Sexual assault of a same sex nature part 2

also see part 1 from 2013 HERE

As April is observed on this blog as Sexual Assault Awareness Month and also recognized in the United States where many of my readers hail and who encouraged me to mark the activities locally; some responses have come in via social media and by phone (the number located on the blogs 1-876-799-2231). Two respondents have shared their issues less than twenty four hours after the previous post to mark the awareness activity for 2016. I reminds me of the need for trustworthy spaces to air such issues as persons seek outlets to share and find if ever some emotional release.

Both respondents also granted permission to share the central issues from their experiences on here as well to whom I am very grateful, while observing the sensitivities involved I think it is important to raise the issue to indicate they are happening and out of sight is not necessarily out of mind; and that they read the original post on the subject for this year. Many suffer in silence or feel they have nowhere to really vent or share their concern. There is also deep mistrust indeed under reporting of such matters and even as more visible advocates are out there these days while commendable some persons see such advocates as unapproachable; a sentiment ringing out more and more in recent years and is as old as the life of advocacy itself since the nineties. Some persons are seen as cocky and standoffish and too ‘up there’ to identify with such issues or give a listening ear. Both respondents expressed such sentiments; I guess image is everything that is something that really needs to be addressed; the vain displays via social media can be a turnoff to many who want to reach to real people and not superficial appearing individuals via their social media profiles.

In each case the assault if not abuse was of a same gender nature and stemmed from a date gone overboard by the perpetrator who it seems misinterpreted their friendliness and or familiarity as an open initiation to sex or entitlement. 

The first case involves a long term dating couple who had been seeing each other for some time but also had intermittent hints of subtle demands for sex as a way to end the dating cycle. After an evening out on the town with all the pleasantries a working professional in her mid twenties was ready to call it a night and was expecting a chivalrous end to the date only to have groping and insisting by the date who was described as a stud that she wants some of the ‘sweet stuff’

Upon refusal things got far more physical and the think you’re better than me’ philosophy presented itself in the conversation wrapped up in an entitlement mantra as seen or displayed by misogynistic men in Jamaica. So because the aggressor was known to the impacted woman and slightly intimate the suddenly the latter is obligated to ‘let off a ting’ or give up her body to consummate whatever the aggressor thinks is happening or they are together all of a sudden in terms of a permanent relationship. Things got really rough after a while but thankfully never went to the stage of full rape but the woman was assaulted none the less. The matter was not reported to the police but she was considering it and wondered if there was any legislation that would protect her; I suggested yes as a previous case had intimated regarding a so called lesbian who was charged for assault after using a bottle to penetrate another female. She has not seen the aggressor in person and several attempts by same to contact her via Facebook has subsequently blocked her and has gone as far as to change her number. She is even considering relocating to a new address just to avoid impromptu visits by the aggressor. I suggested if it gets really weird or stalking becomes the means to pursue her then a police report is definitely in the works if not a restraining order of some kind. She sounded more upbeat by the end of the exchange none the less and is trying to move on with her life she says.

In the second matter it is a more midterm relationship issues involving non consent or forced sexual advances. Both women cohabit in the home of the impacted lesbian for less than two years and while there was some sexual activity based mostly on consent or some light aphrodisiac resistance as foreplay things got testier as time progressed. The impacted woman shared that the partner would demand sex almost immediately via phone or social media and upon arrival at home the demand was expected to be met; when not met the aggressor goes into ‘take it’ mode with occasional struggles that do not go to a full rape. However one moment led to a full assault in her eyes as she was pinned down for a few minutes as the aggressor kissed and attempted to undo her blouse etc. Since then the women were not on speaking terms and a third party was made aware of some of the challenges who in turn offered temporary shelter until she was able to fully relocate to another rented premises. The matter was not reported to the police as usual the fear is perceptions are that the cops may not be equipped to address such matters given the sentiments on homosexuality generally and exposure to family and others.

The near misogynistic appearing practices by some women especially studs and butch identified in a kind of masculine and manly experiences in same gender loving women populations is a bit disturbing to me; they adopt almost totally the attitudes of some men in Jamaica or their bravado to project strength on their partners or prospect and the age old entitlement phenomenon sets in. There are some outlets to assist women to navigate those issues thankfully as some training have been ongoing with even non LGBT outfits for women. It seems maybe some awareness campaign is needed or fine tune the ones already out there to let women know there are such outlets with confidential operatives to share and work out solutions.

Most of us can only offer emotional support and encouragement towards moving on while addressing the concerns including safety. It is hard to measure how deep these sensitivities lie as well as I still suspect some under-reporting is still at work.

Peace & tolerance

H