile construct to male homosexuality so as to push the protection of the vulnerable imperative, such protections are indeed needed but not at the expense of hatred towards a group that they and others do not understand. LGBT people are not just about sex and how we have it especially transgender folk who in some cases are asexual (not interested in sexual contact or arousal) or demisxeual (sexual arousal comes after prolonged social contact with another party) Transgender persons are not comfortable with their biological sex versus their brain sex in other words they feel they are born in the wrong body hence sexual interest can be impaired for some persons who are so disposed as they have a hard time living their own truth. The continued conflation of same gender sex and abuse is also a major factor that has led to the hardened positions by some religious anti gay voices but it is worth repeating sexual abuse is abuse and the perceived orientation of the perpetrator is immaterial as any adult who has any form of sexual attraction to a children or prepubescent persons that attraction is a diagnosable disorder, homosexuality on the other hand is not a disorder and cannot be diagnosed or treated as such. Homosexuality was long removed from the diagnostic criteria for sexual disorders way back in 1973 yet if we follow some of these religious psychologists and anti gay voices they want to overlook the Diagnostic Statistical Manual, DSM which delineates the criteria for such disorders and how they ought to be addressed.
The recent episode of misinformation gone un-rebutted as has happened repeatedly over the years shows that the public education campaigns from a LGBT standpoint are woefully lacking and need urgent sprucing up but where are the corresponding changes from the lobby to meet the changing issues over the years and the leadership to guide such is the fundamental question to ask; given the times we are in with legal challenges, high visibility of advocates one would have thought that the corresponding informative campaigns would flow but such is the limp wristedness that continues hence the unneeded heat that can be tempered with strategic informational materials.
We are professionals, your brothers, sisters, nephews, nieces, uncles, daughters, aunts, fathers, mothers and cousins plus extended family in other arrangement how we have sex though an integral piece of the legal aspects of the struggle that in decriminalizing buggery and consent tiered with privacy that is not only what we are about, problem is too that the lobby over years have not highlighted the humanistic side of LGBT life and more so narrowed the agitation to anal sex/buggery law repeal or decriminalization and by extension HIV prevention in the men who have sex with men category especially hence the perception in some sense that it is a gay disease hence the disease control prevention imperative by the anti gay groups and voices in a kind of provision of ammunition for their opposition. The holistic presentation of LGBT people has to be the centrepiece of the thrust not just from individual voices which is good but that does not show a true picture of the mix of persons that exist under the LGBT umbrella. Persons need to stop seeing us as how we have sex but appreciate that we are persons too and the only difference is orientation, besides why should how persons choose to express themselves sexually in a private space bother anyone?
Homosexuality – a biological reality
Homo (negativity) phobia – a learned vice
Peace and tolerance