Today is coming out day mostly in the US but the recognition of the day has spread worldwide and certainly this blog has been carrying this for some years now. In light of recent accidents on social media as reported of persons being outed on social media I decided to take a different stance this year. As social media is being embraced more and more complete with online campaigns some persons may inadvertently out themselves with some unintended consequences.
Make sure you’re comfortable with your sexuality first. Before you come out to anyone, you should feel comfortable with who you are and with your sexuality so that you don’t let anyone else tell you who you are. If you’re still not sure about how you really feel and don’t feel comfortable telling anyone, then you should wait until you’ve had time to come to terms with your sexual orientation so you can come out without letting it shake your confidence.
If needed, you can find a therapist to talk to to help get an understanding. In the end, you want to make sure you're pansexual rather than bisexual, because nobody wants to have to sit down with their friends/parents again and explain they were not sure about themselves the first time, although it's not the end of the world if this is the case.
It’s likely that you’ve known that you’re gay, lesbian, or bi for quite some time, but being aware of it isn’t the same as accepting it. Give yourself the time you need to process that and don’t rush yourself or give yourself a timeline to stick to.
You may have friends who have come out years before, but that doesn’t mean you should have to follow their timelines. What’s right for them isn’t necessarily what’s right for you.
Something else you should accept is that while being gay, bi, or queer is an important part of your identity, you can’t let it define you. Just because you’re gay, bi, or queer doesn’t mean that’s all you are, just as a straight person isn’t purely defined by their sexual orientation. When you come out to people, you’ll be telling them that being gay is one important aspect of your identity; however, that won’t stop you from also being an amazing soccer player, artist, brother and so on.
Consider telling a friend you trust before talking to your family. When you’re first thinking of coming out to a friend, you should ask yourself, “Who is the most open-minded and accepting person I know?” That person may not be your very best friend in the world, but another close friend of yours. This is a crucial moment in your life and you should try to set yourself up to get the most positive reaction possible. You are likely to benefit from the support of an open-minded and understanding friend to help you feel loved and gain the courage to move forward.
You’ll never forget the first time you came out to someone. You should put a lot of thought into who the person you tell is.
You should think about what the person might have said about the LGBTQ+ community before. If they have clearly demonstrated support for LGBTQ+ rights, have other queer friends, or has made comments against close-minded people, then you’ll be in good hands. If you’re not really sure, then you can test the waters by casually mentioning a queer person and seeing how your friend reacts.
Many people tend to come out to friends first because they find this more comfortable than coming out to their families. However, if you’d feel more comfortable telling your family first, then you can follow that path.
Find the right place and time to say it. Though everything doesn’t have to be perfect when you come out to your friend, you should try to pick a place where you can have some privacy and a time when your friend isn’t stressed out, distracted, or busy. You want to give your friend some time to process what you have to say, so you don’t want to deliver the news when your friend has a basketball game in ten minutes. Think it over carefully and then plan the place and time to talk to your friend.
Just ask your friend to hang out and say that there’s something you want to tell him or her. You don’t have to make a big deal about it or your friend may get nervous.
Write a letter if that seems less intimidating. Though a lot of people come out in person, or if on social media send them a message of some kind, carefully thinking it through before launching this, once done it is hard to take it back, if you feel too intimidated at the thought of coming out to your friend face to face, you can consider writing him or her a letter instead. It doesn’t have to be very long; it should just say that you’re coming out and that you wanted the friend to know first because you really trust them. Just make sure that the letter gets to your friend directly; in fact, you can even hand the letter to your friend and watch their reaction right in front of you, if that feels less scary than saying it in person.
If you’re feeling too shy to say it in person, but really want your friend to know, then this may be your best bet. Just be wary of giving your friend the letter in school or another place where a lot of other people are likely to be around because you don’t want it to get into the wrong hands.
Wait for a reaction. Your friend will likely hug you and there will be some tears. However, your friend may need some time to process what you’ve said, so be patient. Give your friend a few minutes to react, to ask you questions, and to give you the love and support you deserve. Once you tell your friend you can take a deep breath and see that it wasn’t as bad as you thought.
Of course, your friend may very well speak right away and may even surprise you by saying that they knew right away, and that will make things even more comfortable.
Don't worry if the conversation is a little awkward. That doesn't mean your friend doesn't approve — they just may not know what to say. It may be a little uncomfortable at first, but it'll get better. Don't let awkwardness discourage you from coming out to others, either.
Gain confidence and support from your friend. If things go as planned and your friend is completely encouraging and supportive, then coming out for the first time should make you feel good about yourself, and proud for taking such a big step. Your friend will make you see that you’re still you, and that being gay is just one aspect of who you are. This will give you the courage to move forward and to feel even more comfortable with your sexuality.
Unfortunately, there may be a chance that your friend doesn’t give you the support you expected. If your friend needs more time to process what you’ve said or is even negative about your news, don’t let this make you think that it means that all of your friends will react this way. You’ve just gotten unlucky and have come face-to-face with ignorance. This will be a hurdle, but you’ll be able to find someone who is supportive very soon.
also see:
Thoughts on coming out transgender to family
Coming Out: Living Openly with Your Terms .....
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